I think I have to rehome my Poppy...

[elitys]

I want to keep this as concise as possible because it is painful and riddled with guilt.

My reasons behind the decision to rehome:

• Due to some changes in my personal life, my living situation is rocky. I will soon have to pay significantly more for rent monthly, encroaching on my already tight budget. I fear Poppy's care needs will be compromised, specifically in terms of the budget for veterinary care. I also will be unable to buy toys regularly to fuel her constant need for enrichment.
• Again due to changes in my personal life, Poppy is not receiving as much attention as she has in the past. As a result, she is becoming lonely and more clingy. This is bad for both of us, and the cycle of frustration that grows from this has been horrible. She is glued to me any second she can be, which ranges from irritating to unbearable while trying to do school from home. She doesn't understand why I can't give her attention, so she becomes increasingly persistent, which is increasingly frustrating. So I have to isolate myself from her while doing school, which leaves her all alone.
  • On some days, I have school commitments from the time I wake up until I go to work, and then I work until late at night. Poppy only receives about 2 hours of passive interaction and outside of cage time these days (usually while I get ready for work and after I get home while I'm making dinner and doing bedtime activities), and I have little time to myself to regain sanity after these long days. This is causing an accumulation of stress to the point where I can hardly handle being around her at all. And I have gotten extremely angry at her a few times, which I feel tremendous guilt over. She doesn't understand why I ignore her and get angry at her, and I have noticed that her trust and comfort around me seems to have lessened as a result.
• My lack of free time and increasing exhaustion extends past her need for attention. I haven't been able to diligently prepare daily foraging, make toys regularly, rearrange her cage frequently, or work on the training goals I have for her. I do these things occasionally, but not with the consistency that she requires. She is bored, which probably promotes the clinginess I mentioned above as well.

I really bit off more than I could chew by deciding to get her. I was blinded by her initial charms and was not honest with myself about my ability to take on the full responsibility of a single bonded bird as a college student supporting myself. I feel thoughtless and selfish to have brought her into my life, allowing her to form a bond with me, and now subjecting her to the grief associated with rehome. I love her dearly, but I know she deserves better than this. She deserves a financially stable, secure home with a caregiver who knows the truth about owning birds and is able to meet (and exceed) the standards for them.

She is such a good bird. She is playful and silly, she is loving and personable, she is so smart and trainable. She has so much personality and potential in her little self. I'm crying while writing this. If I was older, if I had a secure home and a good job, if I had others around to be her flock as well, I would never consider giving her up. But if I'm honest with myself, her staying with me is a disservice to her and she deserves, and needs, better.

I wanted to reach out here because as far as I'm concerned, you all are the cream of the crop in terms of bird owners. If she went to any of you or anyone you would endorse, I would feel comfort knowing she was in good hands.

-

Practical details:

Poppy is a nearly 1.5 year old green cheek conure (you can see her in my profile picture or in my other threads). She has been DNA sexed as female and has no medical issues to report. Her favorite foods are green grapes, peppers, plain creamy peanut butter, and her Caitec pellets. She loves to play wrestle on her back, fly-chase you running around the house, and dance and screech to her favorite song, Barbara Ann by the Beach Boys. Her favorite way to bathe is in cupped hands or a shallow plate you're holding under a gentle stream of sink water, and she's very particular about the temperature (it must be cold or she will not get in). She loves to look out windows and go on outdoor adventures in her travel cage. She is adventurous and curious, very good at trying new things if introduced properly. She is trainable and motivated by praise or her favorite treats, and already knows a few tricks. She is hand tame, loves scritches, and will allow most touching, but she is less of a cuddler and more of a professional wrestler these days. She does occasionally show her cuddly side though, and will preen your hair and snuggle up to your neck to nap.

We live in Corvallis, Oregon but I'm willing to make a drive if it means she's going to the best home I can find for her. (We have spent 15 hour drives in the car together several times going home to southern California and back, and it's actually been some of my favorite times with her. She does very well in the car.) I would want to exchange contact information to receive updates about her and tell you everything I can think of that I have learned about her.

I will be performing a screening process including a virtual home tour and questions about care. This is mandatory and very important to me.

I will not be rehoming to anyone under the age of 25 or to anyone who does not have bird-owning experience, for obvious reasons. I will not be rehoming to anyone who already has dusty birds (cockatiels, budgies, etc.) in the interest of Poppy's respiratory health. I prefer not to rehome to a single person or a family with very young children, and would instead prefer a couple or a family with older children, but exceptions are possible. I can also consider a foster situation, but I really don't want to put her through the further grief of losing a foster parent she becomes bonded to. Poppy would do fine as a single bird as she is very sociable with people, but I think she would benefit from having other birds in the house. I have never seen her interact with other conures, but she seemed to show excitement/aggression around the cockatiels I used to live with, I'm not certain as she was never allowed too close to them.

I intend to not charge a rehoming fee as long as I trust you and the screening process goes well. And of course she would come with all of her supplies (cages, toys, perches, food, play-stands, everything) free of charge as well.

If you want pictures of her, a list of the supplies, and any other information about her, don't hesitate to contact me.

 

[Shezbug]

I’m sorry to hear things are so tough for you just now. I hope Poppy finds the most perfect soft place to land.

 

[Sparkles99]

Have you considered roommates? They might be amenable to a smaller parrot, like Poppy, & this would help keep rent costs down. You might be able to keep her.

I'd also reconsider not rehoming to single people. Everyone works, but when they get home, they just have their pet(s) to consider, not a bunch of other people + subsequent human relationships to nurture.

 

[Sunni Tiel]

I am so, so sorry. I can't imagine what you're going through. I would love to help but I'm located way over in Missouri and have a cockatiel.

Wishing you and Poppy the best!

 

[Chomskypom]

It sounds like you’ve really given this a lot of thought, and grief. And I really don’t want to downplay that or treat it with less respect than it deserves. You know your life, your bird, and your situation best. But I want to give you a little bit of my own life and perspective to think over.
I got my dog, King Dingo, when I wasn't really in a good position to do so. I had to, he was going to be put down the next day if someone didn't take him. I figured I could handle it. But he was young and extremely destructive, and for a while I had to work 2 jobs. He could go with me to my night job, but when I was asleep or at my day job, he had to be kenneled- a pretty significant chunk of time most days. I got the biggest kennel I could fit in my room (I was subletting one room of a 2br apartment at the time), so at least he could stretch and pace a little without being able to chew the drywall. But I felt terrible. There were other problems, other times when my ability to provide ideal care for him faltered. Sometimes I couldn't afford good kibble and he had to eat the cheap stuff. Sometimes I'd get stuck at work, couldn't afford to say no, and he'd have to hold his bladder an uncomfortably long time. I'm not proud of this, and I don't mean to imply that I am. Maybe what I did was wrong.
I thought a lot about trying to find him another home, someone with a yard maybe. But he has special needs- needs to be an only dog, cannot ever be around children, some medical and emotional problems, phobias, and so on- I knew it would be so hard to find him another home able to accommodate his many requirements and be willing to work with him on them.
And, too, I knew my situation was temporary. That's where I was going with this post. I knew something would change, sooner or later. If he and I could make it through the hard time, just hold on until I got a raise and could drop a job, or found a better living situation, then it would be okay. If I gave him up I knew I would terribly regret it as soon as I made a material improvement. And now that I am better off, I'm unmeasurably, unfathomably grateful that I didn't give my dear companion away. I think it's really worth looking at your life honestly. Compare how long you expect this rough patch to last with how long you hope your bird's lifespan to be. Think about your relationship with each other and what capacity for forgiveness you both possess. It's possible you'll come up with the same conclusion you've already reached. But maybe not.
I wish you and Poppy the very best, however you decide.

 

[elitys]

Have you considered roommates? They might be amenable to a smaller parrot, like Poppy, & this would help keep rent costs down. You might be able to keep her.

I have a roommate but it is a complicated situation. Suffice to say she does not offer much in the way of help around the house and my requests for her to simply check on Poppy while I'm gone have been ignored. She's difficult... that's as far as I'll get into it.

I'd also reconsider not rehoming to single people. Everyone works, but when they get home, they just have their pet(s) to consider, not a bunch of other people + subsequent human relationships to nurture.

I'd be willing to consider exceptions to this. Just being a single person, I know firsthand how challenging it is to take care of a lone bird on your own. It would depend on their situation though of course, and if they had other birds in the house that would probably add to their case if they were interested.

 

[elitys]

It sounds like you’ve really given this a lot of thought, and grief. And I really don’t want to downplay that or treat it with less respect than it deserves. You know your life, your bird, and your situation best. But I want to give you a little bit of my own life and perspective to think over.
I got my dog, King Dingo, when I wasn't really in a good position to do so. I had to, he was going to be put down the next day if someone didn't take him. I figured I could handle it. But he was young and extremely destructive, and for a while I had to work 2 jobs. He could go with me to my night job, but when I was asleep or at my day job, he had to be kenneled- a pretty significant chunk of time most days. I got the biggest kennel I could fit in my room (I was subletting one room of a 2br apartment at the time), so at least he could stretch and pace a little without being able to chew the drywall. But I felt terrible. There were other problems, other times when my ability to provide ideal care for him faltered. Sometimes I couldn't afford good kibble and he had to eat the cheap stuff. Sometimes I'd get stuck at work, couldn't afford to say no, and he'd have to hold his bladder an uncomfortably long time. I'm not proud of this, and I don't mean to imply that I am. Maybe what I did was wrong.
I thought a lot about trying to find him another home, someone with a yard maybe. But he has special needs- needs to be an only dog, cannot ever be around children, some medical and emotional problems, phobias, and so on- I knew it would be so hard to find him another home able to accommodate his many requirements and be willing to work with him on them.
And, too, I knew my situation was temporary. That's where I was going with this post. I knew something would change, sooner or later. If he and I could make it through the hard time, just hold on until I got a raise and could drop a job, or found a better living situation, then it would be okay. If I gave him up I knew I would terribly regret it as soon as I made a material improvement. And now that I am better off, I'm unmeasurably, unfathomably grateful that I didn't give my dear companion away. I think it's really worth looking at your life honestly. Compare how long you expect this rough patch to last with how long you hope your bird's lifespan to be. Think about your relationship with each other and what capacity for forgiveness you both possess. It's possible you'll come up with the same conclusion you've already reached. But maybe not.
I wish you and Poppy the very best, however you decide.

I appreciate your reply. I think my situation is a little different in a few ways. I know I will be in college for at least another two years. School is supposed to be back in person next fall which will give me even less time at home with her and a more rigorous workload as I enter upper division. Aside from school, I have no idea when I'll have a stable living situation or when I'll make enough money to be satisfied with the care I provide. My goals for the life I would want to give a bird seem far away and intangible, and I don't think it's fair to drag her through years of sub-par care and a strained relationship in the hopes that I'll be able to give her a better life someday.

Poppy is also a good candidate for rehome as far as these things go. She is in good health, does not have major behavioral issues (as long as you know what to expect with birds), and gets along well with pretty much every person she meets. I believe she'd be someone's dream bird if that's a thing.

Regardless of all that, you are correct. I've been thinking this over for months, and this is where I'm at now. I can see things getting worse and I don't know if I have the resources or the personal ability to make them better. I don't want her to feel boredom, insecurity, or loneliness as part of her daily existence. It's not fair and she deserves more out of life than that.

 

[Pat H]

I appreciate your reply. I think my situation is a little different in a few ways. I know I will be in college for at least another two years. School is supposed to be back in person next fall which will give me even less time at home with her and a more rigorous workload as I enter upper division. Aside from school, I have no idea when I'll have a stable living situation or when I'll make enough money to be satisfied with the care I provide. My goals for the life I would want to give a bird seem far away and intangible, and I don't think it's fair to drag her through years of sub-par care and a strained relationship in the hopes that I'll be able to give her a better life someday.

Poppy is also a good candidate for rehome as far as these things go. She is in good health, does not have major behavioral issues (as long as you know what to expect with birds), and gets along well with pretty much every person she meets. I believe she'd be someone's dream bird if that's a thing.

Regardless of all that, you are correct. I've been thinking this over for months, and this is where I'm at now. I can see things getting worse and I don't know if I have the resources or the personal ability to make them better. I don't want her to feel boredom, insecurity, or loneliness as part of her daily existence. It's not fair and she deserves more out of life than that.

Sure can tell you love your bird, and want the best for her! Pray that a good option opens up for both of you!

 

[Kassiani]

I’m so sorry to hear that things in your life have changed so dramatically!! Unfortunately I just brought home two new birds myself and live on the opposite coast. I know how much you love your sweet Poppy! She is a special bird. I hope and pray that you will find the best home for her.

 

[elitys]

Hey everyone,

I made a screening survey for potential interested adopters. I'd love some feedback on what I can add/change to it to make it more complete. Thanks.

Here's the link: Screening Survey

 

[Sparkles99]

Here's my feedback:

• Put age ranges in, rather than asking for their actual birthdate.

• Change occupation to Employment Status (full-time/ part-time/ casual) & consider that some people have a steady source of money but it doesn't necessarily derive from employment. Consequently, I like the part about monthly budget better.

• I'd skip when they started in their chosen occupation. That's something a potential employer or landlord has the right to ask. Otherwise, it's off putting.

• Put something in about what species Poppy would regularly be exposed to. That's more important that what species the adopter has. There are lots of people on AA with tons of animals, but most of them also have tons of space/ acreage.

• Similarly, what if the person lived in a mansion & the toxic houseplants were in a totally different room/ section of house? Why should they part with them? I'd change this to exposure as well.

• I like the food checklist chart!

Good luck.

 

[elitys]

Here's my feedback:

• Put age ranges in, rather than asking for their actual birthdate.

• Change occupation to Employment Status (full-time/ part-time/ casual) & consider that some people have a steady source of money but it doesn't necessarily derive from employment. Consequently, I like the part about monthly budget better.

• I'd skip when they started in their chosen occupation. That's something a potential employer or landlord has the right to ask. Otherwise, it's off putting.

• Put something in about what species Poppy would regularly be exposed to. That's more important that what species the adopter has. There are lots of people on AA with tons of animals, but most of them also have tons of space/ acreage.

• Similarly, what if the person lived in a mansion & the toxic houseplants were in a totally different room/ section of house? Why should they part with them? I'd change this to exposure as well.

• I like the food checklist chart!

Good luck.

Thanks for the feedback. I edited out some of the things that were potentially a bit intrusive. I don't really find any of that too personal myself, but I can see how other people might. And really, all I need to know is their age and whether their employment is stable. I asked if they were full time, part time, or other (specify) instead and ommitted the question about date of employment.

Having other pets isn't an automatic disqualification, I just want to know how many and what types they have. I'd follow up to just make sure they were willing and able to take appropriate safety measures with their pets. Also I did edit the houseplant question to ask if they'd be willing to keep them somewhere the bird has no access to or part with them.

I feel like there's so much I want to check them on, I have no idea if I'll even be able to find someone I trust enough to take her. Ahhh lol.

 

[elitys]

Besides here and Craigslist (not really having high hopes for that route), where else can I post about Poppy's rehome? I'd like a site where I can reach a wider audience since I'm open to driving states away to get her to a good home.

 

[Mizzely]

Besides here and Craigslist (not really having high hopes for that route), where else can I post about Poppy's rehome? I'd like a site where I can reach a wider audience since I'm open to driving states away to get her to a good home.

Petfinder?

 

[Blueberry]

You can post on rescueme.org and adopt a pet.com . Also you can try and contact local rescues and find out if they have any potential candidates. Post of Facebook groups for conures or your community pages. Hope this helps and wishing for you to find the very best home for your dear Poppy!

 

[elitys]

Petfinder?

It looks like pretty much only rescues can post pets for adoption on that site, but ty for the suggestion

 

[Chomskypom]

The bird store in my area takes rehome listings from individuals and I think so does my vet?

 

[scrape]

Besides here and Craigslist (not really having high hopes for that route), where else can I post about Poppy's rehome? I'd like a site where I can reach a wider audience since I'm open to driving states away to get her to a good home.

bird.rescueme.org

 

[sunnysmom]

You can check FB bird groups in your area. There are a number of ones for PA where I am. Usually, you have to ask to join the group, but I see people there all the time either posting that they want a certain bird or that they have to rehome a bird.

 

[Sparkles!]

Did Poppy ever land in a new home?