Bumping into old photos. :(

[fashionfobie]

Gezz guys.. I am feeling super sad for right now, tears are on my cheeks and generally feeling heart broken. It doesn't help that I couldn't sleep last night, deadline on Wednesday. So sorta generally freaking out.

My friends and I were joking around about our weird fashions from the 90's. I fell upon photos of my past birds. I can't help but cry. I miss them so much. Petrie had an accident in 2005, he flew out of an open door during a move. He had clipped wings, because I was not an informed bird owner at this time. He was not able to return to me successfully and overshot flying into a thick forest. I never saw him again. The amount of pain in that loss was massive.

Now, what 14 years, later I see his photos and I am just in tears.

I also have been watching video clips of Peanut. That is a whole other hot mess of guilt and heart break.. I love them still. It sucks Why am I torturing myself. Going to go spend sometime with Pi.

 

[Rain Bow]

Sometimes (I think) we miss missing them & other times (I think) it's our brains way of not forgetting our mistakes. We're human & mistakes are a given. You learned & shared & even if you don't know it posting about it may save 1 parront from doing the same thing. Therefore just posting may save anothers life. I know how bad your heart hurts. Give Pi a "beak five" for being Pi from me!

 

[Shezbug]

I do recall reading about Petrie but I’m not sure I am familiar with the Peanut story..... doesn’t matter though. I just don’t want you thinking you’re on your own- I purposely won’t look at certain photos because they just set me off and I can’t change the past.
Try to only allow yourself good feelings while thinking of these two lost loved ones, remember how much you loved them and all the good and funny moments you had.
I hope in time you can learn to smile when seeing these pictures, no use torturing yourself with sad feelings because you can’t change the past but you did learn from it to make the future better for your newer companions.
Im sending you great big hugs

 

[Beasley]

That love is forever, looking at pictures of your babies and missing them is an act of love. I say this struggling with guilt of my own, don’t let guilt taint your memories of them. Let love prevail. You are in my thoughts my friend.

 

[fashionfobie]

Pi is hilarious, he is taking the keys off my cromebook. I think he is mad that I am reading this and typing and crying. He ran up my arm, gave me a kiss and then started ripping the keys off. My little champion. I instantly felt better.

Peanut is a hard one, because I know where she is. She lives with my partner's mother in Michigan. I know my partner's mother loves her. She tell me all the time. I visited Peanut in 2018, and it was actually sad. She isn't herself she is much more hormonal and I believe mate bonded to my partner's mother. I don't think she gets enough time out of the cage, I don't think she gets enough toys, attention or anything. When I visited I found her playstand dissembled in the attic.. clearly not in use. I explain to his mother that she can't stroke her, she tells me she doesn't. I send her toys, but it seems like her dogs always gets to them before they make it in Peanut's cage.

His mother is a very sweet and kind person. She adopted Peanut from us. So it is difficult because I don't have agency in the situation.

Peanut had splay legs in 2006, her hatch year. It was hard not to pity her and fall in love with her. She had these little taped up legs. I was attending Michigan State University. I was young, assumed she could move with me. She became part of my family in 2007 and stayed for the whole time I lived in the US. She moved to PA with me, to NY with me. She was a social parrot who loved everyone. She played all day, I almost never even closed her cage. She would fly from her playstand to her cage. Well I ended up staying in the US for my master's degree and work and in 2015 the laws changed. She was not going to get to come to Australia period. Not unless I am Jonny Depp, and then can just break the laws.

I feel stuck with her because of the relationship dynamic with Eric's mother and I. I explain and explain, and she is so sweet and "trying" her best. So the guilt is ever present. I want to know about what she is up to all the time, if she is having a good day. Then there is this barrier, she is only a bird to so many people. She isn't only a bird to Eric or myself. She is our feathery little friend/flockmate/ kiddo. It hurts to know she is missing things in her life. Then at the same time to guilt because I do know that Eric's mother is trying.. so this is my issue. I miss Peanut.

 

[JoJo&Loki]

Awe I’m sorry you’re feeling this way. Spend all the time you can with Pi right now, love is the greatest healer

 

[Shezbug]

A few more hugs to make us both feel better!

 

[fashionfobie]

Thank you @Beasley . These were great memories!

 

[Beasley]

Now that is a powerful picture of love! Absolutely stunning

 

[Rain Bow]

Now that is a powerful picture of love! Absolutely stunning

Yes, it is. To think you were right here by me! So sad your so far now... We missed one another by about 2 years of joining here. If you ever come back to Buffalo because you miss the snow we should have lunch or something. I'm sorry your saddened right now. Thank goodness you have Pi! Everythings a little easier w/ floof!

 

[faislaq]

Oh my, Peanut looks like quite a pistol! I get the feeling she could give Luv Bug a run for her money! She may not be in an ideal situation, but at least you know she is loved.

And as for your darling Petrie, there is a chance he found his way to people again, though I wish he had found his way back to you.

It's no wonder you miss them so much! They're both so special, and such characters. You go on and cry as much and as often as you need to heal your heart. Just don't let Pi catch you or you won't have any way left to type! I hope your tears make for a deep and restful sleep for you tonight. Only happy dreams though.

 

[fashionfobie]

Pi stole the unlock/lock key. Clever boy. Trying to kick me off for good.

 

[Rain Bow]

Are you able to put those keys back into the keyboard Ok if you get them back from Pi? If not it would stink to not have you be able to type to all of us!

 

[fashionfobie]

Are you able to put those keys back into the keyboard Ok if you get them back from Pi? If not it would stink to not have you be able to type to all of us!

They click back easily enough on the Chromebook. Still have my desktop and phone! So don't worry you can't get rid of me

 

[JoJo&Loki]

And as for your darling Petrie, there is a chance he found his way to people again, though I wish he had found his way back to you.

I choose to believe this! Almost a year ago, an adorable yellow budgie showed up on my cousin’s window. She went outside very slowly to try to help him w/o scaring him away. Low and behold this baby flew right to her and then RIGHT INSIDE THE DOOR! My cousin has 4 kids and this bird immediately came to all of them. Completely tame and friendly! She put up flyers, posted on fb etc but to this day nobody has claimed this sweet bird. Obviously someone put a LOT of time into this baby! (This was about the same time we got Jo, and as I was spending hours and days and weeks trying to befriend my 1st fid, I gotta say I was kinda jealous that a tame one just showed up at her house)
ANYWAY...sorry for rambling but the only theory that makes sense to me about that story is the bird must’ve flown very far away from home! So Petrie could very well also found a safe place to land

 

[Hjarta5]

Wally was literally living on the streets when I found her, and I hope whoever lost her more than 3 years ago has the comfort in their heart that shes well loved and taken care of And still sassy as ever

I know that doesnt take away the heartbreak of losing Petrie, but maybe it will give you some hope and comfort.

As for Peanut, I live in Michigan! and would love to be a fairy godmother to that beautiful baby! Let me know if theres anything I can do, including wellness visits, petsitting, or just bringing toys

 

[fashionfobie]

I choose to believe this! Almost a year ago, an adorable yellow budgie showed up on my cousin’s window.

ANYWAY...sorry for rambling but the only theory that makes sense to me about that story is the bird must’ve flown very far away from home! So Petrie could very well also found a safe place to land

Thank you for this! Petrie was such a doll I had him for just shy of a decade before the incident. I do hope he found people and lived a very fully and happy life. We shared a birth date. He was just the cutest little bird. I got him at a breeder and she had maybe 14 young cockatiels available. They were all lined up on a table top perch. My mother was with me. She was encouraging me to pick a bright colourful tiel. Though once Petrie and I made eye contact, it was destiny. He was all grey with adorable pink feet. Little grey splotches on his left foot only. He hopped up on my hand and was just so curious and cheery! My mother was asking, "are you sure you just want a grey bird.".. of course I did! He was perfect! I still have a massive crush on white face tiels, also the wild colouration.

What irritated me when Petrie flew off was the reaction from places. I printed flyers and gave them to all the neighbors. I also went to vet clinics, and pet shops. SO MANY, pet shops were very cross with me. They said, "why didn't you clip his wing?" "Clearly if you cut his wings this wouldn't have happened." --It was like victim blaming. 1.) He was clipped...in my very honest opinion this was the reason he didn't know how to fly to get back. 2.) I just wanted my best friend back...random pet shop worker.. can't I just put up a flyer? .. I will never forget how crappy that made me feel.

As for Peanut, I live in Michigan! and would love to be a fairy godmother to that beautiful baby! Let me know if theres anything I can do, including wellness visits, petsitting, or just bringing toys

This brought happy tears to my eyes. I might take you up on that. She lives in Traverse City. What an amazing group on this forum, hey!

-----------------

I feel so much better today. I think I was mostly overly tired from a night of insomnia, which allowed my emotions to get the better of me. All of the heartbreak that we can go through, is part of loving. I allow myself to fall in love with all the little creatures and people around me. Allowing yourself to love, opens you up to the risk of these heartbreaks. I will continue to remember the good times. The good always outweigh the bad. Plenty of love still to pass around.

I am so lucky to have Eric. He is such a good dude. He was the one who left the door open when Petrie flew out. He knows very well how that day was and how sad it felt. He is so supportive.


He keeps me from flying away. He took me to dinner at a dog friendly cafe. Gimli sat at my feet outside. Then I went to bed and slept really well.

NOW time to tackle this deadline! Who knows maybe you can read a publication by me in short order **fingers crossed**

 

[JoJo&Loki]

That makes me so mad to hear what the pet shops/ clinics said to you and obviously the neighbors, but we all know non bird folk think we’re nuts and that’s ok lol but for THOSE places to do that is ridiculous!!

I hope we do get to read your work soon, that would be awesome

 

[Begone]

I also have been watching video clips of Peanut. That is a whole other hot mess of guilt and heart break.. I love them still. It sucks Why am I torturing myself.

Don't get me wrong now. But I don't think you are torturing yourself.
You are remember two lost ones that you love a lot.
So continue watching those pics and videos and send signals that you love and miss them a lot.
Pi will be their for you and remind you that he is their and can help you feel better.