I still miss my first budgie..

[Elysian]

For some reason I've just been thinking a lot about little baby Tig (Tigmamanukan) who only lived with me for about 4 days back before I had any of the others.


I spent so much time preparing for her, making a safe play area, growing wheat grass and veggies, picking out the best breeder, the most epic name.. she was a gorgeous color and so amazingly socialized right from the start. She was glide clipped to come home but already flight recalling before that.

She was already relaxed enough to grind her beak by the time we finished the hour ride home. When we got her home I intended to let her settle for a few days, but she immediately wanted out of the cage and climbed onto my hand. She was fearless and loving and wanted to be on me or my boyfriend any time we were visible, but would play with her toys when we weren't.

I will never stop wondering what an amazing bird she could have been if I didn't fail her so spectacularly.
I got her on a Saturday morning. Went to work that Monday and when I came home she was limping. I checked her baby camera and it looked like maybe she got her foot caught on her swing, though I'd observed her constantly the first two days and hadn't seen any danger signs.

I had planned to take her to an avian vet for a health check but wasn't established with them yet so I had to take her to a regular vet. They said they saw inflammation like a sprain and gave her a tiny cast and pain meds. She perked up fast after. She was so friendly even with the doctors.

Tuesday I watched her camera all day and she seemed to have adapted well to the cast. In the aftermath, I can't remember now what Tuesday night was like.
I had already taken off Wednesday to be with her, but that morning she was lethargic. She still seemed interested in food and I knew lethargic was bad but I had never seen it before so I didn't know HOW bad she was.
The vet told me to give her her meds and call back in an hour or so if she didn't improve. Within half an hour I could tell she was getting worse and we rushed over. She cuddled up into my neck the whole way there.

She made it to the backroom where the gave her oxygen but it wasn't enough. They told me an autopsy wouldn't be worthwhile. They told me she was really skinny and claimed she had been skinny the first time they saw her too, though no one had informed me of that. I'd done my best to weigh her but I didn't have a gram scale then, only ounces which I stupidly thought would be good enough.

I studied and studied but I still didn't know enough. I knew descriptions of a sick bird but I hadn't seen it with my own eyes to truly understand it. I thought she was eating her pellets, I thought I was tracking her poops, but I think back now and I'm not sure.. I didn't really understand the way I do now. Maybe my observations were all wrong.
Maybe she was too hurt. Maybe she was never actually hurt but was already sick. Maybe she was lonely. Maybe I ignorantly let her starve. Maybe the vet was clueless.

I'll never have any way of knowing and I'll never stop missing what we could have had. I love my boys but those 4 tragic days with her are still some of my best moments with a bird.. she seemed so perfect. She had so much potential.
She was going to be my best friend.

I love you and I miss you and I'm really sorry Tig.

 

[Zara]

if I didn't fail her so spectacularly.

I don´t that is fair to think about yourself.
You were a novice and took your bird to the vet. Sometimes these things just happen. Perhaps she had an underlying illness you didn´t know about.

Remember the happier time you had with her, and try not to blame yourself too much.

For some reason

The run up to christmas and the whole focus on family can easy make us remember those who did not make it to this christmas. I lost my dog a few months back and two uncles over the last two months, it´s hard to celebrate without them.

Sending hugs and warm wishes

 

[April]

For some reason I've just been thinking a lot about little baby Tig (Tigmamanukan) who only lived with me for about 4 days back before I had any of the others.


I spent so much time preparing for her, making a safe play area, growing wheat grass and veggies, picking out the best breeder, the most epic name.. she was a gorgeous color and so amazingly socialized right from the start. She was glide clipped to come home but already flight recalling before that.

She was already relaxed enough to grind her beak by the time we finished the hour ride home. When we got her home I intended to let her settle for a few days, but she immediately wanted out of the cage and climbed onto my hand. She was fearless and loving and wanted to be on me or my boyfriend any time we were visible, but would play with her toys when we weren't.

I will never stop wondering what an amazing bird she could have been if I didn't fail her so spectacularly.
I got her on a Saturday morning. Went to work that Monday and when I came home she was limping. I checked her baby camera and it looked like maybe she got her foot caught on her swing, though I'd observed her constantly the first two days and hadn't seen any danger signs.

I had planned to take her to an avian vet for a health check but wasn't established with them yet so I had to take her to a regular vet. They said they saw inflammation like a sprain and gave her a tiny cast and pain meds. She perked up fast after. She was so friendly even with the doctors.

Tuesday I watched her camera all day and she seemed to have adapted well to the cast. In the aftermath, I can't remember now what Tuesday night was like.
I had already taken off Wednesday to be with her, but that morning she was lethargic. She still seemed interested in food and I knew lethargic was bad but I had never seen it before so I didn't know HOW bad she was.
The vet told me to give her her meds and call back in an hour or so if she didn't improve. Within half an hour I could tell she was getting worse and we rushed over. She cuddled up into my neck the whole way there.

She made it to the backroom where the gave her oxygen but it wasn't enough. They told me an autopsy wouldn't be worthwhile. They told me she was really skinny and claimed she had been skinny the first time they saw her too, though no one had informed me of that. I'd done my best to weigh her but I didn't have a gram scale then, only ounces which I stupidly thought would be good enough.

I studied and studied but I still didn't know enough. I knew descriptions of a sick bird but I hadn't seen it with my own eyes to truly understand it. I thought she was eating her pellets, I thought I was tracking her poops, but I think back now and I'm not sure.. I didn't really understand the way I do now. Maybe my observations were all wrong.
Maybe she was too hurt. Maybe she was never actually hurt but was already sick. Maybe she was lonely. Maybe I ignorantly let her starve. Maybe the vet was clueless.

I'll never have any way of knowing and I'll never stop missing what we could have had. I love my boys but those 4 tragic days with her are still some of my best moments with a bird.. she seemed so perfect. She had so much potential.
She was going to be my best friend.

I love you and I miss you and I'm really sorry Tig.
View attachment 400036

She was so beautiful and clearly she loved you dearly. I'm so sorry your lost her and are missing her so much today. Sending you gentle please be kind to yourself you did more for her by taking her to the vet then most other owners would have.

 

[Sodapop&Co.]

I'm so sorry, that's really hard. But don't blame yourself; you did the best you could and that's all anyone can do.

 

[Elysian]

I guess if there is any "silver lining" it's that I now immediately recognize when Cypress or Citrine are not well. Which may have saved Cypress' life a few months back when I was nursing him through the night.

I also wouldn't have Cypress and Citrine at all if she had lived, and thus maybe not Opie and Oggie either.

 

[April]

I guess if there is any "silver lining" it's that I now immediately recognize when Cypress or Citrine are not well. Which may have saved Cypress' life a few months back when I was nursing him through the night.

I also wouldn't have Cypress and Citrine at all if she had lived, and thus maybe not Opie and Oggie either.

She absolutely helped guide you them and the wonderful and loved life they have now.

 

[Dartman]

She may have been feeling poorly when you got her and so she was very cuddly and nice with everyone. Pippen was like that when she first got here she was so tired and worn out from being outside that all she wanted to do was cuddle into my neck and get scritches and nibble me. Once she got rested and felt better she started being nippy and sassy. I'm sure she was happy and knew she was loved either way and you did the best for her you knew how. I know it still hurts all these years later but you have all the birds now that you are loving and are happy in your flock. I still think about Ralph my first parrot that I had a few years then took back to the pet shop after he bit me and hurt my feelings after we'd been great friends. My step dad hated him and encouraged me to get rid of him, my mom never forgave him. I feel really bad for him to this day and feel like I failed him.