Thank you all!
The only thing that do comfort me is that I can tell you and that some of you that also lost your loved ones knows what kind of pain I'm talking about.
None of my friends knows, and that is because they will never understand. If I had told them that I talk to Eloy while running in the forest they would have thought that I was crazy.
So please don't post my first name because they can Google it, and here I want privacy from people that don't understand.
I had a dream last week about him. He was so real in the dream, it was like I had him back again, and I've been pretty emotional all week about him.
We do know that we never can have them back, but also I having hard to accept that he is gone forever.
Today when I had Eliy on my shoulder she was looking at me in a way that Eloy also did. Just for some seconds I thought it was him and began to cry, and after I felt terrible for not being happy for having her their. Like she was less valuable to me, and she isn't.
It is very difficult in situations like that to have parrots that are so similar to each other. But also I know that I wouldn't manage without them.
When I was getting Eloy it was really love at first sight. I knew I loved him the first day he was here. And for me to have a animal is a life long commitment.
So I did make plans for us for the next hopefully 35 years. So when I lost him that really was like someone was (do you say pull the rug?)
Now I understand how dangerous those plans can be and I guess that is why I can't accept that he really is gone.
My advice is, never make those kinds of plans! I will never do it again.