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I'm devastated...

Peri90

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6
¡Hola!

Estoy escribiendo esto porque estoy devastado. Mi periquito Peri (híbrido fischer x personata) tenía 11 años cuando murió el pasado viernes.
Siento que no tengo ganas de seguir viviendo. Me siento culpable todo el tiempo y no sé cómo seguir adelante.

Cometí un error y no sé si puedo perdonarme. Hace unos meses vi que Peri estaba teniendo dificultades con su vuelo, no volaba como siempre y parecía tener problemas para aterrizar. No pensé nada porque estaba comiendo y bebiendo como siempre y estaba activa, bañándose y aseándose como siempre (aunque a veces también veía que no le gustaba salir de la jaula como antes). Pensé que podría ser por su edad y que era normal que fuera menos activa (tremendo error), nunca quise decir nada malo, debí llevarla al veterinario inmediatamente.

Lo dejo ir. Pero la semana pasada se le paralizó la pata izquierda (y vi un poco de diarrea) y me preocupé mucho, así que llamé al veterinario y pedí cita, pero no me la dieron hasta el día siguiente por la tarde. A la mañana siguiente, Peri estaba muy mal, apenas se movía y no comía ni bebía, así que llamé a la clínica de emergencia.

Cuando la vieron ya era demasiado tarde, estaba muerta. El veterinario me dijo que estaba muy delgada y que segun sus sintomas podria ser problemas hepaticos o renales o un tumor... Nunca lo sabre porque no le hice necropsia.

Estoy devastado porque la extraña (la quiero mucho) y me siento culpable por no llevarla al veterinario antes. Es algo que nunca me perdonaré porque ella podría haber salvado. Siento que ella no utilizó lo suficiente....
I can't live without her..

Perdón por el idioma, no hablo muy bien el inglés.

¿Algún consejo sobre cómo superar esto?
 

Kassiani

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Hello Peri! Welcome :)

Many of us will not be able to understand your post as English is the primary language of this site. Hopefully, someone who is fluent in Spanish will come along who is able to read and respond.
 

Kassiani

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Peri90

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Hello!

I am writing this because I am devastated. My lovebird Peri ( hybrid fischer x personata) was 11 years old when he died last Friday.
I feel like I have no desire to go on living. I feel guilty all the time and don't know how to move on.

I made a mistake and I don't know if I can forgive myself. A few months ago I saw that Peri was having difficulties with her flight, she was not flying as usual and seemed to be having trouble landing. I didn't think anything of it because she was eating and drinking as usual and was active, bathing and grooming herself as usual (although sometimes I also saw that she didn't like to get out of the cage as before). I thought it might be because of her age and that it was normal for her to be less active (tremendous mistake), I never meant anything malicious, I should have taken her to the vet immediately.

I let it go. But last week, her left paw became paralyzed (and I saw some diarrhea) and I got really worried, so I called the vet and made an appointment, but they didn't give it to me until the next day in the afternoon. The next morning, Peri was very bad, barely moving and not eating or drinking, so I called the emergency clinic.

By the time they saw her it was too late, she was dead. The vet told me that she was very thin and that according to her symptoms it could be liver or kidney problems or a tumor.... I will never know because I did not do a necropsy.

I am devastated because I miss her (I love her very much) and I feel guilty for not taking her to the vet sooner. It is something I will never forgive myself for because she might have been saved. I feel that she didn't live long enough....

Sorry about the language, I don't speak English very well.

Any advice on how to overcome this?
 

Peri90

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Hello Peri! Welcome :)

Many of us will not be able to understand your post as English is the primary language of this site. Hopefully, someone who is fluent in Spanish will come along who is able to read and respond.
Sorry!! I just traslated it
 

Tyrion

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Im so sorry for your loss :sorrow:
 

Mizzely

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Everyone's journey through grief is different, but over time it will feel like that hole in your heart isn't as large. Finding someone to talk through your feelings with, taking up a new hobby, volunteering to help - sometimes these types of things can help us heal. Be kind to yourself. No one on Earth lives without regrets. :heart:
 

Peri90

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Everyone's journey through grief is different, but over time it will feel like that hole in your heart isn't as large. Finding someone to talk through your feelings with, taking up a new hobby, volunteering to help - sometimes these types of things can help us heal. Be kind to yourself. No one on Earth lives without regrets. :heart:
Thanks:heart:
 

Pixiebeak

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Im so sorry for your loss. 11 years of love with you was a very good thing. And no amount of time is long enough ever, we will always want more.

I had my heart and soul parrot escape and a part of me will never recover.

Sharing with us , people who understand, we know how much our parrots mean to us to you.

We can not judge ourselves from hindsight. A work in progress for myself .

In grief our minds can play in a loop. Its traumatic. Myself I found it helpful to have a cup of tea, and focus on the warmth and aroma. To make my brain take a break from the sadness and what if ..and for myself I have set aside time every evening to say prayers for my lost love.

Whether there is blame or not, I'm trying to focus on what I can do better.

For me grief, has been like a stream, at first rushing down fast and swift and deep. Then slowing and looping back, hitting white rapids of guilt. In time spreading out to a wide slow moving sadness, pausing at reflecting/ remembering ponds. Then moving on to run quiet and deep. Always there but not demanding attention. As I stand now, looking back on my stream of grief, I realize its close to joining the ocean . Becoming the fabric of life , the tides will come in sometimes leaving gifts to find, sometimes the tides will take back treasures..but in the vastness there will be balance.

Greif has stages. Going through grief and loss is hard. Its a terrible and also beautiful thing. It shows our great capacity to love.

Please do not think of ending your life. Honor your journey through grief its pain is equall to your love
 

sunnysmom

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I am very sorry for your loss. Eleven is a really good age for a lovie. You obviously took very good care of her. I suspect there wouldn't have been much to do to help her anyway. So please don't blame yourself. I understand your grief. When my cockatiel Sunny passed away, I was devasted and guilt ridden wondering if I had missed something and should have done something more. It takes time to get over a loss but in time it does get better.
 

Peri90

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Im so sorry for your loss. 11 years of love with you was a very good thing. And no amount of time is long enough ever, we will always want more.

I had my heart and soul parrot escape and a part of me will never recover.

Sharing with us , people who understand, we know how much our parrots mean to us to you.

We can not judge ourselves from hindsight. A work in progress for myself .

In grief our minds can play in a loop. Its traumatic. Myself I found it helpful to have a cup of tea, and focus on the warmth and aroma. To make my brain take a break from the sadness and what if ..and for myself I have set aside time every evening to say prayers for my lost love.

Whether there is blame or not, I'm trying to focus on what I can do better.

Para mí, el dolor ha sido como un arroyo, que al principio se precipitaba rápido, veloz y profundo. Luego desaceleró y retrocedió, golpeando rápidos blancos de culpa. Con el tiempo extendiéndose hacia una amplia tristeza que se mueve lentamente, deteniéndose en los estanques de reflexión/recuerdo. Luego pasar a correr tranquilo y profundo. Siempre ahí pero sin exigir atención. Mientras estoy de pie ahora, mirando hacia atrás en mi corriente de dolor, me doy cuenta de que está cerca de unirse al océano. Convirtiéndose en el tejido de la vida, las mareas vendrán a veces dejando regalos para encontrar, a veces las mareas recuperarán tesoros... pero en la inmensidad habrá equilibrio.

Greif tiene etapas. Pasar por el duelo y la pérdida es difícil. Es una cosa terrible y también hermosa. Muestra nuestra gran capacidad de amar.

Por favor, no pienses en acabar con tu vida. Honra tu viaje a través del dolor, su dolor es igual a tu amor
[/COTIZAR]

Your message makes me cry... Thanks :heart:
 

Emma&pico

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Hindsight is an amazing thing and if we could have hindsight before any decisions we make we definitely wouldn’t live life with regrets but unfortunately we can’t and even if you did take her to vets when you first thought she was acting different you would still have regrets maybe regrets about having to put her to sleep making that decision at time is so hard even when you know it’s right thing we have had to put two dogs to sleep max still haunts me and my husband even though we know in ours hearts it was right thing for him but we wanted more time with him but there’s not enough time in world that will fill that void
You have to grieve in your way in your time but always hold onto to the life you gave your lovebird and all the happiness you fetch her and her you I know it’s easier said than done but don’t beat yourself up for things out of your control animals hide how bad things are until it’s last minute you did everything you could hold onto time you had together
 

Zara

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Hola,
Lo siento mucho por el perdido de tu preciosa agapornis. Se como duele perder una mascota tan querida, y conozco la batalla que es la culpa. Al final del día, solo podemos hacer lo que vemos correcto en aquel momento. Como has dicho otro miembro, mirar pa tras y sentir culpable es demasiado fácil ya que sabemos que algo pasará, que todo no va a salir bien.
Me pasó lo mismo hace un año con mi perro, la culpa me comía viva. Le llevo al hospital pero no empujaba suficiente para verle el día que se murió. Y eso tengo que llevar conmigo siempre. Lo mismo como tú y tú pajarito.
Lo mismo, puede ser que se murió por el edad o un enfermedad y iba pasar da igual si la llevaste al veterinario o no.
Yo no sé las respuestas, no sé consejos. Pero, hablar con alguien es súper importante y aquí siempre hay alguien, alguien quien conoces este dolor, quien ha pasado lo mismo. Si no tienes algún familiar, amigo, compañero o tal, aquí estaré alguien para charlar.
Se fuerte :heart2:
 

Zara

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@Peri90 Hey, Que tal? Como estas? I hope you are ok
 

Peri90

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6
@Peri90 Hey, Que tal? Como estas? I hope you are ok

Hello Zara! Thank you very much for asking.
I'm doing better, I don't have so much anxiety and I'm normalizing the situation.
But I miss her a lot, it's strange for me not to see her at home or hear her, everything reminds me of Peri. Every single thing I did, she accompanied me around the house, she accompanied me in my daily routine and now she is gone.
I keep asking myself every second what could have happened, what she died of and why she was sick, the feeling of guilt does not go away, although it hurts less every day.
Little by little. Thank you
 

Zara

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I´m happy you are doing better. I´m also glad you are checking back in here. This is a special community, very special. This last year, my life has been plagued with loss and just logging in here and reading other peoples stories, what´s going on in their day, seeing photos of their pets (parrots, cats, dogs, reptiles..) it would help. Even if it would just distract me and make me smile for a minute :)
 
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