Missing my little birdy

[birdlover99]

On Friday, I had to work morning shift and I left without saying good morning to my Pewe. I don't normally do that but If I say good morning before I leave for work Pewe gets really loud and wants to get out of his cage. He ends up waking my fiance up and he gets pretty upset being woken up that early. When my Fiance got up an hour later, Pewe was out and running around the bird table, which is normal behavior. Fiance fed, watered and locked Pewe back into his cage then he,too, left for work.
After I got out of work, I went to the future-in-laws to pick my kids up. Like normal, I stayed about an hour to visit and get kids ready. We then went home. Like I would normally, I called a hello to Pewe expecting a chirp back. I didn't get it. I wasn't too concerned yet, just figuring that he was sleeping so I went to use the restroom. There he was. In the toilet. Dead. I was heartbroken. He managed to pry his cage door open and escape. His doors are being held shut with the giant black office clips. He still managed to get out. He has been out before when we forget to clip the doors but he always stays on his little bird table. Today he didn't. I don't understand why he was in our bathroom, he has always avoided that room for some unknown reason but today he went right in. It was awful seeing him floating in my toilet. I feel awful and guilty. I don't know how long he was in there for but maybe if I had said good morning to him things might have been different. Maybe if I hadn't had stayed at the in laws so long, he might have been alive. Problem is is that I will never know.
I cried for 3 days off and on. I bought him a grave marker. My fiance made him a little burial box. I bought a floating locket that I now keep some of his feathers in.
My kids have been asking for another bird for a while so I decided to go out and get them one. In the area I live in Lovebirds are EXTREMELY hard to find. I ended up driving 2 hours away to get one. My kids are ecstatic they love their new lil birdy and have even named him Tweety. An awful name yes, but its what my 4 year old wanted. My Fiance is a little upset but he never wanted the first bird so I knew he wouldn't want the second one so that didn't faze me. What upsets me is that he now is publicly stating that I didn't really love my Pewe and that I didn't care that he died and that "At least your over your bird already".
How do I make him understand that I am not over the death of Pewe. I mean I still sleep with the blanket that use to cover Pewe's cage. I have his necklace on all the time. I am always going back to look at the pictures I have of Pewe. I just don't want to limit the kids on having a pet because I miss mine. Do you believe it was too soon for me to have gotten a new bird?

 

[sunnysmom]

I'm very sorry for your loss. I don't think there is any right or wrong time to get another bird. It's what feels right to you. And if you believe that was best for your kids, then that's the right answer. That doesn't mean you didn't love Pewe, and forgive me for being blunt, but I think it's pretty heartless of your fiancé to say otherwise. Again, so sorry for your loss.

 

[zoo mom]

So sorry for your loss. If you felt like getting another bird wad best for the kids then it was the right thing to do. Make sure EVERYONE in the house keeps the toilet lid down or keeps the bathroom door closed.

I am so sorry your fiance is being thoughtless at this time when you are hurting so much.
It may not be appropriate for me to say, but I think you need to seriously examine this relationship with your fiancé and make sure it is right for you and your children.

 

[fluffypoptarts]

I think your fiancé blames you for your first bird's death - he obviously cared about Pewe, even if he didn't initially want him.

I also think it would be best to have hard safety rules to prevent a similar tragedy from occurring again. I always keep my toilet lid down, have securely latching cages, etc. (No Vision cages or ones with guillotine style doors.) Lovebirds are escape artists. I hope you've corrected all safety deficiencies with your new bird. Good luck.

 

[birdlover99]

Thanks everyone. I almost think he might feel guilty because I always close the toilets and he left the lid and seat up after I left for work.

 

[JessieW]

Unfortunately there is no correct answer....I know what you are feeling tho and as bad as it sounds things happen...when I lost Ava(my pit bull) she was less than 2 feet from me. she wasn't feeling well that morning and by 6pm she had a seizure not even 2 feet from me. I was home alone when it happened and all I could do was go through all the things I thought I could have done. I still do from time to time. in reality there was no serious "red flags" that came up, so as I had an appt. set up the next morning I didn't feel it was an emergency. She didn't make it. I had to call my hubby and tell him. There was no way I would have known at that point that I should have done more. I cant change that. And you also cant change what has happened. Grieve as long as you need!!

 

[Merovech]

It may not be appropriate for me to say, but I think you need to seriously examine this relationship with your fiancé and make sure it is right for you and your children.

I think that the thread does not have nearly enough information to question the validity of their relationship... Based on one, mean but most of all thoughtless sentence? I'm an idiot and say similar things at least once a month (and immediately regret it after some thought).

That said, it is a rather strange thing to say. It feels to me as if he's guilt tripping you because he's resentful that you got a new bird without consulting with him while he didn't even want the first one. A pet has a major impact on the house, and it's fair to say that all family members should support it.

 

[metalstitcher]

I am so sorry for your loss. My husband freaks out if he leaves the door open while Gracie is out. But he cares about her as much as I do. He might be feeling guilty and not know how to deal with what happened that day.

 

[birdlover99]

That said, it is a rather strange thing to say. It feels to me as if he's guilt tripping you because he's resentful that you got a new bird without consulting with him while he didn't even want the first one. A pet has a major impact on the house, and it's fair to say that all family members should support it.

This may be true but here is another thing to puzzle over. He never wanted any pets. Should his wishes take precedence over what me and the kids want? Is it fair for him to keep the experience of owning a pet from my kids because he doesn't want one? Pets are a great way for kids to learn responsibility and I see everyday how much my kids enjoy that responsibility of knowing they have to feed and water the bird. They are responsible for cleaning out the bottom tray. My kids learn early what it is to take care of something.

 

[metalstitcher]

Do you think it's possible he cared for pewe and feels horrible for what happened but is not ready for a new bird to come into the home yet but trying act like Mr. Tough guy I don't want pets. My husband didn't want to any but I didn't really give him a choice and now Gracie runs the house telling us what to do its pretty sad.

 

[TWR]

I so sorry for your loss and hope that your new lovebird brings you and your children much joy. I don't think it was too soon either. If it felt right for you, then it was right to do so. There is no right or wrong way to grieve and no correct measure of time involved.

This may be true but here is another thing to puzzle over. He never wanted any pets. Should his wishes take precedence over what me and the kids want? Is it fair for him to keep the experience of owning a pet from my kids because he doesn't want one? Pets are a great way for kids to learn responsibility and I see everyday how much my kids enjoy that responsibility of knowing they have to feed and water the bird. They are responsible for cleaning out the bottom tray. My gkids learn early what it is to take care of something.

I know that's a tough one, because it's the same at our house. Even though I wish my hubby didn't feel the way he does, I do think that both partners in a significant live-in relationship need to agree on whether or not to bring an animal into the house. In the end, hubby and I agreed on a compromise in regard to my birds and the restrictions as to where in the house they can and can't be.

If it's something where you can't seem to find a compromise - and if pet ownership / non pet ownership is a deal breaker for either of you, then best to sort it out sooner rather than later.

 

[Merovech]

This may be true but here is another thing to puzzle over. He never wanted any pets. Should his wishes take precedence over what me and the kids want? Is it fair for him to keep the experience of owning a pet from my kids because he doesn't want one? Pets are a great way for kids to learn responsibility and I see everyday how much my kids enjoy that responsibility of knowing they have to feed and water the bird. They are responsible for cleaning out the bottom tray. My kids learn early what it is to take care of something.

Oh, I don't know. I don't have kids. I was not judging either way, and I too think it's great for children to have pets. As a kid, I didn't have any and I think that's a loss.