My new 17yr old male Cockatoo hates/scared of Women! Need Help Please...

[Jasper]

Hi everyone My new 17yr old Sulpher Crested called Froto totally prefers males. When hubby comes home from work this is when he'll come out of his cage. I believe he's afraid of females. Hard to get the actual true story of his past. He has one toe missing, this I believe from a drunk female closing his cage door on him hard & fast He was given little to no attention this past year, now he is cage bound! I'm familiar with clicker training & I believe from trying this Froto that he is as well. All day his door remains open, yet he only exites when hubby comes home from work. My husband has been ignoring Froto thinking this will aid in our bonding. He'll take a treat from me when he wants to. We enjoy breakfast together around 10:a.m. meaning I can feed him favorites with out him freaking out or him going to the furthest corner away from me. He has this habit of flying away from his cage/from me, yet lets me pick him up to return him to his cage. Should I place him on a gym I have instead of his cage?
Truly acting like a barn sour horse! Worried he who condition me! Lol... Would greatly appreciate any guidance here... BTW: I'm not new to belong to this site, but I am new to posting etc...

 

[Tazlima]

When he flies away from you, how quickly do you follow? Do you walk right over to take him back to the cage, or do you give him a bit of time to calm down or let him make his own way back?

A bird that flies away is spooked and may have a rough landing. When they do, many people react the way they might if a child fell down, hurrying over to make sure there's no injury and provide comfort. Unfortunately, this is often the absolute worst response they could choose. If a bird spooks because it thinks I'm threatening or scary, how much MORE threatening and scary must it be when I then chase them down, possibly (in their minds) for the killing blow? It's the behavior of a predator.

If my birds spook, even if they end up someplace weird, as long as they're not in immediate danger, I make it a point to not follow them. Generally they'll sit there dazed (or out of breath) for a little bit. Then, as they realize there's no danger, they'll calm down, maybe poke around this strange space a bit, then head back to one of their preferred hangouts. They need time to process that they flew, that they're someplace strange, and that nobody is bothering them, and that everything is fine.

You said your bird is new. He knows his cage is a safe space. Literally everything else is suspect until proven otherwise. If he's not ready to leave that safety, let him stay. If he flies away, let him stay away until he's ready to come back on his own. Eventually he'll calm down and when the fear subsides, curiosity will win out.

Your husband's method of ignoring him is actually probably part of why the bird likes him. Attention from a giant can be scary, even if that attention is benign, because it's not like the bird can be sure of that. If you were dropped in a cage with two tigers, and one ignored you and the other was watching you all the time and trying to lure you closer, wouldn't you prefer the one who ignored you? Even if you had previously known another tiger who was your best friend? I mean, yeah, this new tiger COULD be trying to be friendly, but you know tigers - they can be unpredictable and dangerous, and they're big enough to snap your neck. Better to be cautious.

Give it time and don't force it. He'll come around eventually.

ETA: If his previous owner had a drinking problem, attention can be doubly nerve-wracking. I don't know if you've spent much time around drunks while sober yourself, but drunk attention/affection can be, frankly, repulsive. They smell bad, they're loud, they're clumsy, and they're highly likely to invade your personal space and ignore your "back off" signals. If your bird has had to deal with this kind of behavior (and ESPECIALLY if it resulted in injury), he'll have extra negative connotations of unwanted attention/affection.

 

[Jasper]

When he flies away from you, how quickly do you follow? Do you walk right over to take him back to the cage, or do you give him a bit of time to calm down or let him make his own way back?

A bird that flies away is spooked and may have a rough landing. When they do, many people react the way they might if a child fell down, hurrying over to make sure there's no injury and provide comfort. Unfortunately, this is often the absolute worst response they could choose. If a bird spooks because it thinks I'm threatening or scary, how much MORE threatening and scary must it be when I then chase them down, possibly (in their minds) for the killing blow? It's the behavior of a predator.

If my birds spook, even if they end up someplace weird, as long as they're not in immediate danger, I make it a point to not follow them. Generally they'll sit there dazed (or out of breath) for a little bit. Then, as they realize there's no danger, they'll calm down, maybe poke around this strange space a bit, then head back to one of their preferred hangouts. They need time to process that they flew, that they're someplace strange, and that nobody is bothering them, and that everything is fine.

You said your bird is new. He knows his cage is a safe space. Literally everything else is suspect until proven otherwise. If he's not ready to leave that safety, let him stay. If he flies away, let him stay away until he's ready to come back on his own. Eventually he'll calm down and when the fear subsides, curiosity will win out.

Your husband's method of ignoring him is actually probably part of why the bird likes him. Attention from a giant can be scary, even if that attention is benign, because it's not like the bird can be sure of that. If you were dropped in a cage with two tigers, and one ignored you and the other was watching you all the time and trying to lure you closer, wouldn't you prefer the one who ignored you? Even if you had previously known another tiger who was your best friend? I mean, yeah, this new tiger COULD be trying to be friendly, but you know tigers - they can be unpredictable and dangerous, and they're big enough to snap your neck. Better to be cautious.

Give it time and don't force it. He'll come around eventually.

ETA: If his previous owner had a drinking problem, attention can be doubly nerve-wracking. I don't know if you've spent much time around drunks while sober yourself, but drunk attention/affection can be, frankly, repulsive. They smell bad, they're loud, they're clumsy, and they're highly likely to invade your personal space and ignore your "back off" signals. If your bird has had to deal with this kind of behavior (and ESPECIALLY if it resulted in injury), he'll have extra negative connotations of unwanted attention/affection.

Well now... I never thought about the way I pick him up after he fly's away,, that way b4! Off who I pasted here Thank You For The Different Perspective. Especially Re: my husband staying away. He Did This Because The Froto Was with a man for 14yrs out of his 17yrs of life.
All great advice!

 

[sunnysmom]

Barbra Heidenreich and Pamela Clark are good resources for training birds. They both have websites, books, videos, etc that might be helpful.

 

[Elysian]

I don't have any real advice but I'm in the same boat!
Recently adopted amazon tolerates me giving him treats or offering him a T perch if he needs a helpful step, but he does NOT want me to touch him.

However, my very low key and indifferent boyfriend instantly became his favorite person in the world. The bird is peeking around the corner right now straining his neck to watc my boyfriend watch tv, after ignoring my attentions all day.

So I think Tazlima has a good point with the ignoring vs attention seeking.

 

[Tanya]

It can also take quite a lot of time to get used to a new situation. My experience has been to not expect too much for first three months or so while they adjust to the new sights, smells, sounds and routine. As a prey animal they often have a very strong flee response and it takes time to realize that this entirely new everything isn't dangerous.

It may also be healthy to allow him to connect with your husband. He's human-bonded and may benefit from the reassurance of being near a trusted person. Some birds do prefer certain people over others. Heck, I prefer certain people over others. Doesn't make the ones I don't prefer bad people!

In his case, a prefence may be even more understable since he is wary due to a very bad experiences with a certain type of person. It may be reasonable to assume that he could take up to a year to warm up to you. It might feel like a long go to earn his trust, but in the context of a creature whose lifespan is measured in decades, its a trifle. Use that time to figure out what vegetables, fruits or nuts he loves or hates, what his toy preferences are and all of the little things that make him happy. Become the source of these good things.

We as humans often think about our relationships with pets in terms of dogs and cats, which are fellow predators. Physical affection is given by us, accepted in varying degrees, and sometimes returned by the animal in the form of physical interaction. While it is quite rewarding to have a bird let you scritch his face, there are many more ways to have a relationship with a cockatoo. Lemon rarely let's anyone touch him (maybe once every 2-3 months when he decides he needs his face pins done) but he interacts in other ways and is a most interesting creature with whom to share a life.

All this to say: Welcome to parronthood! It may not end up being what you expected but hang in there and a year from now you'll look back and be amazed by all that have learned.