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Still grieving, help!

BabyBirdMa

Strolling the yard
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3/12/21
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127
It’s been at least a month since I lost Gustavo. I feel like everyone else has moved on but not me. I still miss him and memories of the morning I just found his lifeless body still haunt me. I’m afraid to close my eyes because all I can see is my baby’s dead little face, I can still feel his stiff little body in my hand, I can still feel the panic and distress. Why can’t this just be a bad dream? I just don’t understand why?! I’m sorry…How long is it going to take me to feel normal again?! Will this haunt me forever?! I’m sorry, I just needed to vent.
 

Shezbug

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No one can answer how long it will take for the bad memories you have to be taken over by all the good ones you made previously. There is a likely chance the bad memories will always be there to some degree but hopefully time will lessen their negative impact on you.

Have you considered seeking some grief counseling to help you get through this time?

We all deal with death differently, accept what you are feeling and maybe for every sad memory you allow yourself to acknowledge you could write down two happy memories you have and see if that can help somewhat.
 

BabyBirdMa

Strolling the yard
Joined
3/12/21
Messages
127
No one can answer how long it will take for the bad memories you have to be taken over by all the good ones you made previously. There is a likely chance the bad memories will always be there to some degree but hopefully time will lessen their negative impact on you.

Have you considered seeking some grief counseling to help you get through this time?

We all deal with death differently, accept what you are feeling and maybe for every sad memory you allow yourself to acknowledge you could write down two happy memories you have and see if that can help somewhat.
I have, I really do need to see a grief counselor or something. I just feel so traumatized. I just wasn’t expecting it at all. He was fine the day before then he just drops dead.
 

Shezbug

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I have, I really do need to see a grief counselor or something. I just feel so traumatized. I just wasn’t expecting it at all. He was fine the day before then he just drops dead.
Is this the first time you have experienced a loved one dying?
 

BabyBirdMa

Strolling the yard
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Messages
127
Is this the first time you have experienced a loved one dying?
No but this is the first time I’ve found a loved one’s body. It has really taken a toll on me. On top of that, I feel like a failure because I couldn’t protect him, I was responsible for him and he just was gone over night.
 

Jxdeeyy

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11/15/20
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112
Hi, I have just lost my little girl and I completely understand what you’re going through. Although she’d been sick for over a month, she’d always gotten through being ill - so I really didn’t think we would lose her. About a week before she passed I took her to the vets where the possibility of putting her to sleep was brought up - so in that sense I came to terms with the fact we might lose her. Still, the day when I knew she had no more life in her, it was still a shock.
I keep reminding myself that she was ill and she would’ve suffered if she kept going any longer. But it doesn’t take away the pain.

I have just tried my best to occupy myself with looking after Joey who she left behind. I have also ordered a little picture with a message underneath for the bird room, planned a memory box that I’ll be putting photos, feathers and her ashes in and just little things like that - so that although she is gone, she is still around in some way.

Also, keep looking at pictures/videos with happy memories rather than the bad -I’ve found that’s worked well for me so I remember her as the happy crazy little birdie she was for most of her life.

I hope you are okay, and just try and take every day as it comes. It’s difficult, just make sure you’re taking the time to get out of the house and do things you enjoy.
 

Jxdeeyy

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Messages
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No but this is the first time I’ve found a loved one’s body. It has really taken a toll on me. On top of that, I feel like a failure because I couldn’t protect him, I was responsible for him and he just was gone over night.
And please don’t blame yourself - I have gone over and over what I could have done differently but the fact is, is that we did our best and it was inevitable. Your boy was loved and cared for by yourself and that is clear to see by the toll it’s taken on yourself. I’m sure you gave him a great life while you could have and I’m sure he knew that too :)
 

Shezbug

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Kassiani

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Loss and grief are very hard. I lost my husband seven years ago. I don't remember much from the first six months after his passing. The grief and pain came in waves that I thought would drown me. With time, those waves start to get just a bit smaller. With more time, you begin to realize that the pain is not the first thing you feel in the morning. The waves keep coming, but eventually they just become part of the rhythm of your life and don't threaten to drag you under any more. I promise, it gets better. Grief counseling does help!
 

BabyBirdMa

Strolling the yard
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3/12/21
Messages
127
Hi, I have just lost my little girl and I completely understand what you’re going through. Although she’d been sick for over a month, she’d always gotten through being ill - so I really didn’t think we would lose her. About a week before she passed I took her to the vets where the possibility of putting her to sleep was brought up - so in that sense I came to terms with the fact we might lose her. Still, the day when I knew she had no more life in her, it was still a shock.
I keep reminding myself that she was ill and she would’ve suffered if she kept going any longer. But it doesn’t take away the pain.

I have just tried my best to occupy myself with looking after Joey who she left behind. I have also ordered a little picture with a message underneath for the bird room, planned a memory box that I’ll be putting photos, feathers and her ashes in and just little things like that - so that although she is gone, she is still around in some way.

Also, keep looking at pictures/videos with happy memories rather than the bad -I’ve found that’s worked well for me so I remember her as the happy crazy little birdie she was for most of her life.

I hope you are okay, and just try and take every day as it comes. It’s difficult, just make sure you’re taking the time to get out of the house and do things you enjoy.
I am so sorry for your loss as well. I do have some of his feathers and a picture. He was skittish so I don’t have a lot of pictures, unfortunately. It’s just too painful to look at them right now. It’s just still so fresh. It’s hard to even think about him, it’s just so hard. I’ve been trying to focus on my other birds and my new boyfriend but I’m still getting intrusive memories. I’m still in shock, I guess. I just hope I at least gave him the best life. He may have had a short life but I loved him like a son.
 

BabyBirdMa

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Messages
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And please don’t blame yourself - I have gone over and over what I could have done differently but the fact is, is that we did our best and it was inevitable. Your boy was loved and cared for by yourself and that is clear to see by the toll it’s taken on yourself. I’m sure you gave him a great life while you could have and I’m sure he knew that too :)
Thank you, that really means a lot. I’m not gonna lie: I spoiled him just like I spoil all my birds. I love them as if they’re my children and I would do anything for them. I guess that’s why this is so devastating but it won’t make me love them any less.
 

BabyBirdMa

Strolling the yard
Joined
3/12/21
Messages
127
Loss and grief are very hard. I lost my husband seven years ago. I don't remember much from the first six months after his passing. The grief and pain came in waves that I thought would drown me. With time, those waves start to get just a bit smaller. With more time, you begin to realize that the pain is not the first thing you feel in the morning. The waves keep coming, but eventually they just become part of the rhythm of your life and don't threaten to drag you under any more. I promise, it gets better. Grief counseling does help!
I hate grief and loss so much. It just always feels like it’s too much to handle, like it’s going to destroy me. Every time I lose someone, I feel like a piece of me dies as well and I just never recover from it.
 

Kassiani

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I hate grief and loss so much. It just always feels like it’s too much to handle, like it’s going to destroy me. Every time I lose someone, I feel like a piece of me dies as well and I just never recover from it.
It's not a 'recovery' from grief in as much as it is an incorporation of your grief into your life going forward. We become who we are by all of the experiences we've had, the relationships with people and animals we have loved. Everyone person and animal you have lost would want you to be happy again. I know, because when I die, I don't want people who I love to stop living or to torture themselves with guilt for the rest of their lives. Your grief will have its own time and rhythm, and that's ok. But you will be happy again. That might take some help. There is absolutely nothing wrong or shameful about needing help to work through your grief. You aren't alone. I promise.
 

zoo mom

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I lost my Andre, a blue headed Pionus in October. I still have days where it is hard. I still feel a ddeep sadness but the feeling that I am drowning is mostly gone. Grief takes as long as it takes. Everyone is different and every loss is different. Losing Andre was actually harder than loosing my mother. With Andre it was a sudden surprise. With my mother she was in her late 80's and was failing and made her desire to be allowed to go known to all of us. It still hurt but we knew that was what she wanted.
 

zoo mom

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I don't think of it as a piece of me dies when a loved one dies. It is more like they left a piece of themselves with me. They left their love, and their memories. Many need grief counseling and that is perfectly fine. Get whatever help you need. You may also have some PTSD from finding his lifeless body. Any trauma emotional or physical can cause it.
 

BabyBirdMa

Strolling the yard
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3/12/21
Messages
127
It's not a 'recovery' from grief in as much as it is an incorporation of your grief into your life going forward. We become who we are by all of the experiences we've had, the relationships with people and animals we have loved. Everyone person and animal you have lost would want you to be happy again. I know, because when I die, I don't want people who I love to stop living or to torture themselves with guilt for the rest of their lives. Your grief will have its own time and rhythm, and that's ok. But you will be happy again. That might take some help. There is absolutely nothing wrong or shameful about needing help to work through your grief. You aren't alone. I promise.
I will try my best to be happy for Gus and take care of his brothers and sisters.
 

Tyrion

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Im so sorry you are still having problems moving on ..I lost my heart dog about 8 yrs ago and I still tear up when I talk about him ..you will feel better in your own time ..best wishes :hug8:
 

BabyBirdMa

Strolling the yard
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Messages
127
Im so sorry you are still having problems moving on ..I lost my heart dog about 8 yrs ago and I still tear up when I talk about him ..you will feel better in your own time ..best wishes :hug8:
Thank you. These pets are like our children, I know.
 
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