I want a new best friend that's also good for my family. Am I dreaming?

[Jammish]

Life story alert - please bear with me!

I'm a 35 year old SAHM/carer and I really want an animal companion. My husband is allergic to everything furry. My three kids have various amounts of high needs and I have caregiver burnout. A number of us are sensitive to loud noises. My oldest (9) is unsteady on his feet and spends a lot of time on the floor. One of his favourite activities is hitting things with sticks to see what sounds they make.

We have an aquarium, but I'm really craving something that's more of a companion and I really miss training my dog (from my teenage years). I used to own a budgie who was a feisty little thing, but I didn't know nearly as much about parrot training then as I do now (thanks, YouTube).

I would love a bird friend who will be gentle will all members of the family and not attack anyone, learn to come when it's called (other tricks would be a bonus), and be low in the biting and screaming department. I'm thinking about Bourke's, but I haven't seen any hand raised ones in New Zealand and I worry about their safety if they want to be on the floor a lot. I have always loved Eclectus (I remember them from my childhood in the Solomon Islands), and I like the thought of harness training, but I wonder if their care would be overwhelming. We'd also need a bird that doesn't aggravate asthma.

Can a bird be a good family pet, or am I dreaming?

 

[Shezbug]

I personally feel that given some of the things you say in your post that a bird might not be your best option for a companion animal right now.
They’re generally a little more specialised work/effort than a dog or cat and can be quite demanding of your time and effort, they’re essentially just the same as having an extra noisy, extra messy, extra moody toddler.
If you’re a little overwhelmed or burnt out you’d possibly find a dog to be more suited to your needs as well as your family situation.
I don’t mean to be rude so please don’t take it that way, I really feel from what you’ve said that you’d be bringing a lot of extra work and issues to work around into your daily life if you adopted a bird.

 

[Jammish]

I personally feel that given some of the things you say in your post that a bird might not be your best option for a companion animal right now.
They’re generally a little more specialised work/effort than a dog or cat and can be quite demanding of your time and effort, they’re essentially just the same as having an extra noisy, extra messy, extra moody toddler.
If you’re a little overwhelmed or burnt out you’d possibly find a dog to be more suited to your needs as well as your family situation.
I don’t mean to be rude so please don’t take it that way, I really feel from what you’ve said that you’d be bringing a lot of extra work and issues to work around into your daily life if you adopted a bird.

I know you don't mean to be rude. TBH, a dog would probably be our first choice if it wasn't for the allergies. I mainly wanted to see if anyone had ideas for an avian species that is generally socially inclined but also easy going in terms of enjoying hanging out around people and not being a "one person bird" so much. Care wise, I'd be able to handle a budgie (I've had one before), but would prefer something a little less hyper.

 

[macawpower58]

Noise sensitivity, caregiver burnout, asthma, these are things birds will aggravate intensely.
Gentle is also not normally used to describe the majority of pet birds.
War wounds is always a thread on bird forums for a reason.
I agree with Shez, a bird would make your home life worse, not better.

 

[Zara]

TBH, a dog would probably be our first choice if it wasn't for the allergies.

Hello Julie,
Have you seen those ¨hypoallergenic¨ dog breeds? I don´t know if it´s a real thing or it they really don´t set peoples allergies off, but could be something to investigate?

Best Dog Breeds for Allergies: Dog With Non-Shedding Coats

These dog breeds are good choices for allergy sufferers because they have a predictable, non-shedding coat which produces less dander.

www.akc.org

 

[Sparkles99]

If you suffer from burnout, a cat would be better. An adult cat’s personality would be known & they’re so easy to care for. Don’t know about allergies though.

 

[flyzipper]

I agree with the others that a bird's inherent characteristics and maintenance requirements aren't aligned to the environment you've described. I'll add that the stick activity makes me concerned for the welfare of any animal companion species.

I really want an animal companion... I'm really craving something that's more of a companion

How do you envision an animal companion fitting into your family's daily activities?
What benefits are you hoping they'd bring?
Whose companion would they be?

Have you considered external activities to accomplish your animal companion goals, such as therapeutic horseback riding? That might achieve some of the benefits you're looking for, while not having to assume added responsibilities for their ongoing care.

 

[FeatheredM]

It's not just if you will be happy with your bird, it's also if the bird is happy in your home. Birds are unfortunately very prone to stress, and need a home that can give them alot of attention. You also have to be very annoying resistant. All birds seem to have some annoying things that alot of poeple can't handle for long periods of time. If I was in your place, I would not get a bird.

 

[Pixiebeak]

I agree with the others that a bird's inherent characteristics and maintenance requirements aren't aligned to the environment you've described. I'll add that the stick activity makes me concerned for the welfare of any animal companion species.

How do you envision an animal companion fitting into your family's daily activities?
What benefits are you hoping they'd bring?
Whose companion would they be?

Have you considered external activities to accomplish your animal companion goals, such as therapeutic horseback riding? That might achieve some of the benefits you're looking for, while not having to assume added responsibilities for their ongoing care.

Such excellent advice! O was going suggest walking shelter dogs. An hour of you time and lovy shelter pups.
But horseback riding sounds wonderful. I actually worked in equine therapy with Children and adults with physical or mental challenges (?) So rewarding ! My boss developed the program to help her son .

 

[Sparkles99]

Riding is an excellent suggestion!

Dog walking could be too, depending on your area. In mine, there isn't a plethora of nice dogs seeking families, so the local shelter can only take actual trainers & behaviorists to help them.

 

[Jammish]

I agree with the others that a bird's inherent characteristics and maintenance requirements aren't aligned to the environment you've described. I'll add that the stick activity makes me concerned for the welfare of any animal companion species.

How do you envision an animal companion fitting into your family's daily activities?
What benefits are you hoping they'd bring?
Whose companion would they be?

Have you considered external activities to accomplish your animal companion goals, such as therapeutic horseback riding? That might achieve some of the benefits you're looking for, while not having to assume added responsibilities for their ongoing care.

I want a bird for myself, mostly. Not for the kids. I want an animal that can come in the house and live with us, play with us and maybe even come outside (harness or aviary). I want some animal love when I'm tired and lonely and done with peopling. Yes, I've looked at all the options you described plus others and even done some. Right now, I'm thinking about what may possibly be able to live in our house with us besides the fish. If the answer to that is "nothing", then that's very sad for me, but it is what it is.

 

[FeatheredM]

There are other ways to interact with animals without having to have one in your house. Many shelters need volunteers

 

[tka]

Honestly, I find my birds hardest to live with when I'm tired and lonely. Even when I've had a hard day and not in the mood for interaction, they still need attention and training. If I just slump on the sofa, they will figure out ways to get my attention and the most effective ways are the ones that annoy me most!

Parrots are smart and often manipulative companions. They demand our attention and will work out exactly where our buttons are so they can press - or indeed mash - them. Sometimes hanging out with them is wonderful. Sometimes their out of cage time is several hours of removing a parrot from somewhere she shouldn't be over and over and over again because she's worked out that it's a fun way to get the human moving and paying attention to her. They are not pets you can snuggle - and, indeed, snuggling is perceived by a parrot as deeply sexual and can lead to all sorts of behavioural issues including intense jealousy and increased likelihood of attacking rivals for your attention.

No parrot is guaranteed to be gentle or even to tolerate all members of the family. As others have said, they are complex, demanding and intense companions who are inherently loud. Many of our preferred behaviours to show affection like cuddling and stroking and even having the bird hang out on your shoulder are not something you can do with a bird without creating a pair bond and almost inevitable behavioural issues.

Have you looked at reptiles? A former colleague had a bearded dragon who was perfectly happy to sit on someone's knee and was pretty low maintenance in terms of attention.

 

[Jammish]

Yeah, I get that. I'm more of a quality time person than a snuggle person anyway. What about finches/canaries/grass keets? Is it reasonable to take an "aviary bird" and try to tame it inside?

 

[FeatheredM]

Many smaller birds have ALOT of energy, and don't really like just staying with a person and hanging out. Of course, every bird is different, but what if you don't get a bird that wants to hang out with you and rather just explore the surroundings. I also believe that canaries and finches like having other birds to play with(not 100% sure on that though). Sometimes, it's just best to wait for the right time to get a bird or any pet. Don't rush it, just wait until there are no problems that could make things messy. I was going to get a conure, and I decided to wait for a more appropriate time and I am very glad I did.

 

[Jammish]

Many smaller birds have ALOT of energy, and don't really like just staying with a person and hanging out. Of course, every bird is different, but what if you don't get a bird that wants to hang out with you and rather just explore the surroundings. I also believe that canaries and finches like having other birds to play with(not 100% sure on that though). Sometimes, it's just best to wait for the right time to get a bird or any pet. Don't rush it, just wait until there are no problems that could make things messy. I was going to get a conure, and I decided to wait for a more appropriate time and I am very glad I did.

Thanks for your input.

When I say "hang out", I don't really mean "sit still and do nothing". I don't see much point in having a pet that doesn't play with you. I could probably manage an hour or so a day of training / active play, especially if it didn't hate other family members.

And yes, I fully expect that smaller birds need to be in multiples for their mental health, just like smaller fish.

 

[Jammish]

And yes, later might be a better idea.

 

[Shezbug]

Thanks for your input.

When I say "hang out", I don't really mean "sit still and do nothing". I don't see much point in having a pet that doesn't play with you. I could probably manage an hour or so a day of training / active play, especially if it didn't hate other family members.

And yes, I fully expect that smaller birds need to be in multiples for their mental health, just like smaller fish.

Just some things to think about maybe-

Actual proper quality time with me for my bird is never ever the same as the last time and I do not say when it happens, sometimes it is less than a few minutes here and there and other times he wants to hang out all day on and off and is receptive to doing things for treats etc, quality time is definitely not a thing I can say we will definitely do on Saturdays or after 5pm every week day, they are just moments that happen at random times and there is not ever a guarantee day to day of what a bird will want, accept from you or be like... with how you have described the relationship you are wanting or hoping for I really do fear you may have already set yourself up for some serious personal struggles if you were to get a bird- there seem to be a few expectations/wants that you have for the bird and relationship you would like and unfortunately we see people hit serious problems with this kind of thinking as it is honestly much more suited to wishing for certain traits of dogs and cats (which are more predictable) to say I would like this or I picture this type of interaction- it really is a matter of chance and at the end of the day you get what you get with a bird, you may be able to shape some behaviours to be more satisfactory to your wishes with lots of repetitive work (that does not always pay off), effort and sometimes many stressful days filled with frustration, questions, tears and of course many lost hours to get the relationship to a point where it is hopefully working for the bird and you are pretty ok with the situation too.

Keeping birds is never about what they can give or provide for you, it really is about what you can provide for them and being able to accept loving a bird with all your being and knowing it may prefer your neighbour over you who it sees maybe once a week but loving it unconditionally anyhow.

I have had a sulphur crested cockatoo for about a year now and I am the only person who feeds him, pays him regular attention and spends time with him and I have always been kind, gentle and calm to him yet he tries to bite me every opportunity he gets but he loves my son and plays up to him for attention every time he sees him... he also will try to bite my son- it is what it is lol.

There are many days in a row where I am pleased to say that my birds do not wish to "play" with me, they tolerate me being in their area most times and then there are other days where I am used as their main form of entertainment.
Caring for a bird and interacting with it should look and feel so very different to the relationship that is normal with dogs and cats if the health and needs of the bird are the most important thing.
Unfortunately many of the videos shared publicly of people interacting with birds show highly inappropriate interactions which seems to appeal to many unknowing people as the wrong things are still pushed and believed about bird care and relationships- if pet stores, many breeders and people selling birds, bird accessories and bird content were to be completely honest about what life is like and what is actually important for keeping a bird healthy, they would likely not make as much money as they do so sadly for all pet birds many bad or inappropriate things are still being pushed or shown as normal that is simply for the happy feelings of the human but it is really not in the birds best interest.

I whole heartedly suggest that you continue to be a member here and find all the forums for diet, training and behaviour and read up every thing you can about hormones, pair bond, cuddling, snuggling, touching in areas that are not the head or feet and the reality of how many birds are not actually fine with the whole family once they are past baby stage. Some birds have nothing but attack mode for anyone but their favorite person who is not always the main care giver, some birds develop an unhealthy interest with their favorite person and become a danger to themselves or their fav person.

 

[Jammish]

Just some things to think about maybe-

Actual proper quality time with me for my bird is never ever the same as the last time and I do not say when it happens, sometimes it is less than a few minutes here and there and other times he wants to hang out all day on and off and is receptive to doing things for treats etc, quality time is definitely not a thing I can say we will definitely do on Saturdays or after 5pm every week day, they are just moments that happen at random times and there is not ever a guarantee day to day of what a bird will want, accept from you or be like... with how you have described the relationship you are wanting or hoping for I really do fear you may have already set yourself up for some serious personal struggles if you were to get a bird- there seem to be a few expectations/wants that you have for the bird and relationship you would like and unfortunately we see people hit serious problems with this kind of thinking as it is honestly much more suited to wishing for certain traits of dogs and cats (which are more predictable) to say I would like this or I picture this type of interaction- it really is a matter of chance and at the end of the day you get what you get with a bird, you may be able to shape some behaviours to be more satisfactory to your wishes with lots of repetitive work (that does not always pay off), effort and sometimes many stressful days filled with frustration, questions, tears and of course many lost hours to get the relationship to a point where it is hopefully working for the bird and you are pretty ok with the situation too.

Keeping birds is never about what they can give or provide for you, it really is about what you can provide for them and being able to accept loving a bird with all your being and knowing it may prefer your neighbour over you who it sees maybe once a week but loving it unconditionally anyhow.

I have had a sulphur crested cockatoo for about a year now and I am the only person who feeds him, pays him regular attention and spends time with him and I have always been kind, gentle and calm to him yet he tries to bite me every opportunity he gets but he loves my son and plays up to him for attention every time he sees him... he also will try to bite my son- it is what it is lol.

There are many days in a row where I am pleased to say that my birds do not wish to "play" with me, they tolerate me being in their area most times and then there are other days where I am used as their main form of entertainment.
Caring for a bird and interacting with it should look and feel so very different to the relationship that is normal with dogs and cats if the health and needs of the bird are the most important thing.
Unfortunately many of the videos shared publicly of people interacting with birds show highly inappropriate interactions which seems to appeal to many unknowing people as the wrong things are still pushed and believed about bird care and relationships- if pet stores, many breeders and people selling birds, bird accessories and bird content were to be completely honest about what life is like and what is actually important for keeping a bird healthy, they would likely not make as much money as they do so sadly for all pet birds many bad or inappropriate things are still being pushed or shown as normal that is simply for the happy feelings of the human but it is really not in the birds best interest.

I whole heartedly suggest that you continue to be a member here and find all the forums for diet, training and behaviour and read up every thing you can about hormones, pair bond, cuddling, snuggling, touching in areas that are not the head or feet and the reality of how many birds are not actually fine with the whole family once they are past baby stage. Some birds have nothing but attack mode for anyone but their favorite person who is not always the main care giver, some birds develop an unhealthy interest with their favorite person and become a danger to themselves or their fav person.

I feel like you might be misunderstanding me a little bit because none of what you just said comes as much of a surprise. I a special needs parent, so expectations are not things I tend to hold very strongly. Maybe I haven't been explaining myself very well.

I wanted to talk this out because I know all of this about birds and I want to know if I can make it work or what it will take to make it work. You have been helpful, so thanks for that, but I don't think you need to fear for me. And I'm most definitely not in the market for a cockatoo.

 

[flyzipper]

I want an animal that can come in the house and live with us, play with us and maybe even come outside (harness or aviary). I want some animal love when I'm tired and lonely and done with peopling.

That's not much to go on, but to me you've described what a dog can offer fairly easily, but a bird would find rather difficult.

(especially if either would mostly be left to their own devices while you're peopling -- that's an assumption based on all that you have on your plate and your choice of words)​

I could probably manage an hour or so a day of training / active play, especially if it didn't hate other family members.

What would a bird be doing the other 11 hours of the day when they aren't sleeping?