Should I keep bird that loves men and is wary of women

[Kratze]

Sorry I know I read and replied earlier but I can't remember if it was mentioned. Do you have any idea why the dislike of women or is it just a random thing? My first wee bird hated men except for my grandfather, there was no reason for it, he just never liked men. He wasn't mean about it, just stayed clear, they're funny characters sometimes

I don't know much about her history with women, but I do know she has wanted to elope with every man who's come in the house so far. I haven't had any female guests (I don't have guests often, that's just coincidence).

 

[Kratze]

So here she is under the coffee table again. I decided to let her out since I'd be home for the next several days, and once again she jumped off in some sort of panic (she was really enjoying her playtop time otherwise, chewing up cardboard and just hanging out).

I put the old cage near her and she is avoiding it, but let's see what she does when she gets hungry. I baited it with some cashews (her favorite) and I'm hoping she goes in. I'd be OK if she ended up spending the night in it as it's a proper cage (not a tiny travel cage), just not big enough for a permanent one. Then I can hoist her up to her main cage and let her in...

I also asked the rescue I listed her with to find a more experienced foster home. Either I'm no good at this, or she is never going to like me, or both. Everytime I look at her, her body language says to my eyes "I'm angry". And I'm pretty sure I'm misreading it, but I don't know and I'm erring on the side of anger. We seem to be sliding backwards. Training goes well, but it's useless once she's on the floor. She has zero trust for me on the floor. I just don't think I can handle this stress much longer, and I don't think she can either. I hope they can find a better foster home for her so she can go to a place that actually understands parrots, and hopefully has at least one guy in the house!

 

[Kratze]

So yesterday, she got out again because like a fool, I opened up her cage, thinking I could get her in the original cage she came in. She jumped off at some point - possibly I scared her - and we got a minor repeat of what things were like on the first week: me chasing her around for a little (I stopped fairly quickly), then me stuffing paper under the couch and entertainment center she she couldn't hide there. This kept up till nearly 10pm, three hours past her bedtime and we were both freaked out and completely exhausted. It goes without saying that she refused to target, she refused to go anywhere near the old cage, she refused everything again and there I was, stuck with a bird I couldn't lift up to her cage.

So in desperation, I called a neighbor and asked him if he could pick her up for me. He came over and brought his daughter, who is nuts about birds and wanted one. They were telling her no, she couldn't have one. But when he picked her up, she was, of course, charming and sweet to him and I could see he was falling for her. He took some pictures and said he'd talk to his wife about it - I think she's about to be outnumbered. I don't know what's going to be decided and I won't know till tomorrow as they have a busy day today, but I'm really hoping she can go over there. They have a nice house and a room where she can get lots of natural light, she can hang out with them and just generally be with people who she will step up for. Even if it's only till they find her a permanent home, it would be better than here, where she hates me and had nobody she trusts to give her head scritches and love. She grudgingly accepts food from me, she works to some extent with targeting, but she's really not into me at all.

Please cross your fingers for her if you are reading this post. They are really good, solid people and I feel she'd be in better shape than she was before I got her there, with three people to hang out with.

 

[Kratze]

So yesterday, she got out again because like a fool, I opened up her cage, thinking I could get her in the original cage she came in. She jumped off at some point - possibly I scared her - and we got a minor repeat of what things were like on the first week: me chasing her around for a little (I stopped fairly quickly), then me stuffing paper under the couch and entertainment center she she couldn't hide there. This kept up till nearly 10pm, three hours past her bedtime and we were both freaked out and completely exhausted. It goes without saying that she refused to target, she refused to go anywhere near the old cage, she refused everything again and there I was, stuck with a bird I couldn't lift up to her cage.

So in desperation, I called a neighbor and asked him if he could pick her up for me. He came over and brought his daughter, who is nuts about birds and wanted one. They were telling her no, she couldn't have one. But when he picked her up, she was, of course, charming and sweet to him and I could see he was falling for her. He took some pictures and said he'd talk to his wife about it - I think she's about to be outnumbered. I don't know what's going to be decided and I won't know till tomorrow as they have a busy day today, but I'm really hoping she can go over there. They have a nice house and a room where she can get lots of natural light, she can hang out with them and just generally be with people who she will step up for. Even if it's only till they find her a permanent home, it would be better than here, where she hates me and had nobody she trusts to give her head scritches and love. She grudgingly accepts food from me, she works to some extent with targeting, but she's really not into me at all.

Please cross your fingers for her if you are reading this post. They are really good, solid people and I feel she'd be in better shape than she was before I got her there, with three people to hang out with.

Well, that doesn't look so far like it's working out. Haven't heard a peep out of them since that night. Boo.

On the plus side, I've now learned that Georgie had apparently gotten to the point where she hated EVERYBODY, including her former owner, so there's that. When she calms down and shows her true colors, she's a diva at heart and throws absolute fits if she doesn't get things her own way. Problem is, I don't know what she wants yet.

On the plus side, she refused to eat breakfast today unless I was in the room and sitting close to her. Maybe she's just really lonely since she's stuck in her cage and I work in a different room. She'll probably go nuts later and try to bite me through the cage bars again (which fortunately didn't succeed), but it's nice to be wanted if even for a moment.

 

[Dartman]

Well don't give up just yet. Sounds like she's starting to very slowly warm up to you, but if you find the perfect family she likes that's still a option.

 

[Kratze]

Well don't give up just yet. Sounds like she's starting to very slowly warm up to you, but if you find the perfect family she likes that's still a option.

Thank you.

I'll still let her go if a good family arises; I am slowly beginning to wish I had my old life back. And I am thinking she's going to be stuck in that cage for several more months and there's guilt there as well.
That said, it's still pretty touch and go, but as long as I do keep her in there, there's a half a chance. Unless I let a guy come over, LOL. Then it'll be a few days where she's looking for him and doesn't want anything to do with me!

 

[Dartman]

Lurch was allowed out and usually he went in on his own or I'd catch him in a good mood and he'd be ok riding to his door. Dobby never wanted to go in but he isn't snappy so it was just chase him around or eventually turn out the lights and scoop him up with a finger on his toe and put him away.
Most of the time now he'll not fight too much and just ride over with a finger on his toe, or just ride over and hop in because he's tired and ready to nap. Sometimes he just goes in when he's ready.

 

[Princessbella]

My bird I've had 2 weeks, who is 20 years and a Senegal, came from a guy who didn't have time for her. Since I've got her, it's been way more miss than hit with me, and she hasn't stepped up and runs away from me if I'm on the floor. She absolutely doesn't trust me. She doesn't hate me, she just has no trust or interest in me.

My nephew came over, met her for the first time and literally had her eating out of his hand in seconds, then he picked her up and she was completely calm, and she let him pet her (I can barely pet her without a bite threat and that's only once in a while). She loves him and lets him pick her up from the cage, pet her, and even came close to regurgitating for him.

So that raises the question: Should I, a female that she mistrusts, keep this bird? Or should I find a rescue that can get her a home where a man will take care of her? I can possibly find a bird that prefers women and let this little girl get her guy she wants.

I want to do the right thing for her. She's super sweet with guys, she is very good with and for them. She runs away from me. I don't have anybody around, the nephew lives in a different city and can't take her either way.

Is it better to let her go to a home where she'll be with a guy? She's a plucker/feather mangler and she's been pretty stressed overall despite a few wins over the last few weeks.

Bailey is a man's bird but I am still his Mom. Give it some time.

 

[Kratze]

Bailey is a man's bird but I am still his Mom. Give it some time.

Thank you, I don't see this ever working out, but it could be worse I suppose. I just can't touch her, and probably never will, which is why she'll go to a better home once one gets found. She steps up for others and will be a LOT easier to work with for a person who can get her to step up.

On the plus side, I got her to eat a bit of zucchini the other day. She was not crazy about it but she nibbled on it at least. Baby steps! She's now wanting me to be visible when she eats, not sure if that's a plus or a sign that she mistrusts me so much she wants me in sight so she knows what I'm doing. She's changed things around for me, half the time now I have to eat in the dark and give up on some of my food because she has to get her sleep! I've lost 13 pounds in six weeks from this, which isn't the worst thing for me to be honest. I needed it.

 

[zoo mom]

Birds are flock creatures. They eat together. This is a positive sign.

 

[Kratze]

Birds are flock creatures. They eat together. This is a positive sign.

Good! I was hoping so. I still don't trust her enough to try and touch her, but at least that seems like a small improvement. Thanks for the encouragement! I'd like to at least let her go to her next home without a terror of people who look like me.

 

[flyzipper]

I still don't trust her enough to try and touch her

She also needs to trust you enough to allow it.

There are two sides to that coin in your relationship.

 

[Kratze]

She also needs to trust you enough to allow it.

There are two sides to that coin in your relationship.

That's fair. But I can't read her body language either, so I can't figure out when I'm going too far.

She bit at me again last night and in conjunction with other stresses, I was so over it I just left the room for the rest of the night and came back only to wordlessly throw the cover on top of her cage and turn out the lights. This morning I'm still so upset I fed her but haven't spoken to her yet. It's stupid and petty and childish but OMG I want this bird out of my life and gone SO MUCH right now. I'm tired of failing. I'm tired of being bitten at. I'm tired of feeling like a failure. I'm tired of her hating on me. I can't wait for it to be over.

I can actually see now why people treat their parrots badly. I don't intend to do that, but I'm just so over this experience. I am stuck with the bird for another many months and feeling sorry for both her and myself over it, since at this point I cannot give her back to her previous owner (who wanted her gone for what turned out to be the same reasons, only she liked him a lot better than she likes me).

I tried, and I've just kept failing. I am honestly no good at this and am crossing my fingers they will call me up and tell me they found a good home... but I know it won't happen quickly. Possibly ever, and if I haven't found a good place by early next year she might end up at the local outdoor parrot sanctuary. In the meantime, I won't abuse her, but I'm also just about ready to put all the books away and start ignoring her from here on in other than to change out her cage papers and feed her because it seems to be what she wants. And that's the opposite of what I had in mind when I got her.

Sorry, I know I'm reacting to all of this like a selfish little brat. I just hate this whole situation, she's driving me crazy and I'm probably driving her crazy. It's a terrible matchup. I might try ignoring her for the next few days and see if that improves things.

 

[zoo mom]

Ok. Step back. Square one.
You definitely need to back off and slow down. Spend time with her in her room but don't actually physically interact with him/her other than feeding her and giving him/her water. Read out loud to her. Do crafts ect. It doesn't really matter what. When you pass her cage drop a treat in her bowl but don't linger. Eat your snacks or meals in her area if possible but not too close to her. Keep at a distance as much as possible.

Then slowly over weeks not days. Gradually move closer. If she reacts negatively to your presence then you are too close. Back up again until she seems comfortable with the distance.

It is going to take time. Lots of time.

Put yourself in her place.
You are a child. You have been dropped off in a foreign country where you don't know anyone or the language. You are randomly put into a family. You don't know them. You don't trust them. You can't understand what they are saying. You don't know if you are safe. Your reaction is to lash out at anyone who gets too close. The only time you feel safe is when someone who looks like or reminds you of someone who treated you well in the past.

This is where your bird is at right now.

 

[Kratze]

So she almost got adopted at the vet's. However, it went in a really strange direction.
I boarded her for three weeks because of some family medical emergencies and then a week of travel at the vet's. On the day she arrived (but after I left), another customer with a Red-Belly met her and fell in love and was so interested he paid for a follow-up test.
But he wanted his kids to meet her, since they would be a critical part of her care. He went silent for a few weeks and I assumed he had changed his mind.
But, no. On the very morning I was sitting in a plane flying me from Amsterdam to the US, he decided to show up unannounced with his family and demanded to see the bird. They told him I needed to approve it first, and he got my number and texted me. So did they. But I didn't get it till at least four hours later when I landed in the US.
So he cursed out the vet's office and send me a curt text telling me good luck finding a home for the bird.
I sent out a bunch of desperate-sounding texts (major sleep deprivation) asking him to reconsider but I got just one response complaining about what jerks the vet's office were. Then he just went SILENT and never responded to another text.
Thinking Georgie dodged a bullet there.

Meantime, she's grouching here, unhappy to be back (she turned out to love having other birds around and adored the staff) and letting me know it every day.

If I don't find a home for her in the next few months, she's going to the nearby Parrot Sanctuary. I think she'll be fine once the weather warms up to live outside in a huge cage with others of her kind, if they can find one that gets along well with her. And based on the vet experience, that should be doable. Then she will always have company, and she'll acclimate to living outside and maybe even let her feathers grow back in for extra insulation.

 

[April]

So she almost got adopted at the vet's. However, it went in a really strange direction.
I boarded her for three weeks because of some family medical emergencies and then a week of travel at the vet's. On the day she arrived (but after I left), another customer with a Red-Belly met her and fell in love and was so interested he paid for a follow-up test.
But he wanted his kids to meet her, since they would be a critical part of her care. He went silent for a few weeks and I assumed he had changed his mind.
But, no. On the very morning I was sitting in a plane flying me from Amsterdam to the US, he decided to show up unannounced with his family and demanded to see the bird. They told him I needed to approve it first, and he got my number and texted me. So did they. But I didn't get it till at least four hours later when I landed in the US.
So he cursed out the vet's office and send me a curt text telling me good luck finding a home for the bird.
I sent out a bunch of desperate-sounding texts (major sleep deprivation) asking him to reconsider but I got just one response complaining about what jerks the vet's office were. Then he just went SILENT and never responded to another text.
Thinking Georgie dodged a bullet there.

Meantime, she's grouching here, unhappy to be back (she turned out to love having other birds around and adored the staff) and letting me know it every day.

If I don't find a home for her in the next few months, she's going to the nearby Parrot Sanctuary. I think she'll be fine once the weather warms up to live outside in a huge cage with others of her kind, if they can find one that gets along well with her. And based on the vet experience, that should be doable. Then she will always have company, and she'll acclimate to living outside and maybe even let her feathers grow back in for extra insulation.

Oh no that's awful that he was so mean about the situation,I'm so sorry.

 

[Kratze]

Oh no that's awful that he was so mean about the situation,I'm so sorry.

I know, right? I figure she's better off in a household where her people act like that when they don't get their way! Less competition for her :-D

 

[April]

I know, right? I figure she's better off in a household where her people act like that when they don't get their way! Less competition for her :-D

Ha that's a valid point. I'm sure the right home for her will come along soon.