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i am so sorry...I know the pain hurts so much. You were an awesome mommie....you were I know the pain of loss.....I lost two birdies this year and my precious doggie....so easy to blame ourselves. I know this too well.
Please know that your babies are flying free right now looking down on you with so much love!
The pain will get less over time but I don't know that it ever goes away. I still get tearful over my sweet Olivia (BH Pi) who died from internal bleeding after flying into a window. That was 5 yrs ago. The pain is still their but not as intense.