genuinely questioning if I can do this

[Tapew0rrm]

They can still read in this section of the forums. So, I'm going to post.

You seem to blame yourself a lot. I feel you're unduly harsh on yourself. Conures, especially GCCs, are currently marketed as though they were budgies or zebra finches. That's definitely not your fault. And even smaller birds like budgies and finches drive some people up the wall.

Rehoming carefully to the right home isn't wrong. I'm grateful to the people who sold me my rehomes. Sometimes the best things in life are 'second hand'.

You should come back. You may find that you like AA. You may also discover that a species you'd not considered is what's really right for you.

I can fully agree, I'm very harsh on myself unjustly..I've also recently gone through a lot of problems that left my self esteem,,pretty shattered.
when I got Aro, I wasn't even intending on getting a Conure. In fact, To be perfectly honest, I didn't know that bcc's even existed. I was fully intending on getting a young cockatiel. It wasn't fair of me to go for a bird who's species I knew nothing about, who was older, and just expect them to bond like a younger bird. But I'm determind to give him as long as I can to bond with him and become someone who he can feel safe with. I love him. I will figure it out. If it doesn't work out? At least I know that I tried everything I could, even pushing through something I thought I couldn't. But, thanks to this forum, I'll equally feel safe in the knowledge that I am not a failure just because I wasn't the right home for him.

 

[Pixiebeak]

yay!
You and Arro have already been making great progress together! From what I see he really likes you Too!
You've been able to give love scratches here and there! Took close to 6 months with one of mine to do that!
He is such a gosh darn cutie too! I'm glad you found him and took him in.

 

[Tapew0rrm]

yay!
You and Arro have already been making great progress together! From what I see he really likes you Too!
You've been able to give love scratches here and there! Took close to 6 months with one of mine to do that!
He is such a gosh darn cutie too! I'm glad you found him and took him in.

You're right!!! I have!!! I didn't even think about how rare it is for that to be allowed by b0rds O:

I even got to give him scritches a little bit this morning!!!!!
Clearly my brain doesn't know what he's talking about. I will not listen to anything it says about Aro being wrong for me again. >:[

 

[Tapew0rrm]

I didn't know the OP was trans, must have missed other posts
But they probably feel deeply that it is no good to try to make someone something they are not-
for them or the conure.
Wish they hadn't just left so fast though...............

> But they probably feel deeply that it is no good to try to make someone something they are not-
for them or the conure. <


Just wondering a little what you meant here? Not in a bad way. Just,,autism brain, a little confused what you meant.

 

[Tapew0rrm]

If you have only had him 5 weeks, I wouldn't make a decision yet. It can take some birds awhile to settle in. If he's in your room, is he alone most of the time? That can also be a cause of screaming. If you do decide to rehome, please be cautious of doing it around the holidays, unless you're planning on taking him to a rescue. Too many people see birds as impulse Christmas presents and they obviously aren't. I suggest waiting until after Christmas. Also have you read the book Good Bird by Barbara Heidenreich? I think all bird owners should read it.

I actually hadn't even considered the idea of people doing that, guess I lapsed a little on humanity o.o;;;

I spend most of my time in the same room as him, I'm more then certain now that its mostly just conure chatter and it'll take a little while for me to get used to it. As you said, its early in knowing him, he deserves me giving him a chance to get to know him. I won't give up on him just because things are a little tough at the begining. He deserves better then that.

I'll also check out the book you mentioned! Thank you for the suggestion

 

[Tapew0rrm]

Hello!! I'm Camille's best friend, he's okay! He just had a little freak out, aro is absolutely okay, camille will be back as soon as he feels better

Ily <3

 

[MommyBird]

> But they probably feel deeply that it is no good to try to make someone something they are not-
for them or the conure. <


Just wondering a little what you meant here? Not in a bad way. Just,,autism brain, a little confused what you meant.

nothing bad.
if he makes normal conure noise you can't live with, neither of you should be forced to change. No one can fault either of you.
He's a lovely bird, if you could stand the noise, you could work on gaining self-confidence around him once he settles in a bit.
I truly do think he will give you the chance to work with him.

 

[tka]

Please don't beat yourself up about any of this - it takes time for you and a bird to get to know each other, and the first weeks and months can be tough. Leia, my first parrot, took a month to decide whether or not I was allowed to touch her, and I was so worried that she wasn't going to be happy with me.

I won't lie and say that parrots are easy pets to keep. They're smart and social and manipulative and they will learn to press every button you have just because they find it funny. I think every one of us has wanted to cry in frustration because of something their bird is doing. But the highs are incredible - to have a creature who is smart and social and funny just hanging out with you and sharing their life with you is amazing. Today one of my parrots was warbling and clucking away to music and then the two of them insisted on being in the room with me while I showered. I've target-trained them so they fly across the room to touch the stick, and I've used the targeting stick to teach Leia to spin. I like showing them new things and seeing their reactions. I like that I can give them something - a foot toy, a chunk of vegetable, a piece of cardboard - and they take such pleasure in shredding it.

A lot of it is teaching your bird to entertain himself. It's a lot easier to live with a bird who isn't 100% dependent on you for all of their enrichment needs. Teaching a bird how to forage and how to play by themselves is essential for a long term healthy sustainable relationship.

 

[Tapew0rrm]

ok phone died. This is going to be alot about set up, background basics for life with parrots at first. Because all of this needs to be taken into account before addressing behavior issues. And behavior has a reason .

I never start to address a behavior issue, until I've overhaul every aspect of a parrots life. Often when all is taken into account it drops screaming by 75% right off the bat.

Cage should be where people are . If you spend nearly 100 of your day in your room that's ok. But I'd still probably have a small day cage or put a Play station in main part of house. Give your parrot several tours of the home. A lot easier if they step up and sit on you. But a very small travel cage might work. Sometimes there is a little fear to leave the immediate area if the cage. So you start out only going a few feet from cage abd in sight line of cage. Then back to to cage. Repeat, out of room back to cage. Until you have mapped the whole house for them. Its important as also provides them flight path back to cage . Example if I took from my room to kitchen, I would then take them back to my room step to cage. Then back to me and we would go back out to say the living room next then back to cage.

In multi people homes. The parrot knows ther are other people . And some basic good manners of cohabitation can have a huge impact. And what I share next on that was from a behavior consultant my friend hired to help her with a screaming African grey. Wow did it help her ! First take the time to re introduce one at a time all the people who live in the home. Have each come into the room with you. Tell your parrot this is my mom, and have her say hello " parrots name ". Have a treat only dish right at the front if the cage. And have the introducing person put a treat seed in it.. white safflower seeds are my go to.. or if takes nice hand one to them. Next All people in the home come and say goodmorning to the parrot . And put a seed in treat dish. All people in the home come and tell the parrot when they are leaving the home, treat in dish. As soon as all people return to the home they come and tell the parrot im back hello! And treat in dish.
Parrots are flock creatures, its so important to them to keep track of flock. It can be a huge frustration and stress to them to not know who's coming and going.
Im really stressing this because of the unbelievable difference it made for my friend! For me! For others I've helped!

They in my opinion need a window to look out. Need some natural light. They need 12 hours of light. If your room is dim, then you need to have some lights on during the day as well as blinds open. Its physiological and psychologically important. Just as important as the 10-12 hours uninterrupted sleep.

I spend most of my time in my room, but I do actually plan on taking him around the house and being downstairs more when I feel he is safe and trusts me. At the minute, the room he's in (my room) is quite small, and I'm giving him time to feel safe in here before letting him explore an area what might be a little overwhelming, given he's yet to feel safe exploring even the bottom of my bed. (Despite how curious he is, it seems like he's a little timid on the new places thing, which I understand, and will take my time on helping him with.) I've introduced him to my dad, who is the main person outside of me who he'll see/interact with, as my sister isn't quite the fan of him,,or me,,I will do my best at attempting to introduce him to her though so he's aware of her. Though, he doesn't seem a fan of her because she can be quite..rude.

One of the perks of my room is that given it's small, there is a lot of natural sunlight (or uh..what you'd call "sunlight" in the uk xD), but given it gets dark here rather fast, I plan on buying him this light next time I get paid to make sure he has plenty of access to light until we're at least a year or two down the line, and I feel he's comfortable enough for harness training. (I plan on attempting to try free flight with him given I have access to a wonderful trainer, but I'm pretty sure it's obvious both he and I need to work on our confidence before even getting slightly close to that.)
He has constant access to the window ledge and a stand for it when he wants to see the world and check it out, but last time he was at it he got himself extremely overstimulated and stressed out by the sight of wild birds (We live close to a forest), and since then has been too scared to approach it since.

 

[Tapew0rrm]

nothing bad.
if he makes normal conure noise you can't live with, neither of you should be forced to change. No one can fault either of you.
He's a lovely bird, if you could stand the noise, you could work on gaining self-confidence around him once he settles in a bit.
I truly do think he will give you the chance to work with him.

Okay, that makes sense xD
I did figure out that with headphones the noise is 100% tolerable for me, even when theres nothing playing through them and I am just using them as a "guard", so I believe that I can make it work if I give it time and let myself get used to him. Worst case, we spend a few months together, and recognize that it isn't working out. But I will do all I can in that time to make it work, because I do love him, and I believe if I can work past it, I can see him by my side for the rest of his life. It's what I want already. It will be useful for me in any case as learning to be okay with bird noise will likely make other noises more easy for me, like when I'm at the store and there are a lot of people around. I thinkbonding with him will be more helpful then hurtful.

 

[Tapew0rrm]

Please don't beat yourself up about any of this - it takes time for you and a bird to get to know each other, and the first weeks and months can be tough. Leia, my first parrot, took a month to decide whether or not I was allowed to touch her, and I was so worried that she wasn't going to be happy with me.

I won't lie and say that parrots are easy pets to keep. They're smart and social and manipulative and they will learn to press every button you have just because they find it funny. I think every one of us has wanted to cry in frustration because of something their bird is doing. But the highs are incredible - to have a creature who is smart and social and funny just hanging out with you and sharing their life with you is amazing. Today one of my parrots was warbling and clucking away to music and then the two of them insisted on being in the room with me while I showered. I've target-trained them so they fly across the room to touch the stick, and I've used the targeting stick to teach Leia to spin. I like showing them new things and seeing their reactions. I like that I can give them something - a foot toy, a chunk of vegetable, a piece of cardboard - and they take such pleasure in shredding it.

A lot of it is teaching your bird to entertain himself. It's a lot easier to live with a bird who isn't 100% dependent on you for all of their enrichment needs. Teaching a bird how to forage and how to play by themselves is essential for a long term healthy sustainable relationship.

Thank you for being so kind to me. <3

On the note of target training. Is there any advice you can give about starting it? I fully understand how to do it, it's just..Whenever I hold something in my hand while also holding treats (Target stick/clicker), Aro tends to get frightened and back away. Should I try simply setting down the stick in his general pov, but at a distance he's comfortable with before picking it up? Would that work? Or is it more of a case of waiting until he feels safer around me?

 

[tka]

@Fuzzy has an amazing tutorial that breaks down the process

Target Training Your Parrot | ThinkParrot

Target training is a fantastic first behaviour to teach. It can be taught inside or outside the cage.

thinkparrot.com

I would be inclined to hold the stick and click and reward him if he looks at you when you're holding it. Work up to rewarding him if he doesn't back away, then when he takes a step towards you, then two steps and so on. You can break it down into really small steps with an anxious bird.

I personally don't use a clicker. I use a bridging word of "yes". I find this easier to manage.

 

[Fergus Mom]

Sounds like Aro is doing great, and I'm glad you decided to stay here - we really ARE a kind bunch of feather loving folk!

 

[Fuzzy]

So sorry you are having a hard time, Camille. Thanks for providing the link, @tka.

As for target training, yes, leave the target (plain wooden chopstick, or lollipop stick or even a toothpick), as near to his cage as he is comfortable with (shows relaxed body language) so that he can get used to it. When he's ok about it, then you can pick it up and slowly and smoothly present it towards his beak. If he touches it out of curiosity, immediately reinforce (reward). But if he turns away, that's ok too. Hold it there for a little and see if he changes his mind. Don't chase him with the stick, just try again later. It might be an idea to start training when he's inside his cage - he might feel more confident in touching the stick if there are bars between you.

However to be able to teach him to target, or any other behaviour, you will need an effective reinforcer (reward) so perhaps whilst he's getting used to the sight of the stick, you could work on having him take food from your hands. What are his favourite items of food? Millet spray? Peas? A bite of apple? A sunflower seed? Give him a little tester... put a few items in a bowl or saucer and see which he picks out and eats first. Try it a few times to rule out a "random" choice. When he takes the food from you, you could add some social drama too (praise!) - this could become another reinforcer, if it isn't already.

I think I read further back that Aro favours one or two toys and won't touch the rest. What is it about these toys that he likes? Colour, shape, crunchiness, sound, size... Can you make up other toys yourself using the same materials? Then gradually start adding some other materials. A lot of shop bought toys are indestructible which are actually no fun after a while. Balsa wood, woven palm, bitty bagels etc are fun to destroy. This is a great company, since you are in the UK, for ideas for beautiful destructible toys and they sell toy parts too:

Our Shop

Happy New Year, all you lovely Beaks and Parronts. We are back on the 8th of Jan and although we are keeping the 6 week lead time in place, we'll be getting stuck straight into all the orders and will have them winging their way to you as soon as possible. Karen & Darran

www.naturalbirdco.co.uk

 

[macby]

I just came across this thread and I was wondering if things had gotten better with Aro. I also have a black capped conure, but he isn't particularly noisy unless I'm doing something loud like vacuuming or making a smoothie. If you're still looking for solutions, you could try music. When my birds get loud and I need them to lower the volume, playing soothing music usually quiets them down pretty quickly (mine seem to really like piano). The phone is a different story. If they're making a racket while I'm on the phone and I can't leave the room, letting them step up onto my shoulder usually shuts them right up!

Every bird is different, but Haru, my black capped conure, LOVES shreddable foot toys and hanging shreddable toys he can climb all over (even better if it swings, too). And if you're still struggling to find that high-value treat, try walnuts (broken into small pieces). My conures go CRAZY for walnut pieces. They also love to be rewarded with overly enthusiastic praise. They respond by fluffing up and looking proud.

I hope things have improved. I'm rooting for you and Aro!

 

[Tapew0rrm]

I just came across this thread and I was wondering if things had gotten better with Aro. I also have a black capped conure, but he isn't particularly noisy unless I'm doing something loud like vacuuming or making a smoothie. If you're still looking for solutions, you could try music. When my birds get loud and I need them to lower the volume, playing soothing music usually quiets them down pretty quickly (mine seem to really like piano). The phone is a different story. If they're making a racket while I'm on the phone and I can't leave the room, letting them step up onto my shoulder usually shuts them right up!

Every bird is different, but Haru, my black capped conure, LOVES shreddable foot toys and hanging shreddable toys he can climb all over (even better if it swings, too). And if you're still struggling to find that high-value treat, try walnuts (broken into small pieces). My conures go CRAZY for walnut pieces. They also love to be rewarded with overly enthusiastic praise. They respond by fluffing up and looking proud.

I hope things have improved. I'm rooting for you and Aro!

Sorry for such a late reply!! I didn't get a notificationabout this. Things are a lot better now, actually!!

He is still,,very noisy. But I've kind of started to accept that as part of his personality, I've also started to get used to it too so I don't really have to wear headphones as much now when he's having a noisy moment. His high reward treats are sunflower seeds, and frozen pomegranate for if he's being an extra good boy! I've finally helped him settle into a good diet too, which has helped him curb any biting. We're currently still working on stepping up (something he really does seem to find a hard one to master xD), but we really are doing pretty great now. :3 I'm very happy he's settling in. ^^

 

[Icey]

Sorry for such a late reply!! I didn't get a notificationabout this. Things are a lot better now, actually!!

He is still,,very noisy. But I've kind of started to accept that as part of his personality, I've also started to get used to it too so I don't really have to wear headphones as much now when he's having a noisy moment. His high reward treats are sunflower seeds, and frozen pomegranate for if he's being an extra good boy! I've finally helped him settle into a good diet too, which has helped him curb any biting. We're currently still working on stepping up (something he really does seem to find a hard one to master xD), but we really are doing pretty great now. :3 I'm very happy he's settling in. ^^

Oh I am so happy for you.
Keep doing what you're doing, be patient, and in no time he will be stepping up for you
Maybe use his favorite treats as a lure?
Please keep us updated.
You're doing great

 

[Tapew0rrm]

Oh I am so happy for you.
Keep doing what you're doing, be patient, and in no time he will be stepping up for you
Maybe use his favorite treats as a lure?
Please keep us updated.
You're doing great

Honestly I'm really glad that I was able to overcome things with his (and this fourm!) help :') For a while I felt like I wasn't cut out for owning a bird and it was really getting to me (Hence my long pause in updates xD I was taking time to just learn about him and hold back on stressing on every little tiny thing.)
We're taking it slow on the training which I don't mind at all given he seems to prefer it, small 1-2 minute sessions twice a day is his preferred pace at the minute given he is very lively and doesnt like to sit around much, he really has helped teach me a lot of patience and how to take things slow, even in aspects that don't revolve around him xD

 

[Icey]

Well I think you're doing awesome!
You went from wanting to re-home to loving your sweetie

 

[Fritzy]

I for one, also loved reading your posts about him and found myself understanding a lot of the feelings you were experiencing (my partner has BPD as well and split our dog when I first got her).

It helps soooo much to understand to not take things personally when your animals act out - after all, they’re not doing it to upset you! But we’re all people, and the natural thing for us is to anthropomorphize our animals and attach human thoughts and feelings to their behaviors.

You seem to have done an excellent job at remembering to be mindful and working through the automatically negative thoughts that are so pervasive with BPD. I just wanted to say that although we haven’t talked 1-on-1 before, I am still very proud of you and your progress! You’re doing great!