I need to talk about Valentina

[greencheek]

Hello everybody,

As I'm sure everyone loves birds as much as I do I wanted everyone to know about a special bird named Valentina. But as she called herself "Tina" for short and would be chirping her own name the moment I walked in the door. She was a very special, cheeky green cheeked conure and I loved her so much. She was my little bean and I wish we could of been together longer. She died and It's been a few weeks since her extremely unexpected death.




If anyone has any insights into birds dying unexpectedly I'd like to hear. I've paid for a necropsy and I'm awaiting results... The worst part is I am overwhelmed by not only grief but guilt. As she had died in the care of someone I had trusted to watch her when I was away for two days. They had assured me over and over that she seemed perfectly fine and that she simply was dead on the bottom of her cage when they returned from work. I got the phone call when I was 3 hours away. I never felt grief like that. I still remember the phone call. I just dropped to my knees and cried "why, why, why" I had her for 6 years and she died in the matter of two days of someone else's care. I couldn't sleep for days and I kept waking up in tears screaming how and why. Seeing her lifeless body as I came home from my drive was the worst night of my life. I wasn't even there for her when she died. She died alone without me. Her beak still smelled like strawberries.

It still upsets me so much. We had such a special bond and she just loved to be loved more than anything. She was so mischievous and always wanting attention. I truly believed we could talk to eachother as she would nod her head when happy and say phrases such as "thank you!" When I cleaned her poop and how she would say "good" when I have her treats. She knew all sorts of words like peakaboo, who's a pretty girl? Who's a baby girl? I loved when I would keep her cage next to me at night and I would hear all her words as she cooed herself to sleep. She loved kisses. She let me hold her on her back and be rocked to sleep. She loved getting up close to my face and snuggling right there.

Her death has been so hard on me I feel guilty all the time for ever leaving her. For not understanding why or how. I wish I could know so I could at least have some sort of closure. The first week was so hard I couldn't contain my rage. I had actual rage in the fact that something could be taken from me so quickly. My family thought I need actual psychic help because I couldn't stop screaming out of pain asking "why" to no one. I love her so much it will never go away. I want more people to about Valentina. I don't want people to forget her. I feel sad that I am forgetting things. She loved to dance and sing the most.

 

[Mizzely]

She's stunning

There's so many possibilities, and you need to be prepared that the necropsy may not give you a definite answer.

With a sudden death, the first thing I'd think of is an airborne issue. Cleaners, Teflon, candles, essential oils, etc. There are so many deadly airborne toxins for birds and they can kill birds very easily.

Having lost a couple of very special birds myself, I definitely understand your grief. They leave an imprint on our hearts that we never forget.

 

[SumitaSinh]

I can understand your pain.

 

[Icey]

So sorry for your loss. She was beautiful.

 

[April]

I'm so very sorry for your loss. She was such a lovely and stunning girl. I've lost several birds in my time of owning them but I've never felt the same level of grief that I did when Nala my first bird and Green Cheek died unexpectedly. I wasn't holding her when it happened because the vet was trying to save her but I still have immense grief over that chance being taken away from me and knowing she died in someone else's hands will forever hurt me.
I cried myself to sleep for months and still now almost 5 years later I still occasionally break down and sob over her being gone.
She was everything to me and when she died I lost a part of my soul and I won't be whole again until I see her at the rainbow Bridge someday.
We are always here if you want to talk or share more memories of your sweet girl.
I sincerely hope that the necropsy gives you some much needed answers.

 

[expressmailtome]

I am sorry for your loss.

 

[Wardy]

Sorry for your loss

 

[CeciliaZ]

I am so sorry for your loss.

 

[Tiel Feathers]

What a cutie. I’m so sorry you lost your sweet friend, and I hope you get some answers from the necropsy.

 

[Tilly123]

I'm so very sorry for your loss of Valentina.
She really is a beautiful little bird.
I too know the grief and the guilt that you feel. I wasn't there when my beloved Amazon parrot of 18 years, Mr Jingles, died. This was almost 3 years ago now, but I still miss him and long for him to be here everyday.
I wrote down every single thing I could remember about him in a booklet. I wanted to make sure that I remembered absolutely everything. This helped. I also had a portrait painted of him, which is now on the wall where his cage used to be.
It will be hard for you, but please try to remember that he had a wonderful life with you ( a lot of poor birds and animals never have that) He will most certainly be looking down on you with love. Also, this forum has people who love their birds as you do, so write on here as often as you need to.
Thinking of you at this sad time.

 

[Tyrion]

So very sorry for your loss

 

[Clueless]

We do feel your pain.

I sought counseling to handle the loss of MC. I strongly recommend that.

Like @Tilly123 said, I took comfort knowing he was loved and had good food and toys.... many do not.

 

[SunTruth]

Sorry for your loss. @Tilly123 and @Clueless are right I think and I hope you get better soon.

 

[Sparkles99]

I’m so sorry. Don’t blame yourself. Hopefully the necropsy will give you closure.

 

[sunnysmom]

I am so sorry for your loss. She was a beautiful girl. I hope the necropsy gives you some answers. If I had to guess, I would say something environmental, but obviously just a guess. I understand your grief. When Sunny my tiel died, I was gutted. These little birds can leave such big holes in our hearts. Just try to take comfort in knowing that she was loved and that you gave her a good life. As someone that volunteers with rescues, that's more than so many birds have no matter the length of time.

 

[greencheek]

I just want to personally thank everyone who has given me support, kind words and advice for me in this dark time of my life. I still grieve silently everyday and it's hard when people who don't understand birds don't understand how their deaths are comparable to a dog's or cats death just the same.

We had 6 wonderful years together. I don't know if I will ever be able to get another bird however much I do love them. The fragility of their lives scares me so much I just cannot bear feeling like I didn't do enough or I messed up somewhere.

I love Tina so much

 

[Sparkles99]

I think any bird would be happy to have you in their life.

 

[Somebirdie]

I’m very sorry to hear about the loss of Tina.
It’s a very raw and hard to describe pain, to suddenly loose a bird who felt like they were part of your soul.
you loved her dearly and she clearly loved you dearly, too.
A saying I’ve found very true around grief is “it won’t hurt less, but it will hurt less often”.

lots of love to you, be kind to yourself just as you were to Tina xx

 

[Perroquet]

Greencheek, your post brought me to tears. I feel the pain of your loss -- mine was only 5 months ago, but every day is still difficult. Your comment about how fragile these special birds are especially resonated with me, as I come to terms with my own similar loss. Just as everyone has said, Tina was so lucky to have had a wonderful life with you, even if it was shorter than you expected. Sending hugs your way.

 

[Cecil]

I'm so so sorry for your loss. I also lost my baby boy Cecil a few months ago and it truly is one of the worst things in life to go through. It's been 6 months and I still struggle with his loss and breakdown everyday as I'm sure many in this community do.
All I know is that knowing that there are others out there that have loved and lost their babies as much as you loved Tina, and who are here for you to talk to is what has helped me the most. I'm so grateful for this community.
What @April wrote earlier resonated with me so much and I'm sure many feel the same way.
"She was everything to me and when she died I lost a part of my soul and I won't be whole again until I see her at the rainbow Bridge someday."