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My Baby Cecil

Cecil

Sitting on the front steps
Joined
1/15/21
Messages
16
It’s been 3 months since my baby boy Cecil passed away in a tragic accident caused by a family member. I am still at a loss for words as to how to begin to understand the immense pain and heartache of losing him. He was only 7 years old and had so much more life to live.

Cecil came into my life only 2.5 years ago, as a rescue bird that no one claimed from the local animal shelter. I never in my wildest dreams expected to get a bird, but sure enough Cecil somehow ended up in my life. The first few weeks were rough. We didn’t warm up to each other, but looking back now I could only imagine what he must have felt suddenly being exposed to a new environment. As I researched more about conures, I learned so much from this forum and a local parrot store about dietary needs and mental stimulation. I began testing different chop recipes and would worry constantly about his diet and his stubbornness to eat his vegetables.

As the months passed by he started to get more comfortable with me and would sit on my shoulder, head, or nap behind my ear. He would love to crawl down my shirt to just under my chin and fall asleep as I held him, or tap me for scritches on my cheek to get my attention. When COVID hit I was forced to work from home and he became my trusty sidekick. He was on my shoulder/head for every virtual meeting or client call I had. Everyone knew him and loved him the moment they saw him. I couldn’t start any meeting without having to give an introduction about the little creature asleep on my head. He made everyone laugh every time he would pull out my earphones mid meeting, or tap my cheek for attention while I was trying to talk.

Each morning he would let me know he was awake by tapping on his cage. I would go get him, bring him back to bed where he and I would snuggle for an hour before our days began. Oh how I cherished that time we had together. It was the best part of my day. Him sleeping soundly under my neck or in my shirt, while I watched him and wondered what he could be dreaming about.

He had the best personality, always up to some mischief. He loved shredding tissues, stealing food, and had a nack for finding me no matter where I was in the house. He HATED feet, anything green (he was not a fan of his veggies), or any hair clips - because to him my hair, ears, neck, face, and hands belonged to him.

I’m in my mid 30s and I don’t have a S/O or kids, so Cecil became my baby. I poured every bit of love I had into my little boy, and our bond was like nothing I’ve experienced before. The joy, unconditional love and support he gave me was what I had been searching for my entire life. He was my entire world. I feel like I lost my child. The memories that surround me in every room of my house consume me. I have cried myself to sleep every night since he’s been gone and I don't know how I’ll ever be able to heal. I don’t have much support, and feel so alone with my grief. Not many people can understand the loss of bird and the bond you can have, but if anyone can I know its you guys. I miss my baby sooo much and am just shattered and broken by his loss.

If anyone knows of any support groups, please do let me know. I’m located in the GTA. Thank you for listening!
 

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Sparkles99

Rollerblading along the road
Mayor of the Avenue
Avenue Spotlight Award
Joined
8/9/20
Messages
4,281
Location
Ontario, Canada
I’m so very sorry. Cecil was beautiful & I love the name. One of the kindest people I ever knew was a Cecil.

The Ottawa Humane Society’s pet loss support group is meeting virtually due to Covid. I’m sure you could join. Pet Loss Support Groups - Ottawa Humane Society

The Winnipeg Humane Society has a support line where you can talk to someone about it. It’d be long distance, but worth it. Pet Loss & Grief Support

There is also the TO distress centre, 24/7. Distress Centres of Greater Toronto
 

Pixiebeak

Sprinting down the street
Joined
6/18/22
Messages
444
oh my heart. I empathize completely with you and your grief.
Im so very sorry for your loss . We are here, we care, many of us have been through this. Anyone who has not shared the amazing bond of a parrot has no way of understanding the magic. But any human should understand and respect loss.

Your photographs capture the love ..how very special Cecil was. What a gorgeous boy. How incredible you found each other. A sweet blessing the time you had together. Its never long enough.

I lost my Neptune 2 years ago. I've never gotten over it, or stopped thinking of him. We had a very special bond. For awhile I spiraled , I could hardly continue to love my remaining parrots. Thankfully my heart opened again to my loves each so unique and special and a part if my heart in their own way. And I do love them deeply they are everything. But sometimes in life their are extraordinary unimaginable connections.

I just did a lot of reading on human greif. Sudden unexpected loss can be like traumatic brain damage. If you focus to much on the pain your brain will start dropping memories of your Cecil to protect itself. This did happen to me..... you should allow yourself to grieve and honor your loss. But take time to also honor your love and the joy you had together . Don't allow those memories to stab with guilt .

I don't always read the greif posts , I just can't take it. My heart breaks. But I feel a connection to you, to your post. I'm also currently single and was unable to have children. My birds are my children in every way to me. So I offer you this , I will stay with your thread as long as you need me. I will be here for your every post, on every day you need someone to listen.

And while it is early perhaps. There is a parrot who needs you, that Cecil will send to you . And its ok to love them in a completely different way. They aren't a replacement they are an addition.

My Neptune sent me 2. A budgie in need of rescue. And Phoebe a blue quaker when I couldn't take the thought of another blue quaker. So afraid I would always see Neptune in them. But this girl screaming around the clock, got to me. O finally made tge decisions , and felt an urgency. I decided to sell my most. Valuable and sentimental possession, but the urgency would not leave me , I knew I had to get her the next day. So I asked my brother to borrow the money against my pending sale. I met him very early in the morning, so I could be at the store when it opens. O was and walked into 25 staff members having a meeting and looking emotional. I walked past them to the little quaker who immediately started screaming. I told her dont worry I can help you. Finally a staff member came over and asked if I needed anything. I said yes I'm taking her. She hollered over to all the rest of the staff she's got a home! We were surrounded . Turns out the meeting was the manager telling them they were sending back the quaker to corporate! Right then right after the meeting! I know I saved her from a horrible life, I know Neptune gave me the message of urgency.

I know Cecil will talk to you too. Whether he wants a baby for you , or a rescue, or re home.
 

FeatheredM

Rollerblading along the road
Joined
5/14/21
Messages
2,385
Real Name
Monique
Cecil was so close to your heart, I'm so sorry he passed away. I hope you recover from this grief. I can't even imagine losing one of my birds. Sending prayers for you.
 

CeciliaZ

Biking along the boulevard
Avenue Veteran
Mayor of the Avenue
Joined
11/7/11
Messages
9,023
Location
Mentor, Ohio
Real Name
Cecilia
I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost a much loved bird also, my female tiel Lily who died during surgery to remove 2 eggs. I am also single, no S/O or human children.(but much older than you!) I also have 5 more tiels and 2 parakeets but Lily was my baby. I understand your loss and the deep feelings of grief.

I also experienced such pain of loss when I lost my first tiel. But it is only because of him that I have continued to have birds in my life, I will admit, I have not always shared the same deep bond with some of my other birds as I did with him and Lily. At some point you will smile when you think of Cecil. Don't be afraid to open your heart to another bird. That bird will never replace your Cecil., but may bring you the joy and happiness of sharing your life with a feathered companion.

Take care of yourself...I am going through the grief also. We do care and do understand.
 

sunnysmom

Ripping up the road
Avenue Veteran
Celebirdy of the Month
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Joined
9/16/13
Messages
27,135
Location
Pennsylvania
Real Name
Michelle
:sadhug2:
 

Zara

❀♡ My birds are responsible for 99% of my typos ♡❀
Super Moderator
Celebirdy of the Month
Mayor of the Avenue
Avenue Spotlight Award
Avenue Concierge
Joined
1/8/18
Messages
27,226
Location
Reino de España
I´m very sorry for your loss.

I know how fruitless these words can seem, but I do mean them, and send you my sincerest sympathies.
 

Spyglass29

Meeting neighbors
Joined
6/14/22
Messages
54
Location
NY, USA
Real Name
Revlis (she/he pronouns please)
I’m so sorry you lost your baby. But Cecil isn’t really gone, cuz legends never die :hug8:
I very recently lost two of my baby budgies. So I might have some level of understanding (it’s ok to feel like no one understands).
*hugs tightly*
 

Kassiani

Biking along the boulevard
Celebirdy of the Month
Mayor of the Avenue
Avenue Spotlight Award
Joined
9/12/20
Messages
5,222
Location
US
Please know you aren’t alone. We do understand. Many here have suffered similar losses. I’m so sorry this has happened! I hope you will consider reaching out to the support groups mentioned.
 

Tilly123

Strolling the yard
Joined
1/29/20
Messages
105
Real Name
Chrissie
I am so sorry for your loss.
My Amazon died two and a half years ago, a tragic accident. He was my heart bird and I loved him so much, as he did me.
When we lose our little friends, the pain, guilt and sadness is consuming and unbearable.
In those early days/ weeks of losing him, I wrote about him, every single thing I could remember. I had a picture painted of him. This helped.
As time has gone on I know that he knew he was loved. I know that I will love him and keep him in my heart for as long as I live.
You gave your little one so much love, a lot of poor birds don't get that.Your brain has suffered a huge trauma and it will take time to recover.
Please use this forum to talk about your feelings. We know how you feel.
My thoughts are with you at this sad time.
 

Tyrion

Biking along the boulevard
Avenue Veteran
Celebirdy of the Month
Mayor of the Avenue
Joined
1/22/15
Messages
5,386
Location
Oh Canada
Real Name
Annette Thompson
So very sorry for your loss :sorrow:
 

Cecil

Sitting on the front steps
Joined
1/15/21
Messages
16
I am so sorry for your loss. I just lost a much loved bird also, my female tiel Lily who died during surgery to remove 2 eggs. I am also single, no S/O or human children.(but much older than you!) I also have 5 more tiels and 2 parakeets but Lily was my baby. I understand your loss and the deep feelings of grief.

I also experienced such pain of loss when I lost my first tiel. But it is only because of him that I have continued to have birds in my life, I will admit, I have not always shared the same deep bond with some of my other birds as I did with him and Lily. At some point you will smile when you think of Cecil. Don't be afraid to open your heart to another bird. That bird will never replace your Cecil., but may bring you the joy and happiness of sharing your life with a feathered companion.

Take care of yourself...I am going through the grief also. We do care and do understand.
Thank you so much for your kind words, and sharing your story of Lily and your first tiel. I'm so sorry for your loss. Before Cecil I never knew much about birds or the bonds that you could build with them. When he first passed, I told myself I could never get another bird, but as the weeks and months have passed by I've become certain that I will love another bird again, and it's all because he opened my heart to the love a bird can bring, and for that I will forever be grateful.
 

Cecil

Sitting on the front steps
Joined
1/15/21
Messages
16
I´m very sorry for your loss.

I know how fruitless these words can seem, but I do mean them, and send you my sincerest sympathies.
Thank you so much. Your words are not fruitless at all. Just reading all these responses have helped me so much in the last week. I'm just so thankful for this community, and all the kindness and support I've received. So thank you, your words have meant a lot.
 

Cecil

Sitting on the front steps
Joined
1/15/21
Messages
16
I’m so sorry you lost your baby. But Cecil isn’t really gone, cuz legends never die :hug8:
I very recently lost two of my baby budgies. So I might have some level of understanding (it’s ok to feel like no one understands).
*hugs tightly*
I'm so very sorry for your loss. I hope your babies are with Cecil now, enjoying each others company.
 

Cecil

Sitting on the front steps
Joined
1/15/21
Messages
16
Please know you aren’t alone. We do understand. Many here have suffered similar losses. I’m so sorry this has happened! I hope you will consider reaching out to the support groups mentioned.
Thank you!
Knowing that there are others that have loved their feathered babies so deeply and have experienced the same loss, has really provided me with so much support and comfort this last week. Having this safe space to be open and transparent with others who know exactly how it feels, and have been through the grief means so much. I'm so thankful for everyone's kind words.
 

Cecil

Sitting on the front steps
Joined
1/15/21
Messages
16
I am so sorry for your loss.
My Amazon died two and a half years ago, a tragic accident. He was my heart bird and I loved him so much, as he did me.
When we lose our little friends, the pain, guilt and sadness is consuming and unbearable.
In those early days/ weeks of losing him, I wrote about him, every single thing I could remember. I had a picture painted of him. This helped.
As time has gone on I know that he knew he was loved. I know that I will love him and keep him in my heart for as long as I live.
You gave your little one so much love, a lot of poor birds don't get that.Your brain has suffered a huge trauma and it will take time to recover.
Please use this forum to talk about your feelings. We know how you feel.
My thoughts are with you at this sad time.
Thank you so much. I'm so sorry for the loss you endured as well.
You are so right, Cecil has taken a piece of my heart with him, but I also know I will keep him within my heart always.
Right now I can't look at photos of him without falling to pieces. My phone keeps on showing me memories since 95% of all my photos were of him. It hurts to see those happier times right now because I would give anything in the world to go back to a time when he was still here. So I'm struggling with that at the moment.
I take comfort in knowing that I gave him all the love I had, and I know he knows how much I loved him. My heart breaks thinking of all the little (and big) ones out there that may never get the chance to experience that type of love.
 

SunTruth

Walking the driveway
Joined
3/6/22
Messages
267
I am sorry for your loss and somewhat I relate to your story. My family has a Senegale for 6 months now. I am a person around 40, no family on my own, no children… At the beginning of the year I was living with my family and I had to work from home and I spent all days with my parrot. It changed a LOT in how I view life. To explain things simply I would do anything for him and he is now a huge part of my life.

I do not have a solution for helping you to get through this, I just want to wish you the best. At the end I do not know if it will bring any comfort but you gave him a happy life and he was loved. Some humans do not even have this during their time in this world. You did the best you could.
 

Dartman

Biking along the boulevard
Avenue Veteran
Celebirdy of the Month
Mayor of the Avenue
Avenue Spotlight Award
Joined
10/20/12
Messages
8,467
Location
Portland Oregon
Real Name
Terry
I lost Nerd bird after 31 years of growing up together and it tore me up. My family found me Lurch who also was a Maxi Pionus and we needed each other. It took 5 years to earn his begrudging trust but we reached a understanding and he was happy. He escaped some time later due to a lapse of judgment and I was given Dobby after Momazon couldn't keep him anymore and knew what I went through with Lurch. I miss my two friends and am happy to have Dobby who is the most gentle, outgoing, socialized Maxi I have ever known. We all have been there and eventually you work through the pain and if you're ready you share your love with another feathered creature that needs it a completely different bond forms :sadhug:
 

Cecil

Sitting on the front steps
Joined
1/15/21
Messages
16
oh my heart. I empathize completely with you and your grief.
Im so very sorry for your loss . We are here, we care, many of us have been through this. Anyone who has not shared the amazing bond of a parrot has no way of understanding the magic. But any human should understand and respect loss.

Your photographs capture the love ..how very special Cecil was. What a gorgeous boy. How incredible you found each other. A sweet blessing the time you had together. Its never long enough.

I lost my Neptune 2 years ago. I've never gotten over it, or stopped thinking of him. We had a very special bond. For awhile I spiraled , I could hardly continue to love my remaining parrots. Thankfully my heart opened again to my loves each so unique and special and a part if my heart in their own way. And I do love them deeply they are everything. But sometimes in life their are extraordinary unimaginable connections.

I just did a lot of reading on human greif. Sudden unexpected loss can be like traumatic brain damage. If you focus to much on the pain your brain will start dropping memories of your Cecil to protect itself. This did happen to me..... you should allow yourself to grieve and honor your loss. But take time to also honor your love and the joy you had together . Don't allow those memories to stab with guilt .

I don't always read the greif posts , I just can't take it. My heart breaks. But I feel a connection to you, to your post. I'm also currently single and was unable to have children. My birds are my children in every way to me. So I offer you this , I will stay with your thread as long as you need me. I will be here for your every post, on every day you need someone to listen.

And while it is early perhaps. There is a parrot who needs you, that Cecil will send to you . And its ok to love them in a completely different way. They aren't a replacement they are an addition.

My Neptune sent me 2. A budgie in need of rescue. And Phoebe a blue quaker when I couldn't take the thought of another blue quaker. So afraid I would always see Neptune in them. But this girl screaming around the clock, got to me. O finally made tge decisions , and felt an urgency. I decided to sell my most. Valuable and sentimental possession, but the urgency would not leave me , I knew I had to get her the next day. So I asked my brother to borrow the money against my pending sale. I met him very early in the morning, so I could be at the store when it opens. O was and walked into 25 staff members having a meeting and looking emotional. I walked past them to the little quaker who immediately started screaming. I told her dont worry I can help you. Finally a staff member came over and asked if I needed anything. I said yes I'm taking her. She hollered over to all the rest of the staff she's got a home! We were surrounded . Turns out the meeting was the manager telling them they were sending back the quaker to corporate! Right then right after the meeting! I know I saved her from a horrible life, I know Neptune gave me the message of urgency.

I know Cecil will talk to you too. Whether he wants a baby for you , or a rescue, or re home.
Pixiebeak your story is so incredible and inspiring. Reading your post felt like a hug and a huge wave of support I really needed. I can't even begin to thank you for your kind words. I appreciate everyone who has taken time out of their day to share their stories of loss, offered me comfort, and has kept me and Cecil in their thoughts.

I believe you're right, that one day Cecil will lead me to another bird that will need me as much as I need them. Until then, I need to cherish the extraordinary unimaginable connection we had, and reflect on our time together with happiness and not grief.

Thank you for sharing your knowledge on human grief, it's really eyeopening to see the extent grief has on us. As I continue to work through my grief, I no longer feel alone. I now feel like I have a whole community rallying around me, and lifting me up through all our shared experiences. Again, I thank you all so much for keeping my little guy in your thoughts and prayers as well, it means the world to me to know so many people care!
 
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Cecil

Sitting on the front steps
Joined
1/15/21
Messages
16
I am sorry for your loss and somewhat I relate to your story. My family has a Senegale for 6 months now. I am a person around 40, no family on my own, no children… At the beginning of the year I was living with my family and I had to work from home and I spent all days with my parrot. It changed a LOT in how I view life. To explain things simply I would do anything for him and he is now a huge part of my life.

I do not have a solution for helping you to get through this, I just want to wish you the best. At the end I do not know if it will bring any comfort but you gave him a happy life and he was loved. Some humans do not even have this during their time in this world. You did the best you could.
It brings me joy to hear about other peoples connections with their feathered babies. Its incredible how much of a hold they have on your heart in such a short period of time. Please hug your little one a little tighter tonight for me.
 
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