Hi Brittany
I'm sorry not to have seen the post earlier and hope you are hanging in there. If depression has been a big part of your life and you haven't tried anti depressants for fear of the stigma attached to admitting you have a problem then I would strongly suggest you give them a shot. When you mentioned not wanting to taint someone else's day with your problems, that rang a lot of bells with me. I was kind of ashamed of my depression for many years and pretty much in denial until out of desperation I tried a low dose of fluoxetine and it has worked brilliantly for me.
Of course, everyone is different and I'm not a doctor and I'm not prescribing you anything in particular, I just wanted to let you know that if you are in the kind of place I was in - nothing else working and you haven't tried any type of anti depressant yet - it could be worth looking into and discussing it with a doctor. I wish I had done it 20 years ago. My life would have been very different.
Chin up