I am stupid- Lost budgie's trust and please help

[Apollolyptic]

Hi everyone, I'm so sorry to post yet another thread.
I probably did about one of the dumbest things I've ever done in my life as a pet owner.

So, a couple days ago one of my budgies, the one that is completely afraid of me flew out of their cage while I was cleaning it. I figured that maybe this would be a good time to get her used to being handled- first mistake. So I took out my other budgie, who does step up after some chasing, and I tried to see if I could get my shy budgie used to my hands. In the mess that ensued, I grabbed her roughly two or three times with my bare hands (stupid) and then three or four times with a t shirt (slightly less stupid). I'm used to small roents like gerbils and hamsters, who calm down if cradled against your chest with your hand cupped over them and realize they don't need to be afraid. I thought birds would react the same (stupid) so I basically held my bird against her will thinking that would calm her down. I also thought holding her firmly in my hands would get her used to me (After reading about the 'flooding method' and why it's wrong, I'm appalled that I basically was trying to give my bird Stockholm syndrome). She struggled and bit me a lot (obviously) and at this point I'm sure any sane person is wondering why I KEPT trying to catch her and grab her. I honestly don't know what kind of insane lapse of judgment and rational thought I had, but I did.
Basically, I have learned after doing the reading that I SHOULD have done before this entire mess that
1) I Did essentially every wrong thing that I could possibly have gotten wrong
2) I Should have realized that this was a bad idea immediately and I shouldn't have kept handling her
3) The more anxious and aggravated I got, the more afraid my bird got.
4) I'm very lucky she wasn't hurt and didn't go into shock

Both of my birds, not just the one who wound up being handled, now seem to stay right at the back of their cage and don't use the perches at the front. My female (the one I traumatized) now bites at the male if he tries to come onto the perch she's one, and I'm worried I caused that because she associates him with the 'coming of the hand'.

Since then I've just left the female alone, offered millet and handled the male, but I'm now reading that I shouldn't follow him and let both of them make the choice to come to me.

First, I sound like a horrible person, and I feel like one. I do love them so much and I want to help them feel comfortable after this disaster. What should I do to proceed? Can I even ever get them to relax around me at this point?

 

[BeanieofJustice]

First off, you know what went wrong and being committed enough to read it, and acknowledge what needs to change - and you deserve credit for that!
For building trust, start off like they are new birds; read a book to them, offer them millet, only associate your hand with good things. Don't approach them but offer the millet, and whoever approaches gets it. Otherwise just offer them millet in their bowl whenever you're around them and speak softly to them.

You can only go up from here now that you know what to change.

 

[TikkiTembo]

We all make mistakes!
Ifeel guilty for trying to rush harness training, I could have damaged our relationship. Cut yourself some slack, take a deep breath, and spend your energy slowly and calmly loving your birds. They don't forget things, but they do forgive

 

[Tiel Feathers]

It might take a long time, but all you can do is go back to square one. Read to them, sit calmly by the cage while doing other things, drop their favorite treat into their food dish when you walk by, etc. and never force them to do anything ever again. After several months I hope you can regain some trust, let us know how it goes.

 

[Khizz]

As everyone else said, we all have our silly moments. Don't hate yourself for it. Just breathe, and take a step back. Leave them to calm down for a few days/week at first. Then go from there. People here have rescued birds who have been treated really badly, and they manage to get them used to people again. You can do it! For now, just aim to reduce their fear, then if they respond to training then go from there.

 

[Apollolyptic]

I really really appreciate everyone’s kind words and advice, which I’ve taken very seriously, and I can already see an improvement in both birds comfort levels. Lana got out of the cage again while I was cleaning (she keeps slipping past me, fast little bugger) but this time I made sure to cover my hands with a towel, gently catch her and put her back in the cage straight away to avoid as much stress as possible.

The only strange thing is no matter what toys or treats I put there, they don’t seem to like hanging out at the front of the cage, they kind of stay in the same place at the back only coming to the front to eat, but they seem relaxed so I don’t know if they’re still not coming to the front out of fear or if they just like that spot to hang out in

 

[Andreipnc]

How is your progress with the birds? I did exactly same mistakes and I would like to know how is after several months.

 

[expressmailtome]

How is your progress with the birds? I did exactly same mistakes and I would like to know how is after several months.

Margaret has not posted in the last six months so you may or may not receive a response.