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African grey bonding to one person, can this be changed?

KatelynDeanne

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You didn't do anything wrong. This is a very common scenario that happens all the time. I would suggest your hubby read the article too because he is "the" big factor. He could make things worse or better depending on how he behaves. Personally I would limit hubby's exposure as much as possible for now (don't feed the fire) to give you time to become more valuable.

Anything "negative" that needs to be done. Hubby does it because he can do no wrong. All the good pleasurable things you do/provide to build that trust and respect.

You're in for a rough ride for a while. Buckle up.
YES! We have talked about this , having him do the negatives, like covering her at night, making her go back in the cage, etc. I also have ordered the Barbara Heidenreich DVDS on building trust and training your bird and plan to watch them and try working with her once he goes back to work monday. I know this is gonna be a rough ride. Seatbelts on!
 

KatelynDeanne

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If he is in in the room. You are the competition/intruder. If he is not around then you are just another flock mate. But if hubby is in the kitchen clinking dishes the bird will know he's there and you are instant be demoted to dirt level again. The bird needs to think in his mind that lover boy is not there so you can work on the relationship. It's a mind game and trickery can be used.

That is the only way.
Wow! Okay. Gonna be tough, but I will work on this. We have an open concept designed house. Kitchen, computer/dining room (what me , hubby, and bird are in) and living room are all open view together. So I guess its bedroom for me from now on until he leaves the house and we can resolve this. Its very important, like i have told others, that I have a good relationship with her.
 

JLcribber

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Wow! Okay. Gonna be tough, but I will work on this. We have an open concept designed house. Kitchen, computer/dining room (what me , hubby, and bird are in) and living room are all open view together. So I guess its bedroom for me from now on until he leaves the house and we can resolve this. Its very important, like i have told others, that I have a good relationship with her.

You don't have to hide (it's better if he hides anyway). Just don't make the bird "jealous" by the way you interact with hubby. Keep your third eye (in the back of your head) open and you'll be fine. :)
 

KatelynDeanne

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You don't have to hide (it's better if he hides anyway). Just don't make the bird "jealous" by the way you interact with hubby. Keep your third eye (in the back of your head) open and you'll be fine. :)
Okay! I just explained all this to him. He just kind of smiled and laughed about it. He feels bad I reckon but of course this is a bigger deal to me. I will do my best! Ill keep you updated as well. Thank you for all your advice, sir :)
 

NirAntae

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Honestly, it's still much too early to know how things are going to shape up. It's only two weeks in. And hubby will be going back to normal work schedule on Monday you said.

Wait at least another couple of weeks before you start trying anything drastic.
 

KatelynDeanne

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Honestly, it's still much too early to know how things are going to shape up. It's only two weeks in. And hubby will be going back to normal work schedule on Monday you said.

Wait at least another couple of weeks before you start trying anything drastic.
Yes I am hoping! Fingers crossed. Like I was saying to the others, he really has nothing to do with her other than the occasional hello and walk by and about 98 percent of the time, all she sees is the back of his head. (hes a video gamer) and his back is turned to her. I turn around frequently and say hey to her and call her good girl etc. Pray for me guys! I need it. Its been an emotional day. I already suffer from deppression and I got her to help with that. When I had my Magoo, It was the happiest days of my life. We even consider getting another bird next year if this continues, but I believe I would want a baby grey to start from the beginning. I just have ran into so many scammers in the past and wouldnt know who to go to. But I guess thats what we have yall for. :) I always wanted two anyway! I feel a little left out here with only one, it seems like all of you guys have more than one on here! I am a huge animal lover, mom says I should have been a zoo keeper. :rofl: I feel as though by time we are ready financially (maybe spring next year) It would be hard to find one from a breeder considering I hear the waiting list are so long. But If I get lucky and happen to get another one, hubby will be locked in a cage himself in the other room for at least a month! LOL
 

JLcribber

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You just need to relax and learn to go with the flow. No more crying. All this "emotion" just muddies the water even more. This an animal that is merely acting upon instincts which dictate it's behaviour. When you become the guardian of a large parrot (especially a rescue) you are not a pet owner. You are now a zookeeper and must approach things the same way they do. Study behaviour and what makes your bird tick and use those tools to "manage" your bird. I have lots of behaviour stuff you can read.

This bird will teach you patience you never knew you had. Trust me.
 

JLcribber

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Ever wish for a perpetual 3 year old delinquent child that will never grow up and never move out?

Surprise!!!!! (I'm sorry I couldn't resist) :D
 

KatelynDeanne

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You just need to relax and learn to go with the flow. No more crying. All this "emotion" just muddies the water even more. This an animal that is merely acting upon instincts which dictate it's behaviour. When you become the guardian of a large parrot (especially a rescue) you are not a pet owner. You are now a zookeeper and must approach things the same way they do. Study behaviour and what makes your bird tick and use those tools to "manage" your bird. I have lots of behaviour stuff you can read.

This bird will teach you patience you never knew you had. Trust me.
I know, I know. Like I said, I suffer a bit of depression and so this one really hit me today. I am trying my best to cheer up! I am doing better right now. I am gonna do my best to pull myself together and work with her. I would love to see what you have for me to read. I have had birds before, but never adopted one. The ones that I had were raised from babies, in which I hand fed (quaker, and goffins cockatoo) , so I never had a grey prior. ESPECIALLY an adopted grey. I am embarrased of my emotions, but its just how I am sometimes. I will conquer this, and me and Chloe will learn to be good friends or at least "tolerate" one another . ;)
 

KatelynDeanne

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Ever wish for a perpetual 3 year old delinquent child that will never grow up and never move out?

Surprise!!!!! (I'm sorry I couldn't resist) :D
Lol! Its okay. It does seem that way. LOL
 

JLcribber

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KatelynDeanne

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KatelynDeanne

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Guys, its very true. She has bonded to my husband. She flew down from the cage this evening. Put her on her perch to play. She started making funny noises, doing a mating dance, and flew to my husband. He was gonna put her back in the cage, and asked me to do it. She tried to bite me upon asking to step up, he asked, she did it. :( Im not happy, but this is the way its gonna be. I cant seperate her from him, if thats who she wants to be bonded with. Sad part is he doesnt even care, Im the one who wanted her. Hes not too big into animals and said he doesnt really care about her bonding to him, and he bought her for me.. So unfortunately, I get to do all the dirty work, cleaning the cage, feeding, etc, while my little bird loves someone who could care less. It really is heartbreaking, but this is her new home and Its something I get to deal with now. I cant be cruel and not give her the bond of a human, so this is the way its gonna be for a while , unless she switches her bond.
 

Shezbug

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This is where you get to learn how much unconditional love you have. It is not fair but it happens. I have a B&G who I thought would be my best buddy........he loves both my kids more than me :rofl:

I get to have the pleasure of watching how much he loves them and tries to build a bond with them, cleaning cages, making chop, paying for toys and everything else and the list goes on. I really do not mind as I find it a pleasure to just be able to spend time with him even if I am not his favorite person.
 

KatelynDeanne

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This is where you get to learn how much unconditional love you have. It is not fair but it happens. I have a B&G who I thought would be my best buddy........he loves both my kids more than me :rofl:

I get to have the pleasure of watching how much he loves them and tries to build a bond with them, cleaning cages, making chop, paying for toys and everything else and the list goes on. I really do not mind as I find it a pleasure to just be able to spend time with him even if I am not his favorite person.
Yes, and I am very happy to be able to care for her, I love doing things for her, and making sure she is happy and has a wonderful home. The part that is getting me is he doesnt care about her . He is mad she bonded to him because he didnt do anything to interact with her for this to happen. He litterally just sat there. We have had her for a total of two weeks today exactly, and hes said hey to her MAYBE 5 times. Its wonderful your children love your birds, and I would be so happy too , to watch them play with the birds, and have a feathered friend, it would be just wonderful :) But the fact that he doesnt like animals that much, he just tolerates them and respects the fact that I love them. I just talked with him and told him this is the way its gonna be and Im ok with him interacting with her because I want her to be happy to, and he got mad and said No, hes staying away from her and he dont wanna see me hurt. This whole situation is just a mess. It would be so different if he really loved her like I do. :(
 

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Oh dear I am sorry but try not to let it bother and stress you out, she will feel your stress which won't make things any easier for you. My kids (young adults really) are not that keen on being Burt's best buddy but they are good to him (a little afraid but respectful and kind), it is going to be hard for you seeing her love him and him just not care. Maybe she will realize a little further down the track and switch her affections over to you, lets keep our fingers crossed for that to happen. Maybe he is trying to keep your hurt at a minimum by saying he does not care about her?
I do not know what to advise but please try not to let it destroy your confidence or outlook for the future with her. Just stay strong and be mumma bird and work on what ever kind of bond she will let you have with her.
 

KatelynDeanne

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Oh dear I am sorry but try not to let it bother and stress you out, she will feel your stress which won't make things any easier for you. My kids (young adults really) are not that keen on being Burt's best buddy but they are good to him (a little afraid but respectful and kind), it is going to be hard for you seeing her love him and him just not care. Maybe she will realize a little further down the track and switch her affections over to you, lets keep our fingers crossed for that to happen. Maybe he is trying to keep your hurt at a minimum by saying he does not care about her?
I do not know what to advise but please try not to let it destroy your confidence or outlook for the future with her. Just stay strong and be mumma bird and work on what ever kind of bond she will let you have with her.
Okay, Thank You! I will, I still love her and will be a good momma to her of course! It does hurt pretty bad but its just her choice. I think your right about what he is saying, just to spare my feelings. My husband is the type though that would never admit it. Im just gonna have to talk with him about it some more. Hopefully she will switch her affections in the future :)
 

zoo mom

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Another thought, maybe you are being to "pushy" for her comfort. Try backing off a bit. Sit a little farther away from her. Read to her but don't look at her. If she runs away to the back of the cage when you approach them just walk by her cage and drop a treat in her bowl and keep moving. Don't look at her when you do this. If you are not cleaning her cage or changing food and water don't linger close to her cage. Closely observe when she starts getting uncomfortable when you approach her cage and take a small step back. Use that point as your interaction point. Sit your chair at that distance so your side is facing her cage. Then talk to her, read to her, sing to her or simply sit and play games on your phone. Then slowly (over weeks or months) move your chair closer as she becomes more comfortable.
 
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