• Welcome to Avian Avenue! To view our forum with less advertisments please register with us.
    Memberships are free and it will just take a moment. Click here

Feeling sadness and guilt. Looking for thoughts.

Moandthefam

Checking out the neighborhood
Joined
7/17/18
Messages
1
*Long read-thankful for any advice*

Four weeks ago my life was changed when I brought home my baby conure Billie. Two days ago it changed again when she passed away. She was just four months old, and my heart is broken to pieces.

Our little family was me, my boyfriend, and Billie.. who we had saved for and dreamt of for years together. We have never been so happy as the day we brought her home. As a couple with bird experience, we had no problems, only fun, playtime, naptime, snacktime, etc.

Knowing we would be going away for five days to a family reunion, we opted to not bring Billie with us (it was a camping trip) and leave her at a friends, who also has a bird, though slightly less experience. On the second night away we received a phone call from our friend. Our sweet baby had jumped off her hands onto the floor, and grabbed by our friend’s dog. They rushed her to the local emergency vet and found out she’d broken her leg. The vet sent her away saying she would have to see another vet in town the next day if that’s what we wanted. He couldn’t reset her leg. He gave them something for her pain and sent them home.

Hearing this we were distraught. We both had had a few drinks and were no condition to drive. Our friends stayed up with her to make sure she ate and drank and was comfortable for the night.

The next day we called in the morning, our baby had improved. She was nursing her leg but comfortable climbing around her cage. Our friends were going to take her to get her leg reset and had spoken with multiple vets who said she would be okay. We decided to stay for the last day of our family reunion. We found out late that night that the vet in our town couldn’t reset her leg as they had not received her X-ray from the hospital. We were furious, but our friends said our baby seemed okay and that the vet said it may even heal on its own as she was so little.

The next morning I asked how they were. My friend was taking her back to the vet the day we were coming home, she sent me a picture of Billie resting comfortably in a blanket in her cage. An hour later, they called to tell us she was gone.

We are heartbroken and so confused. There is no real answer to how she passed. Because of the leg, because of shock, because of being over fed or medicated, stress, accidental suffocation. It’s not clear. We brought our baby home and buried her but we are grieving in every way and feeling all kinds of guilt. Knowing we did everything we could with the information we had doesn’t seem to cut it right now. There are feelings of anger toward our friends, dissapointment, broken trust... but also feelings of regret, responsibility, and extreme guilt. “We should have rushed home.” “She was probably so scared.” “We should have taken her to another city for vet care.” “We weren’t there.”.

Our baby was taken when we’d only just become a family. We don’t know how to cope with the loss much less all these confusing emotions. We don’t want to feel guilt or anger. We just wish she were still here. She was too young, and she was so little. Regardless of time she changed our lives, but we wish we could have changed her life for as long as she deserved.

If anyone has thoughts or advice we would be so grateful. We really just don’t know what to do at all in this confusing situation and every prayer and word is helpful.

Snuggle your little chickens everyone. Give them a kiss from us, including Billie.
 

Shezbug

ASK ME FOR PICTURES OF MY MACAW!
Super Moderator
Celebirdy of the Month
Mayor of the Avenue
Avenue Spotlight Award
Joined
4/28/18
Messages
22,265
Location
Vic, Australia
Real Name
Shez
Very sorry to hear of your loss, fly high Billie.
 

Nikomania

Rollerblading along the road
Vendor
Avenue Veteran
Celebirdy of the Month
Mayor of the Avenue
Joined
8/9/13
Messages
3,922
Location
San Diego
I'm so very sorry to hear your tragic news. It could very well be possible that the dog had actually bit down on her and she could have had some internal bleeding going on. The fact that her leg was broken during the altercation makes this seem extremely plausible.
Even dog saliva can be detrimental to a bird.
Sending you a great big virtual hug. :sadhug2::sorrow:I know how difficult this must be for you.
 

iamwhoiam

Ripping up the road
Avenue Veteran
Celebirdy of the Month
Mayor of the Avenue
Avenue Spotlight Award
Joined
4/16/12
Messages
27,948
Location
the zoo
So sorry for your loss.
 

hrafn

Rollerblading along the road
Avenue Veteran
Avenue Spotlight Award
Joined
9/17/16
Messages
3,875
Location
Canada
Oh no! I'm so, so sorry that you lost your sweet Billie in such a tragic way. :(
I agree with @Nikomania that your poor girl likely had internal injuries after being caught by the dog. Our little birds are so delicate.
It's hard to forgive yourself after losing your babies, but this was a horrible accident. You couldn't have known that any of this would happen, or that she would lose her life. Billie knew love and warmth and joy in the time that she spent with you, and that's what matters. That's what you have to remember.
Fly high and free, beautiful Billie. :sorrow:
 

Birdbabe

Ripping up the road
Avenue Veteran
Celebirdy of the Month
Mayor of the Avenue
Avenue Spotlight Award
Avenue Concierge
Joined
11/17/09
Messages
26,104
Location
The valley of the sun
I'm so sorry Sweetheart :sadhug2:.
 

Fergus Mom

Rollerblading along the road
Avenue Veteran
Mayor of the Avenue
Avenue Spotlight Award
Joined
11/23/17
Messages
4,846
Location
Texas
Real Name
Elly
You have done all you could in the situation. In situations like this, I always think to myself - There is a God, and I'm not it.
So you have only mortal powers, and not even a piece of omnipotence.
Billie would not want you to feel guilt or anger I think, even if it's normal, she would want you to go on with your life and possibly offer another sweet birdie all the love you and your boyfriend have to give. Maybe you could have a memorial service for her, and in addition have a time each day for as long as it feels right to remember the love she gave you by sitting down for a quiet moment and telling all the things you remember about her. She was a huge piece of your lives, and I know you will miss her terribly! I'm so very sorry.
 

sunnysmom

Ripping up the road
Avenue Veteran
Celebirdy of the Month
Mayor of the Avenue
Avenue Spotlight Award
Joined
9/16/13
Messages
27,549
Location
Pennsylvania
Real Name
Michelle
I'm so sorry for your loss.
 

nu2birds

Rollerblading along the road
Joined
2/24/17
Messages
1,086
Location
Seattle, Washington
Real Name
Kurt
VERY sorry for what you have had to go through. I feel like some others.........I'll bet the dog did more internal damage than just a broken leg. It's hard when everything is out of your control. I went through something similar with my dog when I was on vacation in Hawaii.......got a call from the vet, my dog had a twisted stomach and needed surgery like two hours ago. Couldn't get a flight back, just had to endure, hundreds of miles from my dog and nothing I could do to help. I'm so sorry for your loss...........
 

SandraK

Ripping up the road
Avenue Veteran
Celebirdy of the Month
Mayor of the Avenue
Avenue Spotlight Award
Avian Angel
Joined
3/21/11
Messages
1,000,000
Location
Palm Coast, FL. Carioca'55 when RJ was in GB.
Real Name
Sandra
Wings high over Rainbow Bridge, Billie. :sorrow: I'm sorry that you lost your little love so soon but your friends did their best when she was injured. :sadhug2::sadhug2: You didn't do anything wrong and shouldn't feel guilty. Sometimes caca happens and it's out of our control.
 
Last edited:

Tiel Feathers

Joyriding the Neighborhood
Avenue Veteran
Celebirdy of the Month
Mayor of the Avenue
Avenue Spotlight Award
Joined
9/15/14
Messages
20,151
Location
Quincy,CA
Real Name
Deanna
I’m so very sorry for your loss of your sweet bird. In all likelihood your bird suffered from internal injuries or a bacterial infection from the dog. Did the vet put her on antibiotics? I hope in time your memories of her will bring you comfort.
:sadhug2:
 

Cynthia & Percy

cockatoo mania
Avenue Veteran
Celebirdy of the Month
Mayor of the Avenue
Joined
10/16/09
Messages
18,671
Location
USA bound
Real Name
cynthia
I am so very sorry for your loss
 

finchly

Cruising the avenue
Avenue Veteran
Mayor of the Avenue
Avenue Spotlight Award
Joined
5/16/14
Messages
12,707
Location
SW Florida
Real Name
Finchly
Oh that’s horrible. I’m so sorry! :sadhug2:

It could be the injury, shock, or a worse injury as others have said. It doesn’t matter. You would have questions, guilt and confusion no matter how she died. Honestly we all go through it. They grab our hearts and don’t let go.

Please try to remember the happy things about your bird. The pain will lessen with time.
 

Sarahmoluccan

Biking along the boulevard
Avenue Veteran
Celebirdy of the Month
Mayor of the Avenue
Avenue Spotlight Award
Joined
7/3/16
Messages
7,312
Location
Ontario Canada
Real Name
Sarah
I'm so sorry for your loss :sorrow:
 

Feather

Biking along the boulevard
Avenue Veteran
Joined
7/3/11
Messages
5,474
I'm so sorry for your loss of Billie. Such a horrible thing to have happen... :sad11:
 

metalstitcher

Rollerblading along the road
Avenue Veteran
Mayor of the Avenue
Avenue Spotlight Award
Joined
2/29/16
Messages
3,431
Location
Southern California
Real Name
Rhiana
I am so sorry for your loss. As others have said I agree and think the dog had caused more injury then was initially thought. Fly high little one :sorrow:
 

faislaq

I have macaws and don't post enough pictures
Avenue Veteran
Celebirdy of the Month
Mayor of the Avenue
Avenue Spotlight Award
Avenue Concierge
Joined
10/25/16
Messages
16,216
Location
Texas
Real Name
Karen
How awful. :sadhug: I'm so sorry you lost your little one. It's only natural to torture yourselves with the "shoulda, coulda, woulda"s, but you only do that to yourselves because you cared so much. Billie was lucky to have you both (and your caring friend) and you were definitely lucky to have such a precious little gem, even if it was only for a little while. Despite your pain, I know you wouldn't trade having had her in your lives for anything.

we are grieving in every way and feeling all kinds of guilt. Knowing we did everything we could with the information we had doesn’t seem to cut it right now. There are feelings of anger toward our friends, dissapointment, broken trust... but also feelings of regret, responsibility, and extreme guilt. “We should have rushed home.” “She was probably so scared.” “We should have taken her to another city for vet care.” “We weren’t there.”.
I agree that her death was likely cause by internal injuries coupled with the bacteria from the dog's saliva. :( Billie may have been scared when it happened, but your friend held her and calmed her all the way to the vet. It is frustrating that the first vet couldn't help, but at least they gave Billie pain meds which helped keep her comfortable until she passed, so thankfully she went peacefully. A small blessing in this tragedy.
Your friend may not have as much experience with birds as the two of you but it does sound like she tried everything available to her to save Billie, so I hope that you do forgive yourselves and her. :sadhug2:I guarantee that she is still playing the scenario over and over in her head and has her own "shoulda, coulda, woulda"s. I still blame myself for our green cheek's death (it was my fault) and had vivid nightmares for months. What finally helped me accept the loss was realizing that I had honestly done the best I could with what I knew. It will take time for you to forgive her and yourselves, but I hope you can. Be there for each other as you all must be hurting. And unfortunately it does no real good being angry with the dog. He was just working as designed. I know that doesn't help much, though. :(
 

keikoasmom

Walking the driveway
Avenue Veteran
Joined
8/24/11
Messages
188
Location
Aurora, CO
Real Name
Linda
You have done all you could in the situation. In situations like this, I always think to myself - There is a God, and I'm not it.
So you have only mortal powers, and not even a piece of omnipotence.
Billie would not want you to feel guilt or anger I think, even if it's normal, she would want you to go on with your life and possibly offer another sweet birdie all the love you and your boyfriend have to give. Maybe you could have a memorial service for her, and in addition have a time each day for as long as it feels right to remember the love she gave you by sitting down for a quiet moment and telling all the things you remember about her. She was a huge piece of your lives, and I know you will miss her terribly! I'm so very sorry.
This is so beautifully said.
 

Leiura

Meeting neighbors
Joined
7/19/18
Messages
34
Wow. I'm so sorry to hear that! I know where you're coming from as I also lost a bird to a dog (while I was away). As with all things, time heals. You wont forget but you will be able to step back from the event and find forgiveness for those involved, including yourself. When I'm put into a situation that seems bad/unfortunate I like to look at it as an opportunity for experience and growth. That's my coping mechanism anyways.

I hope you and your boyfriend will feel better soon. Perhaps something beautiful is awaiting you two further down the road after you recover from your loss.
I wish you both all the best. Rest in peace, Billie.
 
Top