Thankyou everyone for your kind words.
I wasn´t feeling up to anything these last few days but I have read all of the posts this morning. I don´t think I´ll ever be able to think of him and smile without crying, I just don´t see that happening. I hope so. But I don´t believe it right now.
We went from worried to saying goodbye in three days.
It just sucks to have it all happen so quickly. When a dog/cat ages, and you see the slow decline of the normal ¨getting old¨ signs, you can mentally prepare yourself. But for it to come out of the blue really knocks you over. I found out about Jacobs dysplasia when he was only 5 months old, I prepared all of his life for the day we needed to take action and possible surgery, and that day came in June. And I was ready for it. But he was his usual self, just like he had been all of his life right up until days before. Happy, active, loving running around on the grass outside, playful, curious. I am still in disbelief at how quickly this all went down, and I think that is what´s making this worse. A part of me thinks, ¨well, at least he didn´t have to live like an old dog, struggling with life¨, but it was still too soon for him.
I sincerely hope you had a chance to say goodbye.
Of sorts but not really.
I posted here saying I´d spoken to the vet and he´d taken a turn for the worse and was vomiting. The vet called me back less than an hour later, I was expecting him to tell me to come and see Jacob but instead he told me T.O.D. And I will forever feel guilty for not calling sooner and pushing to see Jacob that day. I don´t think I´ll ever get over that. And I think the vet felt a little guilty too. He had given an anti nausea med and was hoping to stop the vomiting and then call me after.
I asked to see him anyway. The vet said that with the corona restrictions plus the hospital was closed that day, that I shouldn´t really be there, and they don´t recommend seeing passed pets, he advised against it and told me to ¨remember the happy memories¨.
I insisted and he allowed me to go. I spent over an hour there in the end. He spoke about causes of death, possible dilated cardiomyopathy. They had brought him into the consult room and put him up on the table, he looked so peaceful. Like he was sleeping. Front paws under his head, back legs tucked in, eyes closed, tongue in his mouth closed, sadly peaceful. The vet that was with him told me she was with him and he peacefully died without any spasms, fits or any other traumas. They let me sit in the room with him, and I spent every second stroking him, rubnbing his little ears, stroking between his eyes, I remembered Karen asking about his nose wrinkles, and I stroked them and his big nose. And gave him lots of kisses before leaving.
Whenever we were going through stuff, when I was homesick, or feeling lonely, or when my great grandma died, Franks little sister died, stroking Jacobs fur was always so comforting, there was just something special and soothing about touching him and he would look at you and nudge you if your stopped. I feel it did help me to go there that night.
They asked if I wanted a communal cremation or private. Obviously I went with private. I don ´t remember much else about that night.
It´s took me a while just to type all of this out. I´ve had to come back and walk away a few times.
We don't get near enough time with them.
No, we don´t.
And everyone who currently has an animal companion, give them extra cuddles and kisses tonight and tell them how much you love them.