I love my cockatiel very much, but I think it's time to say goodbye

[Wasabisaurus]

A lot of time, yes. You have to be committed. This is a long term relationship, or ideally it should be if you are willing to put in the effort. Tiels can live into their 20s. Maybe you got your tiel with the wrong expectations? Did you have any? Do you know what toys to try for a cockatiel?

 

[Jarklor]

My bird seems happy when I give him treats. So that's a good start.

 

[TwoTinyTrees]

If you can just hang in there I had 2 other tiels before my loves I have now I had to rehome them because of our housing situation they NEVER liked to be touched but I loved watching them and knowing they were happy...Good luck to you! I am sure once you win the trust of your babe you will feel so happy and accomplished and so might he!
Good luck!
One thing that I didnt have before my Cockatiel babies was PATIENCE.

 

[Pipsqueak]

Try not to be so disappointed, it takes some time to get to know each other . I am sure your bird likes you he is just a little shy. Is he more open with one of your parents? We have our baby tiel a little less than 4 weeks but we got to know him and visited him often while he was handfed at the breeder. My son is a little disappointed that he / she doesn't sing and whistle yet and I try to explain that he is still a baby or just a laid back bird . I am sure your bird will warm up to you and get more adventures soon . Do you know how old he is?

 

[GlassOnion]

I would replace the smooth dowels with natural branches and rope perches. Birds need different textures for the feet to prevent foot sores and joint problems down the road.

 

[Dartman]

Lurch has been here almost 4 years and I always joke we are on the 5 year plan to being buds. He's been through a few homes and was pretty mad at the world but at this point he's fond of us and like treats and scritches and general hang out time, plus he loves to jump on our shoulders in the kitchen to watch and beg for goodies.The first night he bit me bad so I stepped back and took the long term approach and let him do what he wanted within reason and he slowly got curious and interested in me and wanted to get scritches and hang out. Like everyone says he'll get there but you have to let him learn to trust and care for you, it's not going to happen overnight.
I still have to read his moods and he gets pissy but most times he's good now and gets better quickly, hang in there, it'll be worth it when he decides your OK.

 

[Maxsmom]

I'm wondering if it will ever be possible for a bird to let me interact with him if I do give him a lot of time.

Definitely and no worries. You are not first person who acquired a bird that is not as expected. You can both adjust with time. I encourage you to go to the site for Good Bird Inc

 

[Vegemite]

Two months is a very short time for your tiel to know and trust you and because you are only there "half the time" its really only a month.
My tiel, I have since Nov '11 and I am still NOT able to touch him with my hands yet he will sit on my shoulder, fly to me, talk, whistle, give kisses and BITE when he sees hands.
My quaker I have had since Oct '11 and he is completely and totally hands off, a screamer and not really overly friendly BUT I love these guys for WHO they are and they way they are.
I dont know what there previous life was like. They are birds which is completely different to cats and dogs (I have cats, dog, rabbit, guinea pig, tropical fish and parrots) and these guys really are an exception to the "pet" tag.
Just take your time, be patient and please dont push this bird. If you dont have the time or patience then maybe you should rehome. Tiels (usually) love being with people but on their terms, not yours.

 

[Renae]

You have been given great advice. I just wanted to wish you the best and say, all the time spent building a relationship with him will be well worth it, believe me. Cockatiels are wonderful, and given time and patience, I am sure you will both end up having a very happy, and trusting relationship.

 

[solo]

If he comes to you for treats , I highly doubt he doesn't like you he is probably just shy and a bit nervous

 

[Jarklor]

So, if you say that my bird will truely warn up to me in a few months; does that include perching on my finger?

 

[Renae]

It could be longer than a few months – you need to go at his pace, and we can’t tell you if it will be in a few months from now, or maybe more, could be less. And yes, that can mean perching on your finger, but you need to gain his trust first.

 

[blewin]

Here's a thought: could your 'tiel travel with you between homes? I don't know if this would be too disruptive (anyone's thoughts?), but if he is only getting attention for half a week, that's a little rough.

 

[tozie12]

i have a quaker who, after 3+ years, rarely wants to interact with me physically. but she loves to talk with me and give kisseys from her cage. she will probably NEVER want to hang out with me all the time.

your tiel is a whole different creature than a dog or cat. with a dog or cat they are 'programmed' to want to please us. they are happy if we are happy. a parrot is not the same. instead of thinking of him as a 'pet' think of him as a good friend. an equal. someone who will only want to hang out with you if you dont boss him around, treat him with respect you would another human, but remember he wont think like a human. he wont act like one. but he will have goals for his day even if its simply to whittle that new toy to bits.

try to spend some extra hands off time with him. try the mimic game. if he makes a noise, make it back at him. try the blink game. blink slowly at him. does he blink back? that's a sign of trust.

how much research have you done on parrot behaviors? have you read 'parrots for dummies'? its a great starter book. gives you some great basics.

my son had a tiel 5 years ago. he was only here half the time, he was at his dad's house the other half. but the tiel slowly bonded with him. BUT it was terrified of hands. Steve (the tiel) would sit on shoulders or step up on a closed fist. but he found fingers terrifying.

you can build a relationship with your lil guy if you have patience and realize it will be on HIS terms, not necessarily yours.

 

[moonchild]

So, if you say that my bird will truely warn up to me in a few months; does that include perching on my finger?

Nobody is saying there's any guarantee the bird will warm up to you in a few short months, though it definitely could happen. And nobody is saying he will want to perch on your finger, either. All birds are different. There is no set "taming schedule" that can apply to all birds. And some never warm up to hands. My first tiel would not step up for me at all for the first few months, even though he immediately flew to my head and would ask for scritches. To this day (almost a year later) he will not stay on my finger. He does allow me to move him from place to place with it but he has no desire to be there. It's just an individual thing.

Many people have had more success winning their birds' trust when they stop trying so hard. Just be around him as much as possible, talk to him, offer him treats, but also try to relax and don't set any expectations on him. They can sense our moods. The best thing to do is just accept that things will take time and not be in a rush. If you can't do that, then consider finding him a (carefully screened) new home. Not trying to be mean, just honest. Birds are not "easy pets" and have strong wills of their own that need to be respected in order to have a good relationship with them. Try to imagine things from the bird's perspective, and how you (a giant predator/alien) must seem to him. You are essentially trying to forge a friendship and understanding with a wild animal whose instincts tell it not to trust you. He has to overcome instinct. It's not necessarily an easy thing.

 

[blewin]

Amen to Moonchild. Cockatiels are naturally curious. If he sees you doing something, and you are near him, he'll be interested. Eventually, if you are just around him, being interesting, he'll want you to be around. Buddy tends to be the MOST clingy when she isn't the center of attention. She doesn't always want scritches, but she loves just hanging out. Once you are accepted as flock (and it will take time) you'll probably wish he would give it a rest
QUOTE=moonchild;1684644]Nobody is saying there's any guarantee the bird will warm up to you in a few short months, though it definitely could happen. And nobody is saying he will want to perch on your finger, either. All birds are different. There is no set "taming schedule" that can apply to all birds. And some never warm up to hands. My first tiel would not step up for me at all for the first few months, even though he immediately flew to my head and would ask for scritches. To this day (almost a year later) he will not stay on my finger. He does allow me to move him from place to place with it but he has no desire to be there. It's just an individual thing.

Many people have had more success winning their birds' trust when they stop trying so hard. Just be around him as much as possible, talk to him, offer him treats, but also try to relax and don't set any expectations on him. They can sense our moods. The best thing to do is just accept that things will take time and not be in a rush. If you can't do that, then consider finding him a (carefully screened) new home. Not trying to be mean, just honest. Birds are not "easy pets" and have strong wills of their own that need to be respected in order to have a good relationship with them. Try to imagine things from the bird's perspective, and how you (a giant predator/alien) must seem to him. You are essentially trying to forge a friendship and understanding with a wild animal whose instincts tell it not to trust you. He has to overcome instinct. It's not necessarily an easy thing.[/QUOTE]

 

[JAM]

I'll retell the story of little M-Star who is now my overly bonded lorikeet.

Shortened version:

I hand raised her and at approximately 5 months old, her behavour took a u-turn. She fled from humans, wouldn't step up, trembled in terror. It was a drama getting her to the vet to rule out anything physically wrong with her or if it was illness. After a clean bill of health our CAV got me to fill out a behaviour questionnaire and worked with me over the coming weeks and months to see what could help.
The turning point came when I stood in front of her and said along the lines of "you're my baby girl, but if you want to be a hands off bird then that's your perogative and I accept that, I still love you and will still care for you"
Lo and behold, without the what I feel was UNCONSCIOUS pressure that I was exhibiting without even realising, M-Star's behaviour turned around and she started stepping up, taking treats off me, she started accepting scritches and would be excited to see me.

Now, we are almost inseparable and she still has days where she decides she's too good for me, so on those days, I give her the "no problems M-Star, I can take a day without you too" and a few minutes later, a flutter of wings and a chirp on my shoulder.

Just take your time and take the pressure off, I am sure he will come round eventually.

 

[Danita]

Also, if you force yourself on him, to try and make him ~like~ you, it will only do the opposite.
Some birds never like hands and want to just jump up on your arm to your shoulder.

 

[Bailey]

I would like to remind the original poster that, while most birds warm to up to their owners after a length of time, some birds simply do not and will not ever enjoy human interaction. I have a bird that way (Taz) and we've had him almost 2 years..he just does not like human interaction. So we love him from a distance, and leave him be.

There is no performing miracles with birds; if you have one that will come around and be friendly after you gain its trust then you will be happy. But also be prepared in case you've got a little guy who only likes his own species.

By no means am I telling you to give up; I just want you to know the reality of things here.

 

[CeciliaZ]

My oldest tiel has been with me for about 13 years...he is a hands off bird, does not like to be held. He will not perch on my finger or let me scritch or pet him. He will perch on my shoulder, arm, or lap. This is his personality and I have learned to accept it. I will not rehome him...he has been bonded to 2 other tiels that he has outlived and is now very bonded to another tiel of mine now...and I believe he is happy in his own little world here. I still hope that someday he can learn to accept more human companionship and I still try - but all is on his terms - not mine.