New Bird Anxiety

[thursdyblu]

TLDR: looking for advice over extreme anxiety from getting a new bird; tips for adjusting or dealing with thoughts of rehoming

Hey all! I’m new to this forum and am not sure I’m posting in the right place. I’ve been lurking for a while, but navigating from the home is still taking some getting used to lol. I posted in this forum and not behavior, bc this is abt my anxiety and not the birds.

Anyhow- I’ve wanted budgies for years, and have been researching them for that long. I didn’t plan on getting them anytime soon though. However, two weeks back I met this precious budgie at my local pet store. He was friendly and responsive and bubbly, and his story just melted my heart. He had been there for five months and nobody adopted him. They kept getting more budgies in the hopes he’d go out as a pair, but the others just kept getting adopted and not him. After talking it over with my roommate and getting their consent to have him in the house, I decided to go get him. It was impulsive in a sense, but to me it just felt like I was taking an opportunity to finally have my dream pet with a special bird that needs me.

I’ve always struggled with anxiety- and I mean bad anxiety. Pets have always improved my quality of life and made me feel calmer, despite sometimes feeling nervous or obsessive about their care. I’ve had hamsters, fish, reptiles, and dogs mainly. Each of them bring comfort and peace to my room. I love watching them and being near them. I haven’t felt the same having Ernest in my space.
The evening I brought Ernest (my budgie home) I was immediately hit with one of the biggest anxiety attacks I’ve had in a long time. I went into full fight or flight, and after forcing myself to sit in the room with him until his bedtime bc I felt bad for him, I had to sit outside for an hour to calm down.

It’s not anything he’s doing really. He was nervous on the first day, but had quickly warmed up. He’s not as friendly as before obviously, because he’s still settling in, but he’s exploring his 30x18x18 cage, flying a round in there, and eating/drinking. Just something abt his presence unsettles me. I thought I was prepared for the noise (as I’ve researched for so long and visited him for weeks before I got him) but the random bouts of screaming (his flock call or when he gets startled by something outside) startle me and put me on edge. Also just the constant motion and flapping gives me anxiety that I would have never expected to have. I can’t stand being in the room with him for longer than 10 minutes without the anxiety getting to be too much.

It’s day three, and I’ve spent the last few days crying, stressing, and feeling sick to my stomach. The thought of giving him the best care possible feels daunting, as I know he needs a friend (I’m out all day 4 days a week for work) a bigger cage, and daily enrichment. All of these things seemed like fun tasks in theory, but now that I’m faced with them I feel so overwhelmed. The thought of bringing another bird into the home, while also having to go through the quarantine process, feels endlessly anxiety inducing. Especially because of the fact at I’m responding to Ernie. Ernest is perfect and sweet and everything I dreamed of, so idk why I feel this way. The only thing that comforts me is reminding myself I can return him, which makes me feel like a monster after all he’s been through.

Essentially, I am looking for advice from any other anxiety disorder peeps out there: is this something that will get better? Will I adjust to his unpredictable sounds and movement? Should I try and give it a week and see if I feel the same? The thought of doing that is very daunting, but I feel like if I can just figure out how to chill out I’d enjoy him so much. It’s just at this point I don’t really feel joy around him, just pressure. I worry abt my roommates candles killing him (she lives downstairs and lights them on occasion in her room; Ernie has an air purifier right by his cage for him to help). I worry he’s gunna get chilly and die. I worry he’s spending all day in his cage miserable. I know I sound insane, but I’m hoping to get some clarity from other people who have maybe been through this

 

[Sparkles99]

Personally, I suggest breaking down your to do list into manageable bites & examining which are actually necessary, which would be nice & which are a gamble.

Many caged birds live solo, so don’t feel obligated to get another budgie just because it’s a budgie or the internet orders you to. The reality is that macaws would also prefer a conspecific flock.

Sometimes, adding a budgie lessens noise, but quite often it increases it. I’ve had 2, 3, 4, 6, 8, 7, 8, 10, 9, 8 & 7 budgies at a time. If the flock dynamics are stable, they largely sing together. This is loud. If they’re not or someone is insecure, they flock call or yell. It’s deafening.

Getting a second budgie is a stressful gamble. When they don’t particularly care for each other, they’ll either have a perpetual who can sing the loudest competition or they’ll scream. If the second budgie is female, you will suddenly have a lot of other worries, about egg binding, breeding or pulling eggs.

When I had only two budgies, my home was very loud. Those two budgies, Marzipan & the late Pistachio, were more like two kids the teacher forced to work together on a group project. Sure, they lived together, but they weren’t friends.

Given what you’ve shared, I recommend one budgie, should you decide it’s for the best that you keep Ernest.

I would also recommend mindfulness when dealing with your budgie or contemplating a budgie related to do list. I find it very helpful for focus.

If I were you, I’d be focused on a variety of types of toys (foraging, shredding, shiny), exploring pellets, Nutriberries or bird bread, enhancing perch placement & variety of diameters, finding his favourite radio station, etc.

I’d not be contemplating quarantine. They will flock call unless the second budgie is quarantined in another house far, far away. Then you’ll really hear noise. There’s nothing more determined than separated budgies, who may or may not like each other when they’re finally together.

Lastly, please post a photo of Ernest’s face in natural light. Many people believe they can sex budgies & they really can’t. While much of this isn’t really related to anxiety, per se, I believe that taking control of the situation will help reduce your anxiety.

 

[TheBirds]

I kinda get your point. When I recently brought home our latest addition a month ago, I found the responsibility overwhelming in terms of not wanting to fall short of giving him the best care possible (animal welfare is an interest of mine, to the point where I've considered going back to school for a MSc. in it). He's the biggest parrot in the household and it seemed like his care and welfare suddenly became a Big Deal and Way Harder than the linnie and the conure's.

Every second I'm not engaging with him, I feel like I'm letting him down. It's ridiculous because I know he's still living a better life here than he would in many other situations/homes he might otherwise have landed. Things that have helped:

• Knowing he's got lots of room (he's in a flight cage)
• Leaving him with a fresh food mix in his bowl every AM to dig through
• Filling up his foraging toys 1 - 2x a day with goodies that he has to work to reach -- I use a silicone foraging mat for my Linnie that would be a good size for a budgie, actually: https://a.co/d/7UjTyaZ
• Taking him outside in a carrier when the weather permits for some vitamin D and bathing opportunities with a spritz bottle
• Using lots of natural materials (java trees and various java perches)
• Adding a Google mini speaker to the bird room with an automation to put on rainforest sounds and bird calls each day at 8am so there's some natural-sounding background noise to reassure him

I think as you begin to develop a routine, you'll start to fall into a rhythm and feel as though you're reliably "checking all the boxes" on a daily basis. That's how I'm beginning to feel with this guy, anyway. @Sparkles99 also had a great suggestion re: making a list, because if you can itemize the things you want to improve and tackle just one thing every few days (or weeks) then you'll be on the path to improvement in no time.

I hope that helps ... please keep us posted on your journey with Ernest!

 

[AussieBird]

The above posts have given you so much good advice, give yourself some time to read through it and process it.
As someone who's dealt with varying levels of anxiety, which can definitely be triggered or made worse by my animals, something I learnt is to lower my expectations... Which can seem wrong to some but I mean it in a specific way.
This sentence.

The thought of giving him the best care possible feels daunting, as I know he needs a friend (I’m out all day 4 days a week for work) a bigger cage, and daily enrichment.

These things shouldn't have to feel daunting. As long as you're working towards them, no matter how slow, weeks, months, years, you're doing so much more for your bird than some. There is never a fixed "best care possible" it varies person to person, situation to situation, country to country. You should work towards to the "best" that you can realistically do, as long as your meeting all his basic needs.
There's been times lately for myself that my animals are too overwhelming. So, I literally broke everything down to the bare bones. I made actual checklists for all of them. The goal is to be sure I'm successfully hitting every one of the "basics" and then building all the other stuff onto it. You can always improve but maybe having some kind of visual reminder like that would help give you some peace at the end of the day that Ernest is not lacking in anything, there's just simply more you would like to give him, that one day you can.
I agree with the above to not push for a friend. Not till, if ever, you are ready for it. While being alone isn't ideal you can also teach him to be independent and how to entertain himself during that time too. Toys/enrichment to play with, things to listen to (TV/radio), he may like just nap some of the time too.