Wow. Y’all.

[alshgs]

She can see your kids every day but not foster Toby??

Yes.
My husbands grandmother has a relative out of town that is here for the next year for a lung transplant. They also live next door. So when my mil gets home from work (around 6pm), she stops in to see my kids and then goes next door to help with her nieces medical issues until around 9pm.

And she would have to fill out an application, take the required class, do a home visit and then meet with one of the close coordinators for transport. (They have to be nearby for that) and because of everything going on medically, she’s not sure she would have the time to make sure that everything is in place for him, much less be home much until all of this is over.
Her niece has rehab every day along with appointments. Then when she gets moved to the transport list, we have to move her closer to the actual hospital so she can be there as soon as she gets the call, and then there for the remainder of surgery and recovery. She then has to have someone stay with her at all times, so the entire family has to alternate, but it’s easier for my mil because she works near the hospital, so the drive to work wouldn’t be that bad.

There’s a lot that goes into it, for the reason that fostering isn’t an option at this very moment. We were going to see how things go towards the end of the 2 month foster period.

 

[Kodigirl210]

It sounds like everyone has a lot deal with and with her not being home much, it sounds like MIL made an honest decision about how much she can give right now.

As long the MIL is going to be there every day any way, see if you can coordinate to maybe encourage Toby to be more receptive. Have your MIL do the hand off and have her praise Toby for allowing you to touch/have him perching on you. Hand feed him treats when she’s there and once again with the MIL doing over the top praise. Anything you do with him in the presence of your MIL should be reinforced with her praise as CAGs do want to please their chosen-so by her reinforcing that you are a very good thing, and that it pleases her when he accepts you - it might open up a chance at a having a relationship even when she’s not there. Also treat him even when she’s not there just as a positive reinforcement that good things come from you.

I really, really hope something clicks with him for you. I know you were hesitant about bringing him in and once you made the decision you were committed. I know how hard it can be to watch someone effortlessly interact with a birb while you’re looking at the last bite mark you got. Wishing loads of luck!