Help with Bonding

[Sheileentj]

To be honest, I am a cat person, and as I am writing this, one of them lays purring on my lap.
I am here because of my husband’s African Grey, a lady that goes by the name of Juul or Juleke.

My husband changed work and will be travelling a lot leaving me to take care of Juul.
I feel a bird does not belong in a cage and should get proper attention like every other living being, but… Houston we’ve got a problem.

Juul doesn’t have any affection towards me, I never bonded with her. I’ll say hello, give her a piece of apple, but that’s about it.

My husband adopted her approximately seven years ago.
It took him some time blood and tears to bond but now they are very close. Taking showers together, cuddling under the blanket, in his bathrobe, kisses… über-cute.
When I am in the neighbourhood she blows up her feathers. And when I open her cage in the morning she will try to bite. When she flies to the kitchen, and she gets in my way (read: bite in my ankles) I put on a glove. She gets up nicely and then bites in the glove. She gets off nicely too, but will bite again. She does accept apple or carrot without biting. Without glove I cannot handle her. I want her to be out off her cage when I am at home. No one deserves to be locked up. But I want to feel safe around her too.
That’s it in a nutshell and I don’t want to restrict her by cutting her feathers.

 

[Snowghost]

I have been meaning to respond to you. Sorry for the delay.

Paco is my 24 year old male, CAG, he has been with me for 3 years. I won't go into detail his history here, I have many posts in this group requesting advice. He was extremely abused and neglected. I brought him home. For the first three days he sat in his cage and did not flip a feather he was so terrified. I started out with a routine every morning, evening and when I leave the house and when I come home.

I moved slowly, speaking to him the entire time. I told him what I was doing. GM Paco. I'm turning on the lights. You want some breakfast? I'm going to open the door, count 1, 2, 3. Reach in and change bowls, heat up frozen veggies, talking, moving slowly. He would step up but that took a while, and he liked his food hand fed to him This process of healing and earning his trust took months, a few bites, tears and frustration but I stuck it out. Night night same thing, getting ready for bed, closing the door, 1,23. Turning out the lights, 1, 2,3 . Routine, routine. Making my bed, going to read a book. I tap the light out and he swings upside down before settling down to preen.

When I leave, I tell him I'm going out, bye bye, want a treat? I close the back door, turn off music on lap top, turn on his radio, want a treat? He swings into his cage and takes his treat. Now, he can't fly to get away from me. Learn your birds body language, talk to her. Move slowly, sit next to her and read a book, let her get to know you. But let me tell you he can strike out faster then a snack and bite, and then grab the skin and twist it to make sure it hurts. That was three years ago. Oh, I forgot, he figured out when I lean down to change his paper he can take his beak and slam the top of my head with the side of his beak, trust me that hurt.

Paco will step up now, give me kisses when I ask for one and he makes smooch noise and touches my nose with this beak, happy dance.

Building a bond with this sensitive, highly intelligent scaredy cats is not easy and it takes time and every day.

The rewards are amazing and will warm your heart. Don't give up. Took me 6 months for him to try to eat peas, he threw them at me. I have gazillion stories about this guy. We still have a few set backs, like yesterday, I knew I would gone all day, so I put in a extra scoop of seed in his bowl, I reached in and he went to bite. Well I was out of the routine, told him no, ah ah not bite. Not really his fault. But he got his treat and we went back to our good bye routine.

You can reach out to me anytime. Being a companion and caregiver to these wonderful parrots is not always easy. Its worth it. I am all he has and he is my baby.

Keep posting on her progress, hope this helps.

Terri

 

[Sheileentj]

I have been meaning to respond to you. Sorry for the delay.

Paco is my 24 year old male, CAG, he has been with me for 3 years. I won't go into detail his history here, I have many posts in this group requesting advice. He was extremely abused and neglected. I brought him home. For the first three days he sat in his cage and did not flip a feather he was so terrified. I started out with a routine every morning, evening and when I leave the house and when I come home.

I moved slowly, speaking to him the entire time. I told him what I was doing. GM Paco. I'm turning on the lights. You want some breakfast? I'm going to open the door, count 1, 2, 3. Reach in and change bowls, heat up frozen veggies, talking, moving slowly. He would step up but that took a while, and he liked his food hand fed to him This process of healing and earning his trust took months, a few bites, tears and frustration but I stuck it out. Night night same thing, getting ready for bed, closing the door, 1,23. Turning out the lights, 1, 2,3 . Routine, routine. Making my bed, going to read a book. I tap the light out and he swings upside down before settling down to preen.

When I leave, I tell him I'm going out, bye bye, want a treat? I close the back door, turn off music on lap top, turn on his radio, want a treat? He swings into his cage and takes his treat. Now, he can't fly to get away from me. Learn your birds body language, talk to her. Move slowly, sit next to her and read a book, let her get to know you. But let me tell you he can strike out faster then a snack and bite, and then grab the skin and twist it to make sure it hurts. That was three years ago. Oh, I forgot, he figured out when I lean down to change his paper he can take his beak and slam the top of my head with the side of his beak, trust me that hurt.

Paco will step up now, give me kisses when I ask for one and he makes smooch noise and touches my nose with this beak, happy dance.

Building a bond with this sensitive, highly intelligent scaredy cats is not easy and it takes time and every day.

The rewards are amazing and will warm your heart. Don't give up. Took me 6 months for him to try to eat peas, he threw them at me. I have gazillion stories about this guy. We still have a few set backs, like yesterday, I knew I would gone all day, so I put in a extra scoop of seed in his bowl, I reached in and he went to bite. Well I was out of the routine, told him no, ah ah not bite. Not really his fault. But he got his treat and we went back to our good bye routine.

You can reach out to me anytime. Being a companion and caregiver to these wonderful parrots is not always easy. Its worth it. I am all he has and he is my baby.

Keep posting on her progress, hope this helps.

Terri

Thank you

 

[Rong]

Hello and thanks for replying. She's doing better. She is still in love with my husband lol. But I am the one who takes care of her. She will eat out of my hand,she lets me rub her beak. I'm still taking it really slow with her. She lunged at me once threw her cage . She loves trying different healthy food and want me to hand feed her lol.She's training me well lol. She was doing her mating dance for my husband,but he doesn't fool with her. He talks to her She shows excitement when he's near but doesn't show the same to me??All in time,lots of patience and baby steps lol. Any suggestions?? She now loves and plays with her toys. She is now seed free and loves the pasta zupreem yayyy

 

[tka]

It sounds like you're definitely making some progress!

I would strongly recommend that your husband reshapes his relationship with Juul. Things like lots of snuggling, cuddling under blankets and in clothing, lots of time on the shoulder and knee all creates a pair bond. Juul probably thinks that she and your husband are a bonded pair, and that you are an unwelcome intruder into her otherwise happy relationship. It's good that he's not encouraging her mating dance but I think it would help if he stops the other cuddling.

Both you and your husband should read this article - I think it would help you understand the dynamic that's being set up here.

Avoid the Pair Bond: Social Relationships with Parrots

At the heart of many behavior problems is a social relationship that has taken a wrong turn. Why? Because, despite our best intentions we often misunderstand what parrots really need from us social…

blogpamelaclarkonline.com

Greys are fantastically intelligent and often take well to training. If you reinforce behaviours you want to see, they'll do more of them - for example, playing with their own toys, flying to touch a target, spinning in acircle, flipping upside down on your hand... There are tons of fun ways you can both interact with Juul that don't involve the close physical bond she currently has.