This is a great thread. It's both scary and comforting to see people that are so thoughtful and smart about 'bird-keeping' ((Becky)) going through this. Scary to know that none of us know what we're in for, and comforting to know that others share my challenges and concerns. We are incredibly lucky because (other than Rocky), all of our birds are pretty good with both of us. Since I have one macaw that has been here since 4 months and others that came as adults, it's hard for me to target which behaviors are related to prior homes vs. the length of our relationship with the large macaws.
Rocky: when we brought him home, I was told that his previous beloved owner was a man, and that he generally seemed to be more comfortable with men. Clearly, that has not been the case. I think Rocky bases his choices on the individual rather than the gender or appearance, although I am 5'7" and keep my hair short, so maybe he thinks I'm a guy. Maybe he is drawn to men because they tend to be less fussy than women much of the time. I am less fussy than Jim, so maybe that's the secret. I am much more willing to let Rocky be Rocky. He doesn't like to be patted much, he doesn't like to be held for long. That's fine with me. Jim is a Too guy, and he just can't seem to grasp the fact that sometimes birds just want to hang out and not be mauled.
Pooka: Part of Becky's post that scared me was about her G2 starting to change allegiance at 17. Pooka is 11, and I sort of considered him mature enough to be 'settled' in his preferences. He will be a holy terror if he decides to get aggressive with someone. Right now, we are both more like his slaves than anything else. We are there to pat, feed, provide toys, pat, transport him around the house, pat, amuse him, pat. And did I mention that he wants to be patted a lot?
Zuni: I have to be very careful with Zuni when he's hormonal or having private time with Jim, but he is my pal when Jim is not in sight (or hearing). When he thinks he's hurt or nervous, he usually wants me rather than Jim. I think my relationship with him is less fraught than Jim's position as his 'mate'. The first few years after his hormones kicked in were a definite learning period and we had to adjust everything we did with him. He used to be the bird that we took to meet people, especially kids, and now I just don't trust him with strangers. I was bitten badly a few times until we established new behaviors with him. Now, as long as I recognize when to steer clear, we do well together.
Kirby: Our relationship has definitely changed over the years. He loves me most. If I'm not home he sucks up to Jim, but once I'm around he wants me. He definitely doesn't want to be cuddled as much or spun around by his feet or whatever. He still lets us get away with murder, but I have been trying to stop flipping him around quite so much because I'm not sure he enjoys it like he used to. Of course, he makes all kinds of outraged noises if I tug his tail, but as soon as I stop, he carefully positions himself to put that tail in my face - that is a game to him. Kirby is not hormonal at all, and he is er.... a little slow. These days, his favorite form of scritchles is to have me stand near the swing or a cage and he leans on me, closes his eyes and blisses out while I give him rubbings. I wonder if some day he will grow up and decide he doesn't love me anymore. Right now, he loves me even more than bananas.
Sophia is great with both of us. She gurges for both of us when she's in the mood. At 16 1/2 and just the fact that she's SO consistently awesome makes me think that she's not going to change much. Even when she's nesty, she doesn't bite or get weird with anyone.
Chico is probably more attached to me, but he wants a bird mate. He likes to sit and play with towels with me, but he doesn't love to be patted or preened.
There are two things I have noticed over the years. The first is that with my trickiest birds, its more a matter of modifying the behavior of the humans than 'training' the bird. To a big extent, the birds are gonna do what they're gonna do. We have to develop ways to deal with it. Zuni knows how to step up and he knows some tricks and he understands a lot of what we say to him. When he 'goes M2", he's not thinking. It is up to me to recognize the signs and make the right move. The second thing is that it's very, very hard to convince folks to believe what people with years of experience are preaching. Young people don't want to hear that they should wait until they are settled to get a parrot. People with sweet babies refuse to believe that these changes ever happen to their bird. It's not true of everyone, but I've seen it over and over again. Jim was in complete denial about M2 behavior because Zuni was just 'such a sweet, loving baby'. Hah.