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He loves me but fears my husband

Mambo128

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Hi everyone. We recently (3-4 weeks ago) brought home a 3 1/2 month old Double Factor Violet Indian Ringneck. We followed protocol of 1- leave him in cage for first 24-72 hours 2- talk to him as much as possible, 3- slow movements, 4- no loud noises. After a few days, Vinny our IRN, would step up and let me and only me hold him.
Whenever my husband would come close to the cage or try to give him a treat he would yell and fly around the cage. After 3-4 weeks this continues. My husband can’t get ANYWHERE near him. The only time he allows my husband to pick him up or he step up is if he flies off the perch to the floor, but even that is short lived. He will fly away the minute he realizes who he’s standing on.
So we’ve tried everything.... treats, clicker training, point stick training, you name it we tried it. My husband plays guitar and he even tried to sing to Vinny next to his cage to try and bond. But Vinny ain’t having it!
We need help getting rid of fear. He fears my husband. He is perfectly fine with me. I can handle him any which way and he is fine. The minute he sees me get close to the cage he will walk to his perch and lift his leg to step up. So he knows how to do it all just not with my husband. Oh he’s also a little scared of our 10 year old.
Any help would be greatly appreciated.

Thank you!
 

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Shezbug

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Gosh you have made such great progress in such a short space of time...... 3-4 weeks is a very short time to have your bird trust you as much as he does, so- congratulations on that!
Looks like your husband may have to work harder than you did to gain this little ones trust, it sounds like he has kind of picked you :)

@Monica gives great clear advice on training wanted behaviors so hopefully she will offer you some help and I am sure you will also get tonnes of advice from our other members too, but, I think the first thing to remember is that your little guy has only been with you a very minimal time so where you are at with him is actually wonderful.
 

Mambo128

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Gosh you have made such great progress in such a short space of time...... 3-4 weeks is a very short time to have your bird trust you as much as he does, so- congratulations on that!
Looks like your husband may have to work harder than you did to gain this little ones trust, it sounds like he has kind of picked you :)

@Monica gives great clear advice on training wanted behaviors so hopefully she will offer you some help and I am sure you will also get tonnes of advice from our other members too, but, I think the first thing to remember is that your little guy has only been with you a very minimal time so where you are at with him is actually wonderful.
Thank you! Funny I haven’t even tried much. My husband doesn’t know what else to do. When I say he fears him I mean FEARS him! He doesn’t bite thank God but he just flies away constantly.
 

Shezbug

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How close can hubby get before the bird shows fear or concern? That is as close as hubby should get till the bird learns that hubby is not a threat.
Some people say they will become used to it and learn it is not a problem so just make them put up with what you want them to learn and do..... but this is quite traumatic for them (prey animals think very different to predators and being walled in or caged in means they are essentially trapped and can't follow built in instinct to flee as far as possible from danger) and can have terrible side effects for ever or a very long time- My mum thinks like this (exact words were he will get used to it so stop fussing) and to this day it has caused me to have to constantly work on certain items at our home and behaviors surrounding them as Burt is terrified of being in the situations she put him in- I will never forgive myself for not being harsh enough to stop her early enough to not have it still affecting him over a year later, I will eventually hopefully be in a position to teach Burt that his couple of terrifying experiences more than a year ago are not really that bad or dangerous but it is going to take a long time as I will not push him and make him loose his trust in me or his confidence. Everything with birds usually takes a long time and often a lot of work without thanks lol- it is worth it in the long run though as the relationship and ability to communicate on some reasonable level with your bird is one of the most rewarding things I think that is out there :)
 

Mockinbirdiva

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He's a beauty! My yellow nape amazon wants nothing to do with my husband either and moves away from him also. Has for years. I think from early on when he was new here he gave my hubby a nip on a finger, though I don't think it was terribly intentional, my husband decided he didn't want to risk any further bites and just wasn't interested in holding him. The birds are my passion not his ( though he is a wildlife photographer) and I think his body language is well conveyed to Henry in the lack of interaction. He also has dark hair and a dark mustache... which may not be to the liking of Henry either. It's ok by me ( and certainly my husband) if the two don't become buddies. If your husband has a true interest in your guy it's going to take time for him to learn to trust him... if ever. He shouldn't let his feelings get hurt over it. It's not uncommon for a bird to choose one person in a household to interact and bond with.
 

Mambo128

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How close can hubby get before the bird shows fear or concern? That is as close as hubby should get till the bird learns that hubby is not a threat.
Some people say they will become used to it and learn it is not a problem so just make them put up with what you want them to learn and do..... but this is quite traumatic for them (prey animals think very different to predators and being walled in or caged in means they are essentially trapped and can't follow built in instinct to flee as far as possible from danger) and can have terrible side effects for ever or a very long time- My mum thinks like this (exact words were he will get used to it so stop fussing) and to this day it has caused me to have to constantly work on certain items at our home and behaviors surrounding them as Burt is terrified of being in the situations she put him in- I will never forgive myself for not being harsh enough to stop her early enough to not have it still affecting him over a year later, I will eventually hopefully be in a position to teach Burt that his couple of terrifying experiences more than a year ago are not really that bad or dangerous but it is going to take a long time as I will not push him and make him loose his trust in me or his confidence. Everything with birds usually takes a long time and often a lot of work without thanks lol- it is worth it in the long run though as the relationship and ability to communicate on some reasonable level with your bird is one of the most rewarding things I think that is out there :)
Thank you! I agree! ☺
 

Monaco

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Also, try to rethink the finality of the "tried that, it didn't work" idea. I think @JLcribber has a link to an article about it. It can take months of trying something (aka "it" being available or just in view) before showing any interest. Maybe it is a sticky somewhere... Please forgive my failing memory!

This is going to be a very different experience for you. Human logic and linear thinking just can't be the baseline with your bird (who is just gorgeous!) but careful and thoughtful observation will help inform you about setting up successful scenarios, and those will build up a nice trust account - like a bank balance, and there's a thread about that somewhere too.

Welcome to the avenue! I wish I were better at finding and linking things. Lafeber articles are insightful, and I enjoy Pam Clark's blog and her articles. Read, read, read!
 

Mambo128

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Also, try to rethink the finality of the "tried that, it didn't work" idea. I think @JLcribber has a link to an article about it. It can take months of trying something (aka "it" being available or just in view) before showing any interest. Maybe it is a sticky somewhere... Please forgive my failing memory!

This is going to be a very different experience for you. Human logic and linear thinking just can't be the baseline with your bird (who is just gorgeous!) but careful and thoughtful observation will help inform you about setting up successful scenarios, and those will build up a nice trust account - like a bank balance, and there's a thread about that somewhere too.

Welcome to the avenue! I wish I were better at finding and linking things. Lafeber articles are insightful, and I enjoy Pam Clark's blog and her articles. Read, read, read!
Thank you! I appreciate all the advice! I truly do! I will search for all the articles! Thanks!
 

Monaco

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Thank you! I appreciate all the advice! I truly do! I will search for all the articles! Thanks!
You're welcome! I wish my memory and skill at getting things linked were functional. When you guys get some wins and progress, please share them with us so we can celebrate with you. It's quite a journey, and so rewarding when these lovely fids trust and have fun with us.
 

Monica

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You can always have your husband be an "inanimate" object surrounded by the best of treats and then take your bird over to see if he'd be willing to investigate. Or, any time your bird is caged, any time your husband walks by slowly (no eye contact, no talking), just have him drop a treat into a metal cup for this specific reason. Or you could do station training on your hand and teach your bird to stay put as you move closer to your husband and back away, but never so close that he becomes uncomfortable and takes flight. Keep rewarding staying put and focusing on you.

There's quite a few possible ideas! If you do any target training and training other behaviors, your husband could try doing those same behaviors, too.

Maybe see if you can figure out some sort of physical difference between you and your husband? Is it possibly a gender difference? (thus voice tones also?) Hair difference? Glasses? Facial hair? Try to think outside of the box to see if you can figure out what exactly it is your bird may be terrified of. It could be as simple as the breeder was the same gender as you and your husband is "too different" for your bird. It can be worked on though and may take time! :)
 
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