When Daddy Comes Home

[TikkiTembo]

Chipper is calm and silent allllll day long with me. He allows me to pet him a few times a day, and doesn't cause any problems most of the time. As soon as my husband comes home, he starts screaming, lunging, flapping his wings, etc. He is in the main living area, so it feels quite overwhelming when he's acting aggressively towards everyone, especially now that he's venturing down the sides of his cage more.
I had a discussion with his vet about it, he said to make sure he and I remain platonic, remove nesting material, mushy foods, etc. I've also ordered "Good Bird" and "The Parrot Problem Solver" by Barbara H. But I wanted to hear what you all have done to help this kind of situation. Tonight, I placed him in his cage at 6:30 instead of his usual 7:30 to help him cool off. He's still with us, so he's not in solitude or anything, but I'm not sure if it's the right way to respond to his behavior.
Thanks for your advice!

 

[CrazyBirdChick]

Maybe @JLcribber or @sunnysmom can help?

 

[JLcribber]

So what does your husband do when this happens?

Is he just excited because his flock has returned or is he actively going after people?

 

[TikkiTembo]

Dan says hello and asks how his day was, etc. Then walks away in hopes he'll calm down. He's definitely more excited than aggressive, but it's like just seeing Dan come home pushes him over the edge, and for the rest of the evening, he lunges at Dan and both girls. (He likes them to keep their space at all times, not just when he's this excited, but he doesn't lunge at them as much during the day.) I don't mind the screaming much, as it's evening and it's time to scream lol But I know he's doing it in such a way that even I have to keep my distance, and I'm his favorite.
I'm not entirely sure if he's genuinely happy to see him, and then feels the need to remind Dan that he's a big bad birdie, or what. When Dan is home all weekend, Chip starts the day off like this, and it usually tapers off by the afternoon. Anytime he sees Dan, no matter what day or time, he raises his crest and talks, and he won't say a word to me all day!
You wouldn't even know Chipper was here all day, he's silent and is always safe to approach, even if he doesn't actually want to be touched, but he's crazy in the evenings and you have to give the cage a wide distance.

 

[JLcribber]

Dan says hello and asks how his day was, etc. Then walks away in hopes he'll calm down.

That's not much effort on Dan's part. There needs to be a little more involvement on his part. Walking away just increases anxiety already present. Doing it from behind locked bars doesn't help either. If it's hatred for Dan (because he loves you) then you need to disappear (out of sight, out of mind) while Dan raises his value with treats/interaction.

I'm just going to tell you like it is. You've got a number of rough months ahead while all this new life plays out and everyone figures out their role and place. It's a male cockatoo. Seriously the baddest pet on the planet. Buckle down.

 

[JLcribber]

If he loves Dan then again the onus is on Dan to improve the situation. And you keep your guard up when he's around.

 

[sunnysmom]

I think @JLcribber always has the better insight than me with 'toos. I'll just add that I think some screaming in the evening is typical for a 'too. Also, Elvis has a lot of energy in the evening. I know Chipper's energy seems a bit threatening now so I don't know if that's because of Dan being home, etc. And I know you and Chipper really are not at the place where you're probably comfortable playing until you know how he's going to react, etc. But I play with Elvis pretty hard in the evening. I make the fiancé go upstairs because an excited Elvis and the fiancé are not a good mix. But we play catch, he swoops and flies, we jump up and down the steps, etc. Elvis needs to burn off some of that 'too energy. Also, what time does Chipper go to bed? Elvis needs to be in bed by 9. Although he'd stay up all night if I let him, he really starts to get cranky/crazy if he stays up too late.

 

[TikkiTembo]

Thanks @JLcribber! Maybe when Dan comes home, I'll take the girls to the other room for a bit and he can sit down and read Chipper a book and give him some treats. I don't necessarily think Chipper is being aggressive, he's just past his limit of excitement and stimulation and needs to channel his energy in a different way. Our goal today is to start on a command that Chipper can follow easily, like targeting to his playstand (that he likes now!) , then it can give Dan and Chipper a safe way to interact.
Our vet told us to expect no less than a year of trying to figure out how this all works. Chipper is sweet, gentle, funny, mean, lunge-y and nervous all in the same day, and we love him at every stage of it. He'll never be a cockatiel or a puppy, he's not supposed to be. Even our 3 year old says "Chipper doesn't know how to be my friend yet and he might bite." She warns our guests too. Lol We have support from AA, the rescue, and a plethora of information from books and the internet to help guide us. He is who he is, we have to learn how to adapt, and we're committed.

 

[TikkiTembo]

@sunnysmom Actually, playing is a great idea! You're right that I'm still not sure where his line is not to cross, but we've got a good routine down and I think I have the perfect times to incorporate some play. Dan is home at 6:30, so we could train or play around 5:45 easily. I could put Ellen on a chair at a safe distance so she still feels involved and can watch how I interact with Chipper. Then Dan and the girls go upstairs for pj's and such at 8:00, and Chipper is covered and lights off by 8:30,so he and I have some more alone time where we could work on stuff. Now that he's not afraid of the playstand, maybe he'd like to help me do dishes or something new to keep him entertained.

 

[Hawk12237]

That's not much effort on Dan's part. There needs to be a little more involvement on his part. Walking away just increases anxiety already present. Doing it from behind locked bars doesn't help either. If it's hatred for Dan (because he loves you) then you need to disappear (out of sight, out of mind) while Dan raises his value with treats/interaction.

I'm just going to tell you like it is. You've got a number of rough months ahead while all this new life plays out and everyone figures out their role and place. It's a male cockatoo. Seriously the baddest pet on the planet. Buckle down.

John said it the best here. A too, especially a male sometimes, is a handful. And yes badest pet on the planet is at times an understatement, and like John said, will take awhile for everyone to settle in, Too's are no cake walk.
I had the same problem your describing when I had major.
First thing in morning wanted to find momma, just had to know where momma was. Then get over the top excited, and chase her. When my wife left for work, all was quiet. You wouldn't think there was a bird in the house.
Minute she come home from work, the excitement starts back up! My wife rarely picked up major, like dan, just acknowledged him then walk away. But in evening when we're all settled, and tv is on, major would climb down off perch, walk across living room to my wife and sit beside her on couch like a good boy.
Like John mentioned, it's a flock thing. When part of the flock is gone or missing, they get excited when flock returns and probably wonder ( where the he11 did you go?? You didn't tell me??)
There is really no quick fix for this attitude from bird. Dan, like my wife, has to learn to interact more with bird, not walk away when they get this way. Bad thing to do. To a too, it's like being rejected, and Too's don't handle rejection well.

 

[TikkiTembo]

Do you think Dan should be saying goodbye in the morning? Maybe it'll be less like he vanished from thin air?

 

[Hawk12237]

Do you think Dan should be saying goodbye in the morning? Maybe it'll be less like he vanished from thin air?

I always do...saying momma and daddy have to go bye bye, be back in a while...ok? " then you here the " aaawwww"
So they acknowledge it. It doesn't hurt.
Birds are peculiar, and smart. They have likes we tend to overlook, and dislikes we tend to not notice. Billy jean would not settle into her spot on cage at nite unless I said" give me a kiss and huggy huggy ....she comes over gives a kiss, and puts head on my shoulder sideways as I pet her back breifly.
Then say see you in morning. Sounds silly, but if I forget to do that, she is cranky come morning.
Poppers is same way...... My military macaws was a lot like that too. They aren't just birds, they are family, flock, your feathered kids, you have to treat them as such.
You tuck your kids in at nite, say good nite, and etc... If you ignored them and walked away when they get excited and rambunctious, they'd feel upset and hurt....think I'm terms of that, and you'll have an idea how your too is showing same
Needs. Look at your too as one of your kids, get in that mind set and you'll have better idea how to handle your too.

 

[sunnysmom]

Do you think Dan should be saying goodbye in the morning? Maybe it'll be less like he vanished from thin air?

I always say goodbye and actually explain what's going on. I think their comprehension level is higher than we often credit them with. Like, I say- I'm going to work. I'll be back at the regular time. I'm going to the store so I'll just be gone for a little bit, etc.

 

[Hawk12237]

Do you think Dan should be saying goodbye in the morning? Maybe it'll be less like he vanished from thin air?

One other thing you'll come to learn about Too's they are masters of surprise! What does that mean?? It means when you least expect it they pop out of the woodwork like a Jack in the box...crest up, wings lifted, and go hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!
Scares the beejeezus out of ya! Example???
You know about my episode with watching a scary movie.
Another time Billy was being a destructive pain in the butt, so I put him in his cage for a bit to clean up. I went to use the bathroom then went into kitchen and Billy was hiding behind the paper towel holder....he came around it and goes Hhhiiiiiiiiiiiiii!!!! I about jumped through roof. I thought ok how the he11 did you do that??
You learn that a too can unlock his cage! Not only that, but you know the slide bars on bottom of cage that slide out for cleaning?? He learned that if he slide it back, he can get out.
Smart little bugger he was.

 

[Just-passn-thru]

@TikkiTembo
It's calm around here when my husband is gone.when he walks in the door the energy changes. Bentley my male MM2 starts screaming. The read i get, is birds are flock animals. Husband is part of flock "and male". He enters with a entirely different energy . You're Cockatoo is alerting you and announces flock member arrives. I tell my husband to acknowledge Bentley's announcement of you. After a long day at work and commute , i dont think, you're tired husband has to sit down a read Chipper a bed time story. Just a simple acknowledgement should give Chipper the assurance that all is well in the flock. In our household to quite down Bentley, I tell my husband to walk over to him and say hi Bentley , in an animated voice and say a few words . I join in with the greetings and say in an upbeat voice papa's home ! Say hi Papa ...then my husbandwill say hi Bentley ! Hi Bird How ya doing. That usally does the trick. Birds get the message all is well. And things calm down . It may take a few times but remember they thrive on positive routine.

 

[Dartman]

I almost always tell Dobby you be a good, I love you, I'll be back later when I leave for work. Most of the time he's doing the talk to the butt stuff but I think it lets him know what's going on even if he prefers to snooze and ignore it most mornings. I usually say hi Dobbers and like that when I get home too just to acknowledge him and set a routine. He isn't a Too but I think it helps set a routine as he's learned he doesn't get out till every one is home and settled in for the night so we don't have another escapee. He usually snoozes, plays, eats while we're gone and as long as nothing isn't way out of his expected time frames he seems to be fine and roll with it. My first Maxi Nerd knew when I should be home, what my car sounded like, and we had games that had to be played when I walked in. If any of those were not as expected he'd be put out or greatly worried if the routine was not happening at all.

 

[TikkiTembo]

Alright, we tried a few things differently tonight that helped!!

Dan came home said hello to humans, then spent a few minutes talking to Chipper. He also read him a little book, and though he wasn't thrilled about doing it (@Just-passn-thru you called that! Haha) Chipper did remain calm throughout. Then he got a treat, and we sat down to dinner.

After dinner, he and I worked on his new command "Perch" to get him on his playstand. He was only interested in a minute of that lol

So far, no screaming or major posturing, just talking and a raised crest, plus a bit like maybe he wanted to lunge, but maybe he wanted to go see Dan? He was definitely leaning towards him, but didn't look obviously bitey like usual.

Instead of me staying and cleaning the kitchen, I took the girls upstairs and Dan stayed to clean. I peeked, and Chipper was calmly chewing a foot toy while Dan did dishes. Dan even got in a few head scritches.

Chipper remained more excited than he is during the day, but didn't hit over excited until closer to bedtime, and I think it was only because Dan told him to leave the baseboards alone. Haha

Some definite wins tonight, we'll continue being patient, calm, quiet and consistent until we get into a good rhythm. Natalie and I will be gone most of the day tomorrow, so Dan will have lots of opportunities to work with him on Step Up and Perch.

Woo!

 

[Dartman]

You just have to find the right combinations that work till you reach a understanding with each other, excellent news.

 

[JLcribber]

One step forward (today). Well done. There will be lots of 2 steps back days. Onward and upward.

 

[Just-passn-thru]

Some definite wins tonight, we'll continue being patient, calm, quiet and consistent until we get into a good rhythm. Natalie and I will be gone most of the day tomorrow, so Dan will have lots of opportunities to work with him on Step Up and Perch.

Sounds good