I miss her

[Mizzely]

I've been so busy lately. Working. Doctor's appointments. Classes. Trying to get everything ready for baby while being exhausted.

It helps a little; helps keep my mind elsewhere. But it doesn't make me forget.

I hear her voice sometimes. I can't always tell if it's Jingo mimicking her, or if it's my imagination. Sometimes it's comforting. Other times it's haunting.

It's the little things that remind me she's gone. When I go to get this week's chop near the end of the week and I see the veggies that have gone bad. I'm not used to feeding just two birds. I have to retrain myself on how to make the right amount of food.

I find myself missing the small things that you don't really think about when they are still here. The things you think you couldn't possibly miss, like walking on wood chips, or seeing 80% of a nutriberry thrown to the floor, or hearing an alarm call when a squirrel passes by, or having to change out a toy that lasted a day and a half. I miss weird things like holding a bowl of chop until my arm is tired because she wouldn't eat it away from her cage otherwise.

I find myself ashamed and guilty when it crosses my mind that things are perhaps a little easier without her; no separate cage times or worrying about someone getting hurt.

But I'd gladly take the difficult over the easy any day if someone would give me a second chance.

There isn't a day that goes by that she doesn't enter my thoughts. It's been about a month and I every time I think I am okay, and moving on, I get hit with the truth that I really am not. People ask me if I want another bird, another mini. I know I don't right now. I don't know if I ever will. How do you get another of the same species and not compare it to the slice of perfection that you had?

Sorry for the rambling. I just miss her.

 

[sunnysmom]

 

[Birdiemarie]

 

[lwis]

I can't imagine how difficult this would be.

 

[VictoriaVague]

Every time I see your avatar pop up in a thread I think about how desperately you must be missing her and grieving her. Don't feel guilty! Those are all natural thoughts.

 

[Clueless]

Sorry for your pain

 

[arwyn031313]

Ramble away,that's we are here for.

 

[Theresa]

My Mojo has been gone over 3 years and I still miss her, still can't really watch old videos of her, pictures are hard
I chose not to get another TAG it would have hurt too much.
Only you know the right choice for you, so go with your gut when and if you chose to add a 3rd.

 

[CeciliaZ]

 

[Birdlove]

I'm so sorry
I know for me things were more difficult when I was pregnant, emotionally. I had a coworker pass and I just missed her. I would go to work thinking she'd be there but she wasn't and would just tear up and go to my office. Anyway, it was very hard.
As for getting another mini, I think you'll know when ir if you're ready. My dog is sick and I know my kids love dogs but when she goes I don't think I'll be getting another dog for a while. She is like you said a slice of perfection and I don't think any other dog could compare to her so I think I'll just hold off on getting another dog until I'm emotionally ready. I actually decides that last week.
I'm sorry for your loss

 

[Hankmacaw]

For me Shawna, after two years after losing Hank, the grief has subsided but never goes away. I don't want it to go completely away - that would mean that Hank is gone.

 

[jmfleish]

I'm so, so very sorry for your loss. I don't think the pain ever truly goes away but it does lessen with time. When I lost Taco SIE a little over three years ago, I didn't know what to do either. I had his brother Cooper who was missing him too. I decided to go in a totally different direction and ended up with Amarillo DYHA who was a complete surprise and is a very special and wonderful companion and one in a million. My heart brought me back to Ekkies in the end though and I had the chance to give another one of Cooper's brothers a home several months later. Maybe it was just fate, I don't know. Cooper and Wylee couldn't be happier today though and I'm glad I took the chance to bring another green guy home again.

 

[Nikomania]

After having lost my Bogart 1 1/2 weeks ago, I know exactly how you're feeling. It's just going to take time to heal your broken heart. For me, going right out to get another baby has helped me immensely. I don't compare the two, but I think about Bogart now with less pain and tears, knowing that I have another baby to love.

 

[cassiesdad]

For me Shawna, after two years after losing Hank, the grief has subsided but never goes away. I don't want it to go completely away - that would mean that Hank is gone.

I couldn't have said it better. It's been four and a half years since Cassie passed...I still miss her...

for you, Mary Lynn

for you, Shawna

 

[LoveBird<3]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Your love is so clear in your words.. and know that I'm sending thoughts your way.

 

[Princessbella]

I'm so sorry. I understand how you feel. I was owned by an 11 year old tiel named Buddy. She was my buddy in every respect. She went on trips with me, ate everything I put in front of her, and got me over a lot of bad times in my life. I went to a conference and placed Buddy at the boarders where they loved her but when I went to get her, she didn't look right. She died before I could get her to the vet. She died from a retained yolk and there was nothing I could do but a part of me still feels guilty about it. I wasn't sure I wanted another bird but I realized how lonely it would be and I found myself drawn to a picture of this baby bird, which turned out to be Bella. She is not a replacement for Buddy. She died in January and I am still grieving but I got Bella at 7 weeks old and she has definitely helped. I know how much you are hurting but it looks like you have enough on your plate to give a new bird attention. When the time is right, the right bird will come into your life.

 

[crazyanimal]

I am so sorry. Ramble along. Talking helps. Especially other bird owners.

 

[MissingMango]

I know how you feel. After 10 years I still miss Mango. I always will. Don't think I could ever get another Sun Conure. It does get easier though. Lots of hugs to you.

 

[Wasabisaurus]

I am sorry for your loss and the pain.

 

[Yoshi&Reza]

Time doesn't always heal these wounds. But, we all support you and keep you in our thoughts and prayers. Glad you are also expressing how you feel.