Just about to bring a new baby home - have a question!!

[Barnaby Rose]

Ok guys... So my wife and I have decided on an adorable little baby Timneh African Grey boy (actually he kind of chose us), and are going to put our deposit down tomorrow afternoon.
We are both SUPER excited, and he will be ready to come home in about a month, give or take of course.
Here is my question: I did not think about this until just now, but on August 16th (almost exactly when he would be brought home ish..) I have to be in Europe for business for about 2 weeks. My wife of course will be staying here, and I may be completing over reacting... But I can't help get the feeling that that initial time spent with the little guy immediately after being brought home will be CRUCIAL to the 'bonding experience', maybe learning who we both are, becoming comfortable with both of us and etc. Am I wrong? I mean, I know that African Greys are notorious for becoming 'one person birds', and to be perfectly honest I don't really care, and am not very worried about it, but the thing is I will be leaving literally almost immediately after bringing him home, and my wife will be spending every single day with him, feeding him, holding him and etc, and of course he is a boy and she is a girl - another reason he may take to her or course, should I be concerned at all?
The other thing I could do is buy him outright, and then ask if the store he is being sold from here will hold him for me until I get back, at which point we can start from scratch. Don't know if they will, but I could definitely ask.
Anyway thank you so much reading, any advice or experience or etc would be VERY much appreciated
- B

 

[rocky'smom]

hello, maybe record your voice so that bird hears you and your wife can play it for him while she feed him, cleans his cage, plays with him etc, etc. maybe you could read a child's book, talk to him, tell him that you will be home soon.

 

[Barnaby Rose]

hello, maybe record your voice so that bird hears you and your wife can play it for him while she feed him, cleans his cage, plays with him etc, etc. maybe you could read a child's book, talk to him, tell him that you will be home soon.

That's actually a great idea... I have a voice recorder with speakers as well, do you think that would help? Would he be able to understand that it was me? I mean I am going to see him almost every day right now so it would make sense..

 

[rocky'smom]

sure can't hurt JMHO

 

[Tiel Feathers]

Can you spend extra time with him while he is at the store before he comes home? Maybe you can strengthen your relationship beforehand. Also, I would ask the store if you can bring him home two weeks later like you suggested. He might not be ready to take home before you go anyway.

 

[Barnaby Rose]

Can you spend extra time with him while he is at the store before he comes home? Maybe you can strengthen your relationship beforehand. Also, I would ask the store if you can bring him home two weeks later like you suggested. He might not be ready to take home before you go anyway.

Yes that is true he may not be. And yes I am spending at least an hour sometimes more with him, almost every day at this point so I'm definitely trying - just didn't want to get 'out bonded' by my wife because I am not here while he is transitioning :/

 

[Lwalker]

For the sake of two weeks, I think I would ask the store to keep him if you trust them and feel that they are doing right by him. Then you will be in on all of the "firsts" when you bring him home.

 

[Tommymarshall]

I think you should have the store keep him. And maybe I'm being selfish for your sake. (regardless of the bonding) you wanna be their to support the "flock" the first little bit can be overwhelming even with a ton of experience. It may be like nothing has changed. I think the most important part is to show the baby the bond between you and your wife. I truly believe that if this is one of the first things they experience it creates a flock and not just a single bond. This is in no way scientific, I just always think penguins.
Congratulations!!!!!

 

[JLcribber]

Ok guys... So my wife and I have decided on an adorable little baby Timneh African Grey boy (actually he kind of chose us), and are going to put our deposit down tomorrow afternoon.
We are both SUPER excited, and he will be ready to come home in about a month, give or take of course.
Here is my question: I did not think about this until just now, but on August 16th (almost exactly when he would be brought home ish..) I have to be in Europe for business for about 2 weeks. My wife of course will be staying here, and I may be completing over reacting... But I can't help get the feeling that that initial time spent with the little guy immediately after being brought home will be CRUCIAL to the 'bonding experience', maybe learning who we both are, becoming comfortable with both of us and etc. Am I wrong? I mean, I know that African Greys are notorious for becoming 'one person birds', and to be perfectly honest I don't really care, and am not very worried about it, but the thing is I will be leaving literally almost immediately after bringing him home, and my wife will be spending every single day with him, feeding him, holding him and etc, and of course he is a boy and she is a girl - another reason he may take to her or course, should I be concerned at all?
The other thing I could do is buy him outright, and then ask if the store he is being sold from here will hold him for me until I get back, at which point we can start from scratch. Don't know if they will, but I could definitely ask.
Anyway thank you so much reading, any advice or experience or etc would be VERY much appreciated
- B

2 weeks is about 2 seconds in parrot time. It's going to take years to evolve the relationship you want.

He's going to choose whoever he chooses. You have no control over that.

He's a baby. You didn't say how old. How is he being weaned and flegded? Most parrots are force weaned and usually regress upon going to a new home. That is the stuff you should be worried about right now.

Abundance weaning and fledging

 

[macawpower58]

I feel you are over reacting a bit.

I doubt the 2 weeks will make much (if any) of a difference.
I handfed all my birds, and 2 of my 3 want my daughters! They like me fine, but love my girls.

Your new baby will make a relationship with the both of you. It will be different most likely for both of you.
'Most' birds will prefer one over the other people in the home. It's rare but not unheard of for a bird to love everyone equally.

If your new baby does regress like John said, who ever feeds him may for a time be favored. But babies grow up and can look for 'non parental' relationships.
Everything is fluid in the beginning of relationships with birds. You take what you get, and just do your best.

Is the store also the breeder? If they are responsible minded, a couple extra weeks with them may actually be if in your babies best interests.
If they are not the breeder, and just a way station in between breeder and you, they baby may not get any benefit from extra time there.

How old will the baby be when ready to go home? As John mentioned many places place their babies too soon, and the babies regress and ask to be fed.
This can be traumatic for new owners who aren't expecting crying begging babies. It is also traumatic for the babies who are asking, but not receiving what they need.

 

[Barnaby Rose]

I think you should have the store keep him. And maybe I'm being selfish for your sake. (regardless of the bonding) you wanna be their to support the "flock" the first little bit can be overwhelming even with a ton of experience. It may be like nothing has changed. I think the most important part is to show the baby the bond between you and your wife. I truly believe that if this is one of the first things they experience it creates a flock and not just a single bond. This is in no way scientific, I just always think penguins.
Congratulations!!!!!

Thanks for replying... If we are being totally honest I am inclined to agree with you myself - I am going to talk with the store and see what they think today. I will post some pics when I do bring him home for sure

 

[Barnaby Rose]

2 weeks is about 2 seconds in parrot time. It's going to take years to evolve the relationship you want.

He's going to choose whoever he chooses. You have no control over that.

He's a baby. You didn't say how old. How is he being weaned and flegded? Most parrots are force weaned and usually regress upon going to a new home. That is the stuff you should be worried about right now.

Abundance weaning and fledging

He was hatched in early April, he's being hand fed and fledged by the shop who are also the breeders, they are EXTREMELY reputable around here, have a long and responsible track record and I don't think would ever force wean anybody, they don't even let the birds go home until they show them they are ready themselves, I am not worried about that. As far as having 'no control' over who he 'chooses', everything I have read and other members on this forum and others disagree with you 100%. Obviously no one has TOTAL control, but surely there are things you can do to sway his decision, who feeds him and plays with him, spends the most time with him and talks to him, earns his trust and etc - am I wrong..? I am assuming that is why most birds are comfortable with people they know, and usually not total strangers. Then again, I am far from an expert! Anyway thanks for replying, I have only ever had one bird, never a grey, I just want to make sure I am doing everything I can be. Thanks

 

[Barnaby Rose]

I feel you are over reacting a bit.

I doubt the 2 weeks will make much (if any) of a difference.
I handfed all my birds, and 2 of my 3 want my daughters! They like me fine, but love my girls.

Your new baby will make a relationship with the both of you. It will be different most likely for both of you.
'Most' birds will prefer one over the other people in the home. It's rare but not unheard of for a bird to love everyone equally.

If your new baby does regress like John said, who ever feeds him may for a time be favored. But babies grow up and can look for 'non parental' relationships.
Everything is fluid in the beginning of relationships with birds. You take what you get, and just do your best.

Is the store also the breeder? If they are responsible minded, a couple extra weeks with them may actually be if in your babies best interests.
If they are not the breeder, and just a way station in between breeder and you, they baby may not get any benefit from extra time there.

How old will the baby be when ready to go home? As John mentioned many places place their babies too soon, and the babies regress and ask to be fed.
This can be traumatic for new owners who aren't expecting crying begging babies. It is also traumatic for the babies who are asking, but not receiving what they need.

Yes the store is also the breeder, and they are super responsible and reputable as well. The little guy was hatched the beginning of April, and they told me 1-2 months from now, so by the time he is 'ready' to go home, they are assuming around 4-5-6 months? I surely don't want him to be crying for food - I am sure they don't either, they are a very reputable store/breeder around here.
Also I know it's rare but man I hope he loves both of us equally... As selfish as it sounds if not, I hope he picks me )

 

[cassiesdad]

Also I know it's rare but man I hope he loves both of us equally... As selfish as it sounds if not, I hope he picks me )

I wouldn't worry too much...if a bird receives and knows love from their humans from the beginning, they will reflect it back to their humans. Relationships between birds and their humans are always going to be changing and evolving. Sunshine, our newest tiel, is changing his tastes with us now. When he came home, he hung on to me for dear life. Now he's discovering my wife, and has eyes only for her...like I said, things are always in a state of flux around here...

 

[JLcribber]

Please read the article I posted for you. It takes a full year (possibly longer) to properly wean and fledge a large parrot.

Fledging is even more important. Are they even doing that?

I don't care how reputable they are. The "standard/norm" is force weaned. In order to do it properly they would need to keep that bird for a year. NO ONE does that. They are in business to sell animals. The bottom line is a heavy factor.

I just want you to be aware because we've heard this same story many times. Vision and reality are not the same.

 

[Nikomania]

He's young, so it won't be a problem. Please keep in mind that no matter how much or how little you spend with your grey, they invariably do end up selecting their favorite person. And sometimes that changes over time. My grey loved me as his 'first love' when he was a baby, but then bonded strongly to my son. My son remains his first choice and I'm his second favorite. Maalik is turning 3 next month.

 

[Mizzely]

As far as having 'no control' over who he 'chooses', everything I have read and other members on this forum and others disagree with you 100%. Obviously no one has TOTAL control, but surely there are things you can do to sway his decision, who feeds him and plays with him, spends the most time with him and talks to him, earns his trust and etc - am I wrong..? I am assuming that is why most birds are comfortable with people they know, and usually not total strangers. Then again, I am far from an expert! Anyway thanks for replying, I have only ever had one bird, never a grey, I just want to make sure I am doing everything I can be. Thanks

I can tell you that from taking in a bird as a weaned baby, over the 5 years of his life that I have been the ONLY person to give him treats, food, loving, training, cleaning his cage, spending my entire day with him, etc, AND being the opposite gender to boot, I am NOT his chosen person for him. So not sure what part of the forum you are reading but my experience is not unique. Birds fprm bonds based on their our criteria. Me giving him treats only makes it so I don't get attacked when cleaning his cage.

 

[Barnaby Rose]

Please read the article I posted for you. It takes a full year (possibly longer) to properly wean and fledge a large parrot.

Fledging is even more important. Are they even doing that?

I don't care how reputable they are. The "standard/norm" is force weaned. In order to do it properly they would need to keep that bird for a year. NO ONE does that. They are in business to sell animals. The bottom line is a heavy factor.

I just want you to be aware because we've heard this same story many times. Vision and reality are not the same.

I did read the article, and yes they are fledging him, he is already flying very well for how young he is, and again he is not going home for another month or two so I do believe he will be fully fledged and weaned.
I get what you're saying about the 'abundance weaning', and yes I disagree with the 'force weaning' as well, but I mean what are you saying? 'NOBODY DOES THAT' meaning what exactly, 'nobody should ever buy a baby bird ever again then'...? I'm not really getting your point - when I say they're reputable, I am saying that I don't believe they are 'force weaning' anything, they are letting the bird tell them when he's ready, and don't some birds wean faster than others? Is it not possible that is just the case with this specific situation..? We are in no way in any kind of rush, we have to time crunch or spontaneous desires or etc, we have read EVERYTHING we can find on these guys and did our homework very thoroughly on where to get a quality baby with a quality upbringing. Other than Doing it myself, which I don't know how to do, I don't really see another option in any case because as you said, no breeder is going to sell a year + old 'baby'

 

[Barnaby Rose]

I can tell you that from taking in a bird as a weaned baby, over the 5 years of his life that I have been the ONLY person to give him treats, food, loving, training, cleaning his cage, spending my entire day with him, etc, AND being the opposite gender to boot, I am NOT his chosen person for him. So not sure what part of the forum you are reading but my experience is not unique. Birds fprm bonds based on their our criteria. Me giving him treats only makes it so I don't get attacked when cleaning his cage.

Is yours a Timneh though, or a Congo?

 

[Mizzely]

Is yours a Timneh though, or a Congo?

Nope, but don't discredit my experience based on that alone.