My first barber :-(

[Nikomania]

For those who haven't been on AA for very long, here's a synopsis of events which I believe have ultimately led to my beautiful Dexter barbaring his gorgeous feathers.

I have a neighbor who absolutely HATES the vocalizations of my macaws, especially Dexter. Apparently she suffers from something called misophonia where certain sounds elicit feelings of hate, anger and rage. He hasn't been able to enjoy our outdoor aviary, something he's absolutely adored. All my birds are housed near each other on the side of the house closest to my neighbor's. Unfortunately I was forced to place Dexter's cage as far away from my neighbor's property line: in my room. He comes out to the main living area every evening for 3-5 hours at a time, but, unfortunately, it's not enough time out for my sweet boy.

Five days ago I noticed a few barbed feathers on the bottom of his cage. My heart sank as i saw the beginning of a small fluffy gray area on his chest. Over the next 4 days this behavior increased to the point where his chest is now mostly fluffy gray. I made an appointment and saw our avian vet this afternoon. Labs have been drawn, but she strongly suspects it's behavioral barbing from lack of stimuli. I purchased a fleece collar for him to wear with the hope that I can correct his feather barbing at this early stage.

Never would I have isolated him had it not been for my neighbor. I am so upset knowing this could have all been avoided.

On a positive note: we are in the early stages of planning a room add-on, which will become the bird room. While Dexter won't be able to live in that room (we have multiple dusty old world birds) I plan on moving his cage into our living room next to our other macaw's cage. In the meantime I'll be increasing his living room time and bumping up enrichment activities. Will it anger my neighbor? 100% yes. But adjustments are needed for his wellbeing. He's more important than my angry, bitter neighbor.

 

[April]

Oh no! Oh Dexter I'm so sorry that your lives are still being disrupted by this situation. I really hope that since it was caught early that he will stop with more out of cage time and the help of the collar.
Please give him gentle scritches from me,yall will get through this I fully believe

 

[Shezbug]

I am so sorry you are still having to deal with this.
If your birds are not actually breaching your local laws noise rules then at this stage I personally would tell your neighbour to deal with her health issue by doing what other reasonable and logical people with Misophonia do... get some ear plugs to muffle out the sounds that cause you problems.
It is not up to you and all the other neighbours to manage her medical ailment by torturing yourself and your birds (I do not mean that as it sounds- I know you are not torturing your birds but you get what I mean I hope)- she needs to take steps to manage her problem without making it everyone else's responsibility.

Her rights to comfort in her home and yard should not override yours.

 

[Nikomania]

Thank you. We're not on speaking terms; her choice. She pretends I'm not present if she inadvertently has to pass by me. Very sad. The irony is while I'm typing this their yappy dog is barking incessantly outside. 'Rules for thee but not for me'.

Somehow I'll make things right for my beautiful boy. We do spend time in our room, especially my husband. But obviously it's not enough for him. He's sent me a message that I'm reading loud and clear.

 

[haze]

People with misophonia who expect everyone else to be silent to accommodate them are not kind, respectful people. They are the one who should adjust, not you. So sorry that this stress has caused Dexter so much sadness. Ultimately, your neighbor needs to see a doctor to discuss ways to manage their reaction to noises instead of forcing neighbors to uproot their lives to suit them. This is such an upsetting situation, I'm so sorry.

 

[Sparkles99]

You need something to measure decibels. Then you can track how loud her dog is at the property line & in your house. Use a calendar. Edited to add do the same for your birds.

I think she may be inventing her diagnosis. How does she tolerate yapping?

I’m sorry she hates your birds. I looked at your signature & think it looks awesome!

 

[Shezbug]

You need something to measure decibels. Then you can track how loud her dog is at the property line & in your house. Use a calendar. Edited to add do the same for your birds.

I think she may be inventing her diagnosis. How does she tolerate yapping?

I’m sorry she hates your birds. I looked at your signature & think it looks awesome!

Misophonia is not something that is affected by loud sounds or all sounds- in fact the sounds do not have to be loud at all to be of a problem to the sufferer. A sufferer may well tolerate loud car horns beeping, jungle animal screams and music concerts but be unable to deal with the sound of snoring or clicking pens, or a certain home appliance like a vacuum or blender etc- it also may not be all vacuums, blenders or snoring and may only be a particular appliance or one persons snoring in particular that is a problem to them.
It is not a problem with all noise or just loud noise- it is a problem with certain noises only.

I have no doubt the neighbour is suffering but if it is not sounds that are deemed as inappropriate or illegal for the area noise tolerance then she really needs to find a better solution than making the life of the neighbours hell and making them change to suit her wishes.

 

[haze]

Misophonia is not something that is affected by loud sounds or all sounds- in fact the sounds do not have to be loud at all to be of a problem to the sufferer. A sufferer may well tolerate loud car horns beeping, jungle animal screams and music concerts but be unable to deal with the sound of snoring or clicking pens, or a certain home appliance like a vacuum or blender etc- it also may not be all vacuums, blenders or snoring and may only be a particular appliance or one persons snoring in particular that is a problem to them.
It is not a problem with all noise or just loud noise- it is a problem with certain noises only.

I have no doubt the neighbour is suffering but if it is not sounds that are deemed as inappropriate or illegal for the area noise tolerance then she really needs to find a better solution than making the life of the neighbours hell and making them change to suit her wishes.

Yep, I have misophonia. Loud sounds are just fine for me, the sounds that affect me are snoring and rhythmic finger-tapping on hard objects. It’s definitely a very real problem for the people who struggle with it, but it is up to the sufferer to manage and control reactions to sounds. I cannot wake up every person who snores and prevent them from sleeping in my presence, so I adapt by sleeping while listening to music or by wearing earplugs. The neighbor should be attempting to control their reactions rather than making the bird owner feel like they need to hide the bird away.

 

[Shezbug]

@Nikomania

I wonder if it would be worth pushing to find out what she has tried for herself so she can live with this issue she has... I can't help but wonder if she has had therapy or has taken any other recommended steps on her own to keep her problem to herself, it is recommended by the mayo clinic and a few other mental health places I looked up ages back when I discovered this is likely what I also have (snoring, budgie, some other smaller birds, kids screaming/squealing, certain motors and a few other things for me), it is recommended the sufferer take steps to live with the issue as best as possible- therapy, noise cancelling devices, sound proofed room to retreat to etc- I never once saw anything saying the sufferer should make everyone around them alter their lives to accommodate their dislike of certain sounds.
Can you speak to your local council/shire to find out what your rights are regarding the noise your pets and hers make and take it from there?

 

[Shezbug]

Yep, I have misophonia. Loud sounds are just fine for me, the sounds that affect me are snoring and rhythmic finger-tapping on hard objects. It’s definitely a very real problem for the people who struggle with it, but it is up to the sufferer to manage and control reactions to sounds. I cannot wake up every person who snores and prevent them from sleeping in my presence, so I adapt by sleeping while listening to music or by wearing earplugs. The neighbor should be attempting to control their reactions rather than making the bird owner feel like they need to hide the bird away.

I tried to implement a rule where snoring people in my home are allowed to have things thrown at them or have their nostrils pinched closed... my mum did not like my new rule and yelled at me and got really upset with me so now I have to spend hours at a time outside to stay away from the sound or wear horrible earphones to block it out.
To be fair, I have issues with lots of noises, smells and textures too so I am probably as much of a pain to be around as my snoring mum is for me to be around lmao.

 

[haze]

I tried to implement a rule where snoring people in my home are allowed to have things thrown at them or have their nostrils pinched closed... my mum did not like my new rule and yelled at me and got really upset with me so now I have to spend hours at a time outside to stay away from the sound or wear horrible earphones to block it out.
To be fair, I have issues with lots of noises, smells and textures too so I am probably as much of a pain to be around as my snoring mum is for me to be around lmao.

Lol! I remember when I was a kid going on family vacations was a nightmare because all 5 of us had to share a hotel room. I would throw tantrums and cry because of how much I couldn’t stand the noise. It took me a very long time to learn to deal with it in non-destructive ways.

 

[Nikomania]

@Nikomania

I wonder if it would be worth pushing to find out what she has tried for herself so she can live with this issue she has... I can't help but wonder if she has had therapy or has taken any other recommended steps on her own to keep her problem to herself, it is recommended by the mayo clinic and a few other mental health places I looked up ages back when I discovered this is likely what I also have (snoring, budgie, some other smaller birds, kids screaming/squealing, certain motors and a few other things for me), it is recommended the sufferer take steps to live with the issue as best as possible- therapy, noise cancelling devices, sound proofed room to retreat to etc- I never once saw anything saying the sufferer should make everyone around them alter their lives to accommodate their dislike of certain sounds.
Can you speak to your local council/shire to find out what your rights are regarding the noise your pets and hers make and take it from there?

Unfortunately we're not on speaking terms. Her visceral response to Dexter's calls is causing her to hate us. She will slam doors and windows, or say, 'shut up bird' to just a single squawk. It's ridiculous.

When she initially complained about Dexter, I actually called the noise ordinance office to see what my rights are. Was told that if someone complained about any type of noise disturbance they'd send a unit to sit out front to assess for 30 minutes or so. If all seemed well during that period they wouldn't pursue further.

I'm resigned to the fact that they will be our neighbors for life. My focus must be to make certain that Dexter's needs are met and for me to have less anxiety over how his vocalizations may affect her. Dexter is a loud boy, and I do understand how it could be bothersome to others. But Dexter rarely vocalizes, which is the crazy part!

 

[Nikomania]

Dexter seems to like his fleece collar, thank goodness! He's actually super docile with it on and likes to play with its fringe. He did fall once, so I have the floor padded underneath his dragon wood play stand.

 

[Nikomania]

Well, Dexter has figured out how to remove tape and then the velcro, that little rascal. I have another collar, but it's a fleece one that's directly slipped over their head. Are these safe?

 

[expressmailtome]

San Diego Municipal Code 59.5.0502 (c) states:
"The keeping or maintenance, or the permitting to be kept or
maintained upon any premises owned, occupied, or controlled by any
person of any animal or animals which by any frequent or long–
continued noise, shall cause annoyance or discomfort to a reasonable
person of normal sensitiveness in the vicinity. "
as well as:
"The noise from any such animal or animals that disturbs two or more
residents residing in separate residences adjacent to any part of the
property on which the subject animal or animals are kept or
maintained, or three or more residents residing in separate residences
in close proximity to the property on which the subject animal or
animals are kept or maintained shall be prima facie evidence of a
violation of this section."

I guess the big question is do any of your other neighbors find Dexter, or any of your birds really, to be an "annoyance"? At least more so than her dog/dogs.

 

[Xoetix]

As callous as it sounds, you are under no legal or even moral obligation to temper your life to her disability. I've got my own issues, and know that asking people to adjust their lives to accommodate me only goes so far - after that, it's on me to get my crap together.

Dexter is stressed and gettng at his feathers. Your neighbor can kick rocks, you have a bird to care for.

 

[Nikomania]

San Diego Municipal Code 59.5.0502 (c) states:
"The keeping or maintenance, or the permitting to be kept or
maintained upon any premises owned, occupied, or controlled by any
person of any animal or animals which by any frequent or long–
continued noise, shall cause annoyance or discomfort to a reasonable
person of normal sensitiveness in the vicinity. "
as well as:
"The noise from any such animal or animals that disturbs two or more
residents residing in separate residences adjacent to any part of the
property on which the subject animal or animals are kept or
maintained, or three or more residents residing in separate residences
in close proximity to the property on which the subject animal or
animals are kept or maintained shall be prima facie evidence of a
violation of this section."

I guess the big question is do any of your other neighbors find Dexter, or any of your birds really, to be an "annoyance"? At least more so than her dog/dogs.

Actually no. Although she's befriended our neighbors behind us and has been heard bashing us to them regarding noise levels. Perhaps trying to increase complaint numbers?? Our other neighbors couldn't care less, and actually enjoy hearing them. Her noise sensitiveness isn't reasonable at all. Even one squawk angers her. He's really a quiet bird, with the exception of sunrise and sunset. Even then he'll call out a few times and then he's done.

 

[Nikomania]

As callous as it sounds, you are under no legal or even moral obligation to temper your life to her disability. I've got my own issues, and know that asking people to adjust their lives to accommodate me only goes so far - after that, it's on me to get my crap together.

Dexter is stressed and gettng at his feathers. Your neighbor can kick rocks, you have a bird to care for.

Yes. I'm to that point now. To date I've driven myself crazy trying to appease them. But nothing I can ever do or say will change how she feels about us. Dexter's needs take top priority now. He's such an amazing, dynamic, and very sweet guy who deserves so much more.

 

[Toy]

If it were me I'd video her dog barking just so you have that proof if you ever need it. She may decide to take this further. Then take your bird back outside, as they need sun & fresh air too. I would also talk to your neighbors & ask if they are in anyway affected by your birds sounds. She needs to figure out how to deal with your bird making sound. I can't imagine she expects every neighbor to stop noises that offend her.

Also, as an option, they make sound proof wall panels that lessen sound.

 

[Nikomania]

If it were me I'd video her dog barking just so you have that proof if you ever need it. She may decide to take this further. Then take your bird back outside, as they need sun & fresh air too. I would also talk to your neighbors & ask if they are in anyway affected by your birds sounds. She needs to figure out how to deal with your bird making sound. I can't imagine she expects every neighbor to stop noises that offend her.

Also, as an option, they make sound proof wall panels that lessen sound.

It's funny that you mention the sound proof panels, as we're looking into installing those on the side of our new room addition facing their property line. Unfortunately I don't believe any sound proofing panels used in the outdoor aviary will appease her. Dexter's calls are loud, and she'll hear them, muffled or not.

I have scores of videos taken of her dog's yappiness over the years, just in case.