You just never know .....

[Tyrion]

If I could have some prayers and good wishes for my "friends" family to get them through this very tough time ...Chris wasnt a good fried of mine I havent even talked to him in about 5-7 yrs maybe longer ..but he was the best friend of one of my best friends so I ask for prayers and good wishes for all who are going to miss him ...Chris passed away at 49 from a massive heart attack right after beating cancer ....you just never know ...when its your time its your time ....

I hate to say it but this has caused a problem ....Chris was apart of my life when I was breeding reptiles and there is a get together for him ...my friend is putting it on after the summer reptile show on the 27th ...so a good part of my past will be showing up and Im freakin abit ....when I left because of the assult..I just left the hobby/industry/society after 25 yrs ..without talking to anyone really ...I put a blurb on my site ..had to sell the animals and that was it ...so Im sure there are going to be questions and my anxiety is already going through the roof ...and there is no getting out of this I have to go ....so what do I do ..just be honest and if asked explain possibly over and over again triggering myself with horrible memories of a time I have worked so hard to get through ...or just say as nice as possible it none of their business ....I just dont know what to do ....

 

[pinkharley]

just say I would rather not talk about it it is personal and if they persist walk away

 

[sunnysmom]

Can you just say something generic like- there was a lot going on in my life back then and I felt that it was for the best that I quit breeding reptiles?

Hugs.

 

[Tiel Feathers]

I'm so sorry that Chris passed away. As others suggested, I would just politely say that it's private, and you don't really feel like talking about it or give a vague answer. You also don't have to stay long if you're uncomfortable. just be polite but firm so you respect your boundaries.

 

[cassiesdad]

Sending out good wishes and prayers to you and every affected by the loss of Chris.

just say I would rather not talk about it it is personal and if they persist walk away

I totally agree...

 

[Cynthia & Percy]

very sorry for all

 

[Mockinbirdiva]

The bottom line is "You don't owe ANY explanations to any one". If you have to go and anyone asks you only need to tell them you prefer not to discuss the past, you've moved forward and change the subject by asking how the other person is doing. Move on. I hate that this is causing so much stress for you and if there was any way you could just not go….. I would suggest not going. It's nice to support friends but not at your expense.

 

[Tyrion]

Yes it would be nice not to go but that is just not an option my friends need my support and if it were me they would be here in a heart beat no matter what ...we have been friends for like 24 yrs or something like that and with friends like that you always have each others back ...I'm hoping to drive down with another friend so it might be better then showing up on my own ... and you know I hate to even bring it up but I have also gained a lot of weight since these people have seen me feelin pretty self conscience about that to ....AHAGGGAHHGG....

You know I'm suppose to be grieving for Chris and all I can do is freak about this memorial ...I feel like I'm such a bad person

 

[gibsongrrrl]

I am so sorry you are going through this. Hugs for you. I think whatever you decide will be fine. Hopefully those people aren't going to be so nosy that they focus on that too much, especially considering the circumstances.

 

[zoo mom]

Does your friend know why you got out of breeding reptiles. If so explain to him/her how difficult this is for you. And arrange to be with them after the memorial.

If not you can either explain it to them or go and follow the advice of the others here and tell anyone who asks that it was personal.

As a survivor of sexual assault I would never expect a friend of mine to go to anything that would make them think about or relive a horror that happened earlier in there life. No matter how much support I needed at the time.

 

[Tyrion]

Oh yeah they know but I haven't talked to them about any of this ...they are totally crushed about Chris and if I didn't have plans with an out of town visitor this weekend I would be there helping to get ready for the 27th ....I think I have gotten sound advice about saying its personal and the such if anyone asks ...I could be freakin for nothing its quite possible that no one will ask at all ...

 

[Mockinbirdiva]

There is no way you should feel even the tiniest amount like you are a bad person. Chris wasn't a good friend of yours and you haven't spoken to him in several years so you can't really grieve for him, instead, you can support your friends for their grieving. You are thoughtful of your friends needs and willing to put yourself through a difficult time for them. I'd say you are a great friend. The last thing you need to worry yourself over is what others will think of you when you see them. Wear a smile with confidence and be a better person than any one who might pass judgement. You only have one life to live…. so make it count.

 

[Rolanda]

You have absolutely received sound advice here, Sweetie. You don't owe anyone any explanations; say you'd rather not talk about it, it was a personal matter that happened a long time ago, and if they don't respect that then walk away! Hold your head high. You got through a difficult time, intact. You deserve to support your friends if you feel like you should and not be overly concerned with the inconsiderate prying of others. Some people can be really tacky!

 

[greys4u]

good advice all around, and to add, hold your head high and walk into the room with a smile on your face.

 

[Bird_lover6]

Don't go. If you have to, lie. Get really sick. Or find a reason to be out of town.

No, you don't owe anyone an explanation but I can "hear" the anxiety in your voice. I'm afraid the entire event will be one big trigger for you.

Only you can determine how far you have come in your healing, but I wrote "Don't go," because it truly is an option. Please don't feel guilty for putting yourself first. There are other ways of supporting your friend. You can periodically call and check on him. Be there when he needs you. That kind of support is more important than showing up for this get together, imo.

 

[Chopper]

Maybe this is the time for healing for everyone.

A hug says things that words can't. ​

 

[rocky'smom]

first off I am sorry for your loss. second, if you decide to go, all you need to say is 'it's private matter' and if they push then tell them politely but firmly that 'it is not any of their business'. or don't go.

 

[Tyrion]

Thanks you guys so much ...I knew you would all understand and give me some great advice ...this is so hard to deal with trying to feel normal and not back slide by triggering myself with a bunch of negative head talk which is so easy for me to do ...I just keep telling myself it wont be that bad and I can do it