How do you decide when it's time...

[gritsinct]

I agree with what others have said - maybe start looking around, casually, so you don't pressure yourself. Follow any leads that you feel drawn to... I truly believe that when it is the right fid for you, you will know it in your heart and feel ready - whether it happens quickly or takes some time.
I'm glad to see you back although I know your pain is still so great.

 

[BethySue]

I think everybody else has said exactly what I think. Only you will know when it's the right time. When you are ready for another bird, you will know.

When I lost my cockatiel, it took me about 6 months to even have the courage to consider getting another bird, and then it was another 3 or 4 months before I found one that was right for me.

 

[chere]

My goodness, it is so nice to hear from you Just you thinking about another birdie seems like you are becoming ready to love another. Keep your heart open and another will find you...............



cher

 

[Holiday]

Hi Anna, I'm glad to see you back
The way I think about it is this: you are not "getting another bird" because you lost KerBear. She will be in your heart forever, and that's not going to change, whether you take in another bird or not. The way to think of it is this: opening your home to a different bird that needs you is a separate process from the mourning process. Is there a bird out there that needs you at this time? You're darn right there is. All you need to do is find him/her.

I opened my home and heart to two mini-macaws after I lost my baby girl. I feed them, give them toys, love them. That is all separate from my lost baby, but in some ways, inspired by her. It's a way I honor her memory and give the boys what they need all at once.

I understand that mourning is hard; I still mourn the one I lost, and I always will. Her grave, with it's little chapel-shaped-birdhouse marker, is visible from my back door. I think of her every time I see it. But, mourning doesn't have to be done alone. You can mourn KerBear and love another bird at the same time So, IMO, it's time when another bird needs you, and when you can offer help and love.

 

[Brigidt36]

Oh Anna, so good to hear from you. You have been missed.

You'll know when the right time is to get another bird or not. Your heart will tell you. You might want to see about fostering a bird, or volunteering at a bird rescue. Helping a bird in need might help heal your broken heart a bit.

Wishing you the very best.

 

[Birdasaurus]

Good to see you again!

Obviously everyone is different, but I turned my grief when I lost my baby girl into an open heart for hurting birds. I swore I would never have another budgie because no one would be like her....and no one has....but I now have 8 little darling budgies that in some way needed me. I looked at it as I wasn't replacing her, but honoring her by helping out those who needed me in the same way I would care for her if I still could.

Kerbear will never leave you and she'll never be replaced, but there are many other special birdies out there who would be lucky to have a home with you when you're ready

 

[MommyBird]

I agree with the rest about feeling when the time is right.
Really, I just wanted to say I think of you & Kerbear often.
I am so glad to see you back.

 

[Sharpie]

There is no 'right' time or way to mourn. Getting another bird will never be replacing KerBear. A heart isn't like a room in a house where you can only fit so many before others have to leave. Love grows the more it is shared. It is okay to look if you feel ready to, or to wait, whichever feels more right.

 

[rockoko]

*hugs*

 

[Jan]

Yes, true you will know in your heart when it is time and I have a feeling you are highly considering it now!! There are plenty of birds out there who could use your love and care and you won't be replacing KerBear anyway even if it is the same specie... and don't worry yourself over that!! :hugs: You'll be fine, keep going and when the timing is right, again, one will fall right into your lap!

 

[AngelGoffin]

Everyone has said exactly the things I'm thinking. You'll know when the time is right. I actually got a budgie right after JJ died and it was mostly because I wanted Kino to have a buddy. I love my new guy - he's positively adorable but he hasn't replaced JJ in any way, he's just a new addition to my heart.

 

[Leza]

You'll know when it's time

The right bird will scream out to you "MOM!!". And you will know.

Just don't go into it thinking you will find your beloved again, no two birds are the same.

 

[Chicklette]

Aww, in your heart you know when the time will be right. When you have that feeling.

 

[Big.Green.Chicken]

Thank you everyone for all of your kind words and warm encouragement. I was really needing them. I checked out two rescues. One was really nasty to me because of what happened.

The other place was really nice. It was clean and they had a lot of fosters. I went to a meet and greet. It was so good to hold a bird again and sink my fingers into their warm feathers.

A goffin too came with his foster Dad. He flew right at my face, landed on my shoulder, and rubbed himself against my neck. When the gentleman came to take him back he tried to bite him. Since that was his foster parent I got a bit frightened by his behavior. When a few other volunteers came over he fluffed up, hissed and they had to towel him to get him off. Even at that his feet were gripping my hair tight and they had to pry him off. They wanted me to adopt him because "they let the birds pick the people". I guess he liked me? I fear I will not be going back as I do not want to adopt a Too. I did try to explain I just didn't feel I had time and experience enough for a Too. Even if he loves me, I don't think that is going to make it easy. I have read everyone's posts here about Toos and know they take more time then an average parrot. I must admit the thought of him attacking my husband or misplaced aggression ::he got pretty close to my eye with his beak a time or two:: was another factor. Ker and Maizy never acted like that, but Greywing does when I get close to him on Daddy. I can handle an aggressive tiel

I haven't seen any birds on Craigslist. There are not any breeders in business around here anymore because of the economy. I know the rescues are full, so that can be thought a good thing.

I don't even know what kind of "bird" I want. It isn't a species but an attitude that I miss. I like birds that are loving and have a spark of mischief and fun. I liked Kerbear's talking, even though it was embarassing sometimes. I can look back and laugh now, even while I cry.

I was thinking a Timneh, but after baby Kiyran died at the breeder before we got him, I am scared to try again with someone who ships.

Maybe I will just advertise birdsitting and visit other people's parrots while they are gone.

 

[Danita]

That is a nice idea Anna, to bird sit

Have you found any yahoo bird lists? Those are good.
Try petfinder, there are plenty of birds on there.

That was a good first step to visit the birds at a rescue

What about a mini macaw? They are mischievous

 

[sassie]

tuff - tuff thoughts!!! Sometimes I question if Im doing good enough for the ones i have. I think its my own "issues" in my brain though ....

but I think if you feel like your ready you are. Even asking the question would make me think yes you are! I know you miss your baby & you do deserve another. When it's someone or some"things" time to go to heaven thats just it. Nothing you could have done would have stopped that.
I wish you all the best, and I do hope you find someone to share the love you have for Kar with, you deserve it & so does the special parrot you choose

 

[Kathie]

Anna - it is so nice to see you back here!

I recently lost my Timneh, so I know what you mean when you say the silence is deafening.

I am not sure where you live. I know you mentioned a goffin. I am trying to find a home for someone who has a 1 year old goffin. She is in NJ.

No bird will ever replace Kerbear, but a new bird in your life may help to fill that void.

 

[Big.Green.Chicken]

I am not sure where you live. I know you mentioned a goffin. I am trying to find a home for someone who has a 1 year old goffin. She is in NJ.

Thank you for thinking of me Kathie. The goffin at the rescue made me realize that I just don't have the level of experience I think would be needed to have a Too.

I think a Too and a macaw are birds that I wouldn't feel comfortable owning. I would want the best home possible for them and I just worry I wouldn't be it. Quakers are out because they are illegal in CA and I take my parrot with me when I travel.

 

[Anne & Gang]

honey, you will know in your heart when the time is right...there will never be a replacement..but your heart is a big big place...and there is room for one in there..I just know it...please dont be such a stranger to us...we know you are hurting but we love you

 

[Nikki]

Anna, I'm so glad to see you back. I think of you and Kerbear often.