Wow
@AW2023 You're amazing for keeping your heart open to him. Some people are truly parrot people.
Aw, you're so kind. Thank you! That means a lot
To be honest, I really struggled with accepting Peekaboo for him for a long time because of this. I loved him, but I found his sudden shifts extremely frustrating, and it was hard for me to want to be around him when there was literally no way to predict to when he'd bite since it was never premeditated/logical.
Then a few years ago my sympathetic nervous system broke down, and I got stuck in the extremes of fight/flight for a long, long time. It was a very very difficult time period where I was frustrating to others myself, because I was always scared (without any real reason to be) and lashing out. I have a good hold on my broken system now, and am able to quickly re-center myself when I start feeling wonky. But my experience has made me significantly more empathetic to him. Your body tries to keep you safe, but it doesn't always read danger correctly. I know how scary the world seems when everywhere you look your body is shouting 'danger! danger! protect yourself!', even more so when you're looking at a friend.
Thanks to the above, nowadays I am able to look past his surprise bites to see he is still the little boy underneath who just wants to be loved more than anything, just like he was when I got him as a baby (and I a child myself). The fact his brain reads him being 'happy excited' as 'panic and attack', doesn't mean he isn't happy and trying to connect; it just means he is unable to express it the 'normal' way. From his expressions, it is always abundantly clear he is not acting out of malice/ill will. Just bad nervous system wiring.
As such, when he suddenly up and bites me, and then looks at me confused as to why he just did that, I shrug it off and reiterate how much I love him.
To me, those moments are simply an opportunity to practice unconditional love.