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African grey as a first bird

Lauracisco

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Looking for people's opinions as this has been a bone of contention for a while and it got quite heated tonight.
I have some experience with these birds as my grandmother had one she hand reared and brought home from East Africa when they moved home. My personal opinion and it is just how I feel about it, I'm in no way judging anyone, they are not a first bird, they are definitely not easy to care for, I've had birds all my life as have most of my family and Im not sure I'd even cope with one!

Anyway the situation is, my ex is adamant he's going to get one, he has never had any type of bird before and has no experience whatsoever. From the way he is talking he expects to go buy one, put it in his house and it's going to be talking away to him. I have tried telling him that it takes a lot of work and even then some will never speak and it's unlikely it will be tame when he gets it depending on where he goes.
The other thing that worries me is that an African grey that's well cared for will without a doubt outlive him and our son has told him he doesn't want to have take any bird on at any point which is fair enough.he has no other family that could take it on either.
Lack of experience in my opinion with a bird like that is going to possibly result in an animal with behavioural issues and possibly traumatise the poor thing. The other concern is that if the novelty wears off will I end up having to care for it. I absolutely love bigger birds but I haven't and wouldn't get on simply because I know it will outlive me and I personally would rather not have the worry of what would become of one after I was gone. My personal choice and I'm in no way saying people shouldn't have them.

What are your thoughts? I'd like to see what other people think either way. Again people will have different opinions and that is fine but I'd like to at least be able to let him read what experienced owners or people with knowledge of the breed have to say
 

MiniMacaw

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I don’t have grey experience, however I did jump right into macaws. I don’t think there is anything such as a “first bird” species and that does a disservice to the little ones, like budgies who are so frequently considered ”starter birds”. Each species is unique and comes with their own set of needs, not to mention taking into account individual personality. The only way to learn after lots of research is to do in my opinion. I rescued a highly neglected and abused young macaw with no prior large macaw owning experience and don’t regret it for one second. It’s been over 6 years now and I’ve since added two more, one blind scarlet macaw (who’s an angel and I won’t let anyone convince me otherwise lol) and one severely abused military macaw who has since passed but was an amazing addition to my family. There will be bumps in the road for anyone bringing an intelligent species into their home, with lots of moments of wondering if you’re doing good enough, or frustration. But that’s with anyone. With the amount of parrots needing good homes far outweighing the amount of homes willing to take one on, I don’t see a problem with any bird being a “first bird” if the person bringing them home is willing to put in the work and effort.
 

Shannan

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I come to you with my thoughts.... first of all, my very first parrot was an African Gray and we had an amazing life together. I didn't know so much about Grays when I started as a high school student but learned along the way. So technically it CAN be done. But..... should it be done? I think it takes the right type of person and right bird for the situation to be successful..

It does sound like your ex has totally unrealistic expectations and that can lead to a situation which is not in the interest of either the bird or your ex. I don't know how open the person is to discussion but they should definitely read a lot and ask a lot of questions to whomever he intends to get the bird from. If possible, they should meet a couple of grays (and some other breeds). Is it possible that they could visit a rescue and meet a real gray vs what they have read.

They need to know that there is a 50/50 chance that the bird will bond to someone else (you maybe) leaving your ex feeling like an outcast. They also need to know that many grays never talk. My Walter could imitate a bunch of different sounds but his only words in almost 40 years was "meow" and "wuv u" and that's it...... As you know Grays require a lot of attention and are like having a 2 year old (with pliers) for their entire life which can be very very long. A plan for what will happen to the bird if the owner is no longer able to keep them needs to be determined before getting the bird.

If we are set on a gray, my suggestion is to go through a rescue (and maybe foster) so that you can get a bird that is partial to your ex (they tend to prefer one sex or the other). You will also have a better idea of what you will be getting. Also adopting an older gray may help with the lack of family support for taking the bird later in life. This will also allow them to make sure that the bird they get will indeed talk (if that is important to them). It sounds like your ex needs to talk to some other bird owners and learn all the not so fun things about bird ownership. Please feel free to ask any questions and hopefully your ex will learn a lot and make a good decision for all involved.
 

Lauracisco

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I don’t have grey experience, however I did jump right into macaws. I don’t think there is anything such as a “first bird” species and that does a disservice to the little ones, like budgies who are so frequently considered ”starter birds”. Each species is unique and comes with their own set of needs, not to mention taking into account individual personality. The only way to learn after lots of research is to do in my opinion. I rescued a highly neglected and abused young macaw with no prior large macaw owning experience and don’t regret it for one second. It’s been over 6 years now and I’ve since added two more, one blind scarlet macaw (who’s an angel and I won’t let anyone convince me otherwise lol) and one severely abused military macaw who has since passed but was an amazing addition to my family. There will be bumps in the road for anyone bringing an intelligent species into their home, with lots of moments of wondering if you’re doing good enough, or frustration. But that’s with anyone. With the amount of parrots needing good homes far outweighing the amount of homes willing to take one on, I don’t see a problem with any bird being a “first bird” if the person bringing them home is willing to put in the work and effort.
Agree totally I don't think any bird is particularly eas, my uncle has been breeding and showing canaries for over 50 years and I can say with certainty they are not easy to keep. Fair play to you with the macaw, they are beautiful. I'm not doing the little birds a disservice at all, my boy is in fact a cockatiel so not a big boy. The experience I have with African greys I can tell you they are not for the faint hearted, I grew up with suko from when I was born until she unfortunately passed away in her 40s. She was a very well loved bird but my god was she a nightmare and this was a bird that was hand reared by my granny and spent her entire life with her. I can also tell you from knowing him, he hates noise and suffers from migraines, we all know how loud our birds are no matter their size, my drama queen had an absolute belter of a tantrum earlier because I left the house for literary minutes haha. Thank you so much for your opinion, I appreciate it. Here's hoping he does proper research if he does get one because he will absolutely have his hands full just as we all do
 

Lauracisco

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I come to you with my thoughts.... first of all, my very first parrot was an African Gray and we had an amazing life together. I didn't know so much about Grays when I started as a high school student but learned along the way. So technically it CAN be done. But..... should it be done? I think it takes the right type of person and right bird for the situation to be successful..

It does sound like your ex has totally unrealistic expectations and that can lead to a situation which is not in the interest of either the bird or your ex. I don't know how open the person is to discussion but they should definitely read a lot and ask a lot of questions to whomever he intends to get the bird from. If possible, they should meet a couple of grays (and some other breeds). Is it possible that they could visit a rescue and meet a real gray vs what they have read.

They need to know that there is a 50/50 chance that the bird will bond to someone else (you maybe) leaving your ex feeling like an outcast. They also need to know that many grays never talk. My Walter could imitate a bunch of different sounds but his only words in almost 40 years was "meow" and "wuv u" and that's it...... As you know Grays require a lot of attention and are like having a 2 year old (with pliers) for their entire life which can be very very long. A plan for what will happen to the bird if the owner is no longer able to keep them needs to be determined before getting the bird.

If we are set on a gray, my suggestion is to go through a rescue (and maybe foster) so that you can get a bird that is partial to your ex (they tend to prefer one sex or the other). You will also have a better idea of what you will be getting. Also adopting an older gray may help with the lack of family support for taking the bird later in life. This will also allow them to make sure that the bird they get will indeed talk (if that is important to them). It sounds like your ex needs to talk to some other bird owners and learn all the not so fun things about bird ownership. Please feel free to ask any questions and hopefully your ex will learn a lot and make a good decision for all involved.
Good on you for jumping in with a grey! I absolutely agree with that, they are not for everyone and they are a nightmare in the wrong hands. Much like any animal, for example, I've always had border collies and never had a problem, my brother was going to get one and I can without a doubt say he would never have coped but on the flip side I would never be suited to a Labrador like his. Same applies to any animal and trust me, I've had nightmares over the years... Never the birds or house pet's mind you.

Totally unrealistic expectations from him, my wee bird actually was my mums and before I even thought of taking him here I spent weeks and months sitting with him at mums so I was certain he would be alright. At 7/8 years old he's decided to start talking.

I hope he does actually research everything and he needs to have a think about whether he has enough time for a bird no matter what breed. They are lovely but no two are the same. My first one was an angel. Current one is the most dramatic animal I have ever come across in my life, he's something else. Maybe I should send Cisco to stay for a few days and see if a bird is still a good idea lol
 

Lauracisco

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I should probably add to this that we are in the far North of Scotland literally the Loch ness monster is as good as our neighbour and we're actually further North. The closest avian vet is 4 hours from here. I'm fortunate enough that if an emergency occurs I have someone who can assist and do their best to make sure we get help ASAP. Otherwise we would not have birds either. He unfortunately would not have that option which is a worry. I'm an overthinker and maybe that's just my anxiety but these are still things that need to be taken into account
 

Shezbug

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Most people here don’t believe in “beginner” birds, we tend to believe that if you actually acquire the bird that your heart most desires as opposed to any old easier/smaller one to learn on you’re more likely to stick it out and do as much as you can to make it work.

No one in my family wants my macaw when I die (unless my cousins kids do- can’t ask them as they’re too young to commit to taking on my bird at a later stage) so when I can no longer care for him or I die he will move on to someone new to both of us is my guess so I have thought and thought about how right or wrong it is for birds and other long living pets to be subjected to more than one house in their lifetime and to be honest I am starting to think many of us do ourselves and our pets (or possible pets) a disservice in believing they must have as few homes as possible, some of the happiest and memorable pets I can recall meeting in my life were rehomed or those who had mysterious pasts. I am not suggesting that being handed around like a communal toy is right but I also do not think it is (or should be) normal, expected or pushed that animals should only ever have a forever family. Situations arise and all sorts of things can cause people and pets to need new homes and families- it is not always a terrible thing.

I also do not think it is easier learning to deal with a budgie than it is a larger bird, I honestly think the person is the biggest factor in the equation. I currently know a few people who are out of their depth with caring for some of the smaller birds that people tend to see as beginner birds yet they have other pets who need very specialized and particular care and they have no issues at all.

I do not think any animal is too hard to or too much as a first bird/pet in the right situation- I really think it is more about who the human is, how their brain works and what makes their heart sing than anything else.
 

Lauracisco

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Most people here don’t believe in “beginner” birds, we tend to believe that if you actually acquire the bird that your heart most desires as opposed to any old easier/smaller one to learn on you’re more likely to stick it out and do as much as you can to make it work.

No one in my family wants my macaw when I die (unless my cousins kids do- can’t ask them as they’re too young to commit to taking on my bird at a later stage) so when I can no longer care for him or I die he will move on to someone new to both of us is my guess so I have thought and thought about how right or wrong it is for birds and other long living pets to be subjected to more than one house in their lifetime and to be honest I am starting to think many of us do ourselves and our pets (or possible pets) a disservice in believing they must have as few homes as possible, some of the happiest and memorable pets I can recall meeting in my life were rehomed or those who had mysterious pasts. I am not suggesting that being handed around like a communal toy is right but I also do not think it is (or should be) normal, expected or pushed that animals should only ever have a forever family. Situations arise and all sorts of things can cause people and pets to need new homes and families- it is not always a terrible thing.

I also do not think it is easier learning to deal with a budgie than it is a larger bird, I honestly think the person is the biggest factor in the equation. I currently know a few people who are out of their depth with caring for some of the smaller birds that people tend to see as beginner birds yet they have other pets who need very specialized and particular care and they have no issues at all.

I do not think any animal is too hard to or too much as a first bird/pet in the right situation- I really think it is more about who the human is, how their brain works and what makes their heart sing than anything else.
You guys are actually making me think the big birds are easier because let me tell you that without a shadow of a doubt that Cisco bird is the most challenging animal I've ever had and that includes the ponies. He is a nightmare. It's a good job I love him so much
 

Shezbug

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You guys are actually making me think the big birds are easier because let me tell you that without a shadow of a doubt that Cisco bird is the most challenging animal I've ever had and that includes the ponies. He is a nightmare. It's a good job I love him so much
Lmao.
Def not easy but it is where my heart is at so I find my macaw much easier to care for than I probably should given he is such a handful lol

When your heart sings for joy being around a certain species then nothing about dealing with them is a serious problem- might be a little hurdle, a hiccup or a slight test but you will do what ever you have to with an enthusiastic attitude in order to succeed and make it work.
 

Lauracisco

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Lmao.
Def not easy but it is where my heart is at so I find my macaw much easier to care for than I probably should given he is such a handful lol

When your heart sings for joy being around a certain species then nothing about dealing with them is a serious problem- might be a little hurdle, a hiccup or a slight test but you will do what ever you have to with an enthusiastic attitude in order to succeed and make it work.
How old is your macaw? The way my boy carries on he sounds young but he is actually 7/8 and he is like a defiant teenager! He'll eat out of my hand no problem, will he come out of his cage... Nope. Will he go into the big cage, absolutely not, he wants to be in a small one. His super power is social distancing for no reason other than he simply doesn't want any affection. Ever seen a cockatiel throw a tantrum? It's unbelievable until you see it! He gets threatened with going in the soup quite often. Tonight's tantrum was near his bedtime so tried putting his blanket on... That tiny bird pushed it off and then his finishing move is to bang on everything he can with his break. He's some boy, absolutely nothing wrong with him, he just has an attitude lol. However he does love a wee sing and a dance. And he barks, more than the dog does
 

Shezbug

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How old is your macaw? The way my boy carries on he sounds young but he is actually 7/8 and he is like a defiant teenager! He'll eat out of my hand no problem, will he come out of his cage... Nope. Will he go into the big cage, absolutely not, he wants to be in a small one. His super power is social distancing for no reason other than he simply doesn't want any affection. Ever seen a cockatiel throw a tantrum? It's unbelievable until you see it! He gets threatened with going in the soup quite often. Tonight's tantrum was near his bedtime so tried putting his blanket on... That tiny bird pushed it off and then his finishing move is to bang on everything he can with his break. He's some boy, absolutely nothing wrong with him, he just has an attitude lol. However he does love a wee sing and a dance. And he barks, more than the dog does
Burt will be 7 in about a months time.
 

Lauracisco

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Burt will be 7 in about a months time.
His name is awesome... My dog is called Albert he's 7 on the 17th of next month! How strange. Also just to be clear because someone will take that last message and read way too far into it, Cisco bird is fit and healthy and he has in the past been handled and he changes his tune for a wotsit... His cage is open all day while we're at home he just does his thing and that's fine. The rare occasions he decides to come out he does q couple of laps of the room and chooses himself to return to the small cage. The rest is just his personality, he is who he is
 

Toy

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IMO A bird is a bird, is a bird, is a bird....doesn't matter what species it is or how small or how big. The point is the person must be responsible for its care, training & enrichment. Ask your ex if he'd take on a 2-4 year old child that stayed that way for life. That includes all the messes (tosses food/poop/tons of dust), screaming, food/cage/toy costs, vet expenses, getting nipped, getting bit hard tearing your skin, never taking a vacation unless he can afford a bird sitter or boarding, bird refusing to do what he wants, destruction to furniture/home/etc., bird not bonding or liking him period. The list goes on. The videos many see on line of parrots talking & doing amazing things are of those that owners spent many hours, weeks, months, years, teaching. It doesn't happen over night. Askk your ex if he's willing to commit to all thse things for the life of the bird.

I'll give you an example of 2 B&G Macaws......I rescued a 2 year old B&G Macaw (JaJaBinks). Owners couldn't handle her at all. They abused her & she hated them. She took to me quickly & became an amazing companion. After a good 6 weeks she settled in & started to let me do things with her. Over time I could do anything with her. She joined me in many daily chores. I could rub, file, peel her beak, kiss her beak, stick my fingers in her mouth, file her nails, rub her face, head, etc. I could take her anywhere. Sadly she passed at almost age 22 due to kidney disease. Current B&G Macaw (JaKhu) I got at age 4 months old, now 4 years old, is totally different. She's very bullheaded & nippy. She likes to rip my hair out on my head, arms, hands, etc. She refuses to fly. She fears falling because they hard clipped her before I got her. She doesn't like her beak touched, doesn't like her head petted. She does like her feet kissed & will hold her foot up for me to kiss it. She fears anyone but me getting close to her. I have a long way to go in her training.

We also have a U2 & a CAG. We got them at 6-7 months of age & they are now 25 years old. The CAG was to be my husbands bird. She (Jengo) bonded to him, but when her hormones kicked in she 'd get overwhelmed & bite to the bone. CAG's give no warning they just naill you. He lost patience with her, so he stopped handling her. I can handle her as she allows & with caution. My U2 (Jasmine) bonded to me. She'd ride on my shoulder, sit on my lap, etc. Sadly when her hormones kicked in she totally freaked. Since then she acts like I'm going to hurt her if I get close to her. She will allow me too get her in a towel & file her nails, shower her, etc., but that's it. My husband can handle her some. We work together to care for our birds. So you see just because you want a bird & assume all is going well things can change quickly. It's all up to the bird & you need to be willing to deal with all that comes.
 

sunnysmom

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I have known people who have gotten a cockatoo as their first bird and did great. I have known people who got a cockatiel as their first bird and did terribly. So I don't think there's any set standard. It depends on the person. But a new person taking on a bigger bird really needs to do their research and read about bird care, training etc. Those cute bird videos don't give an accurate representation of what having a bird is like. It's only a minute of a bird's day. I also suggest getting an adult bird, not a baby.
 
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