Getting over gender preference?

[Elysian]

I know Opie has only been here with us a week, I'm not expecting miracles from him..
But I'm a little sad because I spend hours a day (in frequent small dose visits) talking to him, singing to him, giving him special treats. I can sit on the opposite side of the cage with a sharable snack and nibble it until he comes down to look at me, then give him a bite.
When he is on one side of the cage I can reach into another side of the cage and fix a toy or perch without him lunging at me.
I'm hoping to let him climb out and play and top of the cage this weekend.

It all sounds like wonderful progress..

But my boyfriend who has only very minimal interest in the birds, stops in ONCE a day - and Opie has already allowed him to touch his feet and scratch his head a little through the bars.
I can't even brush against a toe without being beak threatened.

Clearly there is something about my boyfriend that he naturally prefers.
I "know" in my rational brain that I just need to keep doing what I'm doing, and that it could take years..
But my heart is wondering if it's even possible to get over such an obvious preference. Is tolerating me the best I can hope for?

 

[Gigibirds]

I'm sure that with more time he will start to love you as much as he likes your boyfriend. My p'let only likes female humans, but if there are only men around for a few days then she will be perfectly happy with them. It is sad when they prefer someone who isn't you, but I'm certain that with more training and time you will be equally loved. Also, at least he does tolerate you, right?

 

[Elysian]

So far he does - as long as I don't accidentally touch him, lol.
I'm a bit nervous about starting to let him out of the cage, whether he will attack me or something. Guess we just have to find out and go from there.

 

[Clueless]

I'm a bit nervous about starting to let him out of the cage, whether he will attack me or something.

Girl, read this line of yours and fixate on the 4th word "NERVOUS"

I know nothing about birds (read my name) but I do know Amazons FEED OFF OUR EMOTIONS or at least mine do.

I'm scared of Secret because of what Secret did to me in the past (tore hunks of flesh from my hand). We have a great relationship because of a T perch transfer stick. I can put the bird on my lap courtesy of a THICK baby blanket of knit material that her claws won't get into. That's our alone time. I give meds and special foods once a night that way. (Incidentally, Secret bit me last night but not hard enough to break skin, just a ticked off bird)

Hubby isn't scared but just pets toes and talks to Secret.

He loved MC but again, MC bit HIM early on and hubby was a little leery of him because of that. MC knew it and responded (Amazon appropriately in my book).

 

[Clueless]

Tip if you handle a bird? Make a fist and tuck thumb in. Makes your skin tight and harder to grab for them. No thumb, no grabbing point.

 

[SumitaSinh]

I can understand your feelings... I love my Inca like anything, he allows me to scratch his head but he's crazy about my mom in law.. ... Obviously, this is not my favorite situation. Amazons are always a challenge, both mentally and physically.

 

[Greylady1966]

@Clueless needs to stop saying she doesn't know anything. She adopted two wild caught Amazons. You can learn a lot about them from her, I have.

 

[SumitaSinh]

@Clueless needs to stop saying she doesn't know anything. She adopted two wild caught Amazons. You can learn a lot about them from her, I have.

Yeah, me too... Am still learning a lot from her.

 

[Clueless]

Awwwwww. You guys make me blush......

 

[Elysian]

Girl, read this line of yours and fixate on the 4th word "NERVOUS"

I know nothing about birds (read my name) but I do know Amazons FEED OFF OUR EMOTIONS or at least mine do.

I'm scared of Secret because of what Secret did to me in the past (tore hunks of flesh from my hand). We have a great relationship because of a T perch transfer stick. I can put the bird on my lap courtesy of a THICK baby blanket of knit material that her claws won't get into. That's our alone time. I give meds and special foods once a night that way. (Incidentally, Secret bit me last night but not hard enough to break skin, just a ticked off bird)

Hubby isn't scared but just pets toes and talks to Secret.

He loved MC but again, MC bit HIM early on and hubby was a little leery of him because of that. MC knew it and responded (Amazon appropriately in my book).

I have been trying to make sure I only have "positive energy" around him. The little senegal bit me a lot worse than Opie did and we've (sort of) gotten past it, but Opie just seems to be like.. "Thanks for the food lady, now step off"

Since he will take treats from me (sometimes), I guess I could start working on target training now.. maybe that will help.
I will go buy a big T perch and see if I can get him to not have a conniption about it.

 

[aooratrix]

It is possible that your YSA and you will have a closer relationship. As you said, it's only been a week! Also, Amazons are "what you see is what you're going to get" birds, very honest body language. It's also possible you will always only be a parrot concierge. Time will tell.

 

[Elysian]

I guess in the back of my head I'm wondering .. if I spend a year or more trying to earn his affection and its just not working, is this going to be socially/emotionally damaging to him?

My boyfriend might bring him a treat or give him a tickle once in awhile but he is NOT interested in being a real companion/family to a parrot. If Opie is intent on wanting to bond with him... he's going to be so lonely?

 

[Greylady1966]

I don't understand why your looking a year into the future when you just got them.

 

[Elysian]

I don't know, just a question?
I like to prepare myself for the future so I can troubleshoot adequately when the need arises.

 

[Greylady1966]

The thing is you never know with parrots, it's hard to prepare how they are going to be. I'm sure he feels better that you adopted them together. I would have to.

 

[redindiaink]

We have a DYA that likes him more than me. I might as well pack my bags after he's given her some attention. She lunges and flies at me. However, she'll let me preen her and occasionally sits on my lap. I just have to put in a lot more effort to make the relationship with her work.

is this going to be socially/emotionally damaging to him?

Whaat? If you use force or coercion maybe, but I don't see how trying to have a relationship is going to harm them if you're using force free techniques.

 

[JornsBergenson]

Frankly, I'd rather have a "buddy" relationship with a bird rather than a "romantic" relationship. I enjoy the fact that our Ecletus looks at me as a buddy. I am just another soul that he hangs with, eats with, does training with, etc. That relationship took at least a year to establish, but yeah, after a lot of work we're the best of buddies.
On the other hand, our Eclectus loves my wife and always has. It is a little disgusting. I toil night and day over this bird, and he treats her like a goddess
I'm a little jealous sometimes, but then I have to question my motives: is my role to take care of the bird and find joy in that process, or am I trying to meet some personal need?

My advise is that you keep working with your bird to establish a working relationship. That can take months or years, but bird care is a long term commitment. There are great rewards for both the person and the bird in the long haul.

 

[Elysian]

We have a DYA that likes him more than me. I might as well pack my bags after he's given her some attention. She lunges and flies at me. However, she'll let me preen her and occasionally sits on my lap. I just have to put in a lot more effort to make the relationship with her work.



Whaat? If you use force or coercion maybe, but I don't see how trying to have a relationship is going to harm them if you're using force free techniques.

Oh I meant will not having a bond with me be bad for him in the really long term.

If he never decides to be my friend..
I know I'm borrowing trouble, it's a long ways out, but I already wonder what will happen to him if/when Oggie passes (hopefully not for a long time, but he is "old").
They aren't mates but they are a little flock.

Just like people who know their birds will outlive them want to plan for the bird's future.. I don't know if Opie will outlive me, but barring something terrible I know he will outlive Oggie and the budgies.
Then he will only have me, and occasional sparing attention from my boyfriend.

 

[Clueless]

My guys had very little attention for years. Many other birds in foster care were deprived of attention, food, water, clean cages, etc

Life happens. Relax.

 

[flyzipper]

Oscar loves women. His previous owner went as far to say that he doesn't like men. I originally felt, and still do to a degree, that holding that idea too strongly (as Oscar's previous owner did) runs the risk of it becoming a self fulfilling prophecy.

That said, I can simply play a YouTube video where Oscar can hear a woman's voice, and he's immediately interested and will fly over to my desk (handy for motivating exercise). We can be looking out the window and a dozen men can walk by without him paying much attention, but as soon as a woman does he's obviously animated.

Oscar's preference is clear, but I'm the sole provider in my household, so he's quickly learned that men are ok too.

Have faith in the long term power of positive reinforcement.