Today has to be one of the saddest days in my life. I've been seeing a big chance in Buddy lately, shes declined a lot heath wise, I've been avoiding the though of death for quite sometime. Today, im in my room and it's just after supper, my parents are in the kitchen talking, i admit, i eavesdrop quite often, because if i don't well today i heard something that i wish i didn't. Mom: shes obviously not doing good Dad: I'm going to at least give her another month, at least until briana gets out of school I can only hear bits and pieces after that but it's obvious, they were talking about putting Buddy down. I can't take this, that is my, baby, my sister, my best friend, the only living being that i go to when im sad, one of the select few that have ever seen me cry, I knew her from when she was just a puppy, shes younger than me, she isn't supposed to get old this fast, most certainly not die! All afternoon i've been going in and out of waves of crying, i've cried so much i dont think i have enough liquid in me. The worst part about death is, no matter how many times you go throught it it never gets easier. I can't bear with the fact that every day i see her is one of her last. Then the worst realization is all of those regrets, those many many times, she would humbly beg to play fetch and i would ignore her, be too busy for her, and all those times i scolded her or pushed her away, she didn't deserve it, i know her sweet spirit forgave me , but how could i forgive myself? Honestly i wonder if life without her is worth it. I love all of my animals, but Buddy, it's different, out of all of my animals (currently) she is honestly the only one who has shown me unconditional love. I've always had a passion for dogs since i was little, but now, i don't think i could ever love another dog the same way, no dog in a million years could ever compare to her. I know i'm jumping the gun, but i feel like i have to prepare myself, if i shove this to the back of my head until it actually happens i don't know how i'll cope. I understand why my parents are planning on doing this, she is very feeble and, i dont know, if its worth it, for her to keep living, she is in pain whenever she walks and hardly keeps food down. Today I decided that every day i will devote as much time as i can to her. i spent about 2 hours beside her, just doing my homework i gave her a gigantic peanut butter sandwich, thats the first time i've seen her tail wag that fast in i dont know how long. Now that she hardly touches her dogfood, i've decided that i'll try making fresh stuff for her more often. There are so many thing i wanted to do with her, I dreamed of taking to the beach and letting her swim, her riding with me in my first car.. She is one of the most stable things in my life, if all else fails i know that buddy is there, always, wagging her tail, just waiting for you to love her. I know i went on forever, but i don't know how else to express all these emotions. I want your opinions, if we put buddy down, should i be there? I would hope my parents would get a vet to come to our house, where she is comfortable and happy, where she belongs. I can't decide, part of me feel like i should be there for her when she passes, i could spens the last minute by her sidde, on the other hand, do i want to remember her that way? I don't know if i'd be the same, being there while some stranger takes the life out of her..