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Words can't describe..rant/bad news

Discussion in 'Bark Park' started by brianimal, 5/18/11.

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  1. brianimal

    brianimal Sprinting down the street

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    Today has to be one of the saddest days in my life. I've been seeing a big chance in Buddy lately, shes declined a lot heath wise, I've been avoiding the though of death for quite sometime. Today, im in my room and it's just after supper, my parents are in the kitchen talking, i admit, i eavesdrop quite often, because if i don't well today i heard something that i wish i didn't.

    Mom: shes obviously not doing good
    Dad: I'm going to at least give her another month, at least until briana gets out of school
    I can only hear bits and pieces after that but it's obvious, they were talking about putting Buddy down.

    I can't take this, that is my, baby, my sister, my best friend, the only living being that i go to when im sad, one of the select few that have ever seen me cry, I knew her from when she was just a puppy, shes younger than me, she isn't supposed to get old this fast, most certainly not die! All afternoon i've been going in and out of waves of crying, i've cried so much i dont think i have enough liquid in me.

    The worst part about death is, no matter how many times you go throught it it never gets easier. I can't bear with the fact that every day i see her is one of her last. Then the worst realization is all of those regrets, those many many times, she would humbly beg to play fetch and i would ignore her, be too busy for her, and all those times i scolded her or pushed her away, she didn't deserve it, i know her sweet spirit forgave me , but how could i forgive myself? Honestly i wonder if life without her is worth it. I love all of my animals, but Buddy, it's different, out of all of my animals (currently) she is honestly the only one who has shown me unconditional love.

    I've always had a passion for dogs since i was little, but now, i don't think i could ever love another dog the same way, no dog in a million years could ever compare to her. I know i'm jumping the gun, but i feel like i have to prepare myself, if i shove this to the back of my head until it actually happens i don't know how i'll cope.

    I understand why my parents are planning on doing this, she is very feeble and, i dont know, if its worth it, for her to keep living, she is in pain whenever she walks and hardly keeps food down. Today I decided that every day i will devote as much time as i can to her. i spent about 2 hours beside her, just doing my homework i gave her a gigantic peanut butter sandwich, thats the first time i've seen her tail wag that fast in i dont know how long. Now that she hardly touches her dogfood, i've decided that i'll try making fresh stuff for her more often. There are so many thing i wanted to do with her, I dreamed of taking to the beach and letting her swim, her riding with me in my first car..


    She is one of the most stable things in my life, if all else fails i know that buddy is there, always, wagging her tail, just waiting for you to love her.
    I know i went on forever, but i don't know how else to express all these emotions.
    I want your opinions, if we put buddy down, should i be there? I would hope my parents would get a vet to come to our house, where she is comfortable and happy, where she belongs. I can't decide, part of me feel like i should be there for her when she passes, i could spens the last minute by her sidde, on the other hand, do i want to remember her that way? I don't know if i'd be the same, being there while some stranger takes the life out of her..
     
    Last edited: 5/18/11
  2. looniebirds

    looniebirds Jogging around the block

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    It's never easy, I'm afraid. :hug8:
     
  3. kcbee

    kcbee Animal Lover Celebirdy of the Month

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    Reading this brought tears to my eyes. I have two dogs, and just thinking about them not being in my life is too much for me. I am so sorry you're going through this. I wish I could help ease the pain for you.

    I lost two cats a few years ago (they were 18 and 20 years old), so I had them almost my entire life. It was so hard with them being gone. But honestly, it got easier every day. I still miss them, but that's normal and a good thing. Now when I think about them I don't feel the incredible sadness anymore, but a warmth and happiness. I remember them as younger and full of life and all the fun times we had together.

    Try to think about what a wonderful life Buddy has had. He's known nothing but love, happiness, fun, the list goes on and on. Deciding whether to put a pet down or not is an incredibly hard decision. We finally decided to put down one of my cats, she had incurable stomach cancer. The decision made me ill - but when we went to get her that morning to bring her in, she had passed away on her own. It was perfect. She knew she was going too, as the night before she wouldn't leave our sides.

    Sorry that I'm rambling, but I think it's good to share stories, and say "I've been there, too."

    Buddy knows how much you love him and he is so happy to have had so much time with you. :heart:
     
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  4. rikkitikki

    rikkitikki Biking along the boulevard Mayor of the Avenue Avenue Spotlight Award

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    :hug8: I'm so sorry. :(
    Have you ever heard of the phrase "heart dog?" It sounds like this may be Buddy to you, which does make it that much harder.
    -I'm trying to find a good explanation on the internet, I'll keep searching for the "right" page, but here's one to start: What Is a Heart Dog Anyway?
    Many hugs to you and Buddy :hug8:
     
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  5. MaximotheMacaw

    MaximotheMacaw Jogging around the block

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    Im so sorry. I really hope she gets better. Just reading this makes me want to cry.
     
  6. Anne & Gang

    Anne & Gang Riding the Skies Celebirdy of the Month Mayor of the Avenue Avenue Spotlight Award Avian Angel

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    :hug8::hug8::hug8:
     
  7. JLcribber

    JLcribber Joyriding the Neighborhood Celebirdy of the Month Mayor of the Avenue Avenue Spotlight Award Avenue Veteran Shutterbugs' Best

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    Yes of course you must absolutely be there for her in her last moments. That is what "she" needs. She needs to feel your love as she passes no matter how hard it is for you. I know death is not easy but this is not the last time something like this will happen in your life. You "must" face these things.

     
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  8. brianimal

    brianimal Sprinting down the street

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    Thanks for the story, it does make me wonder though, i've always had reservations about euthanasia, i feel like if it was time to go, you'd go, but at the same time there is no need for extra suffering. I doubt i have a say in the matter though. I saw the post about "heart bird" and it makes sense, but the funny thing is, I've only been particularly close to buddy within the past 3 years, I always adored her, but she's always been a daddy's girl, she would chose him over me any day, but within the past few years she's stared to show me more affection, and im *ALMOST kind of equalish to him now, not quite but it makes me happy that i've climbed the ladder. I thing she's a heart dog for me, but more so for my dad though, he liked dogs alright, but when he got buddy, it "clicked" he told me he didn't realize that humans and dogs could have a relationship like that. :heart:


    You're right. I've just never seen death happen and im very scared, but i'd do anything for her and thats the least i could do.

    Ironically, my ipod was on shuffle when a song came on "Death is just a door..... it's just another room we enter, it's the threshold that hurts, birth is just a chorus and death is just a verse... you'll be reunited on the other side" It kinda puts things in perspective
     
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  9. Gen120

    Gen120 Joyriding the Neighborhood Avenue Veteran I'm a SECRET SANTA - Are you?

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    I'm so sorry you're having to go through this. I know how hard it is and it never gets easier. I'm praying for you both! We are here for you! :hug8:
     
  10. itzmered

    itzmered Welcome to Parrotdise Super Administrator Celebirdy of the Month Mayor of the Avenue Avenue Veteran

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  11. Laurul Feather Cat

    Laurul Feather Cat Cruising the avenue Avenue Spotlight Award Avenue Veteran

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    I am always with my pets if they need to be euthanized. I am there for them to see and smell and hear before they receive their injection and float away. Only once have I not been with a pet; the vet refused to allow me in the room and the dog was in such terrible pain, I had to let the vet euthanize her without my presence. I have never returned to that vet and never will.

    Recently, my mother's springer spaniel had to be euthanized. I had the vet come to the house and held Cagney while the vet gave him the sedative and then the final shot. Cag's respirations slowed down and then stopped. No fight, no struggle, no problems. That is usually how it goes. They just slip away. Now and then, an animal will feel death coming and will protest; my Charlie dog did, and she barked mornfully right before she laid her head in my hands and then went to sleep. But still there was no fight, no struggle.

    We regulate their entire lives; when to eat, when to eliminate, when or when not to breed. It is a gift to them to give them the quietest and easiest death we can, especially if they are suffering and hurting. It is never easy, it is never a good feeling, but it is the absolutely most wonderful gift you can give a sick pet who has devoted their life to you.
     
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  12. KellyBelly

    KellyBelly Sprinting down the street

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    I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I kept thinking about my dogs. Both are getting old, but my oldest is 14.5yrs.
    I sometimes wonder how things will happen. And hope it is peacefully and at home with out assistance. But if she got to
    the point where she would no longer be suffering I would make the choice to let her go. It would no doubt be a difficult
    one. It will be hard losing your dear friend, but know that she no longer will have to feel any pain. My thoughts are with you.
     
  13. Birdiemarie

    Birdiemarie Feather Snuggler Celebirdy of the Month Avenue Spotlight Award

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    I'm so sorry. I would talk to your parents and plan together if you want to be there or not. Sometimes parents feel their kids would not want to be a part of it because it's so sad. When I had to make the choice to euthanize I always asked my kids if they wanted to be there and/or come to say goodbye even after they were grown and lived on their own. Talking about it together can be a real help and comfort. :hug5:
     
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  14. birdlady

    birdlady Joyriding the Neighborhood Celebirdy of the Month Avenue Spotlight Award Avenue Veteran

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    Oh I am so sorry...I know this is so terribly difficult to think about. Noone can answer the question on whether you shoudl be there, except you and your parents. I will tell you that when I was away at college my first year, my parents had my dog Sabrina put to sleep with out telling me and without giving me the choice of being there...I have been sad about that all my life. I truly think you should be included in that decision.

    A year and a half ago we had to have our cat put to sleep...we were both there with here....tears flowed and it was very difficult, but she had cancer and we just had to put her at peace. It was very peaceful when she went....

    We are now seriously considering that it is time for our dog Coco....and it is breaking my heart. We do have someone to come to our home and we will both be with her holding her. I think it is so important for her to know we are with her. This decision is so difficult....I feel for you.:hug8:
     
  15. brianimal

    brianimal Sprinting down the street

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    Thanks every one :hug8:, sorry i wasn't responding for a while, I was avoiding the subject, trying to push it out of my mind for a while. it's strange it took about 2 days of me crying and being depressed, im still sad, but part of me is at peace with it. Buddy seems like shes living like a ghost, not really enjoying her life like she used to. I'm glad i have time with her for a bit longer, but i've sort of come to terms with the sadness. I'm sure the pain will be renewed when it actually happens, but at least i have some peace now.
     
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  16. TextsFromParrots

    TextsFromParrots Hit the Road

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    My heart goes out to you and the choice that you'll face in the future. Just cherish each day that you have with him and as the blessing it is. :hug8:
     
  17. Theresa

    Theresa AKA TMS Administrator Chief of Police Celebirdy of the Month Mayor of the Avenue Avenue Spotlight Award Avenue Veteran

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    :hug8::hug8::hug8::hug8::hug8:
     
  18. magni

    magni Hit the Road

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  19. Chevelle

    Chevelle Walking the driveway

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    Awww I'm so sorry...it's really not fair they only live a fraction of our lives :(.

    How old is Buddy? Has your family considered doing a blood panel, maybe a lyme disease test to see if there is anything that can be managed to give you some more time with her? Some of the arthritis meds (NSAIDs) work fairly well.
     
  20. brianimal

    brianimal Sprinting down the street

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    she was 12, and we put her down today, she has several issues, but kidney problems developed and she was so weak we had to let her go.
     
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