New bird mama!!!

[Shezbug]

You are not a bad person for doing what was advised to you by inexperienced, uneducated and ignorant people- you did what you thought was right as they are in that position where one should be able to assume they know what they are talking about. Unfortunately for you and the animals they are there to make money more than they are there to give the animals a better life.

Maybe it will be easier for you to start off with a bird more willing to be handled by absolutely anyone- if it were me then I would stick with the bird you have already.... I am a sucker for a challenge with making friends with animals though
If it is knocking your confidence trying to work with this bird after being given crappy advice and you honestly feel this bird is not for you and you are not for this bird, you can not make things better and you are doing the best thing for both of you by returning the bird then I can guarantee you that the members here will support you even if what you do is not what most here would choose to do- We just want whatever bird you bring into your home to have its best chance at a wicked fun happy loving life in a good home and we just want for you to get the best and most in depth interactions from your fluff butt.

No one can change the way you feel but I beg you to think it through a lot more and make the decision based on what is actually best for all of you rather than just what is easiest for you. Take your time to make your choice- the choice you make affects this bird for life more so than it will ever affect you so all I ask is that you do not make this choice with hurt or guilt filled feelings at the forefront of your mind- make this choice with a clear conscience and rational (non emotional) feelings and thoughts.

Best of luck and do keep us informed of whatever you decide is best

 

[jzarc17]

You are not a bad person for doing what was advised to you by inexperienced, uneducated and ignorant people- you did what you thought was right as they are in that position where one should be able to assume they know what they are talking about. Unfortunately for you and the animals they are there to make money more than they are there to give the animals a better life.

Maybe it will be easier for you to start off with a bird more willing to be handled by absolutely anyone- if it were me then I would stick with the bird you have already.... I am a sucker for a challenge with making friends with animals though
If it is knocking your confidence trying to work with this bird after being given crappy advice and you honestly feel this bird is not for you and you are not for this bird, you can not make things better and you are doing the best thing for both of you by returning the bird then I can guarantee you that the members here will support you even if what you do is not what most here would choose to do- We just want whatever bird you bring into your home to have its best chance at a wicked fun happy loving life in a good home and we just want for you to get the best and most in depth interactions from your fluff butt.

No one can change the way you feel but I beg you to think it through a lot more and make the decision based on what is actually best for all of you rather than just what is easiest for you. Take your time to make your choice- the choice you make affects this bird for life more so than it will ever affect you so all I ask is that you do not make this choice with hurt or guilt filled feelings at the forefront of your mind- make this choice with a clear conscience and rational (non emotional) feelings and thoughts.

Best of luck and do keep us informed of whatever you decide is best

Thank you for all the kind and rational words. I need them all and in turn so does the bird. I am going to take your advice and try to make a decision when I am less of a sobbing fool.

 

[fluffypoptarts]

Okay, give her a minute...it has been only days. Some lovebirds take longer than others to adjust and want to interact. Shortest for one of mine was a week, more common was weeks to months, and my very wary lovebird took a couple years. It’s easier if they’re not the only lovebird in the house.

Lovebirds typically need to build a relationship with a person to act the way you’re hoping for, and that takes time. Other species may be easier to bond with and less particular, but they’re not lovebirds.

I know it can be discouraging...but try to be patient. It took Twinkie a couple of weeks to want to come to me and I was sure before then that he would never love me. Now he can’t get enough of me!

 

[jzarc17]

Okay, give her a minute...it has been only days. Some lovebirds take longer than others to adjust and want to interact. Shortest for one of mine was a week, more common was weeks to months, and my very wary lovebird took a couple years. It’s easier if they’re not the only lovebird in the house.

Lovebirds typically need to build a relationship with a person to act the way you’re hoping for, and that takes time. Other species may be easier to bond with and less particular, but they’re not lovebirds.

I know it can be discouraging...but try to be patient. It took Twinkie a couple of weeks to want to come to me and I was sure before then that he would never love me. Now he can’t get enough of me!

Thank you for the response. Reading you examples helps me. I‘m not really worried so much about giving her time more so that I cant imagine this bird going from where she’s at now to being willing to perch on my hand or shoulder or whatever really. I‘m scared she will just always not want to leave her cage. I understand what your saying though, it going to take time.

 

[birdy.929]

Both of my birds came to me extremely scared of humans, with my lovebird being timid and my conure being aggressive. My lovebird was absolutely terrified of me when I first got him, to the point where he would fall off his perch when I walked in the door. But now, after two years, he is most loving bird i have ever met. I have never had such a strong, loving connection to an animal before, and I have owned many animals, from dogs to cats to hedgehogs. My parents even laugh sometimes when they see how close we are, because he will be snuggled into the blanket with me or giving me his most perfect kissy impression to my cheek. It all takes time. No bird is the same, and some will take longer to trust people and some need different approaches from people. It took my lovebird about 2-3 weeks to be comfortable stepping up, but about a year for him to be ok with head pets. Just trust yourself and you bird and everything will fall into place

 

[fluffypoptarts]

Thank you for the response. Reading you examples helps me. I‘m not really worried so much about giving her time more so that I cant imagine this bird going from where she’s at now to being willing to perch on my hand or shoulder or whatever really. I‘m scared she will just always not want to leave her cage. I understand what your saying though, it going to take time.

You’re welcome. I totally get it. I’ve had lovebirds for nearly 14 years, and I’ve learned that they will always surprise you! You won’t be able to imagine how much they’ll change or how brave they can be. And they always seem to take the big steps so suddenly!

 

[budgieluv3]

I suggest making a treat bowl (I use the bottom of a water bottle), and putting pellets and chop in there. She'll hopefully relate chop and pellets as "treats". It's cheating I know lol. Bird ownership takes time. Be patient. If it REALLY isn't working you have a community on here to help you make those decisions, and help you take a second thought.

 

[Zara]

Some great responses here already.

Just want to add, if you do take this bird back and bring home a different bird, it is likely you will find yourself in the same or similar position. Buying a bird from a pet shop is very different from buying from a small breeder who invests a lot of time into the developing, and allows the chicks access to their parents so they can learn independence. It is an around the clock operation, and it can be difficult to find such breeder.

It has only been a few days, this is seconds in comparison for a bird.

You have the support of the board, no matter what you decide to do

I’ve learned that they will always surprise you! You won’t be able to imagine how much they’ll change or how brave they can be.

100%!
My youngest is an absolute rollercoaster. They are just completely different to all my other birds, and the extended family.
I´m no expert but I like to think I know a thing or two about lovebirds and their ways, but Gísli has come along to tell me to take a seat!

 

[Hankmacaw]

Flooding - those idjits are recommending FLOODING. It is probably the cruelest most ineffective, outdated way of "training".

This is from Barbara Heindenreich - I hope you recognize her name.
"Flooding:
A process of teaching an animal to cope with a situation it fears. The process is generally traumatic and relentless. The animal learns nothing it does will change the outcome and learns to submit or tolerate the situation. Not recommended!
Example of flooding:
Everyday a Quaker parrot is required to be moved from one location to another. The bird does not step up voluntarily. It is decided the bird must be moved and the bird is chased with a towel until the parrot is captured. This is repeated two times daily to move the bird inside and outside. Eventually the bird stops running away from the towel and freezes when it sees the towel. This allows the bird to be captured easily.
Parrot & Bird Training Terminology | Good Bird Training "

Patience, you must be patient and you don't seem to be showing much of that so far.

 

[elitys]

Having been a pet store employee myself, I go by a general rule to NEVER. EVER. LISTEN. TO. THEIR. ADVICE. Because pet care is my passion, I did a lot of my own research outside of work during my time there to make sure the prospective pet owners knew the right stuff, but I was of a rare few who did. Most of my fellow employees didn't know crap about the animals they were selling to people and would just make stuff up when they couldn't answer a question. It was horrible. There is almost no regulation on who gets hired for a pet store. You don't have to have any experience or knowledge with animals as the store is supposed to provide what you need to know– but this care information is almost always incorrect, outdated, and downright harmful to the pet.

You will be much better off getting your pet care info from forums, veterinarians, behavior experts, etc. Even youtube is a good resource for training, toy making, and recipes and such. I recommend the channels Flock Talk and Elle and the Birds; good content and they focus on small birds like your lovie. Honestly, I would say to disregard everything you were told by the pet store employees. They definitely seem like they have no clue what they are talking about.

Otherwise, I commend you for joining the forum and trying to make yourself a better pet owner. That is the first step in improving your current situation. When I first got my bird, there were definitely times I felt overwhelmed, and Poppy came to me tame. You've got a difficult task ahead of you, but if after learning about their needs and considering your abilities you feel that you can handle it, it is one of the most rewarding companion relationships you'll ever have. You've gotten a lot of great advice here and I encourage you to continue learning– there is a lot to know about these guys. Good luck!!

 

[jzarc17]

Flooding - those idjits are recommending FLOODING. It is probably the cruelest most ineffective, outdated way of "training".

This is from Barbara Heindenreich - I hope you recognize her name.
"Flooding:
A process of teaching an animal to cope with a situation it fears. The process is generally traumatic and relentless. The animal learns nothing it does will change the outcome and learns to submit or tolerate the situation. Not recommended!
Example of flooding:
Everyday a Quaker parrot is required to be moved from one location to another. The bird does not step up voluntarily. It is decided the bird must be moved and the bird is chased with a towel until the parrot is captured. This is repeated two times daily to move the bird inside and outside. Eventually the bird stops running away from the towel and freezes when it sees the towel. This allows the bird to be captured easily.
Parrot & Bird Training Terminology | Good Bird Training "

Patience, you must be patient and you don't seem to be showing much of that so far.

I recognize “good bird” from recent posts I have read but not the name Barbara Heindereich. I will look at the link you provide. I can now see why the pet stores recommendation clearly does not work.

I was certainly not trying to be cruel to the bird, that’s not who I am and never have been my intentions. It’s not easy trying to decide what advice to go with when there are polar opposite opinions all by people that I view as credible in the beginning.

I am nearly positive after talking with people on here that I am going to keep this bird and I am going heed the advice that has been given to me here and let the bird tell me what shes comfortably with me doing so I can start to build the trust. I will be a good bird owner...mark my words.

Your last sentence stung me a little, maybe you are right. It was a little harsh in my opinion but point taken. Ether way, thank you for the feed back.

 

[jzarc17]

I suggest making a treat bowl (I use the bottom of a water bottle), and putting pellets and chop in there. She'll hopefully relate chop and pellets as "treats". It's cheating I know lol. Bird ownership takes time. Be patient. If it REALLY isn't working you have a community on here to help you make those decisions, and help you take a second thought.

I do have a bowel that special just for treats! I have been leaving little goodies in the bowel here and there, I got lucky today and had a long piece of millet that I extended to her and she gladly nibbled on it so that was a big win! I am leaning hard on keeping her and just slowly trying to win her over at her pace.

 

[Zara]

had a long piece of millet that I extended to her and she gladly nibbled on it so that was a big win!

Millet sprigs are great, because you can start with a whole one and it gives room between you both, and you can shorten it over time as she gets comfortable

 

[jzarc17]

Having been a pet store employee myself, I go by a general rule to NEVER. EVER. LISTEN. TO. THEIR. ADVICE. Because pet care is my passion, I did a lot of my own research outside of work during my time there to make sure the prospective pet owners knew the right stuff, but I was of a rare few who did. Most of my fellow employees didn't know crap about the animals they were selling to people and would just make stuff up when they couldn't answer a question. It was horrible. There is almost no regulation on who gets hired for a pet store. You don't have to have any experience or knowledge with animals as the store is supposed to provide what you need to know– but this care information is almost always incorrect, outdated, and downright harmful to the pet.

You will be much better off getting your pet care info from forums, veterinarians, behavior experts, etc. Even youtube is a good resource for training, toy making, and recipes and such. I recommend the channels Flock Talk and Elle and the Birds; good content and they focus on small birds like your lovie. Honestly, I would say to disregard everything you were told by the pet store employees. They definitely seem like they have no clue what they are talking about.

Otherwise, I commend you for joining the forum and trying to make yourself a better pet owner. That is the first step in improving your current situation. When I first got my bird, there were definitely times I felt overwhelmed, and Poppy came to me tame. You've got a difficult task ahead of you, but if after learning about their needs and considering your abilities you feel that you can handle it, it is one of the most rewarding companion relationships you'll ever have. You've gotten a lot of great advice here and I encourage you to continue learning– there is a lot to know about these guys. Good luck!!

Thank you for the additional channels! I really enjoy this kind of content, I will check them all out. YouTube is a favorite because I’m such a visual person. I will learn quick! Thanks for all the info!

 

[jzarc17]

Millet sprigs are great, because you can start with a whole one and it gives room between you both, and you can shorten it over time as she gets comfortable

LOL yes, thats exsactly what I figured out. At fist I tried to stuff it through the cage bars...that was a fail! So I got the really long piece and ever so slowly extended it to her. Once she started eating I stood as still could be. I did not want to break the moment

 

[budgieluv3]

I do have a bowel that special just for treats! I have been leaving little goodies in the bowel here and there, I got lucky today and had a long piece of millet that I extended to her and she gladly nibbled on it so that was a big win! I am leaning hard on keeping her and just slowly trying to win her over at her pace.

Some birds aren't "cuddle birds" and that's ok. You're doing great! Millet is so great for training because of the reasons Zara said.

 

[Hankmacaw]

It was meant to be a little harsh, to hopefully snap you out of your "poor me" mode "I don't have a perfect bird, so I'll go get another imperfect bird". It's the bird that counts - I hope you come to that realization soon.

 

[Zara]

So I got the really long piece and ever so slowly extended it to her. Once she started eating I stood as still could be.

I made a video a while back about millet. The bird I used in the video is obviously tame and eats near my fingers where you will likely find your little one eats right from the end away from you. But the base is the same, so to give you an idea;
Remember the time between each stage can be hours, or weeks or more. And when doing this on a new day, back track one stage to give a gentle reminder that it´s ok.

 

[jzarc17]

It's the bird that counts - I hope you come to that realization soon.

I hope you come to realize that soon?? That is rude.

I need some space from talking to you right now.

 

[budgieluv3]

Do you know if your gorgeous little birdie is a he or she? Sorry if you mentioned this already. So cute!