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My bird got killed yesterday, need moral support

panurg

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Hello everyone.

I am writing on a very sad topic. I had two green cheek conure girls, and one of them got killed yesterday, in a way I still can’t comprehend, and what’s most devastating, with my help.

My younger one was a very mischievous, a little bit over 2 years old bird, Pineapple green cheek. She was sweet, funny, and adorable, and it’s hard for me to cope with her death.

I want to tell this very sad story of how it happened, because I wanted to hear your ideas of what happened. I have my own theory, but I think it’s always good to hear other’s opinions and stories.

Before I post the story, I want to pretty much beg you to not blame me. The birds are loved to pieces, getting a ton out of cage time, fully flighted, good diet, very spoiled and always thought of, and What happened, is beyond my comprehension, I don’t know what Else I could have done to avoid this, or how it could have happened on the first place. I’m devastated and broken, and I can’t take a blame or harsh criticism right now, neither do I think I deserve it.

So here is the story of what happened.
I had a very very busy day yesterday, running around And thinking what else I had to do this day. I just finished my online teaching and was starving. My bearded dragon just had its light going out that day, so I tried to keep him in the natural sun instead (I‘M in Ct).i thought I’d bring him to the porch for some sun, so I opened the exit door in my living room to get there. The door opens inside the living room. I brought my beardie out, Left him there (the porch is enclosed, but only has a storm door there), then I went inside, closed the door back, so the birds wouldn’t get out (my older bird was on me at the time), and went to the kitchen to make myself dinner (when I’m starving, I can mostly just think about food). A couple of minutes later I realized that my younger bird wasn’t making any sounds or flying to me, which usually means that she is up to no good. So I went back to the living room, starting looking for her, and realized to my horror, that she is hanging head stuck between the door to the porch and it’s frame, and her body hanging off her neck. For a split second my mind wouldn’t believe that she was dead, so I rushed to open the door to let her out, and she fell down. Dead. I still cannot fully understand how her head could have gotten stuck between the door and the frame above it, there was next to no space for it to fit in between. I didn’t feel anything wrong when I was closing that door, neither did I hear a peep or saw her, it didn’t even really come to my mind that she was dead, until she dropped on the floor.

i am usually very aware of where my birds are, when they are out of the cage, I’m always afraid to hurt their feet when I close the doors, so I check on them when I do, and I tried to avoid all possible dangers for them that I knew of. I could not have predicted that this would happen, neither can I understand how could have her head got stuck between the door and the frame above it, with very little space for it to do so. Her whole body was hanging off her neck, with the head completely inside between the door and the frame.

I‘m left with my older bird, who is without a companion now.

I‘m now asking myself:

first, should I even keep the birds at all, if this happened? I thought I was doing everything right, and my avian vet specialist was happy with my care. I can’t, just can’t figure out what I’ve done wrong in this case. I suspect that the silly bird was hanging down the door frame trim, which she loved doing, from the inside of the living room, so I simply didn’t see her, and when I closed the door, her beak and the rest of her head got pulled into that damn space.

Second, if I do keep my older bird (which would probably break my heart to give her away), should I find her companion ASAP?

Third, should I show my older bird The body of the deceased one to try helping her realize that she is gone. They liked each other and were fine in one big cage, but I don’t think they were too closely bonded, right now she seems fine.

I’m now also freaked out about my older bird, what is she gets hurt? I’m afraid to get paranoid about that.

Also, I’d love to hear the stories of people who went through the same ordeal, and how they coped with it, and also if anyone had the same awful accident and can tell me, how it could have even happen at all?

Thank you all in advance, and again, please don’t blame me, I love these birds absolutely to pieces and would do almost anything to bring the dead one back, also I desperately want to prevent anything happening to the other one (also, should I clip her wings now?)
 

Gokha

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I’m very sorry for your loss :sadhug2:

I’m not sure as to how it could’ve happened, but as a little suggestion to keep your other bird safe: maybe you could keep the bird inside the cage until the time you can be in the same room with him/her?
Let’s say you’re hungry and going to the kitchen, keep her inside the cage or take her with you on your shoulder, just don’t leave it unsupervised. Now I have a third bird, who’s quarantined, so when I go to spend time with her, I make sure for my other two birds to either be left with the husband in the room or I put them back in the cages for their own safety.

I think not leaving the birds unsupervised is the best thing to do to keep them safe.

About a new companion: try observing your bird and see whether you notice behavior changes. If you think the bird is somehow depressed, then consider getting a friend for him/her
 

Khizz

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Awwww I am so sorry for your loss. Accidents happen, even to the best of us. Its easier said than done, but don't beat yourself up over it. From my understanding, you didn't do anything 'wrong', it was a complete, tragic accident.

Before you make any decisions about future birds, maybe take a few days to see how things go and to grieve. I'm not sure about showing the body, I have heard of some members here doing it but for the life of me I can't remember who.

Again, I'm just so sorry. I hope you are doing OK. No judgement or criticism here. :hug8:
 

Shezbug

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I am sorry to hear of your loss :sorrow:

Accidents happen and I am certain you need your other bird as much as it needs you. I doubt very much anything like this will happen to you again given how much this incident has obviously affected you. Giving your existing bird a new home wont change what happened nor will it ensure she never has any accidents I think she is best to stay with you if that is still an option.

I made a terrible stupid mistake once cleaning my multi level mouse cage. I was one accident I will never forget as I could not believe I had squashed my mouse with my hands and not actually felt it. I did not find for about two hours after I had squished it which made me feel even worse about it. Many years later and I no longer beat myself up about it- I am very sad it happened but I now realize there is no point causing my self to hate or mistrust my own behaviour over something I did not do on purpose..... I certainly learned to do things very differently when cleaning their cage after that incident and I now see it as what it was- just one very unfortunate tragic set of circumstances that led to one freaky accident that I doubt I could ever recreate. I bet you are already doing things differently and with much more thought.

Give yourself a break and allow yourself to feel the grief that comes with an honest accident. You and your bird had a tragic unfortunate accident- nothing for you to continue to punish yourself about, the loss of your baby is punishment enough.

Sending you warm hugs :hug8:
 

Sylvi_

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My heart totally stopped. I’m so unbelievably sorry this traumatic event happened.

Accidents are what they are. We can do all we can to prevent them but there’s always that freak chance. Please be kind to yourself during the grieving process, you are deserving of forgiving yourself.

When an animal passes away the first thought is always going to be “What could I of done differently?.” But hindsight is 20/20 and we can't predict the future. You brought amazing care to your birds and this was a totally separate event you couldn’t of predicted. You shouldn’t rehome your other Conure, you need eachother more than ever right now.

I’m sending all my love, just cherish the good memories you had with her and take your own time. Grief for our dear ones in many ways never truly goes away but it gets easier to manage over time.:sadhug2:
 

RainbowFlo

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I'm so sorry for your loss :sorrow:. No one is going to blame you. Accidents happen to all of us, don't beat yourself up. She had a happy life with you. I also don't think you should rehome your other bird-you'll be surprised how much you'll need each other. Cherish the memories you've had together. About getting another bird, wait to see how she deals with it- if she seems lonely then it's in the cards. Sending prayers and hugs :sadhug2:

~Estella :hug8:
 

panurg

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Thank you so very much for your support and advice, everyone. I’m wiping my tears now, can’t fall asleep or stop thinking about her, but this helps so much.

in response to the advice on supervising the birds, I almost wish it was the case. I wasn’t just there, I actually closed the door, the move that killed her, although I still don’t understand, how. I wish I broke her feet, oh, I wish so much! The ER vet is nearby, they would have taken care of her, she would be in pain, but alive, and would be fine eventually. I don’t understand how a birds head can get stuck in a small space between the door and the frame above, just don’t. i most of the times either check if they are on top of the door, or just am aware where they are in the room, which was the case this time. I think she was in the room, on the damn trim hanging down and munching it, which she almost never did to that particular trim, and even if i knew she was there doing it, it wouldn’t have appeared in my craziest thoughts that her head could be pulled in by closing that door, like it did, I think. I can’t imagine how she would have gotten killed the way she did, if she was perching on top of that door watching me, which again she never did on that door, she’d land on the curtain rod and look through the glass part of it instead, always. I’m thinking of doing necropsy on her body, if it isn’t too expensive, to try getting a definite answer about what happened. I felt, saw or heard absolutely nothing when I closed that door, and when I saw her hanging, I couldn’t believe my eyes nor believe that she’s dead.

thank you all, again for your support and thoughts, I oh so need them right now...
 

Shezbug

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If you think the necropsy will help you deal with this then by all means make that decision and call the vet very quickly as their little bodies start to break down pretty fast and you are best to get the necropsy done asap. They will also tell you the best way to store her body till it is time to take her in for the necropsy.

Birds are fast and she may have landed there when you were occupied actually opening or closing the door- I do not feel that knowing is going to help you as it was not an unknown cause she passed away from it was a physical accident with a door and frame. If the exact answer of break or strangulation or heart attack will be beneficial for you then please make that decision now and call the vet to organise it before you miss your window of opportunity with all that the body naturally does after passing.

Be kind to you and try not to dwell on her last moments as they were only a tiny part of her life, most of her life was wicked fun here with you and filled with happiness and your love- let the positive happy thoughts of her and you two together fill you more than you let the sad thoughts consume you.
 

panurg

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Thank you Very much, again. I don’t even know how you guys have strength to read all these topics and answer them.

My boyfriend, who, thank goodness, had enough strength to pick up and examine her body after she fell on the floor and I fell down yelling that I killed her, put her into the freezer afterwards, by my request, I don’t know if it was the right thing to do or not, but it’s so hot here now, I was afraid she’d decompose too quickly. I already contacted my vet about the necropsy, if it’s too expensive, I probably won’t go for it. I want to do it because I feel that knowing how exactly she went, would put my mind more to ease, even if it Shows that It was more of my fault than I’m now thinking it was. Also I think she went quickly and almost painlessly, probably did t even realize what was happening, confirming that would make me feel better too, although I’m mostly sure of it.

as for getting a second bird, my poor passed baby on the first place was meant and hoped to be a companion to my older bird that’s left for me to fear about. It thankfully worked out, although I do know that everyone said to never get a bird as a companion to another bird, but I took that risk, and it worked. She probably will be fine by herself, she used to be alone before i got this one, but we both work a lot, and I felt that having two birds would be better for both of them, and I still feel that way.
 

Shezbug

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I dare say from your description and my visualization of your description (I am not sure if I have understood correct but I think I have) I am guessing it would have been fast for her. I am visualizing her head on one side of the door and her body on the other? If this is correct then I dare say there are very few options of how she would have passed on and if it is the way I am thnking then I would be guessing broken neck maybe. Do you think that may be a possibility?

Freezer is not the best place for her if you are considering necropsy as the cells all burst in the freezing process making investigating everything harder and near on impossible. Fridge is I believe the best place.

Whatever you choose to do with your birds body and with getting another bird I am certain the members here will be supportive and helpful with anything they can. Keep your chin up- we all have accidents and it does not make us bad people, just unlucky or in the wrong place at the wrong time.
 

sunnysmom

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I'm very sorry for your loss. You should let your other bird see the body. It helps them understand. And please don't give up your older conure. She just lost one flock mate. She doesn't want to lose another- as you are her "flock'. Spend extra time with her and give her lots of attention. Make the decision later about whether to get a second bird or not.
 

fashionfobie

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I sometimes put off reading this section because I need strength to respond. I am sorry I am a few days late.

What a tragic accident. I cannot imagine how terrible you must have felt. It could happen to any of us. I am doubly heartbroken that you had to witness such a terrible state. Seeing your loved bird in that way is a traumatic thing. You have experienced a trauma. I have sadly witnessed a lot of death, most when I was a child. Those images seems to have a talent at staying with us. Please allow yourself to grieve free of judgement. We are all here for you.

Remember the word accident, none of us can control them. Have confidence in your love for your current bird. Allow her to share your grieve. Don't rush into a life change for a little while. There is time and if a new birds seems like a good idea at a later date it will come. Birds are emotional and sensitive beings she will need time to process this life change.

I am truly sorry for your heart break. No one can ever replace the love we share with our birds.
:sadhug2:
 

iamwhoiam

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So very sorry for your loss. :sadhug2:
 

Cynthia & Percy

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I am so very sorry for your loss hugs
 

Nancy B

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Wow that's sad! But very clearly an accident! Sounds like she was trying to follow you and you just didn't realize it. She was in the wrong place at the wrong time. Trying to get into the porch to be with you. My Galah Fred doesn't come upstairs lately and he's not a problem bird. He never chews anything that isn't his. Sometimes I open his cage and let him hang out on his cage top while we have dinner or sit outside. But if we're going in and out of the house, I will confine him to a space so he can't get out, caught in a door, or get stepped on (he is a ground bird, he likes the floor. Sometimes he squawks because he would rather be with me but I am always thinking horror stories as when we were kids our dogs were always horrible to catch. We had terriers, one was almost killed so over the years I really watch pets. So sorry for this, but it was an accident and I bet that won't happen again, you will be more aware of doors now. :(
 
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