Anxiety and new pet bird

[Donna turner]

I agree with Metalstitcher and Mizzely about thinking about why you wanted a bird. It seems that some of the things that make her a bird distresses you. She sounds like such a little sweetie she deserves a happy life. My cheeky doesn't really make a lot of unwanted noise but when she does my reaction is love . I hope you can work thru your anxieties and love her warts and all. But if you give it some time and you are still upset by her chirps and don't have enough time for her the kindest thing would be to rehome her before you become resentful and she looses that sweet personality. I don't mean to be harsh because I'm rooting for you . Anxiety can rule your life and make good decisions so hard. Just try and Listen to your gut on this one .

 

[Robin8888]

Birds are great for people with anxiety. I think it is so sweet that she wants to be with you & give you kisses.
Sounds like the perfect match. Just give it time everything will be fine.
We are all here for you. Congrats on your new birdie. I am happy to hear you tried to do this again.
to the group

 

[Robin8888]

Thank you for a warm welcome. I need to check but think the temp overnight goes down to 60 F, its pretty cold when we get up in the morning but heats up fast. I have covered her cage with a blanket, no drafts near her.

She doesn't have a name yet in case we don't keep her, but got a few in mind.

My anxiety is less about the bird itself and more about how having a bird affects my family. I worry she could be too loud and what effect that has on children in the same house? If having a bird fly around during outside cage time could make children nervous of birds or stress them out? Will the bird feel like a huge responsibility for me? Will it demand too much of my time, taking time away from my children? Is the mess birds make from feathers, seeds and poop harmful to us breathing in the same air around it? will it scare my children when it sometimes flaps about in the cage or falls to the cage floor suddenly? Does having a pet make you less of a good parent because you have to focus on the pet now too?

I'm sure there's more but these are my concerns at this very moment. I'm trying to tell myself to ignore them and not be silly overly thinking stuff that probably seems ridiculous and way over dramatic

I have a 23 year old daughter with Autism (that needs 24/7 care) if anything the birds have been great for her. It is great to teach children about animals at a young age. Let them hold the bird & let the kids help feed the bird & help clean the cage. It will teach them responsibility. My daughter loves to help feed the birds & yes she may spill water taking the water dish to the sink to wash it but I just clean it up. It is much better to have her help then not let her because she may spill the water. I have 3 birds & a dog there is always feathers & dog hair LOL we are fine. LOL

 

[Doublete]

IMO it's not good to shelter children and allow your anxiety to carry over to them.
Their lives will not always be controllable. Hopefully they will not have the same anxiety as you growing up.

My cousin was scared of dogs growing up. His parents put him in therapy and helped him overcome it, knowing a child with that fear wouldnt survive in the real world. He is still afraid of butterflies, but Is able to laugh about it.

Best of luck. I have OCD and anxiety, but my pets help me.

 

[Just-passn-thru]

Everyone has answered all your concerns', it's up to you now how you want to handle it, . Try not to over think things , take a deep breath and step back from this . Maybe now is not the right time for you to take on a animal,. work on your coping skills first.

 

[aooratrix]

You are having some good moments. The question is, do they outweigh the issues you're having? I hope so. If you end up rehoming this bird, I would suggest you not seek out another feathered companion unless things change significantly.

 

[anne0102]

Thank you for the support

I've found keeping the night time dark cover over her cage for part of the morning keeps her really quiet until I take it off. So yesterday and today I didn't need to take her cage off to another room where she cold enjoy being loud calling to the wild birds outside which she can hear throughout the morning, without it bothering us. Now when I take the cover off and she is still loud, I'm better with it, maybe because I'm getting used to it, or because she's stayed quiet for part of the morning when we first get up and I'm happy to enjoy that peaceful time, so less bothered when the noise does start. Also by the time I take the cover off, it's later morning when the wild birds outside are much quieter which reflects in her being quieter than in early morning. I'm actually enjoying some of her noises now, you have to admit their tweeting is a positive sound, it's chirpy and joyful not a sad noise. And the quiet chattering noises later in the day actually make me feel calmer, it's a more peaceful sound I can imagine being in a rainforest or somewhere.

I need to ask is it bad to do that though? I feel a little mean keeping her in the dark for longer, will it affect her negatively?

She has become somewhat aggressive towards me, which I posted about in the budgie section and received good advice such as using a perch to get her to step up when she doesn't want to go back in the cage, then she might attack the perch but my fingers are safe. And cage aggressive too when I try to put a new toy in the cage, clean something or refill the food, even putting millet in she will go to attack my hand. Today I plan on not doing anything inside the cage until she is out of it. But it has made me feel a little nervous and anxious around her because I never know how she's going to react to me. One of my children went to stroke her under her chest yesterday and she bit him hard That makes me sad as they were getting used to her flapping around and flying, enjoying seeing her out the cage and now they too are unsure how friendly she's going to be. It's hard for them because a bird is not like a dog who you can stroke and really be hands on with in that way.

I've found out I was lied to about her age, she's actually around 8 plus months old not 3 months. Which makes me suspicious as to why her previous owner didn't keep her, maybe they also found her excessively loud for a budgie? or she was a moody bird who attacked them too?

I have made an ad to sell her in case I decide on that, it seems a shame now I'm getting better with her noises.

 

[alicat]

I understand your anxiety, every time I've ever brought a pet home I ended up getting massive anxiety about them. Wondering if I did the right thing, if they'll be happy, if I'll be happy.
My 6 year old autistic nephew loves my cockatiel. He always asks about him, and even though he was scared at first he loves to hold him. They're a good teacher for kids - be sure to respect others body language, helps teach responsibility, gets them used to loud noises etc.

I've always found budgie noises delightful, if you can't handle that you should hear a lovebird! The noises do get better with time, and I've found myself whistling to other animals like I would my bird. I understand, it put me on edge for probably the first month. There were times I wanted to rip my hair out, but those moments are few and far between now. Just like any living thing, you will have your ups and your downs - things you like and dislike.

As for your child getting bit.. it happens. It could happen with any animal. Turn it into a lesson for them, not something to fear. How you react is whats really important... its not a big deal. It was probably nothing more than a pinch, you freaking out over it is honestly probably worse for your kids than the bite itself. Kids fall, they hurt themselves, others will hurt them-thats life. Cage territial is another good lesson for your kids-You wouldn't like people busting into your room unannounced either. Personal space.

I think you're like me and over thinking and panicking, just breathe.

As for him/her being a "moody bird"... Birds are the equivalent of a toddlers attitude. Sometimes sweet, sometimes there's tantrums. They have personalities! They're not fish. (Not saying that fish don't!) You get what you put in. Put in lots of love and patience and you get it back. If you're constantly high strung, freaking out, covering her cage, moving her away when she's loud... what you'll get is an unstable relationship. If youre constantly nervous around any living thing, they'll pick that up hink of him less as a thing, more as a family member or child.

 

[Loviebirds<3]

Although sometimes it can be difficult to look after a bird, dont give up because i think that she will make a massive difference in your life lowering your stress levels and also will teach your kids responsibility. Also, birds DO NOT like being petted on the chest and ESSPECIALLY if they are a new bird and you havent earned their trust so it isnt your birds fault or your childrens fault cause they didnt know. NO it will not affect her if she is kept in the dark for longer, she will get more sleep though . Try to be calm around her and when you go to pick her up just think of all the good memories you have made with her and how many more you can make with your new wonderful pet. I got my lovebird only 3 months ago i wouldnt even think about giving her away at any costs and i used to get stressed easily about things but having her in my life has made me want to get up every morning and get the day over and done with so i can spend as much time with her as possible. Even though some days i dont spend as much time with her, nothing will go wrong because she will just want to have playtime with me and thats all she would care about so dont even worry about spending time away from her because your bird isnt going to care as long as in the end you give her the attention that you would look forward to giving her everyday

 

[Robin8888]

@annie0102
I agree with what others have said.
Don't pet bird on it's chest. They usually like the back of their neck scratched.
I don't know the noise level of a budgie but it is no where close to a conure.
I will say even with the loud noisy conure I would take that over a parakeet.
Maybe you would be better with a bird that is more known for being a social bird or less noisy.
Pionus are bigger birds but pretty gentle & not as noisy. or maybe a cockatiel I think they are quieter than a budgie IMO.
Also you have to remember birds don't have hands to grab on to things they use their beaks so yes at time you can get bite.
But sometimes they don't mean to do it they are just trying to hold on.

I am really glad you are still trying.
Glad your children like the bird. Maybe watch some videos on youtube about budgies.

 

[camelotshadow]

Less than 2 weeks is not long at all & a new bird needs time & patience.

You should not be allowing the children to touch the bird at this time. Its too soon.
Its still getting used to a new home & new people. Seems like its is either moved every morning to lessen its budgie sounds (which are amongst the quietest of all birds FYI Cockatiels are much louder than budgies) or it is being covered for part of the morning. I understand you have an anxiety problem & this noise bothers you & you think the bird is making the children feel uncomfortable in the home but you do have to be fair to the bird.

Moving everyday is probably not as bad as leaving it in darkness for part of the morning while it knows everyone is up & does not know why it is not able to join in. She can still hear the family even if its dark & it probably is causing her alot of frustration.

You have to be comfortable & establish a safe bond of trust with the bird before the children start handling it. You have been over protective which is not good but then you allow them to get bit which is teaching the bird bad behavior & is not good to for the child. They should know birds can bite & at one time they could get bit but right now since the bird is still so new its best to avoid having the children pet/touch the bird. I'd say offering a sprig of millet from a safe distance it the best things the kids can do to interact with the bird for now.

The bird sounded sweet. It was giving you kisses when you first got it. They do sometimes get bolder as they get more used to a new home & are not so scared. This is a crucial time to not push her to where she feels uncomfortable enough to bite. Now is the time to avoid bites at all cost as if they learn that it helps them deal with stress or get what they want they will use it again.

Many birds are cage aggressive & don;t like hands in the cage touching there things. Just the way it is & its best to respect there wishes.
Feeder doors can help change food & water & cleaning cage when she is in back or out not to stress her. Worry but its part of the reality of bird care. Many of us have to learn to let the bird come out on there own & try to get it back as safely as possible. A perch or putting a liked treat inside for it.

All contact now should be initiated when the bird feels comfortable. Don;t push yourself or the children on the bird. She is showing resistance & is probably still uncomfortable in her surroundings but not as scared as she was 11 days ago so is more secure in telling you when she has had enough. Trust for a bird can take a long time & it has to be earned. There are no short cuts.

Tweets of a budgie can be sweet when they are happy but they can have tweets of frustration or want. Birds have feeling & emotions too.
Not all of them deal with things in the same way just as people.

Having a bird can be a positive experience & is sometimes frustrating as many bird paronts will agree.

Its hard dealing with high anxiety & you might think about a checking out a group where you can talk about it or get professional help & perhaps medication to take the edge off.

I'm glad you are trying & it does seem your stress level has gone down.

If you really want a bird then do try but birds are not for everyone. They are not the sort of predictable pets that you can play with.
You might be better with a dog. They are more reliable in training & kids can play with them. They can't play with a bird in the same way & a bird is more of a wild creature & you have to respect that they may not like to be touched.

They still are living creatures who's presence can bring joy to the day but you would need to get past the chattering of budgie. Girl budgies can be quieter than males but it can vary. I had a female english budgie & she was very quiet. She was not tame & about 6 mo when I got her. She learned to trust the hand that brought the millet. Soon she would step up but did not want to stay long like that. She wanted to go play.
They are not lap pets. Yours seems to be people oriented & gave you kisses so she has alot of good possibility of being a bird who will seek you out & want to be with you & the children but it needs to be on her terms & in her time. Just the way it is.

You have to decide if this is going to work for the long term as its not fair to have the bird get used to the home & the children get attached to the bird & then have to give her up. Children do need to learn to care for other things & patience & that there will be times they are stressed & to learn how to deal with it. Alot of this they learn by watching how you deal with things. They will most likely follow your actions & learn to deal with life just as you do. You already have the ad ready to sell her. Does that make you feel less stressful? You have to be ready to deal with these issues as they can come with any bird. Even a 3 months old budgie can be a handful. 8 months is not too old.
There are no perfect birds & with time some issues can be lessened or even resolved but it does take commitment & is often not easy.

From everything you have said I really don;t think a bird is for you but only you can make that decision.
They can't be some magic pill to help you deal with anxiety but you can get help if you so desire.
I would recommend you thinking about seeking professional help. I have had anxiety issues too. I can't say that medication will cure you but for most people it can certainly help. Do this for yourself & especially your children. Helping yourself will help them immensely.

Right now this bird could be a benefit if you look at it with the right perspective & accept if for what it is & can deal with it.

Good luck with your sweet budgie.

 

[anne0102]

@alicat I heard a lovebird in the pet store recently and oh my goodness, very surprising loud call sound they have. They were the loudest birds in there among much larger parrots but I'm sure those have their loud moments too. Note to self never get a lovebird, very pretty though.

I have stopped trying to pet her on the chest, she steps up when I put my finger there now. It would be nice to pet her more but I understand birds are not really that type of a pet. When she snuggles into my hand I get to stroke her on the back of her neck and on her cheeks which she seems to enjoy.

Moving everyday is probably not as bad as leaving it in darkness for part of the morning while it knows everyone is up & does not know why it is not able to join in. She can still hear the family even if its dark & it probably is causing her alot of frustration.

It seems the problem was by keeping her cage covered in the mornings for a while after we had got up, meaning she could hear us but not see us, which was keeping her quiet, was probably causing her a lot of frustration. That's my theory as since I've not been doing that anymore, she's not had anymore major angry morning episodes. And to be honest the morning tweeting although it's very loud and lasts several hours where she seems to be communicating with wild birds who are also loud at this time, it's a relief to hear that noise instead of the angry squawking she started doing

So far we are keeping her, the good things are outweighing the bad. Now I have some anxiety about keeping her and my children having to deal with the trauma of losing a pet when she gets old or sick and dies, which is the main down side of owning any pet, for the adults and children. But if I wanted to rehome her, I'm worried they will have to deal with missing her then too, because they are getting a little attached now and the longer we have her the more attached they will be. Dealing with loss is a part of life, but this is being forced on them as children through my decision to get a pet bird so I feel guilty about that. Trying to focus on the positives of having her, but they are more positives for me, not for the children.

 

[expressmailtome]

Welcome, and enjoy the site!

 

[Tiel Feathers]

It sounds like things are working out nicely! It's okay to have positives that are just for you. My kids used to be much more into the birds than they are now, just because they are getting older and are busy, etc. As far as upsetting them when the bird passes away, well, they are going to have that happen in their life no matter what. I wouldn't call it forced on them by getting a pet bird. I would think of it more as an opportunity for them to celebrate and care for this special little creature.

 

[fluffypoptarts]

@anne0102 As noise levels go in the bird world, lovebirds aren't all that loud, though they can be louder in a noisy store. But if the sharper moments of your little budgie's personality are intimidating or distressing to you, you'd be completely blown out of the water by the brassy attitude of a lovebird! Definitely not a bird for you personality-wise.

Your budgie actually sounds quite calm and tame. I hope things work out.

 

[Kweb719]

Hi, I have an anxiety condition but have wanted a pet bird for a long time. My anxiety makes me worry irrationally about things most people barely give a thought to, so I understand it seems a bit crazy. I'm joining this forum to hopefully find support as I bought a baby budgie today and am trying hard not to freak out and hope I don't end up giving her away.

I tried last year but returned the bird within 24 hours because I just felt completely panicked and overwhelmed by it. I know that must seem odd, but anxiety is often irrational.

I hope no one judges me for trying again by getting a budgie a second time. I tried to forget about it but still really wanted one after returning the last one and waited for after Christmas when it's a less stressful time. I thought it's worth having one more try and if I fail this time, I'm never getting another pet again

I got a female hand raised baby, recessive pied mutation I think, mostly yellow and green. She is 3 months old and sleeping in the cage right now. I've fed her some seed from my hand as she hasn't found the food bowl yet and also had her out already on my hand and shoulder because she's so friendly and wanted to come out. She kept giving me kisses, such a sweet little thing. Not too loud, she's chirped a little quietly and had a few angry sounding chirps which were louder, but I think it was because she got hungry and couldn't find the food.

I have felt my anxiety rising a few times and still am, but seem to be controlling it staying calm, so far...Everyone in the family knows what I'm like, so we said let's see how I feel tomorrow and in the next few days before saying we can keep her for sure. Right now I really don't know. Feeling much better than I did last year when I tried though, so that's a good start at least. I'm just trying to keep things normal.

One question so far, as it's winter time and we turn the heaters off overnight, will the bird be okay or get too cold?

Hi, I have an anxiety condition but have wanted a pet bird for a long time. My anxiety makes me worry irrationally about things most people barely give a thought to, so I understand it seems a bit crazy. I'm joining this forum to hopefully find support as I bought a baby budgie today and am trying hard not to freak out and hope I don't end up giving her away.

I tried last year but returned the bird within 24 hours because I just felt completely panicked and overwhelmed by it. I know that must seem odd, but anxiety is often irrational.

I hope no one judges me for trying again by getting a budgie a second time. I tried to forget about it but still really wanted one after returning the last one and waited for after Christmas when it's a less stressful time. I thought it's worth having one more try and if I fail this time, I'm never getting another pet again

I got a female hand raised baby, recessive pied mutation I think, mostly yellow and green. She is 3 months old and sleeping in the cage right now. I've fed her some seed from my hand as she hasn't found the food bowl yet and also had her out already on my hand and shoulder because she's so friendly and wanted to come out. She kept giving me kisses, such a sweet little thing. Not too loud, she's chirped a little quietly and had a few angry sounding chirps which were louder, but I think it was because she got hungry and couldn't find the food.

I have felt my anxiety rising a few times and still am, but seem to be controlling it staying calm, so far...Everyone in the family knows what I'm like, so we said let's see how I feel tomorrow and in the next few days before saying we can keep her for sure. Right now I really don't know. Feeling much better than I did last year when I tried though, so that's a good start at least. I'm just trying to keep things normal.

One question so far, as it's winter time and we turn the heaters off overnight, will the bird be okay or get too cold?

How did it end up going? I’m going through the exact same thing and was curious how it ended up for you?

 

[macawpower58]

Hi Kevin and welcome to AA!

This poster hasn't been back since 2017.
But, we have many on this forum who have similar problems and could be a wonderful support system for you.
You might want to start a new thread though and introduce yourself.
A thread by you will have better results than just adding on to this older one.