• Welcome to Avian Avenue! To view our forum with less advertisments please register with us.
    Memberships are free and it will just take a moment. Click here

my conure likes my boyfriend more then me

itsolivia.

Moving in
Joined
4/12/20
Messages
5
Real Name
olivia
I recently adopted a conure about a week ago. I used to own one as a kid and he was my best friend! i’ve always loved conures and I went and got this adorable 3 year old turquoise cinnamon conure conure.

i’ve run into a problem though.. my conure likes my boyfriend more then me. I do everything for him, and i’m with him all the time but he still picked my boyfriend over me. Hes always flying over to my boyfriend and cuddling with him when he’s over. i don’t know what to do. honestly i’m just sad, i was so excited to have a conure again and have a new little bestfriend but he decided to like my boyfriend. what do i do?
 

Shezbug

ASK ME FOR PICTURES OF MY MACAW!
Super Moderator
Avenue Veteran
Celebirdy of the Month
Mayor of the Avenue
Avenue Spotlight Award
TAILGATING
Cutest Bird Ever!!!
Joined
4/28/18
Messages
26,001
Location
Vic, Australia
Real Name
Shez
This happens unfortunately, birds choose who they like best and often it’s not who they’re meant to like best.
You can make sure you’re the only one giving your bird all it’s favourite things, this may help but no guarantee. @Monica might be able to give you some better ideas than I can come up with.
The other thing is that if your bird is still a baby it may very well change who it’s favourite person is once maturity hits. So you may still be in luck.
 

Monica

Cruising the avenue
Avenue Veteran
Celebirdy of the Month
Mayor of the Avenue
Avenue Spotlight Award
Joined
5/18/10
Messages
11,263
Location
Hell, NV
Real Name
Monica
@Shezbug is correct.

Your conure may always prefer your boyfriend over you. Or, someday, your conure may prefer you over your boyfriend. There's really no guessing with birds!

That said, it doesn't mean that both of you can't have a "relationship" with him! It may not be the same, your boyfriend may be able to do more with him than you can. Training and creating a healthy bond would be better for him anyway than an unhealthy bond. I would highly recommend some clicker training! :)
 

itsolivia.

Moving in
Joined
4/12/20
Messages
5
Real Name
olivia
@Monica ill try that, i’ll look on amazon for a clicker. i just really want him to like me.. it makes me sad seeing him bonding with my boyfriend and ignoring me. might sound a little selfish but he is my bird and i didn’t think he would end up liking my boyfriend who barley doesn’t anything for him compared to me. i wake up every morning, bring him upstairs cut him up his bowl of fruits and veggies, give him a bath, clean his cage, then sit with him and play. But right when my boyfriend comes over he no longer cares about me and jumps to him :(
 
Last edited:

Zara

♥❀Livin´ in Lovebird Land❀☼
Super Moderator
Avenue Veteran
Celebirdy of the Month
Mayor of the Avenue
Avenue Spotlight Award
Avenue Concierge
TAILGATING
Cutest Bird Ever!!!
Joined
1/8/18
Messages
31,541
Location
Reino de España
Welcome to the Avenue Olivia :starshower1:

One of my birds has a real sweet spot for my boyfriend. There is no logic to it, I do everything for her and he does the minimum, he will greet them all every now and then and he feeds them when I go away once per year. With me she is a bundle of bites, but for him she´s an angel.

If you don´t live with your boyfriend then make the most of the time he´s not around to spend time bonding and playing with your bird, when you boyfriend comes over, he´s a novelty so let your bird enjoy interacting with someone else for a little while :)
 

Monica

Cruising the avenue
Avenue Veteran
Celebirdy of the Month
Mayor of the Avenue
Avenue Spotlight Award
Joined
5/18/10
Messages
11,263
Location
Hell, NV
Real Name
Monica
Sometimes we really can't predict birds.

It's possible that the breeder of your conure was male, so he's simply more drawn to men. Maybe it could be a different reason altogether.


I had a red throated conure that warmed up to me rather quickly, but not as quickly as she had warmed up to an older gal. Her breeder could have been older and she did go into a home where she was the grandmother's 'bird', so it makes sense she's drawn to those people instead. When it was just us she was fine though.
 

JLcribber

@cockatoojohn
Avenue Veteran
Celebirdy of the Month
Mayor of the Avenue
Avenue Spotlight Award
Shutterbugs' Best
Avenue Concierge
Joined
10/16/09
Messages
22,621
Location
Alberta, Canada
Real Name
John

Colibri

Meeting neighbors
Joined
4/13/20
Messages
64
Location
Illinois
Real Name
Mel
Olivia,

I don't have advice, but I feel your pain. My husband and I have two green cheek conures (a bonded but non-breeding pair). I feed them and clean their cage and do most of the work to care for them, and they are mostly civil towards me, but their love is for my husband. It is sad when you pick out a pet bird and then that bird chooses someone else as "their person". There is hope though. I had a lovebird for several years that changed her loyalties several times between me and my husband. I don't know if it is hormones that triggered it or what. They sure have minds of their own. :unsure1:
 

aooratrix

Macawaholic
Super Moderator
Avenue Veteran
Mayor of the Avenue
Avenue Spotlight Award
Joined
4/6/13
Messages
6,050
Real Name
Matthew
Others have hit the nail on the head. Birds experience crushes throughout their lives and the relationships they're in change as they change. Your bird is young yet. There will be changes. Can't say what kind, but they will occur for certain.

What is your conure like when it's just the 2 of you? What is your relationship like then? If it's good, you can enjoy that and enjoy your bird's relationship with your BF vicariously. Also, you might take comfort from the notion that birds are deal breakers for many relationships because they won't accept the significant other.
 

itsolivia.

Moving in
Joined
4/12/20
Messages
5
Real Name
olivia
Others have hit the nail on the head. Birds experience crushes throughout their lives and the relationships they're in change as they change. Your bird is young yet. There will be changes. Can't say what kind, but they will occur for certain.

What is your conure like when it's just the 2 of you? What is your relationship like then? If it's good, you can enjoy that and enjoy your bird's relationship with your BF vicariously. Also, you might take comfort from the notion that birds are deal breakers for many relationships because they won't accept the significant other.
When it’s just me and him it’s fine, he often refuses to step up for me but that about it. he’ll let me pet him, he’ll sit with me and overall there’s no problems. when my boyfriends around he seems to ignore me and continue to bob his head up and down till my boyfriends gets him from me. he just seems to like my boyfriend way more, he’ll pick at his hair and rub against his face, and often listens to him more then me.
 

itsolivia.

Moving in
Joined
4/12/20
Messages
5
Real Name
olivia
Olivia,

I don't have advice, but I feel your pain. My husband and I have two green cheek conures (a bonded but non-breeding pair). I feed them and clean their cage and do most of the work to care for them, and they are mostly civil towards me, but their love is for my husband. It is sad when you pick out a pet bird and then that bird chooses someone else as "their person". There is hope though. I had a lovebird for several years that changed her loyalties several times between me and my husband. I don't know if it is hormones that triggered it or what. They sure have minds of their own. :unsure1:
it sucks! you understand, you get a parrot hoping for him/her to be your friend for life and they decided to pick someone else :(.

it’s kinda my fault my bird isn’t as bonded with me. when I first brought him home he was already liking me, but i allowed my boyfriend to play with him a lot. since he’s here often due to the corona outbreak and nothing else to do then quarantine together. i completely forget that the first week to a month of getting a parrot is important bonding time and i shouldn’t of allowed him to be with the bird as much as he was because now i’m in this situation :(
 

JLcribber

@cockatoojohn
Avenue Veteran
Celebirdy of the Month
Mayor of the Avenue
Avenue Spotlight Award
Shutterbugs' Best
Avenue Concierge
Joined
10/16/09
Messages
22,621
Location
Alberta, Canada
Real Name
John
it sucks! you understand, you get a parrot hoping for him/her to be your friend for life and they decided to pick someone else :(.

it’s kinda my fault my bird isn’t as bonded with me. when I first brought him home he was already liking me, but i allowed my boyfriend to play with him a lot. since he’s here often due to the corona outbreak and nothing else to do then quarantine together. i completely forget that the first week to a month of getting a parrot is important bonding time and i shouldn’t of allowed him to be with the bird as much as he was because now i’m in this situation :(
That is not true. They choose who they like and who they don’t like. It’s got nothing to do with the first month.

The article I posted explains things pretty well.
 

Colibri

Meeting neighbors
Joined
4/13/20
Messages
64
Location
Illinois
Real Name
Mel
it sucks! you understand, you get a parrot hoping for him/her to be your friend for life and they decided to pick someone else :(.

it’s kinda my fault my bird isn’t as bonded with me. when I first brought him home he was already liking me, but i allowed my boyfriend to play with him a lot. since he’s here often due to the corona outbreak and nothing else to do then quarantine together. i completely forget that the first week to a month of getting a parrot is important bonding time and i shouldn’t of allowed him to be with the bird as much as he was because now i’m in this situation :(
It's not your fault at all! Definitely don't blame yourself! Sometimes for whatever reason, birds prefer men over women or vice versa. If your conure is like that, he probably would have chosen to bond with your boyfriend regardless of when he met and interacted with him. But your relationship with your bird will very likely change throughout your time together. I once had a lovebird named Boo Boo. She would switch between liking me or my husband more every couple weeks. You didn't do anything wrong. Just continue to be gentle and loving and patient with your bird. Best of luck!
 

Begone

Joyriding the Neighborhood
Avenue Veteran
Celebirdy of the Month
Avenue Spotlight Award
Shutterbugs' Best
Joined
11/29/12
Messages
15,651
i completely forget that the first week to a month of getting a parrot is important bonding time and i shouldn’t of allowed him to be with the bird as much as he was because now i’m in this situation :(
Who told you that? because that is not true.

Their is nothing you can do to make them thoose.
When they are babies they are having a strong bond to their parents.
When they grow up they choose a mate for life.
It can be the same person, or not.
 

Begone

Joyriding the Neighborhood
Avenue Veteran
Celebirdy of the Month
Avenue Spotlight Award
Shutterbugs' Best
Joined
11/29/12
Messages
15,651
i just really want him to like me.
But he does. He will always like you and you will be part of his flock.
it sucks! you understand, you get a parrot hoping for him/her to be your friend for life and they decided to pick someone else :(.
I'm sorry but I don't get this.
You didn't completely get him just for you? You also want to give him a good life?
If so, be happy for him, :) what if he hated to live with you?
And what if he hated your bf?
So much so he did attack you, for interacting with him.
Or that he did attack your bf and being so aggressive to him that he has to be caged every time your bf was their. And did scream until he was gone.

That do happen pretty often, so be glad for what you have.
I will also suggest you to be as calm as possible and don't demand anything of him.
You had him a week, he has not settled in yet.
Wait 6 month and come back with your question.
It can be that he chose your bf because he is not trusting you yet.
And your bf don't demand anything of him.
 

Tazlima

Jogging around the block
Avenue Veteran
Joined
3/7/19
Messages
624
I know it's hard not to be jealous, but bird relationships are as varied and complex as human ones, and that's a good thing. Think of your boyfriend as part of the bird's family. A child may have different relationships with Mom, Dad, siblings, niblings, aunts and uncles, grandparents, etc., but different is a good thing! Think about the people you love yourself, and how you spent time differently with each of them.

I have three birds, and each one has a completely different relationship with me vs. my boyfriend, even down to using entirely different vocabularies depending on who they're with. One loves me best, one loves him best, and the third treats us fairly equally (she definitely prefers my scritch technique, but he's far more liberal with the treats). I'm a bit jealous of the one that loves him best, and I know he feels the same about the one that loves me best, but mostly, we're just really happy they get along well with both of us, and their lives are that much richer for having both of us around. I'm also proud and jappy when I see him playing with the birds, because he never had a bird before and it took him a while to realize how amazing they truly are. I had to shepherd him through the relationship at first (he truly thought I'd lost my mind when we got bird no. 1 and I took it into the shower with me, and there was some biting to work through in the beginning). Now he dotes on them.
 

222katie

Meeting neighbors
Joined
3/11/20
Messages
40
Location
Montana
Real Name
Katie Yoder
I recently adopted a conure about a week ago. I used to own one as a kid and he was my best friend! i’ve always loved conures and I went and got this adorable 3 year old turquoise cinnamon conure conure.

i’ve run into a problem though.. my conure likes my boyfriend more then me. I do everything for him, and i’m with him all the time but he still picked my boyfriend over me. Hes always flying over to my boyfriend and cuddling with him when he’s over. i don’t know what to do. honestly i’m just sad, i was so excited to have a conure again and have a new little bestfriend but he decided to like my boyfriend. what do i do?
I’m in the same boat. I just got a brown throated conure a couple of weeks ago and even though I’m the one who does all of the training, feeding, cleaning, and spends the most time with him my bird doesn’t get half as excited to see me as he does to see my boyfriend. When I leave the room he doesn’t care but when my boyfriend leaves he starts screaming and panicking, and when he greets me it’s never with half the enthusiasm that he shows my boyfriend. And it sucks cause we live together so I don’t get as much time alone with the bird. Doesn’t help that I am the one doing all of the scary things like taking the bird to the vet for the health checkup and the new and unusual training.
 

velocity

Checking out the neighborhood
Joined
2/19/24
Messages
1
Real Name
Amanda
I recently adopted a conure about a week ago. I used to own one as a kid and he was my best friend! i’ve always loved conures and I went and got this adorable 3 year old turquoise cinnamon conure conure.

i’ve run into a problem though.. my conure likes my boyfriend more then me. I do everything for him, and i’m with him all the time but he still picked my boyfriend over me. Hes always flying over to my boyfriend and cuddling with him when he’s over. i don’t know what to do. honestly i’m just sad, i was so excited to have a conure again and have a new little bestfriend but he decided to like my boyfriend. what do i do?
I can confirm what most people have said here. Years ago I had 2 conures a male and a female I loved them very much. I have a sulfer crested cockatoo now. The conure males I refer to as pittbulls. A friend I made 15 months ago has a daughter with a Conure he is serial bitter and I had to go through months of bites. He opened me up a couple of times but I soldiered on and eventually got his trust. I hadn't seen them for a while and i thought i would have to start again with him but no he couldn't wait to come over and say hi. It turns out he missed me as much as I missed him and its like old times but even better. He hates the girls mother and she just wants his love, but I did say to her not to force him to do anything if he doesn't want to do engage you. Best to leave him because he can make up his own mind who he wants to spend time with. According to my friend when I went away he took it out on his owner and gave her a hard time for a month or so. Him and I are in love but I won't tell my cockatoo any of this. Her and I have gotten closer now she wants to sleep on my pillow with her head touching my face. I have had her for 16 years and she never wanted to do that before where as conures love to snuggle up rather then sleep on their perch as you would know
 

Nowthats3

Meeting neighbors
Joined
2/9/24
Messages
43
I recently adopted a conure about a week ago. I used to own one as a kid and he was my best friend! i’ve always loved conures and I went and got this adorable 3 year old turquoise cinnamon conure conure.

i’ve run into a problem though.. my conure likes my boyfriend more then me. I do everything for him, and i’m with him all the time but he still picked my boyfriend over me. Hes always flying over to my boyfriend and cuddling with him when he’s over. i don’t know what to do. honestly i’m just sad, i was so excited to have a conure again and have a new little bestfriend but he decided to like my boyfriend. what do i do?
Nothing you can do. Both my conures love my husband way more. I do all the care for them, but theu adore him.
 
Top