need life advice ...

[Princessbella]

The house I'm in currently is pretty perfect. It's an old country house with large windows and outside there is tons of trees and chirping birds.
My boss was letting me bring my birds to work a few times a week, but she stopped once her husband said it wasn't a pet store and we shouldn't have the animals there. (Jerk....)
Anyways, not everyone is pet people and I get it, I don't understand those types at all but they exist. My boyfriend loves people like I do animals. We're just... different in some ways. I'm an introverted homebody who would rather spend evenings with my birds, and he enjoys making connections with humanity.
I'm not giving him the ultimatum nor is he giving me the ultimatum, he just told me the birds wear on him mentally and emotionally and he is trying to make me see things realistically: that things have been really hard lately and it's due a lot to the birds.
I spent time with my mom today and she told me she would take care of the birds for a few weeks while
I figure things out...
I know I have a lot to figure out.
I'm weary of stranger roommates. Despite even if they love birds, but I suppose my options are limited.

Again he didn't declare he was leaving, he only brought up thoughts he's been having. things like I spend money on bird toys before I pay my bills, and then he has to cover me... blah. It's complicated

Thank you again for all of your stories and wisdom. I've never met people who own larger birds so it's comforting to know you're all out there, somewhere.

First of all, I am sorry that you are going through this. The problem is that after 2 years of dating, especially at your age, people start thinking of marriage. And he is wondering if being with an introverted bird lover is what he wants. I think the birds are more of an excuse than anything. I'm glad your Mom will help. It sucks that things are changing but it is better now than deciding to get married and having them change after that. Maybe you will find a great roommate. If there is a college look for graduate students. They tend to be more mature. I wish you the best

 

[Joseph012]

Playing devils advocate here, are the parrots disrupting life in the house in ways that you could work on? Sounds like neither of you are great communicators, and would be better off talking things out with no ultimatums or consequences on the table and see where you end up after it's all out in the open. My partner does not have the same feelings towards animals as me, but he wants me to be happy so he sacrafices a lot for me to have the birds, dogs, and cat. He loves to travel, and we can never go away more than a weekend here and there because it's difficult to find someone to care for them more than that. He sacrafices lots of space in the house for them, and one of them is always doing something "bad." However, I recgonize that and make sure to keep up my end of the deal- everything is always very clean, I do my best to train them and do away with bad behaviors. I try my damnest to keep the severe happy to reduce too much screaming ha- a busy beak is a quiet beak! My point here is, ask yourself what your role is in this and let him be honest with you. If you end up parting because this was just an excuse, then it was going to happen anyway, but if it's something you can work out, and you love him, then I'd try. About the bills, maybe you could find more economical ways to make toys for them? If their expenses are making it difficult for you, then you'll have to figure that out with him or without him. They don't have to be store bought; there are lots of websites out there with safe DIY ideas. Whatever happens though, don't give them up! Find a way with him or without to keep them with you. Best of luck to you!

 

[Bokkapooh]

If your mom can take the fids, can she take You? Perhaps move back in with mom can help you a bit? Go to school, get a career, etc.

If you want a fun and good paying job (as well as very hard working) I suggest the medical or science field. And you can meet some nice people there too

 

[ceresbly]

Playing devils advocate here, are the parrots disrupting life in the house in ways that you could work on? Sounds like neither of you are great communicators, and would be better off talking things out with no ultimatums or consequences on the table and see where you end up after it's all out in the open. My partner does not have the same feelings towards animals as me, but he wants me to be happy so he sacrafices a lot for me to have the birds, dogs, and cat. He loves to travel, and we can never go away more than a weekend here and there because it's difficult to find someone to care for them more than that. He sacrafices lots of space in the house for them, and one of them is always doing something "bad." However, I recgonize that and make sure to keep up my end of the deal- everything is always very clean, I do my best to train them and do away with bad behaviors. I try my damnest to keep the severe happy to reduce too much screaming ha- a busy beak is a quiet beak! My point here is, ask yourself what your role is in this and let him be honest with you. If you end up parting because this was just an excuse, then it was going to happen anyway, but if it's something you can work out, and you love him, then I'd try. About the bills, maybe you could find more economical ways to make toys for them? If their expenses are making it difficult for you, then you'll have to figure that out with him or without him. They don't have to be store bought; there are lots of websites out there with safe DIY ideas. Whatever happens though, don't give them up! Find a way with him or without to keep them with you. Best of luck to you!

You're right, well, the birds don't get along which hasn't made it easy. They scream more due to jealousy and stuff... which I'm not sure how to remedy that. I know that they might just never accept eachother, but I'm hoping with time they will at least tolerate eachother. They try to bite eachother and it's been a little tough. I try to hold them at separate times away from each others prying eyes. They have lots of toys but are picky and sometimes throw tantrums and refuse to play with any of their toys. Their screaming is a little untrained, I admit, but I think living with someone who doesn't like the screaming I can't ignore the birds til they stop, I have to run and pick them up which has made them have more control and be demanding.
If they screamed less, I think boufriend would be fine. The birds are in the living room, the busiest room in the house, and he doesn't like that. But I think the birds like it. Before, they were in my room which I think he liked less... ideally he wants a bird room for them. Which I do too. But it's not possible at the moment.
Things are fine at the moment, I talked with my boyfriends best friend and he said that he's just going through stuff, he's a few years younger than myself, and we're both a
Little confused in regards to life paths, so I think that's why the birds are such an issue currently because it's hard to think about anything else.
I think everything will be okay. If he wants to move out it might be nice because then I won't have to worry that the birds are upsetting him and thus make the situation stressful.

 

[melissasparrots]

I would seriously consider advertising for another room mate with pets. People with cats and especially dogs are always looking for pet friendly apartments. If its a dog owner, you can have the potential room mate come over with the dog and assess their predator level. If they are charging the cage and trying to attack the birds through the cage bars then probably let that candidate find somewhere else to live. But if the dog seems uninterested or easily distracted away from the cage, isn't watching with rapt predatory attention, and seems generally well mannered with good response to correction from the owner you might be able to workout a livable compromise where the birds stay in their cage unless you are home to supervise. Some dog owners are desperate enough to keep their fur babies that they will gladly live with macaw noise. Just remember not to ever trust the dog 100%.

 

[Bokkapooh]

How does your Macs behave if their cages are right next to each other(1 foot or so apart so they cannot reach eachother through the cage bars)? How do they behave?

 

[aooratrix]

How does your Macs behave if their cages are right next to each other(1 foot or so apart so they cannot reach eachother through the cage bars)? How do they behave?

Petey and Daffy are about a foot apart, and as a result, they are very close. They normally get along very well, even on the same java tree. Petey seem more enamored of her: he will call anxiously when she's out of sight.

 

[Macawnutz]

Are they flighted and have their owns areas? Korbel and Sam don't get along but because they are flighted and have separate space they make it work. They have established an order and follow it.

 

[macawpower58]

This is all about you and how you want life. If this guy was it, he might grumble a bit, but he'd never say me or them. NEVER.

Many here have 'snuck' in a bird without the partner's knowledge. I know I did when I was married. That would never have strained the marriage.

When you find the one you can live with forever, you'll have no ultimatums from them. They will accept, or at least tolerate the things you live for.
Horse people are crazy. Lizard and snake people are nuts. Those that train protection dogs are in a world to themselves. Bird people are super crazy.
Those that do extreme sports, or run marathons, or have one of those time eating, obsessive hobbies, most seem to find the person that will stay and support them.
Their partner may have no interest in what they do. But they are in it for the long haul, and go with the flow.
You accept the things your loved one loves. Period.

You may have to give on some things (like a room just to escape too), but you'll never have that 'them or me' to break your heart over.

You'll be fine. Remember, that if you're not happy, life will be hard. Don't do anything that will make you sad and bitter in the end.

If you did give up your birds for him, you'd resent him. He'd have broken your heart, how could you ever forgive that?

 

[Cazcooky]

My husband doesn't love birds, but my birds have always loved him.
Searching for a new bird, he is encouraging me to get a macaw.

 

[ceresbly]

So only a few days into my mom babysitting one of my blue and gold's and she wants me to come pick her up. I don't have any support on any side. Maybe I am being selfish, and despite how desperately I love them I can't seem to make it work...

 

[finchly]

You are not selfish - you simply don't have a good support system in place. You need to make some changes; I'm not talking about the bf specifically, just saying you need good people who will back you no matter what.

This happens to most of us at times, please consider it an opportunity to make positive changes.

Do you have another friend who could keep them for awhile? Or would the local rescue place one or both in a temporary foster home?

 

[Princessbella]

So only a few days into my mom babysitting one of my blue and gold's and she wants me to come pick her up. I don't have any support on any side. Maybe I am being selfish, and despite how desperately I love them I can't seem to make it work...

I know how much you must love your birds but to be able to take care of them, you need to be able to take care of yourself first. The other question that you have to ask yourself is whether the birds would be happier if they were apart. Birds feed into situations and they can sense when they are not wanted. Maybe there is a place where you can temporarily foster them. Although it would hurt, you may have to consider rehoming them because it may be what is best if you can't properly take care of them. I am so sorry that this is happening.

 

[ceresbly]

You are not selfish - you simply don't have a good support system in place. You need to make some changes; I'm not talking about the bf specifically, just saying you need good people who will back you no matter what.

This happens to most of us at times, please consider it an opportunity to make positive changes.

Do you have another friend who could keep them for awhile? Or would the local rescue place one or both in a temporary foster home?

No rescues in montana... the closest is Spokane Washington. I wish I had a friend to foster until I could just get my head together. I don't even care at the moment what the boyfriend decides. Id rather live alone with my bird kids than with someone who is weary by the presence of the birds. I wish that was more possible. I just want my babies happy. but there's no bird people in my life. People admire the birds from afar, complimenting them and marveling, but not when they're up close.

I posted in the rehome highway. Posting that thread made me ill. I'm sorry to be such a sullen forum dweller here. I hope I have good news to post for you guys soon ...

Anyone in montana?

 

[rocky'smom]

what about finding some one to foster until you can get your head together.?

 

[Bokkapooh]

Have you thought about going a local FB bird group?

 

[rocky'smom]

Montana Bird Rescue Groups

 

[MommyBird]

Is there a reason to stay in Montana?
Do you think if you moved elsewhere you could find a job(s) that pays more and housing or roommates that would work?
I'm thinking of larger cities where there's a larger pool of housing and people to choose from.

 

[faislaq]

If your mom is okay watching even one bird, it still might help relieve some stress. They don't get along anyway & they're probably quieter apart. Just until things settle down for you.

 

[Marti36]

I wish we could help you out but we're in NJ .