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In loving memory of Charlie (2022-2023)

BluQuaker

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I'm so sorry for depressing post and if you feel down yourself feel free to skip this one and take care <3

Thank you guys, I keep thinking about him every day. I only got energry to clean his cage and put away his toys today. Is his cage even safe for other birds? I wanted to get rid of it but then i got thinking about getting another bird, then i felt very guilty thinking about it. My family really wanted to get me bird they even discussed how wonderful african greys are and it got me so upset. I don't want to just replace Charlie. I also feel so scared that i will mess something up and end up losing new bird as well. My vet convinced me Charlie got virus from his mom and there was not much we could do but at the end of the day he was in my care and i lost him after less than a year. Then my colleagues were also very worried since I was crying and since im youngest in group they all like to take care of me and were like ''let's get you Quaker for your birthday'' like it's a broken iphone and not a living breathing bird. Lastly my bestfriend offered me to adopt gcc from her. And yes i'm greatful so many people worry about me and want to cheer me up with new bird but i feel like no one understand why i keep crying for days ''because of bird'' and it's kinda lonely feeling. Even my boyfriend who knew Charlie thinks it's something you get over with in couple of days. And i know i will sound like a lunatic but i kept reading post from members who lost birds, not because i'm evil and want them to suffer like i do but i just felt a little bit less lonely reading those, because i know i'm not the only one feeling like this.
My dog is also very lonely since they were best friends and looking at her very moody is also such a sad sight.
Thanks for everyone who took time to read this.
 

Parutti

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It's such a special relationship, when we love a bird and they love us back. I've never experienced anything like it and neither of my parrots could be replaced. They're in my heart and soul as much as my human son, and most people would understand how upsetting it would be to suggest replacing my son with a new kid - but they just don't get how deeply parrots affect us.

I think your cage with a thorough cleaning and disinfecting (I use F10) would be ok to use again when you're ready.

Charlie was so obviously a special bird - he captured our hearts here immediately. I cried at the news and again reading this because we all do understand ❤
 

owlsthetic

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I'm so sorry for your loss. From what I have seen you have put in the best effort to get him the care he needed and he was very much well-loved by you so please don't blame yourself.

Birds/pets really are like family to us and it just feels like such a huge part of your world is missing when they pass (and it is!). The grief is very profound and very real. It took me 6 years to come to terms with my budgie's passing and I even stopped talking about her for the longest time because people just didn't get why I wasn't over her passing for so long so you're definitely not alone.

Sometimes I feel crazy for still being so sad about her passing after so long but I'm glad I found this community that made me realize that I’m not alone in having so much love for a "bird". I hope you are able to find peace in the love and memories you shared with Charlie.
 

BluQuaker

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It's such a special relationship, when we love a bird and they love us back. I've never experienced anything like it and neither of my parrots could be replaced. They're in my heart and soul as much as my human son, and most people would understand how upsetting it would be to suggest replacing my son with a new kid - but they just don't get how deeply parrots affect us.

I think your cage with a thorough cleaning and disinfecting (I use F10) would be ok to use again when you're ready.

Charlie was so obviously a special bird - he captured our hearts here immediately. I cried at the news and again reading this because we all do understand ❤
Thank you so much Parruti for always being there for us, you are amazing <3
I still have no human kids but i can say my dog and Charlie are like a children to me. Of course i understand that getting new baby bird can help someone cope with their loss and that's okay but for me, after thinking i realize it would be cruel. One think i gotta stop doing is reading about PDD. I still don't understand how he died so ''suddenly'' while most birds have at least some months left to live after diagnosis. Then circle goes one, i wonder if maybe we shouldn't have medicate him, was he in pain ( but my vet think he wasn't since sometimes he was full of life and energy) and so on. I know i should focuse on good memories and i really try to.
I will take your advice about cleaning and do it again and put away everything for now, since Kira keep cheking for Charlie in his cage and i guess my doggo also need closure.
Thank you again for always replying and give your birdies lots of kisses.
 

BluQuaker

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I'm so sorry for your loss. From what I have seen you have put in the best effort to get him the care he needed and he was very much well-loved by you so please don't blame yourself.

Birds/pets really are like family to us and it just feels like such a huge part of your world is missing when they pass (and it is!). The grief is very profound and very real. It took me 6 years to come to terms with my budgie's passing and I even stopped talking about her for the longest time because people just didn't get why I wasn't over her passing for so long so you're definitely not alone.

Sometimes I feel crazy for still being so sad about her passing after so long but I'm glad I found this community that made me realize that I’m not alone in having so much love for a "bird". I hope you are able to find peace in the love and memories you shared with Charlie.
Hi, thank you so much for taking time to reply.
I really did what i tought was the best for him, but now I question everything. Both me and my vet thought he has months to live in worst case but he suddenly went downhill and died.
I understand you 100% they really leave hole in our heart. I'm so greatful i was honored to have him in my life and i know i will miss him forever. I also feel like stop talking about him alredy since people as i said don't get it. He was my baby, I can't and to be honest i don't want to get over him. But I guess i gotta stop finding the reason why he went so soon, it has to be that way.
You are not crazy at all, you feel what you feel, your baby was huge part of your life. I guess we all need to find a way to keep memories alive but not let them eat us alive.
 

Kiwi's Dad

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I'm so sorry for your loss :sorrow:
 

owlsthetic

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Hi, thank you so much for taking time to reply.
I really did what i tought was the best for him, but now I question everything. Both me and my vet thought he has months to live in worst case but he suddenly went downhill and died.
I understand you 100% they really leave hole in our heart. I'm so greatful i was honored to have him in my life and i know i will miss him forever. I also feel like stop talking about him alredy since people as i said don't get it. He was my baby, I can't and to be honest i don't want to get over him. But I guess i gotta stop finding the reason why he went so soon, it has to be that way.
You are not crazy at all, you feel what you feel, your baby was huge part of your life. I guess we all need to find a way to keep memories alive but not let them eat us alive.
It's hard not to question yourself. I think the guilt is so strong because we love them so much and we just keep thinking of what-ifs and could have scenarios. But we just have to keep reminding ourselves we did our best and gave all the love they deserved:hug8:

Tbh I regret my decision to stop talking about my budgie a little just because of others, I think it took me so long to come to terms with her passing was also because I went cold turkey and stopped trying to think and talk about her at all. I hope you take all the time you need to grieve. I totally understand you feeling like you don't want to get over him, we want to make sure they're remembered for all that they were.

Yes! You feel what you feel, great words. It will get better! I think it's like the hole in your heart is always there but it scabs over and hurts less with time though and eventually you just remember all the good :heart:
 

WillowQ

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I am so sorry about Charlie. Quakers are great birds and I still miss my Lucy who passed three years ago.

I don’t have kids either but my birds are my babies and they know it and call themselves that. I wish I could help you out. I can refresh my mind on the PDD virus and advise how to deal with the cage. Honestly I would throw away anything that cannot be bleached (after removing surface soil).
 

WillowQ

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If you are wanting to have another bird friend, PDD is carried in droppings and other dust. So clean the room Charlie lived in well (remove any droppings or dust from droppings); mop the floor (if possible) and clean the wall his cage was on.

Also clean his cage thoroughly; use bleach as directed on the bottle to disinfect the cage and perches and toys; and rinse well. If you can’t bleach something or bake it in a low oven throw it out. I also bake the disinfected and soaked perches in the oven on 225-250. If you go higher you may scorch them.

I would wash anything of Charlie’s or from his room. I can’t recall how tough this virus is but as time passes there’s less and less live virus around to infect another bird.

I have a graduate background studying bird disease, and I checked a couple journal articles to get this info, too.
 

Sarahmoluccan

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I'm so sorry you're going through this. PDD is such a horrible disease. I'm not as familiar as disinfectanting things with that other members. I really like F10 though. Its great and be used on all sorts of things. PDD is so scary. @Hankmacaw was a wealth of knowledge about all sorts of medical things. Unfortunately she passed away but if you the search tool you should find post from her. I'll go looking and see if I can find anything helpful. @Macawnutz might be able to help advise you with disinfectanting. If I remember correctly members have use F10 to clean rugs, curtains and even adding to laundry. Unfortunately witb PDD I think you have to be super OCDC about disinfectanting everything :(

You're not alone with grief here. Everybody's experience is different but we can definitely empathize with you. Please don't feel guilty about what helps you through your grief. If reading about other's experiences with losing a bird helps you feel less alone there's no shame in that. :bluhug:
 

WillowQ

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If Charlie got this virus from the egg, there’s nothing anyone could have done besides keep him as otherwise healthy as possible.

Yes, another disinfectant for laundry or floor cleaning would be great. I’m familiar with bleach (cheaper) so have bleach directions.

You really can’t be too careful. I would be throwing a lot of things out.☹
 

BluQuaker

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It's hard not to question yourself. I think the guilt is so strong because we love them so much and we just keep thinking of what-ifs and could have scenarios. But we just have to keep reminding ourselves we did our best and gave all the love they deserved:hug8:

Tbh I regret my decision to stop talking about my budgie a little just because of others, I think it took me so long to come to terms with her passing was also because I went cold turkey and stopped trying to think and talk about her at all. I hope you take all the time you need to grieve. I totally understand you feeling like you don't want to get over him, we want to make sure they're remembered for all that they were.

Yes! You feel what you feel, great words. It will get better! I think it's like the hole in your heart is always there but it scabs over and hurts less with time though and eventually you just remember all the good :heart:
There is so much truth in your words...
I still feel very bad about everything that happened but i guess I do at least start to function again. I did make a little photo album out of his photos and it did halp me. I try to avoid talking about him with people in my life tho like you did with your budgie... it's just frustrating. One day i will have new birds but after thinking a lot I decided to adopt rather than buy and help some bird that is in trouble since i coudn't help Charlie. :heart:
 

BluQuaker

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If Charlie got this virus from the egg, there’s nothing anyone could have done besides keep him as otherwise healthy as possible.

Yes, another disinfectant for laundry or floor cleaning would be great. I’m familiar with bleach (cheaper) so have bleach directions.

You really can’t be too careful. I would be throwing a lot of things out.☹
Hi, thank you so much for your posts.
I agree with everything you have said, at the end i throw away almost everything except toys that were very special to him and i want to keep them as memories and no bird will touch it ever. I cleaned everything in house, not only because of virus but it also helped me keeping myself busy while home. One thining that worry me is the aviary, that is in fact little garden with lots of plants and small bushes, he have spend lots of time in there and i'm not sure if virus can survive there? I coudn't find how long it can live outside. I cleaned this area as much as i can but i feel like i have to destroy all plants there and replant new ones if i want new birdy spending time there.
I eventually decided to adopt new bird since there is many unwanted birds in my area. I will give it some time tho since i want to be sure aviary is 100% safe.
 

BluQuaker

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I'm so sorry you're going through this. PDD is such a horrible disease. I'm not as familiar as disinfectanting things with that other members. I really like F10 though. Its great and be used on all sorts of things. PDD is so scary. @Hankmacaw was a wealth of knowledge about all sorts of medical things. Unfortunately she passed away but if you the search tool you should find post from her. I'll go looking and see if I can find anything helpful. @Macawnutz might be able to help advise you with disinfectanting. If I remember correctly members have use F10 to clean rugs, curtains and even adding to laundry. Unfortunately witb PDD I think you have to be super OCDC about disinfectanting everything :(

You're not alone with grief here. Everybody's experience is different but we can definitely empathize with you. Please don't feel guilty about what helps you through your grief. If reading about other's experiences with losing a bird helps you feel less alone there's no shame in that. :bluhug:
Hi thank you so much for your post. Yes i've been cleaning for weeks now, can't be too safe, i'm only unsure about plants that Charlie spend time on. Maybe i will have to replant those.
I'm looking for bird to adopt in future and give a home to someone who desperately needs it. Of course after I'm sure my space is as safe as it can be.
PDD is horrible, it took Charlie very fast, we really didn't have a chance to deal with that disease.
I used F10 and hopefully inside of house is clean enough since i was a litttle bit paranoid and cleaned more than once. I also decided to get rid of all his stuff (some i put away as memories but no bird will ever use it). I miss him so much, probably it will stay like that forever but i also start to miss having feathered creature around.
 

WillowQ

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I’m really not sure how to deal with the aviary. I wonder if cleaning away visible poop and leaving it for many months would be enough?

Is the aviary outdoors and getting sunlight? That will help to kill virus, too.
 

WillowQ

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I wouldn’t think you need to destroy aviary plants. I would focus on removing droppings and letting sunlight and time kill remaining virus.
 

haze

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I wouldn’t think you need to destroy aviary plants. I would focus on removing droppings and letting sunlight and time kill remaining virus.
You could spray with vinegar as well. It doesn’t kill all bacteria like a true disinfectant would, but it is much safer than using bleach or Clorox in case you got a future bird. Google says it can help kill some bacteria and viruses. I agree that just letting the sun do its work will probably be fine as well.
 

WillowQ

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Vinegar is a good idea. removing droppings is most important here. And after that I’d give the aviary (honestly I’d give the whole house) some time for anything held in dust or etc to die off.

Have you asked your vet how to clean/ how long you should wait? Or do you have a nearby university where you could enquire? Since this isn’t a poultry virus I doubt there are any formal studies to answer these questions.
 

Sarahmoluccan

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I have sprayed f10 on plants and it's never harmed them. I wish you the best of luck with things. :hug8:
 

BluQuaker

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I’m really not sure how to deal with the aviary. I wonder if cleaning away visible poop and leaving it for many months would be enough?

Is the aviary outdoors and getting sunlight? That will help to kill virus, too.
Yes it gets plenty of sunlight in the morning, i removed as much visible dropping i could. My vet says to give it a week and it's safe since virus can't survive long but i'm still unsure, i will for sure give vinegar a go. I agree about giving a whole house a rest for everything to die off, there is no rush. Some websites suggest birds can only catch virus from their parents, others say it's highly contagious which let me to believe it's really unknown. Summers here are very warm so I will just wait for now.
 
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