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Cleaning out parents home...

EkkieLu

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Thank you all for understanding. It's becoming a big rift between my siblings. I ask for help so I can have some time for myself but everyone has excuses.They all act like nothing is wrong and I just need to buck up and deal with it all. Ugh! Really gets to me sometimes!
 

SandraK

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:sadhug2::sadhug2::sadhug2:
 

EkkieLu

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:hug8::hug8:Dementia runs in my family - first my grandfather who'd go into town for daily shopping and forget where he was or how to get home. He also insisted that he'd won the lotto and needed to go back to Lockerbie (Scotland) to collect his winnings (he'd been living in Brazil for well over 50 years). My mother opted to live w/my brother (& family) in England but didn't tell them it was permanent. They ended up placing her in assisted living because she was throwing temper tantrums, would leave windows open, forget to lock the front door. My SIL said the saddest thing was knowing this person who had been funny, vivacious and outgoing turning into someone who didn't recognize her family, specially Rob who was her favourite of the two of us.

Sending you lots of hugs and many good thoughts to help you deal with your mom.:sadhug:
My mom leaves taps running and lights on too. She clogs and overflows the toilet a couple times a week. I can't open drapes in the living room cuz she thinks people are staring in at her. When I'm in the shower she beats on the door asking what I'm doing and can she come in. she always talks about how wonderful my siblings treat her and why can't I be more l like them...They bring her gifts or flowers on special holidays but that's about it. The list just goes on and on!
 

EkkieLu

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@EkkieLu
I understand - my brother comes here on weekends in the summer. He arranged her assisted living and gave me HE double hockey sticks for not doing it... during the only months my business makes money.. we can’t do it all and it wears on you. I’m sorry they won’t help you
They seem to always have suggestions on what I can/should dobetter/differently/more of but never offer to assist in any way. She's been living with me for over 4 months now and my relaxing, joyful, retirement lifestyle has turned into a full on nightmare.
 

lexalayne

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They seem to always have suggestions on what I can/should dobetter/differently/more of but never offer to assist in any way. She's been living with me for over 4 months now and my relaxing, joyful, retirement lifestyle has turned into a full on nightmare.

I believe you are living in hell ... after my mom went into assisted living my dad started telling how me bad the last couple of years had been. I asked him why didn’t he say anything ? His reply was She’s my wife and then he died a little less than 3 months after she went into assisted living. And he had been drinking heavily again. We found cases of empty liquor bottles, something he hadn’t done in decades. He was lost without her but she wandered around the house all night yelling what time is it and she would sleep all day.

I hope something changes for you. It’s too hard when they’re so contrary and demanding.
 

EkkieLu

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I believe you are living in HE double hockey sticks ... after my mom went into assisted living my dad started telling how me bad the last couple of years had been. I asked him why didn’t he say anything ? His reply was She’s my wife and then he died a little less than 3 months after she went into assisted living. And he had been drinking heavily again. We found cases of empty liquor bottles, something he hadn’t done in decades. He was lost without her but she wandered around the house all night yelling what time is it and she would sleep all day.

I hope something changes for you. It’s too hard when they’re so contrary and demanding.
I often think that If my mom would just be nice to me I could handle the crazy tantrums and outlandish behavior. Then I feel guilty for expecting her to realize she's treating me so different from my siblings.
Two days ago she was up again in the middle of the night. She got a carton of ice cream out of the freezer and left it out on the counter. She woke me up early the next morning yelling that my pups had made a big mess in the kitchen. The ice cream had melted and seeped out of the carton, ran all over the counter, and dropped onto the floor where my dogs were licking it up. Unfortunately they had also walked in it and little chocolate footprints were tracked everywhere. I scrubbed the floors and steam cleaned several of the area rugs. She was yelling at me all day for not training them to stay out of the fridge! So she calls my brother and tells him I have no time for her cuz all I do is clean up after my messy pets! Ugh!
 

SandraK

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My mom leaves taps running and lights on too. She clogs and overflows the toilet a couple times a week. I can't open drapes in the living room cuz she thinks people are staring in at her. When I'm in the shower she beats on the door asking what I'm doing and can she come in. she always talks about how wonderful my siblings treat her and why can't I be more l like them...They bring her gifts or flowers on special holidays but that's about it. The list just goes on and on!
I often think that If my mom would just be nice to me I could handle the crazy tantrums and outlandish behavior. Then I feel guilty for expecting her to realize she's treating me so different from my siblings.
Two days ago she was up again in the middle of the night. She got a carton of ice cream out of the freezer and left it out on the counter. She woke me up early the next morning yelling that my pups had made a big mess in the kitchen. The ice cream had melted and seeped out of the carton, ran all over the counter, and dropped onto the floor where my dogs were licking it up. Unfortunately they had also walked in it and little chocolate footprints were tracked everywhere. I scrubbed the floors and steam cleaned several of the area rugs. She was yelling at me all day for not training them to stay out of the fridge! So she calls my brother and tells him I have no time for her cuz all I do is clean up after my messy pets! Ugh!
Fabi, my SIL in England had said that mum wouldn't eat a proper meal with the family but would then raid the kitchen later for junk food so they either didn't buy any or hid it. Mum would also hide food in her room to feed to the cats later. She'd have Fabi draw money for her, hide it, forget where she'd hidden it and accuse Chris & Steph (my nephew & niece and sometimes Fabi) of having stolen her money. Rob & Fabi had a set of His & Hers oversize bath towels and Mum cut one of them in half because it was "too big". Fabi eventually wen to see their GP and broke down in his office which was what finally got them help with placing her in assisted living and finally in hospice.

It's really easy to tell someone what they should do or how they should do it when that person isn't living in that situation. This may sound cold to say, but I'm glad that Dad died suddenly in 1981 because I don't know that he'd be able to cope seeing Mum slowly go downhill. Something like the movie The Notebook.
 

EkkieLu

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So true. My mom always remembers (so far) who I am, but it's always for something negative. My dad passed years ago too. She always accuses me of stealing anything she misplaces, then accuses me of putting it back wherever when I finally find it so I don't get caught stealing her things. It's nuts!
 

Fergus Mom

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It's really easy to tell someone what they should do or how they should do it when that person isn't living in that situation.

Yep, this says it all right there.
Hugs and prayers to you all dealing with this horrible, cruel dementia.
 

EkkieLu

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This sounds terrible but I'm glad I'm not the only one dealing with this awful situation. For some time I thought I was just a rotton person who is having trouble coping and adjusting to living in Crazy Town. Thank you all for the outpouring of support.
 

Fergus Mom

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This sounds terrible but I'm glad I'm not the only one dealing with this awful situation. For some time I thought I was just a rotton person who is having trouble coping and adjusting to living in Crazy Town. Thank you all for the outpouring of support.

Have you tried googling any chat forums for caregivers? It might be a tremendous support during these times. I know that AARP has some of these, because I've used them in the past. Support forums can really help people to communicate with others that are in like situations.
 

Birdbabe

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I'm so sorry honey, but sadly we all have to deal with aging parents, and aging us..my mom is a borderline hoarder,,,I hate going over there, her place is dark, stinky, overwhelming magazines, clutter, the hundreds of straws in fast food cups on top of the fridge, the old rotten food I find in the fridge,,the tripping hazards ,,small bath mats everywhere! I tripped over a couple of them last time I was there, but dont dare touch them..she raises her voice and screams and yells over stupid petty crap..but then insists shes fine, soooo independent, I can only do so much, I'm alone .. she once told me,,when I die you better go through everything ,,I've hidden money all over the place..Oh dear..I dread that mess,,,not being mean..I try to get her to throw out at least a couple things every time visit... yikes! I hope I go before I get like that.. I dearly pray and hope you get someone to help or some support..
 

lexalayne

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I was looking in to getting a Home Health Care Aid for my mom. In Ohio Medicare covers it. But u know she’s only going to get worse and she’s already treating u badly.
Maybe tell her it’s time to tour assisted living homes or retirement homes. My ex in laws were able to get their grandma into a nice place. There was a waiting list but she got in. And if she has assets it would be great to see how your siblings react when u tell them she’ll be paying for the place. They may have her stay with them real fast. And no matter how nice the place is they hate it, hate the food, hate the staff, and on and on.
For your own sanity I hope you get it started. And I know it’s none of my business but I think you’re in a really bad situation.
 

EkkieLu

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[QUOTE="lexalayne, post: 3028140, member: 3201"I And I know it’s none of my business but I think you’re in a really bad situation. [/QUOTE]

That's what my kids tell me too and I know they're worried about me.
 

lexalayne

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[QUOTE="lexalayne, post: 3028140, member: 3201"I And I know it’s none of my business but I think you’re in a really bad situation.

That's what my kids tell me too and I know they're worried about me.[/QUOTE]

Oh yeah they are beyond worried about you!!
 

EkkieLu

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We used to go to Pt. Pelee in the summer. There was a breeder of Bouvier Des Flanders dogs there that my family was friends with. Haven't been there in 45 years though.
 

lexalayne

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We used to go to Pt. Pelee in the summer. There was a breeder of Bouvier Des Flanders dogs there that my family was friends with. Haven't been there in 45 years though.


Pelee is just a few miles from here... my brother and I used to take our 10 ft whaler and load it up with beer and whatever they would sell us and load the boat til it was only a couple of inches above water .. those were slow rides back.. and that was 42 years ago. I was 15 and he was 10.. but now the dock has a guard house and lots of border patrol. Things have changed a lot. Back then they didn’t have much business! Burns Pierce owns property there with his brother I think and he lives on Put-in-Bay now. Small world!

Pt Pelee is different than Pelee island .. opps I forgot !

I put down Pelee island on my profile back when all of the laws started changing on endangered species in the US .. sorry for the confusion.
 
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SandraK

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Sometimes, when you're brave enough to open up about some family problems you get feedback that doesn't fix what you're dealing with but makes you realize that you aren't alone. That feedback, I believe, gives more support sometimes than a counselor can. You can talk to people who have in the past or are in the present, very literally walking in your shoes and they all "get it".
 
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