Mum wont listen..help??

[Mia_Aim]

So I recently bought a cockatiel as I had finally saved enough to buy everything it needed. Today after coming home from shopping and buying it a few new toys to swap out every week or so, my mum decided to storm into my room, open the cage door and say "It's not drinking, here." She then tried to forcefully grab my bird and put it next to the water. I begged her to stop as Totoro (that's his name) won't even let me touch him yet as we haven't properly bonded. She did it anyway. So Totoro ended up flying out of the cage and slamming into a window, my Mum then tried to grab him again but I begged her to just let me catch him because if you just grab him out of the air you could hurt him. At this point, I started crying. I've told her time and time again she can't just forcefully grab him as he isn't like a cat or dog, birds need to trust you, but she just won't listen to me. Does anyone have any advice?? I'm desperate.

 

[AviMom]

First of all, take a deep breath, and let me welcome you to AA. Adorable bird you have there. Im sure youre upset. It sounds like you did a bit of homework before getting Totoro.
May i ask your age? It sounds like mom is still a bit in charge of things around your house. It also sounds like mom is a bit too controlling over you.
It may be a good idea to sit down calmly with mom and in a nice way, let her know you appreciate her trying to help you with your new pet, but its your new pet. You paid for him, and all of the things he needs to be a happy bird. Also that youd like the opportunity to be his only care giver, but she is welcome to offer advice.
Let her know thst you feel confident enough to handle his care, and need to take the responsibility.
Im sure more bird lovers here will have some more great advice as well. For now, Totoro knows the difference between you and your mom. Work on building his trust in you. If you need any other help down the line, you've come to the right place. Enjoy the forums.

 

[Mia_Aim]

After the incident, I tried to get her to sit down and talk to me so I could try to tell her about why she shouldn't just grab him so forcefully like that, but she just got angry and said that birds were dumb and went on about how dogs and cats are fine with people touching them, so why are birds any different. I've had this problem a lot where she thinks she knows how to do things when in reality she doesn't quite understand. My Mum has always been extremely controlling of my life and even though I've done all my research and paid for everything myself she's still acting like I don't know anything. Her excuse is always that I'm too young and don't know anything. Usually, I'd get over it but I really do love Totoro, and I just want him to be happy and healthy.

 

[JLcribber]

Next time she physically tries to handle your bird. Physically intervene and get in her face and tell her to back off. You're old enough (and more mature than your mother) to take a stand and say enough is enough. I would knock my mother down (or anyone else) if they tried to manhandle my birds. You touch my birds. You assault me. Be prepared for the consequences.

I'm sorry your mom is an idiot.

 

[BirdField]

I'm so sorry this has happened, that's completely awful of her. If she doesn't listen I'm not sure what you'd do besides what JLcribber has described above. Though it may be hard, especially since she's who owns / rents your home, I assume, and is also very controlling. You truly love this little guy and clearly want the best for him, I'm so sorry this is happening.
Is there any way you could show her a thread / blog about handling and behavior that would convince her? Tell her it's by experienced owners or behaviorists since she doesn't believe anything you say is true. We could all try to pitch in and help find some good resources about how horrible it is to handle Totoro that way. It's so frustrating talking to someone who simply believes because you are young you know nothing, especially since you've clearly put effort, time, and love into this little one. I'm sorry I don't have much else to help you, hopefully she comes to realize what she's doing is incredibly cruel and wrong.

 

[Mia_Aim]

Thank you, this all really means a lot to me and Totoro. I'm going to try and speak with her when she gets home, maybe try setting some boundaries and show her some posts about how to handle a bird. I really do hope she comes around eventually, thank you all again.

 

[Begone]

John is correct on this. You will need to do whatever it takes to keep your bird safe.
And remove your age as you are a minor. (edit your post)

 

[Begone]

I'm going to try and speak with her when she gets home,

Their is nothing to speak about. The bird is yours so just tell her that if she ever touch him again you will knock her down.
And show her this thread so she understands how we all bird owner thinks she is abusing your bird.

 

[AviMom]

Quite honestly im against violence of any kind. However, i have to admit, no one would ever get away with abusing an animal in my presence. I agree you have to set boundaries with your mom that this is your bird, he's smarter than most dogs or cats, and she needs to leave his care to you, and you only, plain and simple.
Abusing animals in any manner is against the law in most places.

 

[Birdbabe]

I'm sorry this happened, your mom needs to respect your bird and your boundaries, if she continues her behavior, this bird wont trust ever..

 

[charlieboy]

I'm so sorry to hear this happened!! Definitely show her some articles written by veterinarians!

 

[kiwicockatiel]

I WELL SO BAD I WOULD CALL THE POLICE I WOULD NOT SAY DO SO TELL YOU DAD IS HE OK WITH THEM?

 

[kiwicockatiel]

and also if you whant to find a bird park some were if you have got a car and tell them to look after it till you can if you get a aparmet of something its only ifyou fell like you birds life is in danger do this

 

[taxidermynerd]

I'm so sorry your mother is this way. I'm a minor too, I know what kind of situation you're in.

Do you have any friends or family members you could stay with if it all hits the fan? If it continues, I'd make sure you have somewhere to land and then call the cops, call your humane society, call bird rescues, call anyone who might be able to help.

Maybe you could get some small padlocks to put on the doors?

Big big hugs to you.

 

[fashionfobie]

I had a very over bearing parent also. It isn't easy, actually is is scaring and painful. All I can say is be strong for your bird. You have more maturity and strength than you know. Life will get easier in time. In the short term you need to set up a clear boundary with your little Totoro. Your mother should probably be advised to simply stay away from him. 100%! Explain that he is your bird and you are responsible for him. If she pouts, well boo to her, it doesn't sound like she deserves to be around any bird.

 

[Tiel Feathers]

Is there another relative that can help you reason with your mother? I think having her read things about handling birds is a good idea. I hope she will realize how sensitive and smart birds are and leave your poor bird alone.

 

[Mia_Aim]

I don’t have any other relatives or anything in the household, it’s just my mum and I.

 

[camelotshadow]

A bird could die or seriously injure itself flying into a window or wall so its important NO one do anything to scare the bird. Best it be left safe in the cage. A bird will eat /& drink when its ready & no overbearing parent can do anything anyway to make it do so. Hopefully they did not do that to you when you were growing up as you seem to have some compassion & common sense!

Good Luck

 

[taxidermynerd]

Also something I forgot to add, it was 10 months from the time I got my bird to the first time he drank water in front of me. Doesn't mean he wasn't drinking, just means I didn't see it. So there's some food for thought for your mother.

 

[MaxieTheBirdie]

I am gobsmacked as too what else you could do other than what John suggested...
A bird is a being too, they have rights just like us humans do and it's a crime to abuse birds or any animals for that matter.
And as john said You Assault My Bird, You Assault Me.