I don’t want to write this. I can’t even approach the edges of this without crying.
I lost my Sneaky Pete. My sweet, sensitive little man. I know we’re not supposed to have favorites, but I knew he was mine even if I’d never said it aloud. He never bit, he made this adorable little sound when I kissed him. He said exactly one thing, Sneaky Pete! We were working on whatcha doin and I love you.
Inspired by the incredible bond I watched grow between my parrotlets Chiara and Maus, Sneaky Pete was joined by Lemon who took to him immediately. Lemon loved him so much he moved himself into Pete’s much smaller cage all on his own. Pete was worryingly possessive of his cage, but he never fought Lemon once. He seemed a bit put off this clingy little baby who so desperately wanted to be glued to his side, then in the way that is truly just Pete, he loved him. Lemon is so sad my heart feels twice broken.
Of course Pete taught Lemon to say Sneaky Pete, so now clear as day I hear Lemon calling for him. I wish I could love on him, grieve with him - but Lemon only ever landed on me to land beside our Pete. I’d give anything to have him back; to be able to give him back to Lemon. I don’t know what’s worse my heartache or having to watch Lemon struggle through a heartache I can hardly imagine.
Seeing Pete with Lemon, how happy he was to love and be loved - I know his life was good and full in every way I could possibly find to better it. He had flight, and nearly constant freedom; between the two of them they had two flight cages, Pete’s cage, and a divider cage open and stocked with toys and food and even though they always ended up in Pete’s cage, they played through every cage and stand. Sneaky Pete liked to be covered under blankets or clothes..he had a habit of sneaking around on the floor beneath the cages, Lemon right beside him, my two fully flighted birds on the floor!
I had his overgrown beak fixed twice (it grew back alarmingly fast) and the second time he was able to eat with the stunning parrotlet appetite he had been missing. It was so good to see him eat! He spent a week parked in his food dish. I was thrilled to see him on his way to not being underweight anymore.
Sneaky Pete and Lemon are sweeter, gentler, and quieter than my other fids so they stayed in my bedroom instead of the bird room. Pete has always been in my room and as much a part of me and myself as I am. My life aches without him, my 27g bird has left an inexplicable hole in my life and my heart. I hate my life without him. It hurts to see Lemon alone. I was in the middle of a chaotic move and didn’t even get to spend his last two days with him. No amount of days would ever have been enough. He had a tumor on his liver. The answer to why just make me think of his tiny body... I’m a wreck. Part of the lingering pain of not being allowed to have pets as a kid is experiencing the distinct searing pain of losing them as an adult with no history of loss to help guide you through it.
Now I live in a new place that Pete has never been and that makes me cry - everything makes me cry. I’m worried I’m scaring my fids but what do I do? I love Pete with my whole heart and now my whole heart is just shattered. His proper Italian name is Pieraimondo, or Piero.
I guess this is life? You love and you give the pieces of your heart away until there is nothing left of you and then you may at last follow them into the dark to find them once again. Piero, my heart, I promise I will take care of your Lemon for you, eventually myself as well. I bet you and Miche are already best friends...you are probably being weird on the floor together. Even in tears, you always make me laugh. Mi manchi e mi mancherai, cuore mio.
*a myriad of photos to come once I have internet/data setup/available. It did cheer me up looking through all the pictures I have of my sweet Pete.
