ShyEmbers
Strolling the yard
Three days ago Toshi left her earthly form…
That morning I knew it was going to be her last moments, I knew she was going…so I held her, kissed her and told her I loved her over and over. I told her if she had to she could leave before I got home, that it would be okay if that’s what she needed.
That evening when I returned home, she had gone.
It didn't hit me at first. I felt as if time stood still. Until it did hit me and I sobbed uncontrollably, inducing hyperventilation. Then it hit me. She was gone and I fell to pieces.
She was honestly so wild and kooky, bossy and so loud. She was infuriating at times but damn it I adored her. From the moment she lunged at me in the nest box, scrawny and covered in down, by the way she screamed at me ratting me out to her mom. I knew she was going to be a monster, but one I’d love and be maddened by how much I loved her.
By god did I love her, she was amazing. A surprise is so many ways.
She had this way of pining for attention only to surprise bite you...you couldn't predict whether she was going to be sweet or take a chunk of you, but I'd risk it thousands of times over because she was endearing, so worth any sneaky bite. I called her a rough lover that was all.
She was truly a monster. 40grams of over-sized personality and sass.
These last 3 months got hard for her...and even though this is how it all ended. She didn't get her miraculous recovery, she wasn't magically better I am still so proud of you Toshi girl.
My sweet, bossy girl you were feisty out until the end and I'll always love you.
It'll take time to find peace once again, I hope you are free now Toshi. Fly so high with your new wings.
18th October 2008~15th Febuary 2018
I never knew how difficult it would be to lose you...
Yesterday I bought a water bottle I didn’t even need because I bought it for Toshi because she’d borrowed one from another cage because her drinker didn’t have a flat bottom so couldn’t be on the floor…last night, I told her good night and went to cover a cage which lies empty. Yesterday, I thought “You must go give her, her meds.” which now sits unused.
I thought a lot of things…even though I can’t think at the same time.
How can that name not be attached to a physical being anymore, how can something hurt this much.
I feel like I am falling apart and it hurts so much I don’t want it to be true but it is...I'll miss her so much.
I still have to call the vet and tell him she's passed because they wanted her back to check her progress. I don't want to grey out her name in my signature...it's all just too much but I wanted to update you since you had been following her and routing for us.
I'm sorry it's not better news....I really am.
That morning I knew it was going to be her last moments, I knew she was going…so I held her, kissed her and told her I loved her over and over. I told her if she had to she could leave before I got home, that it would be okay if that’s what she needed.
That evening when I returned home, she had gone.
It didn't hit me at first. I felt as if time stood still. Until it did hit me and I sobbed uncontrollably, inducing hyperventilation. Then it hit me. She was gone and I fell to pieces.
She was honestly so wild and kooky, bossy and so loud. She was infuriating at times but damn it I adored her. From the moment she lunged at me in the nest box, scrawny and covered in down, by the way she screamed at me ratting me out to her mom. I knew she was going to be a monster, but one I’d love and be maddened by how much I loved her.
By god did I love her, she was amazing. A surprise is so many ways.
She had this way of pining for attention only to surprise bite you...you couldn't predict whether she was going to be sweet or take a chunk of you, but I'd risk it thousands of times over because she was endearing, so worth any sneaky bite. I called her a rough lover that was all.
She was truly a monster. 40grams of over-sized personality and sass.
These last 3 months got hard for her...and even though this is how it all ended. She didn't get her miraculous recovery, she wasn't magically better I am still so proud of you Toshi girl.
My sweet, bossy girl you were feisty out until the end and I'll always love you.
It'll take time to find peace once again, I hope you are free now Toshi. Fly so high with your new wings.
18th October 2008~15th Febuary 2018
I never knew how difficult it would be to lose you...
Yesterday I bought a water bottle I didn’t even need because I bought it for Toshi because she’d borrowed one from another cage because her drinker didn’t have a flat bottom so couldn’t be on the floor…last night, I told her good night and went to cover a cage which lies empty. Yesterday, I thought “You must go give her, her meds.” which now sits unused.
I thought a lot of things…even though I can’t think at the same time.
How can that name not be attached to a physical being anymore, how can something hurt this much.
I feel like I am falling apart and it hurts so much I don’t want it to be true but it is...I'll miss her so much.
I still have to call the vet and tell him she's passed because they wanted her back to check her progress. I don't want to grey out her name in my signature...it's all just too much but I wanted to update you since you had been following her and routing for us.
I'm sorry it's not better news....I really am.
They are so easy to love and so hard to lose. I’m so sorry. 
What a sassy, feisty girl! A big soul in such a tiny body.
