You do really feel the same way as me about AA and the connection we all have here. I often say that this is my second family. The family that understand me the most.
And after reading about what happen to Pistachio I feel so sad for you. I can feel the pain and how awful that would have been to go through myself.
But also you didn't know that you could loose him to an hawk like that, because I'm sure that if you knew you would have had him in a carrier.
So that why I think that is time for you to stop punish yourself. No one here will ever judge you and you don't have anything to feel ashamed for.
You did what you could, and you did learn and now tell others about that terrible accident. So forgive yourself, please!
I enjoyed reading your interview so much and can relate to much of what you say. I'm very glad that little bird won you over - you have given all those birds a better life and they have clearly enriched yours. You have a great flock, it was lovely to read about them all!