The bird or my husband

[JazzyJay]

Ok so I found my little Tostito (IRN) last may.
She was All messed up and unhealthy. I educated myself, did vet visits, changed they way we lived for her safety and won her heart over. She is hard to take care of unless she finds her way to a mirror. She’s great!! I love her to pieces, but she’s loud!! She cried when I leave the room, cried if I close the door to use the restroom, makes more noise when she’s cleaning herself, noise when she’s eating and walking around the house. I’m ok with the whistling but not the screaming high pitches! My husband and I work from home and he needs her out away in the room from 7am-5 pm and then after work he doesn’t want to hear her beak. I hate having her cooped up in the room alone all day so I stay in there A few hours, and then throughout the next few hours I come in to give her kisses and love and let her roam the house when he doesn’t have meetings or calls. (She’s never in her cage in the room) If I go run some errands I take her with me.. not to mention she still doesn’t get along with my husband or our daughter(bites them any chance she gets) Oddly enough she loves my grandmother and mother, but it took my grandmother a long time. But honestly guys, it’s just a hassle. I’ve looked around for a home for her (not really lol) but I always feel like no one‘s going to love her more than I will.. she’s like a baby that will never grow up and will probably outlive me and I just can and CANT do this anymore. I feel like a slave to her. Plus my husband refuses to live with her any longer, it’s creating problems. I can’t believe he has allowed it this long.

how do you guys survive giving up your birdies?
Any suggestions?
how can she shhuuush a little?
I need all the help I can get..

 

[Zara]

Maybe this will help;

Easiest Behavior Fixes Ever!

It seems sometimes that the bulk of our days is spent trying to change the behavior of other species – spouses, co-workers, children, pets, and even pests. We struggle to get our kids to do their h…

blogpamelaclarkonline.com

 

[Sparkles99]

Can you change your home to make a room where your other family members don't go & she has ample space? Maybe a contractor could help ensure not as much noise gets through. You could spend time with her there. It sounds like you really love all of them including her.

TBH, taking your bird everywhere seems risky; what if it increases the chances of her thinking of you as a mate? Some of the others will know far more about the risks of this. But if it does increase it, it'll increase aggression towards the potential competition too (husband & child). She could also fly away & I think most stores would be stressful for a bird.

Love the name Tostito!

 

[sunnysmom]

I can share my experience and see if it gives you any ideas. My fiance wanted a goffin. Technically, I adopted Elvis, our goffin. So, he is "my" bird but I let him pick the species. He had inherited a cockatiel prior to this who worshipped me. I always felt bad that Sunny, the tiel, became my bird. So, after Sunny passed away, I was okay with Elvis liking Howie, the fiance more than me as long as Elvis was okay with me too, as I would be the person feeding him, cleaning his cage, etc. Things were blissful for a while until Elvis started attacking the fiance. I have many theories as to why this happened which I won't get into. But we definitely went through a period of time where the fiance wanted Elvis gone. I thought about it. I couldn't do it. So, I had to make changes. Elvis can't be out alone with my fiance anymore. This made me sad because I wanted Elvis out basically all the time. That's how my cockatiel lived. But then the screaming started. Because Elvis wanted out. I again thought about whether we were the best home for him or not. But in Elvis's case, he had already been rehomed so many times, I just couldn't do it. I took some training classes. Read a bunch of articles, and this is what I came up with. Elvis is on a strict schedule. He gets out at certain times of the day. Always with me, not with Howie. He's smart. It took him about a week to figure out the schedule. He no longer screams to be let out because he knows he's not going to until his "time". He now only screams in the morning to get uncovered and about 15 minutes before it's time to get out, I guess just to remind me. LOL. I feel bad that I can't deviate from the schedule. On weekends, I would love to have him out with me more. But when I tried that, it broke the schedule and the screaming started again. I spoke to a trainer about it, and she said don't let him out extra on weekends. When I do have him out, he gets ALL my attention. We play and sing and dance. So he gets lots of exercise and has lots of fun. Is it the perfect life that I wanted for him? No. But he's happy and he's loved. Also, along the way, I ended up fostering a cockatiel. It was not my intention to adopt him at all. But having the tiel in the house also seemed to calm Elvis down. He had a buddy in the room with him when we weren't home, etc. I never let the 2 of them out together. But during the day, their cages are in the same room. I am not saying a second bird will do the same for you but it's also something to think about. But I always caution people, it's important that you want a second bird. (We fell in love with the cockatiel.) And not just to get a second bird for your bird. And there are never any guaranteed that two birds will be friends. I also suggest checking out Barabara Heidenreich and Pamela Clarke. They are two good sources on bird training, behavior, etc.

 

[Pixiebeak]

Screaming is a common issue. Excess starts because some needs are not getting met, becomes reinforced and becomes a habit. It can be modified and reduced with a lot of work dedication and often a multi prong approach. Like a anything there can be more than one way to solve this. I've shared how I've accomplished this in ways that have worked for me and 4 different Screaming parrots. Acquired as Screaming rehomes to me. As it takes so much to write it out I'm sharing a link to a thread I put so much into.

I'm also supportive to you re homing if that's were you are. As I've worked with rescues that were held onto to long by people who could felt no one could love them like they did. Even tho clearly they were unable to make the changes and provide an environment for the parrot to thrive. And its always more difficult with multiple people households.

Ok here is the thread

Need advice/help with conure behaviour

Hello. Help and advice needed desperately ? We have a green cheek conure that we have had a couple of years now ( he's around 5 years old we think) . He's was never a cage bird before we got him and his chirping and screaming was so unbearable that it was impossible to cage him. He could...

forums.avianavenue.com

 

[flyzipper]

My husband and I work from home and he needs her out away in the room from 7am-5 pm and then after work he doesn’t want to hear her beak. I hate having her cooped up in the room alone all day so I stay in there A few hours, and then throughout the next few hours I come in to give her kisses and love and let her roam the house when he doesn’t have meetings or calls.

This is the part that sticks out to me -- you've got Tostito isolated rather than in a central part of your home where she can remain aware of what's going on and connected to her flock (the human members of the household). It may sound counterintuitive and requires a leap of faith to allow a noisy bird out of their room, but that isolation may be precisely why she's noisy. When she becomes comfortable with the routine comings and goings of the home, she'll learn that you emerge shortly after disappearing into the bathroom, for example.

TBH, taking your bird everywhere seems risky; what if it increases the chances of her thinking of you as a mate? Some of the others will know far more about the risks of this. But if it does increase it, it'll increase aggression towards the potential competition too (husband & child). She could also fly away & I think most stores would be stressful for a bird.

This article covers what @Sparkles99 is referring to, as well as the problems with bird rooms and explains how they're related...

Avoid the Pair Bond: Social Relationships with Parrots

At the heart of many behavior problems is a social relationship that has taken a wrong turn. Why? Because, despite our best intentions we often misunderstand what parrots really need from us social…

blogpamelaclarkonline.com

I'm also supportive to you re homing if that's were you are. As I've worked with rescues that were held onto to long by people who could felt no one could love them like they did. Even tho clearly they were unable to make the changes and provide an environment for the parrot to thrive. And its always more difficult with multiple people households.

I'm also supportive of rehoming if things ultimately don't turn out. There's too much stigma attached to the concept of a "forever home" and if the previous caretakers of my Jericho and Oscar followed that dogmatically, they'd be in worse situations than they are now.

Good luck however you approach this, and keep asking questions as you work through it.

 

[JazzyJay]

Can you change your home to make a room where your other family members don't go & she has ample space? Maybe a contractor could help ensure not as much noise gets through. You could spend time with her there. It sounds like you really love all of them including her.

TBH, taking your bird everywhere seems risky; what if it increases the chances of her thinking of you as a mate? Some of the others will know far more about the risks of this. But if it does increase it, it'll increase aggression towards the potential competition too (husband & child). She could also fly away & I think most stores would be stressful for a bird.

Love the name Tostito!

Haha Thanks..
she totally answers to her name and “mama” hahaha
But I don’t take her everywhere but if I go to target or walk my dog I take her in a traveling backpack…. But I’ll rethink taking we then. I def thought about stress but I’ve seen people take their birdies… trying to help her enjoy her life but maybe I’ll rethink that ..
as far as space she is free to roam my whole house. Everything is baby proofed for her and she gets nap time and alone time.

Thank u so much for the advice.. let me know if u can suggest more

 

[JazzyJay]

Screaming is a common issue. Excess starts because some needs are not getting met, becomes reinforced and becomes a habit. It can be modified and reduced with a lot of work dedication and often a multi prong approach. Like a anything there can be more than one way to solve this. I've shared how I've accomplished this in ways that have worked for me and 4 different Screaming parrots. Acquired as Screaming rehomes to me. As it takes so much to write it out I'm sharing a link to a thread I put so much into.

I'm also supportive to you re homing if that's were you are. As I've worked with rescues that were held onto to long by people who could felt no one could love them like they did. Even tho clearly they were unable to make the changes and provide an environment for the parrot to thrive. And its always more difficult with multiple people households.

Ok here is the thread

Need advice/help with conure behaviour

Hello. Help and advice needed desperately ? We have a green cheek conure that we have had a couple of years now ( he's around 5 years old we think) . He's was never a cage bird before we got him and his chirping and screaming was so unbearable that it was impossible to cage him. He could...

forums.avianavenue.com

thank u for the article! I’m def willing to put in the work. I want her to be happy and I want to grow old with her hahaha

also Thank u for the rehiring support

 

[JazzyJay]

This is the part that sticks out to me -- you've got Tostito isolated rather than in a central part of your home where she can remain aware of what's going on and connected to her flock (the human members of the household). It may sound counterintuitive and requires a leap of faith to allow a noisy bird out of their room, but that isolation may be precisely why she's noisy. When she becomes comfortable with the routine comings and goings of the home, she'll learn that you emerge shortly after disappearing into the bathroom, for example.


This article covers what @Sparkles99 is referring to, as well as the problems with bird rooms and explains how they're related...

Avoid the Pair Bond: Social Relationships with Parrots

At the heart of many behavior problems is a social relationship that has taken a wrong turn. Why? Because, despite our best intentions we often misunderstand what parrots really need from us social…

blogpamelaclarkonline.com

I'm also supportive of rehoming if things ultimately don't turn out. There's too much stigma attached to the concept of a "forever home" and if the previous caretakers of my Jericho and Oscar followed that dogmatically, they'd be in worse situations than they are now.

Good luck however you approach this, and keep asking questions as you work through it.

It’s only been within the last two weeks she’s and I have been in the room. Our room is very large and sooooo much natural light.
There are a few times throughout his day he lets me open the door and she is free to roam the house. She honestly gets sooo much walking time and hangs around me or all of us. Nosy as heck she is haha.
She has plenty of toys, large cage, plenty of sleep and super healthy diet. I do however, have a schedule and move her cage to the living room around 4-5. Just sings and talks back to me. He’s ok with that, it’s the constant high pitch noise. She’s talking as she’s cleaning herself (soooo loud high pitch) when she’s eating her favorite treat (high pitches) and if I freaking leave the room. I honestly love when she calls me with a “come here” whistle but it’s the constant high pitches.

What am else am I doing wrong? Too much roaming time? How long should she be in a gage during the day? I also feel she is spoiled!! The gate stays open AM to PM. She gets a nap time but that’s all….

thabk u for the help and support

 

[flyzipper]

She’s talking as she’s cleaning herself (soooo loud high pitch) when she’s eating her favorite treat (high pitches)

If your bird is making happy sounds, I don't think you're doing anything wrong -- quite the opposite.

To focus somewhat, is it safe to summarize the primary issue as the specific high pitch vocalizations are like nails on a chalkboard for your husband?

Can you post a video of the sounds? Videos need to be unloaded to another site such as YouTube and then linked to in a message here on the forum.

 

[TisonA]

Can you do trick training? This bird really loves you, she’s very lonely. Birdtricks touch training on YouTube is really amazing.

 

[rocky'smom]

Skip anything to do with Birdtricks please. They are not good examples of good training for birds. Here are better bird trainers.

Free Training Resources

Someone recently told me that there was only one trainer on the internet that had free training advice. This is, quite simply, false. This “trainer” they spoke of is an amateur that has taken advice from salesmen who market themselves as bird trainers. Not to say that they don't enjoy helping...

forums.avianavenue.com