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guilt ridden over likely rehoming (bit of a vent)

WillowNMurphy

Sprinting down the street
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3/23/18
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Australia
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Willow
for those of you who dont know, i have 2 budgies named sunny and twinkie. i got them on the 28th of february from a friend who couldnt take care of them anymore, and despite them not being hands on birds, theyre cute and i actually really love them.


mum complains about murphy’s noise frequently and jokes about cooking him, as does my dad. she has never told me to get rid of him or even alluded to it. she‘s complained about the budgies often, and told me that her uncle bred budgies and how he never had them inside except for one and she “can’t believe how much noise they make”. she’s told me to get rid of them several times but wouldnt bring it up after and i thought she was joking. i cant tell when she’s joking or not, her tone isnt clear and we’ve had numerous fights over issues where ive thought she was joking and she wasnt and vice versa.

anyways, today i got home and she tells me ”willow i really cant do this anymore, im sorry but you have to rehome them.” she wasnt even angry... she just seemed at the end of her rope. dejected. she knows ive been trying hard to bond with them and help them get used to me but she gets sick a lot. she’s really sick. we don’t even know what it is and she gets bad migraines snd i feel absolutely terrible. her friend overheard us from the lounge room and said we could put them outside. but between the spiders, neighbourhood cats, and our dogs, i dont feel comfortable with that. i barely even take murphy’s cage outside even if i know im going to watch him the whole time. i dont trust my dogs at all. especially my younger one. and if we had them outside, we’d most definitely get mice and that would attract snakes from the reserve next door. we have small children over frequently and i couldnt live with myself if they got hurt. i dont know what else to do. im really angry at myself for not thinking of this scenario. we cant afford and aviary and mum and dad wouldnt keep up with its upkeep if my partner and i moved out. i dont know what to do. i cant just keep them inside, i can see how hard this is for mum and she’s really upset for even asking me. the other alternative is the laundry but almost everyday we clean the floor with HARSH chemicals bc our older dog pees in there at night and so thats not an option.

i talked to my partner about it and he thinks we should. we could find someone looking to add to their aviary or something. he thinks finding someone with more time on their hands than us would be good and that someone else could give them better care than we do. i agree with him but it doesnt stop me from feeling bad. i feel really lost on what to do.
 

Zara

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Aww sorry to hear this. I´m sure it took a lot for your mum to have to say that to you. I´m sure she isn´t saying this to make you feel bad or punish you. Some people just can´t handle the constant chitter chatter, plus if she´s ill and is headache prone, that could really push her over the edge.

I wouldn´t put them outside or in the laundry room, I think your partners idea is a good one, looking for a new home where they will get what they need and have a good life :)

Try not to feel so bad about rehoming, sometimes it is just one of those things that can´t be helped.

I wonder if you have a friend or family member that would take them so that you could stay in touch?
 

WillowNMurphy

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Willow
Aww sorry to hear this. I´m sure it took a lot for your mum to have to say that to you. I´m sure she isn´t saying this to make you feel bad or punish you. Some people just can´t handle the constant chitter chatter, plus if she´s ill and is headache prone, that could really push her over the edge.

I wouldn´t put them outside or in the laundry room, I think your partners idea is a good one, looking for a new home where they will get what they need and have a good life :)

Try not to feel so bad about rehoming, sometimes it is just one of those things that can´t be helped.

I wonder if you have a friend or family member that would take them so that you could stay in touch?
thank you for the kind words, zara.

mum does have a cousin who has had budgies before but honestly, i dont think she’d take them. theyre louder than the one she has. chicken (her budgie) is silent the majority of the time but sunny and twinkie are so noisy, i dont mind it and when im in the room theyre relatively quiet apart from an occasional outburst. honestly, ive considered having them in my room but there’s just no place for them in here and i dont want their mess in my room, there are too many nooks and crannies. i dont really have any friends, as dumb as it sounds. im very isolated and the only people i talk to that arent family are my nail tech and the girl who does my waxing. ive been crying about it to be honest. i know its best for them to rehome them, mum joked about putting them out of their misery which made me quite distraught. she doesnt understand how inappropriate that is to joke about. so even if i could keep them id be worrying about mum snapping one day, her migraines turn her into a different person sometimes.

mum’s trying to make it better by saying this means that there’s space for another conure, because i spoke to her about getting a conure for murphy to have a flockmate a few weeks ago. but that makes me feel worse. she said likes murphy because he’s learned how to play with his toys and is very quiet unless he wants to be uncovered or is chatting to the birds outside thats why she said i could get another conure after i get rid of the budgies. she just makes it sound like the budgies are replaceable and it really hurts. i feel like i can never have budgies again because i had some when i was younger and i didnt take care of them because i was like 9 and didnt know how. and she just got rid of them and got me a dog instead.

im really glad im part of AA and this big community that gets it and doesnt think im sensitive over a “dumb bird”.
 

AussieBird

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Shezbug

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I don’t understand how your mum feels she can handle conure sounds during a migraine (to the point of wanting/allowing another with an unknown noise level) but the budgies are such a problem. I know that budgies rarely have totally silent days but I’d hate to think how poorly your mum will cope if you happen to end up with a noisy conure- the budgie sounds get on my nerves at times and are definitely quite nagging and aggravating when I have a migraine but they’re not so loud that I can’t escape them simply by going into another room and closing the door. I can’t imagine that I’d be able to shut out the noise level from a conure (let alone two of them) by just closing a door.
I personally would just move them into another room if I honestly loved them and really wanted to keep them. Whatever happens you’ll certainly have my full support but I really think it’s best if you make this decision based on your wants/needs and what you think and feel is best for the birds, I also think you would be best to make that decision without the influence of what your mum and partner want. I could be reading it wrong but to me it really sounds like they both would just prefer a more entertaining bird or a bird they like more. It sounds to me like you’re making a decision to keep others happy without taking into proper account what you want.
 

WillowNMurphy

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I don’t understand how your mum feels she can handle conure sounds during a migraine (to the point of wanting/allowing another with an unknown noise level) but the budgies are such a problem. I know that budgies rarely have totally silent days but I’d hate to think how poorly your mum will cope if you happen to end up with a noisy conure- the budgie sounds get on my nerves at times and are definitely quite nagging and aggravating when I have a migraine but they’re not so loud that I can’t escape them simply by going into another room and closing the door. I can’t imagine that I’d be able to shut out the noise level from a conure (let alone two of them) by just closing a door.
I personally would just move them into another room if I honestly loved them and really wanted to keep them. Whatever happens you’ll certainly have my full support but I really think it’s best if you make this decision based on your wants/needs and what you think and feel is best for the birds, I also think you would be best to make that decision without the influence of what your mum and partner want. I could be reading it wrong but to me it really sounds like they both would just prefer a more entertaining bird or a bird they like more. It sounds to me like you’re making a decision to keep others happy without taking into proper account what you want.
murphy’s very quiet and just stares out the window or rings his bells or, more recently, plays with his foraging toys. he screams every now and again to the lories outside, but he’s quieter than the budgies even when he screams. thats why mum can handle his noise. the budgies are the noisiest budgies ive ever encountered. usually budgies are quiet even though they almost constantly chatter, but twinkie and sunny scream and bicker almost constantly and because of murphy being a screamer when he was younger, i can block it out. but mum cant. all of our bedrooms, aside from mine, are carpeted, so another room isnt an option. one of the bedrooms is a guest room and very small so they wouldn’t fit in there, and the other bedroom is my dad’s office, so thats a no. at this point, im not planning on another conure until my partner and i move out. unless i can find some way to make them quiet (which i know i cant, birds are birds. they’re vocal animals) i cant have them. i told my mum the risks when we took them in, said budgies are very chatty birds, and told her that they might be loud talking to murphy or the birds outside and that they would be messy, thattheyd fling seed everywhere. she still agreed to let me take them in. she complains about the seed, the feathers (i do not understand how they lose so many feathers, they should be bald by now, i could make a pillow from their moulted feathers), the noise, everything. im not blaming the budgies at all. birds love to make messes, and love to be noisy. i learned that from murphy, he used to scream constantly, and idk what changed, but he doesnt scream unless i leave the house or dont talk to him for a while. these poor budgies had to move from an owner who loved them very much, to an owner that now has to get rid of them. i feel like im stressing them out, theyve been really quiet since mum asked me to rehome them. i feel like this is my fault, i shouldve had a plan for if we had to get rid of them or if they got too noisy.
 

Blueberry

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I do t know where you are located but here in the us we have giant sheets of plastic - if you wanted to move the budgies temporarily in your room- rolling through cage on top of the sheet of plastic it would make the mess easier to take care of. If you search plastic mat for office chair the plastic mat will pop up.
 

WillowNMurphy

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I do t know where you are located but here in the us we have giant sheets of plastic - if you wanted to move the budgies temporarily in your room- rolling through cage on top of the sheet of plastic it would make the mess easier to take care of. If you search plastic mat for office chair the plastic mat will pop up.
i thought of that but my room is too small, and cleaning is too hard and our house is prone to mice so i have to clean every day as it is. the guest room is too small and cant even fit anything in there anymore, the other room is dad’s office and he has zoom meetings and works in there quite frequently even on the days when he goes into work at the office. he hates birds.

edited to clarify that the only place in my room i could put them is in front of my wardrobe. it gets used every day and id have to move the solid wood stand and their tall cage to access the wardrobe, not to mention all the seeds thatll get in all the nooks and crannies. i clean very thoroughly and even now i can still find bits of pellets from years ago from when murphy used to live in my room.
 

sunnysmom

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I'm very sorry.
 

tka

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I'm sorry that you're placed in this position. It's exceptionally hard to keep birds when you're not in full control of their environment - and for many of us, that means renting or owning our own place.

Are there any rescues in your area? They may be able to help you find someone who will care for them as well as you have.
 

WillowNMurphy

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Willow
I'm sorry that you're placed in this position. It's exceptionally hard to keep birds when you're not in full control of their environment - and for many of us, that means renting or owning our own place.

Are there any rescues in your area? They may be able to help you find someone who will care for them as well as you have.
no rescues i can find im afraid. there is the RSPCA which is more catered to dogs and cats, they do take birds but, ive heard a few non-savoury things about their bird care. mum told me to put them on gumtree, and i did. there’s a few people who seem promising, and ive got a woman coming over in a few days to talk to in person and confirm everything. mum’s breathing down my neck about it. she seems like a lovely lady, she used to breed but doesn’t anymore and has an aviary. ive asked her to take pictures with various items and poses so i know theyre her photos and not off google. if all goes well the budgies should be gone in a few days and mum will stop pestering me. ill feel better when i know theyre in safe hands.
 

WillowNMurphy

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Willow
It's clever of you to get her to pose with certain objects!
thank you, i dont make a habit of going to other people’s houses if i can help it. id rather stay at home. plus i dont want to get sick, it seems there’s something going around at the moment. we have no covid cases here (all in hotel quarantine), but i still would rather not get sick with anything.
 
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