For some reason I've just been thinking a lot about little baby Tig (Tigmamanukan) who only lived with me for about 4 days back before I had any of the others.
I spent so much time preparing for her, making a safe play area, growing wheat grass and veggies, picking out the best breeder, the most epic name.. she was a gorgeous color and so amazingly socialized right from the start. She was glide clipped to come home but already flight recalling before that.
She was already relaxed enough to grind her beak by the time we finished the hour ride home. When we got her home I intended to let her settle for a few days, but she immediately wanted out of the cage and climbed onto my hand. She was fearless and loving and wanted to be on me or my boyfriend any time we were visible, but would play with her toys when we weren't.
I will never stop wondering what an amazing bird she could have been if I didn't fail her so spectacularly.
I got her on a Saturday morning. Went to work that Monday and when I came home she was limping. I checked her baby camera and it looked like maybe she got her foot caught on her swing, though I'd observed her constantly the first two days and hadn't seen any danger signs.
I had planned to take her to an avian vet for a health check but wasn't established with them yet so I had to take her to a regular vet. They said they saw inflammation like a sprain and gave her a tiny cast and pain meds. She perked up fast after. She was so friendly even with the doctors.
Tuesday I watched her camera all day and she seemed to have adapted well to the cast. In the aftermath, I can't remember now what Tuesday night was like.
I had already taken off Wednesday to be with her, but that morning she was lethargic. She still seemed interested in food and I knew lethargic was bad but I had never seen it before so I didn't know HOW bad she was.
The vet told me to give her her meds and call back in an hour or so if she didn't improve. Within half an hour I could tell she was getting worse and we rushed over. She cuddled up into my neck the whole way there.
She made it to the backroom where the gave her oxygen but it wasn't enough. They told me an autopsy wouldn't be worthwhile. They told me she was really skinny and claimed she had been skinny the first time they saw her too, though no one had informed me of that. I'd done my best to weigh her but I didn't have a gram scale then, only ounces which I stupidly thought would be good enough.
I studied and studied but I still didn't know enough. I knew descriptions of a sick bird but I hadn't seen it with my own eyes to truly understand it. I thought she was eating her pellets, I thought I was tracking her poops, but I think back now and I'm not sure.. I didn't really understand the way I do now. Maybe my observations were all wrong.
Maybe she was too hurt. Maybe she was never actually hurt but was already sick. Maybe she was lonely. Maybe I ignorantly let her starve. Maybe the vet was clueless.
I'll never have any way of knowing and I'll never stop missing what we could have had. I love my boys but those 4 tragic days with her are still some of my best moments with a bird.. she seemed so perfect. She had so much potential.
She was going to be my best friend.
I love you and I miss you and I'm really sorry Tig.
I spent so much time preparing for her, making a safe play area, growing wheat grass and veggies, picking out the best breeder, the most epic name.. she was a gorgeous color and so amazingly socialized right from the start. She was glide clipped to come home but already flight recalling before that.
She was already relaxed enough to grind her beak by the time we finished the hour ride home. When we got her home I intended to let her settle for a few days, but she immediately wanted out of the cage and climbed onto my hand. She was fearless and loving and wanted to be on me or my boyfriend any time we were visible, but would play with her toys when we weren't.
I will never stop wondering what an amazing bird she could have been if I didn't fail her so spectacularly.
I got her on a Saturday morning. Went to work that Monday and when I came home she was limping. I checked her baby camera and it looked like maybe she got her foot caught on her swing, though I'd observed her constantly the first two days and hadn't seen any danger signs.
I had planned to take her to an avian vet for a health check but wasn't established with them yet so I had to take her to a regular vet. They said they saw inflammation like a sprain and gave her a tiny cast and pain meds. She perked up fast after. She was so friendly even with the doctors.
Tuesday I watched her camera all day and she seemed to have adapted well to the cast. In the aftermath, I can't remember now what Tuesday night was like.
I had already taken off Wednesday to be with her, but that morning she was lethargic. She still seemed interested in food and I knew lethargic was bad but I had never seen it before so I didn't know HOW bad she was.
The vet told me to give her her meds and call back in an hour or so if she didn't improve. Within half an hour I could tell she was getting worse and we rushed over. She cuddled up into my neck the whole way there.
She made it to the backroom where the gave her oxygen but it wasn't enough. They told me an autopsy wouldn't be worthwhile. They told me she was really skinny and claimed she had been skinny the first time they saw her too, though no one had informed me of that. I'd done my best to weigh her but I didn't have a gram scale then, only ounces which I stupidly thought would be good enough.
I studied and studied but I still didn't know enough. I knew descriptions of a sick bird but I hadn't seen it with my own eyes to truly understand it. I thought she was eating her pellets, I thought I was tracking her poops, but I think back now and I'm not sure.. I didn't really understand the way I do now. Maybe my observations were all wrong.
Maybe she was too hurt. Maybe she was never actually hurt but was already sick. Maybe she was lonely. Maybe I ignorantly let her starve. Maybe the vet was clueless.
I'll never have any way of knowing and I'll never stop missing what we could have had. I love my boys but those 4 tragic days with her are still some of my best moments with a bird.. she seemed so perfect. She had so much potential.
She was going to be my best friend.
I love you and I miss you and I'm really sorry Tig.