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I am so sorry Jeff, so very very sorry. (I loved you)

Discussion in 'Highway to Heaven' started by Sylvester, 3/31/19.

  1. EkkieLu

    EkkieLu Rollerblading along the road I Can't Stop Posting!

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    So sorry little Jeff. You are missed very very much...
     
  2. Lady Jane

    Lady Jane Joyriding the Neighborhood Mayor of the Avenue Avenue Spotlight Award Avenue Veteran I Can't Stop Posting!

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    @Beasley that is a very sad story and your postings will help others who are grieving.
     
  3. Beasley

    Beasley Strolling the yard

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    Thank you! That’s all I hope to do. None of us are alone through the loss of a pet, so why should we be so filled with love and empathy, only to accept that everyone must suffer that particular road in silence? Jeff is loved, Milana is loved, so many of us have noted our dearly departed babies in our signatures and even those who have not - we know who has left our sides and we love them.
     
  4. Sylvester

    Sylvester Rollerblading along the road

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    I am so sorry, Beasley, for the loss of your beautiful friend, Milana. She is gorgeous, and looks so intelligent, so wise. You can tell that she was well taken care of, so loved, and when you love someone that much in this life, I believe you will see them again. If only they could live as long as we do.

    You completely get how I am feeling for I too want to go with Jeff. I am so worried that she might be lost, in limbo, without me. We were both lost souls when we found one another, and I don't want her to think that I have abandoned her, like other people have.
    Somebody told me that I have other kitties in my future that need to be saved, and that is encouraging, but I am hurting so bad.
     
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  5. Sylvester

    Sylvester Rollerblading along the road

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    Thank you, ekkie. I will never forget her, or the love she brought to my life.
     
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  6. Beasley

    Beasley Strolling the yard

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    Thank you Sylvester, she will forever be my angel...but therein lies the difficulty we humans have with such amazing creatures. Angels come to us when we need them, sometimes (like with Milana and Jeff) they need us too, and we heal each other’s wounds in ways that cannot be imagined before or explained after. Before we are ready (and we never are) our angels get called home, no doubt tasked to rescue some other soul who is as lost as we were when we met them.

    I like to think part of life’s purpose is learning certain lessons; but animals seem to be a few levels up, and with so much already known, their lives are shorter.. they are this explosion of life and love and personality that is gone from us before we have even realized the extent to how deeply this soul fused into our own. Maybe our girls were healed by us as much as we were by them, and with their hearts and souls healed they were released from this place mended by our love, and whole.

    I know if I hadn’t lost my Milana I might not have remembered my first experience with love, my childhood cockatiels. With Milana by my side, I definitely would not have gone into the exotic bird store I had resisted for over ten years. I didn’t expect to leave with anyone but I did. I was chosen by a baby lovebird, Peeps, who led me here to this amazing community of loving people. The love I’ve experienced through her has changed my heart in ways I never expected.

    That’s the legacy of animals, unconditional, boundless love. Sure I’ve found myself crying in line at PetSmart behind someone and their beautiful shepherd, but even that is nothing if not an act of love.

    I did get this for my house key. As they say home is where the heart is. It helps me remember that she is with me everywhere I go, that she will always be a part of my life even though she has passed on, and that whenever I do go home, I’ll be coming home to her and everyone else I’ve shared my heart and soul with.

    CFAC33B4-50D4-40B6-A0E9-0EC1E87210C4.jpeg

    I hope that some part of this helps you. I have no doubt Jeff knows how loved she is by you..you found her, you are her home and although she may be waiting for you, she’s not in limbo or abandoned.
     
  7. camelotshadow

    camelotshadow Joyriding the Neighborhood Celebirdy of the Month Avenue Veteran

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    :sadhug2::sorrow:
     
  8. Sylvester

    Sylvester Rollerblading along the road

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    I am having such a hard time dealing with this loss (and I have seen my fair share of animal friends departing this world). We all have. The shock of Jeff's passing, combined with grief that is so searing in pain, has left me in a deep depression.

    Thank you for reassuring me that Jeff does not feel abandoned, I would never ever think of leaving her. In fact, I put off moving to my school's campus for sixteen weeks, even though a relative would have come around to feed her and my other animal companions, and I would have come home for the weekends; I just couldn't bear the thought of Jeff thinking that I left her.

    Your message is so heartfelt; I especially love that last sentence:
    "....It helps me remember that she is with me everywhere I go, that she will always be a part of my life even though she has passed on, and that whenever I do go home, I’ll be coming home to her and everyone else I’ve shared my heart and soul with"

    So beautiful stated.

    I would love to hear more about Milana. There are some animals who truly understand, who somehow have the ability to breakthrough to us. I think they can do this amazing feat for two reasons: They possess a strong wisdom beyond the earthly restraints that are place upon them, but also they found a friend who has make living life worthwhile again. I believe both reasons apply, when it comes to describing Milana.
     
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  9. Sylvester

    Sylvester Rollerblading along the road

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    Thank you, camelotshadow. Who knew that love and true friendship could come in the form of a 14 pound tabby cat.
     
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  10. Sylvester

    Sylvester Rollerblading along the road

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    That does give me comfort, Di. If Jeff has found your sister than I know she is in good loving hands.
     
  11. taxidermynerd

    taxidermynerd Rollerblading along the road Celebirdy of the Month Avenue Spotlight Award

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    I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the heart-wrenching grief you must be feeling. I am certain that Jeff knew you loved her.

    When I lost my rottie last year I wasn't ready- she had been with me since I was in kindergarten. I knew what to expect in terms of end of life care, and how to cope with the loss of a pet, but I still wasn't ready. She had started having seizures multiple times a day, and we suspected she may have had brain cancer towards the end. It was so awful, not being able to do anything. With a seizure there is nothing you can do but ride it out and hope it doesn't lead to another.

    We spent her last days surrounding her with love, just being by her and keeping her comfortable. When the time came to help her over the rainbow bridge she was barely there. I don't think she would have lasted the night. It was so hard to see her go but it was what had to be done. That was no way to live. She was my best friend for almost 11 years, and this was the least I could do for her.

    I keep a memorial shelf to her, with her collar, the last bandana she ever wore, some of her favorite toys and a clay cast of her paw print from the crematory, along with her cremated remains. I also got a glass locket and put some of her hair in it- that the vet techs saved for us when she was put to sleep. On days where I'm having a hard time coping, I put it on and know that she is with me.

    I hope with time your grief eases and you are able to remember the good times, without blaming yourself for her death.
     
  12. ZenBird

    ZenBird Moving in

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    ❤ So sorry for your loss, she will be missed deeply. Thank you for sharing a little bit of her with us. I work at a veterinary clinic, so I see grieving families every day. I've cried with most of them. I've also been where you are. What helps me to know is that they are never far from our hearts, as long as we remember them. I also feel that a part of them comes back to us, when we're ready to receive them. It helps me smile through the pain.
     
  13. Sylvester

    Sylvester Rollerblading along the road

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    Thank you, taxidermynerd. I am so sorry to hear about the loss of your childhood friend, Roxie. I would imagine she played many roles in your life, such as: companion, protector, confidante, playmate, nanny, and of course, best friend.

    My sister's dog suffered from seizures and she spoke quite often of that hopeless feeling you are describing. You are a very strong person to have been there for Roxie during her final moments. Having you by her side, made going on the next journey of her life a lot easier.

    I love Jeff, and always will.
     
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  14. Sylvester

    Sylvester Rollerblading along the road

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    Thank you, ZenBird.

    I started missing her the moment she walked out the door on Friday night; I don't know if it was a nagging feeling, a intuition, a dream, or what it was, but something just didn't seem right. The morning of that awful Sunday cruelly robbed me of any false hope that Jeff was stranded somewhere, hurt or scared maybe, but still alive.

    The only real knowledge that comes close to being anything of comfort is when my vet (who doesn't sugarcoat anything), told me that Jeff's death had been quick and painless, she never knew what was happening.

    Cats may come easy, but their trust and friendship does not. In other words, to have a friend, you need to be a friend. Jeff taught me that priceless lesson, along with countless others.
     
  15. Sylvester

    Sylvester Rollerblading along the road

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    Thank you. I know you have certainly felt that pain, it is like no other.
     
  16. Beasley

    Beasley Strolling the yard

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    Hey @Sylvester I hope you’re hanging in there. For me every day is kind of like I’ve just woken up and I have to accept this life without her all over again. It’s been so long since someone asked about who Milana was. Thank you for that, from the bottom of my heart, thank you. And I agree completely with what you said!

    Remembering her is such a precious task, like the upkeep of a loved one’s grave. It’s visceral and soul piercing and usually includes a really clear moment where, entrenched in my sorrows I had forgotten my grief temporarily enough to have been caught off guard by the discovery of a rouge hair of hers... most recently on a drying mop that I’d bought months after she’d passed and then I cried because I have a mop and no Milana. Despite my greatest attempts to stop it, my life has moved on without her in it and I have this stupid mop screaming at me to snap out of it and I just don’t. I don’t know if I can’t or won’t or what but I’m still stuck here without her, I have been through some stuff and come out standing but this..it’s taken the want out of me.

    Milana was a rescue and she came with a few scars, So do I and it was part of our fast and abiding bond. I have PTSD and Milana was my service dog. Losing her has been like losing half of me. I feel lost and confused and fragmented without her.

    Based on her behavior she had been dumped in at least one parking lot by someone she trusted, and someone had been injuring her repeatedly to the point of lameness in her hind legs. She never had anything with me, and was negative for hip dysplasia, but it was documented in her medical records.

    When I first started working with her whenever we would park she would scream and go full shepherd panic mode in my back seat. She tore everything to shreds in waves, first because she didn’t know me and again when she loved me; both I waded through with her. I remember laughing and telling her to relax, we were just at Costco. She used to pull cart the whole way to the car and didn’t settle until she oversaw the new items being put in and that nothing except the new toys made it into her chair.

    The only parking lots she loved were home and work. I miss that. It’ hard to hate work when your better half is absolutely stoked to be there. She was so cute she even had her work friends. She loved everything she loved one thousand percent. She held nothing back and I loved her exactly the same way. I gave her everything, my whole heart, my broken self, my own unbearable load; all of it disappeared into those big brown eyes and emanating from them was pure, fathomless love. I would have given my life happily and readily, but instead I am left without her crying over mop hairs and the like. /sigh
    There is so much more to say, she loved the park and the lake, especially the ducks..too much if you asked the ducks I’m sure. It’s impossible to press into words the incredible soul I was blessed enough to share my life with, there couldn’t have been enough tomorrows with her. There are never enough yesterdays to look back on. :sadhug2: My heart is with you through this, stay strong my friend. Even if it’s a bleak outlook there’s always “life sucks and then you die” to fall back on haha now there’s a future to look forward to.

    Okay now because I feel that was depressing here are some babies I’m hand feeding for a friend

    image.jpg
     
  17. Beasley

    Beasley Strolling the yard

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    Thank you for being who you are and for choosing to dedicate your life’s work to veterinary care. A veterinarian who’s name I don’t even know recently sat on the floor with me and cried with me and told me how beautiful my parrotlet was. She hadn’t seen birds in ten years, but she offered to check for a heartbeat and had to tell me there wasn’t one. When I could finally get up she asked to hug me and she hugged me with her entire heart. She had an enormous impact on my grieving. I hope that you know how much you mean to us as parents (or loving servants take your pick). That love you offer so freely and wholeheartedly, you are clearly blessed by your animals, and we are all blessed with you. Thank you for everything.
     
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  18. Cynthia & Percy

    Cynthia & Percy cockatoo mania Super Moderator Celebirdy of the Month Mayor of the Avenue Avenue Veteran

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    i am vsry sorry for your loss
     
  19. metalstitcher

    metalstitcher Rollerblading along the road Mayor of the Avenue Avenue Spotlight Award

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    @Sylvester I am so sorry about your loss and I know how you feel. I was devastated when my cat died when I was 17 and always thought I could have done something different. Just know she is looking over you and will always be there keeping an eye on you.
     
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  20. Sylvester

    Sylvester Rollerblading along the road

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    Beautiful memories, and you are the one who made them happen for her. I doubt she would have wanted to remember anything about her life prior to meeting you. I would imagine, she too, suffered from PTSD and you both saved one another. The person who harmed her, ought to be doing some serious slammer time; I hope karma comes back to bit them right on their a$$.

    I am so happy that you recognized Miana for the loving and gentle soul that she is, and worked with her to get her though those awful panic attacks. A lot of people would have probably given up on her, had her put down.

    So damn cool that you took her to work with you, she was never left alone.

    The babies are adorable, I can see why they would give your spirit a lift.


    Remembering Jeff

    I hear you about having to go on without those we love around us, its weird, but I was amazed at how the world went on after Jeff died. To me, it seemed like it was whole less bright.
    The hardest time of day for me, are the nights. When I would drive up to my house, she would come to meet me. Now, whenever I finish with work or school, I have to struggle for a reason to make myself go back home.
     

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